Tropical haze

Courage, sometimes is the very least of my assets that show through

I am the poster child of being all bark and no bite. Truly. I'll talk a big game, but then All I do is shake like a min pin.

Some would say that it takes courage to have moved as many times as we have, especially those times with out the army aide.

Some would say that it takes courage to have a special needs child.

Its not courage, or strength really, its love. I would not change anything about where we have been or who Sophie is. Her deafness

doesn't make life harder, but enriches us. Our journies have not scared us, but molded us.

Was there a moment when we were sad by Sophie's profound deafness, sure, the very first day it was made for sure.

Were we ever scared about one of our moves...well in a sense, dude I hate FLYING!





What scares us more, and what has stired a sense of courage has been this newly adverse moment; where we are dealing with a school that has been nothing but...disappointment.

The Same school I talked up, the same school we had joy and hope and excitement for.

We have sat back a bit, and watched as week after week, Sophie has been involved in some form of "accidents"

With exception of vague FB status' and speaking with class room moms and our close and personal friends and family, We have been relatively quiet.

But things have been off about these marks and bruises since week one back in august. Even some stories are odd.

In the beginning it was extremely hard to not think that there was some kind of trouble mixed between the aides in class and the students. Sophies lack of ASL at the start of school, made understanding what was truly happening even tougher. She couldn't explain who or what was the reason.
The one good thing that has come out of the school is her expanded ASL understanding, she signs so well, so advanced now, so quick. And is able to explain what had happened at school. Not so much, why...or what led up to it, but, what did occur. Which led to the true discovery that theres a rough, very rough kid in the class. One Sophie likes, and claims to have a good friendship with, they both were batman for halloween at school and have the same exact lunch box.

We would have conversations with the teacher about theres mysterious bruises. Or "accidents". There would be different stories floating around about what took place. But it always got boiled down to them saying that because shes an over achiever, other kids and her compete. She has the incessive need to be first (we are working hard on that) and that that mentality has now created a bit of a competive and rough atmosphere for her. Which in a sense, Im then reading between the lines, that they are pretty much saying that Sophies personality is "ASKING FOR THIS". That its creating confrontation in the class room.
We know where our kid faults, the being first thing, the being bossy, the being nosey, the been stubborn...its both Matts and I's DNA! lol. Still, we also know her attitude around other students, in public, and with her friends. And it does not correlate.

The one BIG accident besides this very last one from friday, that still doesn't sit well with me, is the one where I got a call saying Sophie had been pushed into a counter resulting in a nose bleed. The office then told me it took them 20 minutes and an icepack to get it to stop bleeding. I was told, that A student couldn't see the oven they were baking in and pushed her out of the way, and her being close to the counter...well...yea. BUT Sophie, who has no true understanding on how to lie or what lieing is, or any reason to "story tell" Had said that this student, first Elbowed her, and then Sophie demonstrated to the degree of force used as he then pushed her. Then funny eough used Emily as a prop! ;) to show me again. It has led me to believe that theres no control in the class, the kids are able to bicker and duke it out as they please, resulting in these types of accidents. If they had been "fighting" over the space in front of the oven. And An elbow was thrown, wouldn't someone have noticed it first? So one would assume. But thats not what they want to be told. They don't want to be told, they are careless, and that they need to actually watch the students, not sit and doodle on their cell phones or gossip in the corner with each other.
We leave the lives of our children in the hands of these ppl, and theres no urgency to keep them all...In line...I know We are not the only parents who see this...
Fridays call...Even the nurse was like..."umm yea it looks bad, shes ok, I gave her ice, shes not crying, but its big" Said Sophie was being chased by another student, while playing tag at recess. Sophie was looking behind her and running fast, and smacked her check into the pole (on the jungle gym I assume) The bus driver, who has to ask about any innocent she sees on a student getting on the bus, was told the same thing I was...Sophie was being chased...Sophie when she stepped off the bus and I saw to the level of how bad her face was, shook my core. I couldn't stop tearing or shaking. Sophie told me her friend was running with her and then bam, hurt. Soon after her getting home, I received an email about Sophies cheek. Saying that NO, Sophie was doing the chasing, and chased the student up the pole, and trip because she wasn't looking at where she was going was looking at the student, that she then got up and blamed the student for her getting hurt, but that the aides told her it wasn't the students fault, then the email continued saying she was then blaming the wrong student....Doesn't make any sense...everything is conflicting. And because this isn't the only conflicting story of an accident, and because We aren't the only family feeling lied too, I've taken it into my own hands this time, and have called, The Department of Education, the special education Complaints department and the Honolulu school district head super. And Currently waiting to hear back about if, and what kind of action will be taking place...
We are tired of fearing sending her to school, especially being far from her. We are tired of her fearing getting on the bus and having to be picked up and buckled in while screaming and crying...

