Husband says this all the time

"You never realize how good things were, until you no longer have it"
My Husband is a smart man. An extremely hard worker. He loves his family and does what he can to make sure we are all happy and safe. So he knowing the trouble we are having in a very important matter, Hurts.
Having Moved so many times. Having seen friends and family go through different school systems because We have luckily found life long friends in every place we have lived, We can kind of get the feel to what schools work and why. Hawaii Is now our families 2nd school district for our own kids.
In the DOD school system on base in WA. While Emily's school didn't have the best ratings, her teacher was FANTABULOUS! Loved him. She was half day, and I still do not get how he managed to teach everything she knew to 20 kids in just 2 hrs a day. WITH NO AIDES! No help! Just him. You Rock Mr. T. Sophie's School on McChord had better ratings, and She had an awesome willing and amazing Teacher, Hi Mrs. Ellison, we miss you. Even Though she used S.E.E and There was an ASL interp. At the same time (which can cause confusion) and even though it was a mixed special needs class, Mrs.E and her helpers were the best. They were tuned in, on point, did everything they could to make sure Sophie Thrived. They started the love Sophie has for learning.
last year! NOT ONCE, was I called into the school, or got calls about Students pushing, kicking, or other harmful moments caused by a student, to Sophie. Was I called about injuries? OF COURSE! McChord and her Teacher did their due diligence as a School. In Emily's case. Emily being more of the shy one, soft spoken, and knowing what is class room acceptable and not, is now into her 2nd year of school, having NOT ONE incident. NOT ONE! Runs around outside, 2 times a day (two recesses, how lucky)has gym class, and "free play" in class, sits on the concrete floor, pumps into things often (shes my kid lol, plus her class is super tight.) And has never come home with bruises, cuts or what have yous.Her Class Has about 23+ Students and ONE TEACHER! again NO HELP~ Again, Emily's school doesn't have the best ratings on the Island for DOE. BUT, Her teacher, Mrs Rapoza is SO SUPER! I do not remember in the first grade learning about History,sociology, Or the human body. Emily totally knows what white blood cells are used for, what Antibodies are and how to properly take care of skin. ITS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!! She knows so much! Its scary.
HSDB, Sophie's current school. Is definitely trying. Its had some spotted past for some students and is going through a growing period right now. New People in place trying to make the system better and working as it should. I'm too much of a worrier to have my kid in a place thats transitional and not steady on its own rules and ideas. Though, Sophie's teacher has a great Educational background. SHE KNOWS HER STUFF! and Shes a good teacher. When in class. Shes also a very busy lady. I do however think that shes not exactly equiped for this age group maybe. theres 9 students and like 3 aides along with Teacher,so how do all these accidents happen, thats 2 students per one adult... and When I went through Sophie's paperwork, the daily reports that get sent home, there are 9 bad incidents that involve another Student harming Sophie. Now on purpose? Or not? Not sure. Stories don't always add up. And THANKFULLY, in great appreciation, to her current teacher, Sophie is now able to tell me what happened to her and who did it. Not so much the WHY, part yet. But we will get there. Now I said 9 incidents involving Sophie getting hurt by another student...that does not include the few "accidents" that happened the first month of school before the started to send home the accident report. And that does not include the reports about her falling by her own account. (again My kid, We are a clumsy family apparently lol) Mind you, School hasn't even been in session 3 months yet. Doesn't that sound a bit much!??
I get that This is a deaf school, I get that the deaf kids can be more handsy and rough, and pivot their anger in a not so nice manner. BUT COME ON NOW! I can't tell if its poor student inter action or if its aides Not watching. Or The lack of Correction. Feeling like for a short time the daily lessons should not be about "hungry Caterpillars" or "the 3 little pigs" but should be about How to treat friends, and class mates, respect to adults, and listening to parents. They are 4 and 5, and old enough to get those lessons. I do my best at home, with the 3 kids. From the emails from Sophie's teacher, to my understanding, Sophie isn't being aggressive to them. Shes merely "annoying". Shes in their face and curious about What they are doing and why. She Sees a friend reading a book, and goes to see what book, and maybe read too...and that student doesn't want her there, but Phi wont leave...so that student then acts aggressively. OR The last one was Because Sophie was in the way, of another student viewing the pie baking in the oven, and shoved her. Shoved aside is one thing. But damn this student must of had some real gumption Behind the push because it caused Sophie to slam her face into the counter and bleed for what the office told me was 20 minutes, WITH an ice pack on her nose.
Now let me step back and explain. Sophie is a brut herself (at home) She and Ryan can't sit still, want to always play fight, and wrestle. And When Mad...they both go at it, LIKE SIBLINGS! With exception to the scratching (yes they scratch each other, tho I try and keep their nails short...Don't worry they get punished for scratching)There is never a mark inflicted on eachother by each other. In fact, An example to use, is over the weekend, they were NOT LISTENING TO ME, and were bouncing toward each other on the sofa, where one then would bend and the other would flip over their back. Laughing having fun, but again NOT LISTENING TO ME, about stopping before someone gets hurt. And Someone did, Phi! Ryan's hard head (like his daddy's)Cracked into her where her cheek bone meets the chin. I heard a CRACK, like when you hear the football helmets slam into each other on a tackle. Ryan bent down to get in position but at last minute decided tojust body check her instead. (OHHHHH BOYS!!!!!!!!) I freaked out by the sound, break them apart and Shes crying and "yelling" at Ryan. Her face, looks a little swollen, but no cut, no bruise (yet) nothing more then a little raised. Not even pink oddly. So I watch it the rest of the evening, and into Sunday...What do I see? NOTHING! no mark. Again I say it was a hard hit and the cracking sound when I think about it, still makes me cringe. So You readers tell me...How can she keep coming home with all these cuts and bruises from school, that Im being told comes from a student? But it not happen when I see it with my own eyes at home? How does that even work?
Is it by the hand of students? Is it by someone else?
I don't think Sophie is at the age where she can even get the magnitude of the situation.
Lately, shes not been wanting to go to school. Lately shes coming home in crap moods.