Im scared about the way she will be treated after the principal and teacher are given word on the actions taken this time. Im worried about them not doing anything about these situations, Im worried about the fact that if things don't go better the only choice we have is to remove her from school completely. Either to have her enrolled in the oral school thats closer after the new year (which Again we are scared her ASL and thus learning will suffer) or completely take her out, till next year, and I home school her. Either way, action will be taken before the end of this Calender year...which needless to say is coming to a close very quickly.



We had such joy coming to Hawaii, This tropical paraside and sun, fun and beaches. Made them find us a military home as close to the school as we could, which also lets us be close to downtown and fun beaches. Close to Uncle John, whom Sophie always talks about, asks for and completely adores. We love the fabulous happy go lucky mentality of Hawaii, we think its beautiful here, lots to do, lots to love and admire...but with this School issues and our littlest girl being hurt every week in one way or another...we seem to be stuck under this tripical haze...

These are the same bruise from the beginning of the school year

This is from her being kicked

lol don't mind her spidy undies


this is from her being pinched by another student, though the teachers and aides say they never see a student pinching, and then told me well, actually they have been concerned with how rough Sophie has been with students. WHICH PISSED ME OFF. Its something I've been saying would happen if these accidents don't stop happening, shes 100% a watcher, then a doer...and shes gonna fight back. Shes going to think its ok, and repeat and repeat, I said I don't want my child to be that kid. Its not how we are raising our kids. But of course...Now all they see is Sophie defending herself. Of course...because I haven't kept my mouth shut to the teacher about the bruises...now they are pointing fingers at her again, IM SORRY BUT ALL THIS ISN"T SOPHIES FAULT ALONE! She doesn't ask for it, like they implied and she doesn't deserve it. Im feeling like targetted.

lastly this is from Friday's accident, then the crown one I took to document how the eye is changing, and then the last pictures, are from today, and you will notice that the bruise is now being seen up the side of nose and onto the top of her upper eye lid. How does one hit that hard, for this to be the resutl, shes 4...and not a track star speedster...

We are praying things change for the better, Our Poor Sophie is going to remember this as her first deaf school experience.

We now can't wait to leave the island, to get to better schools, to be where we don't fear for our kids...I'd happily shorten our stay here on the island...or fast forward to 2016...Just feel like a failing parent and Hate that.

Birthday Wishes and Wedding Bells.

One thing For sure about the Month of August, is that it totally rocks!

Im partial, since Not only is it my BIRTHDAY month, but its My Lovey Hubby's

and My best Friends Birthday Month as well!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, AND US, AND YOU, And ME ME ME ;)


Its the Month We always spent Heading to the beaches, its the month we claim the most of Summer in. It was the Last chance to complete the Summer bucket list, before heading back to school each year.


And when I think about it...Matt and I are so privileged to have been able to spend Our birthdays together and in So many different places. This year In Honolulu <3 whhhhat We've celebrated after Leaving New York at 19 in wonderful places like : Phoenix Arizona Sumner Iowa New York (again) Clearwater/ Tampa Florida Fort Irwin/ Los Angeles California Tacoma Washington And Now Honolulu Hawaii Seems so weird No? I absolutely Love birthdays...the Continuation into a New year. 30 is quickly approaching and Im Psyched My 20's have been so extremely full...over whelming...exciting...but so full. Between all our travels, marriage and 3 kids I welcome the 30's. As All our Children are now completely out of the baby stage. 2 now being in Full time School and Ryan...Being too smart for his own good. Im welcoming the end of my 20's. Sure Im only turning 28 this year, but it gives me 2 more years to jam pack and make way for some breezier 30's.

Happy Birthday Month Dawny!!!
I miss my Dawny. Our birthday Months together were always so fabulous. Especially the one we got to spend together in Florida. I miss the crazy games and conversations we would have in front of the boys just to make them sit there, scratching their heads, wondering..."what is wrong with them" Miss her Kids all 4,000 of them ;) since her house is the Hub for all things Arnold <3 Family. Family. Family. Here I go again, speaking on something thats SO screwed up. I am definitely NOT the person anyone should seek for counsel on Family feuding. But, if they are looking for someone to tell them exactly what to say and do, to put a giant sized Wedge between them..Im the girl~ I have Full accepted, admitted, and taken responsibility for the Shit I did and said. All of which, I believe as my own truth, my version, my side, and reason for the fact Im not thought of as a part of their family anymore. I feel like now 3 years into feuding, and trying to reach out in different ways to mend it, that Theres no possible reconnection. Yet, Family is supposed to be able to for give, for get and move on. Forget Yesterday. So hard to do. So hard to do. I dwell I list I go tit for tat I compare he did, she said, I did, So I said. Human nature I guess. But...When it comes to family, shouldn't there be different rules at play? Its not like, We met when we were 10 got super close, then had a falling out and never want to see each other again...Its family. Life, here in the Decker house, has been painfully hard at times. Wouldn't a Father want to know? Shouldn't they care? And Give advice, or be a listening ear? Shouldn't a Grandparent, want to keep in touch with their grandkids, Not just hang pictures of them on their wall, like it makes up for anything? Especially during a crazy transition like they have gone through with moving, or In Sophies case with Surgery, and processing, and Transferring to an All deaf School? Shouldn't A daughter, want and need and hope to learn about wedding bells from her own dad. Sure, Brothers are the next best thing to get news from...But One would hope, that such, great news, such life changing events, should be shared among everyone. Thats All I wanted, as I told my brothers. I said. Thank You for telling me, I think thats fantastic. Now I want to see if Dad lets me know himself....weeks went by...Moved...weeks went by some more...Now only a few days from their date and My emails to him have not been responded to. :( I just wanted to show my joy. And Simply ask, if he considered reaching out and tell me. Have not been given the chance, Maybe one day I've since Changed my cell number since moving to Honolulu, but my email address has always been the same, for the last 6 years. And As I dwell, and compare, and go tit for tat, after getting no response...I then laugh at myself. How Silly. True, We invited him to Our "wedding" the only one we could afford after being told we have to now pay it all ourselves since Emily came first. And True, he decided to not Show up! And True It was done the day before his birthday. And True now they are marrying a week before mine...And True he can not stand the man I married. But UNTRUE, that I do not like Jessica. And UNTRUE, that Im not happy for them marrying. Oddly...things are not so different. In the lives we lead. Though We now know nothing about whats going on...in the day to day routines. we are not so different. Where can one go from here? Does it matter? is It possible? Is it mutual? A Wise Man in my Family, Once pulled me aside, to say, That the Sins of the Father are visited Upon the Children. And To walk carefully. The Conversation had always stuck close to me, I still remember where we were, the weather outside, and that it felt like the First honest and open (in non joking manners)conversation we had ever had before... It got me thinking about, Foot steps. And how we eventually, most of us anyway, wind up walking the same path as our parents. And its Our choices, that make the difference. Its our life, and our sins, we are to be accounted for. And if we are not careful. We can all wind up, with 1000's of miles between, passing away without having ever said, to the other...You know what, Im sorry and was foolish but I never stopped to let go of my anger to show show you I still do love you. Like Fathers, and mothers, before us. I take Full responsibility for my part. I know where I fall short...and because of my faults, and my sins, and my foolishness, and my pains and suffering I do not want our kids to thus have to be burdened and because of this separation it puts wedges between others too...I miss my Little Brothers, And Missed so much of their exciting life changing events as well

Exodus 34:6-7) - "Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; 7 who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."



Slow to Anger! Something My brother Kept saying this past weekend. Slow to Anger.
A task we have trouble with, something we need to work on. I need to work on.

So with Birthday wishes, for myself and my near and dears...
I also wish Joy and fulfillment, honesty and truth to each other and to themselves, in a Gracious and wholesomely long Marriage.
God Bless and best wishes on your happy day.


And Just because, Im so in love with the theme song from my new Fav ABC family Show...I have to include this song. It brings tears to me every time. Its beautiful. And Meaningful and ALMOST perfect for todays blog :)

I am thankful for my Family I do have. For my hard working Husband, and for my crazy loving Bunches of oats~

Family, Friends, and where blood doesn't make family, acceptance and love Makes Family, are welcomed

Tribute Letter

A Tribute to a Friend Who has passed. And Although many years have come and Gone, you are still missed, and Always Thought about. I hear your Drums, and See your Smile, Feel the love of your mother Saving me from YOUR WILD WAYS. Ouch my HAND still hurts from that Family picinic. :) The Sleepovers...the Video games. Scary movie movie nights. Mrs Church and the Jelly Fish. Dancing around for you n Danny in a Church parking lot. ;) What was the Name of that church again? Car Shows, and the Diner...Random party meet ups. You trying to teach me to play the Drums...yea FAIL~ hahahaha Hundreds of family parties, gatherings, and Church events. Being the nasty big brother who loved to torture me with Water! I was 9 months Pregnant when you passed. I can close my eyes and see the 100s of people who came to say their good byes. Even though I was bitter that Some were there, as if it was a "harmony event" instead of your wake, n some were there balling their eyes as if they had been your best friend...even tho they barely spoke to you! It was amazing reguardless of a send off. But I cant get passed the Morning I got that call...the Call that The lord had called you to his side. I remember where I was, how I had just woke up. That it was chilly and overcast outside my window. My first call was to my husband, who had been with My father that morning. I shared the news. My father was...without words. For he had such respect for you and for your amazing family. If I close my Eyes, I can feel your Mom calling out to me in that line at your wake. I can STILL HEAR STILL HEAR how she said my name. "oh Becci, Oh BECCCCCCI OH" Her pain. Her Overwhelming pain. Your Fathers Refined calmness, as he greeted each person, and still managed to muster enough strength to still ask me about the Baby Growing in my belly. My Aunt and My Uncle(it was his birthday the day of the wake), keep composure despite...how much you meant to them. I can still see Where My Cousin Mike Sat in the Church, the look, the sadness, the fact he didnt move, just looked straight ahead. N I remember that was the 1st time I had hugged him in ages. He was lost. You'd be so proud of what Mike has accomplished these days, as Im sure you know! You see Dont you??!!! But you looked at Peace. N here on Earth we still share our love for you. Our stories and our memories. You have been long gone but in our hearts you will remain forever. Subtle moments will jog a thought of you. Funny TV personalities will make me think "oh he reminds me of Michael" My poor Husband, Hears it a few times a month. I swear. He must think Im insane. You would have like Matt. He loves to make fun of me...just like you! I wouldnt have stand a chance if the two of you had been in the same room with me.... ;) :) I know your happy. Safe and blessed up there with Christ. I know youre one of my angels, and you've put in a good word. N I hope you see how much You meant to me. N how I will never forget. Not this week. Or every March of each Year that passes. Rest in Peace my Friend