Im wanting to switch her school and Hawaii Department of Education (DOE) has proven to be battle! The professionals I need to speak with Wont even call me back. The School I want to visit, wont let me meet and speak with teacher and visit his class to see his interaction with the deaf students. I just want to see it, see his ASL with the students and how he runs his class.
I tell Ya, We were so excited to come here to Hawaii.
Excited to have a special school for Phi
Excited to be involved in Deaf community of Hawaii
Excited to be on this island and have another adventure.

And While we have loved seeing what we have, Love the esthetics of the Island, the people of Hawaii, the views, the beach...Its not the paradise We had hoped it to be.

Its making me feel regretful to have come here.
Its also left a bad taste in my mouth about deaf schools. Something Grams did warn me about.

Its put a real damper on my Love for Island life...Which leaves me to say the most disgusting thing Ever...WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN WASHINGTON!

But Like the Husband says
"You don't know how good you had it, until you don't have it anymore" He usually says the same thing, in multiple different ways ;) Love you hunnnnny!

I write therefore Im....NOT YET?

Evolving...


How does one Evolve?



LIFE?


Career?


Studies?


How can one take their true passion and make it into a productive living?


I want to write, I think about Writing, I do random scribbles and such...but nothing is truly complete.
Im so A.d.d With my writing that Im not even kidding...

I want to share it with the world. But who cares enough to read it? I want to see it in print...In my Favorite Magazine "elle" and see it at every news stand.

I want to hear my writings Shared.

I want to keep it going and going and going and going...



But Im merely An Army house wife...so how can I make this possible. With no budget! No idea of the avenue to take...


Can't I just fall into it? Can't I just be discovered? Its not like I have not put a TON of work into my own Passion...professionally, no, Morally and emotionally YES~~~~~~


Im a writer, I write...and I want to write to live





Is that really too much to ask for! Honestly?

We...

We...

We create Art, life, morals, family values, beauty

We make time and Sense of things

We Seek fulfillment, Satisfaction

We honor truth and Hope

We learn from mistakes and always make new ones

We...




We Have been taught the preciousness that life is offering us. With each day, each step, each breath, We find something that pushes us further and further. Journey men, of a path to created Bliss.

We Create.

We create our life's path by each choice made. And Its simple really. With each choice, We can also choose to be happy. Not that everything in life will bring us joy, not that every moment is a good one, Not that enjoyment is easily obtained, But by Choice, Do we bring it about.

Nothing in this Life is easy. but Life is simple. Believe it or not.

Our Children have reminded us about simplicity. Reminded us how honoring ourselves and our family will take us to where we need to be. Taught us about Love.

Sophie has shown us how to be humble.

The Army has taught us to be patient, and Flexible.

Emily has taught us about Humor

Ryan has taught us about stamina

The Lord has taught us about Blessings and faith.

Being Modern day Travelers have taught us about The World.

Friends have taught us about Acceptance.



No matter where we are or how much time has wrinkled our cheeks, We are always open to learning.

WE...

Are forever Students

Just me and the Blog

Water filled veins for 24 years...and Its just now starting to drain...

Replaced with the nurishment of healthy relationship goodness...

As times Change, and Persons Grow...

Minds Absorb more goodness and Feelings Show...




A Ball drops

The shoes on the Other Foot

The Grass is greener

All that Glitters isn't  Gold

Just around the Corner

Walk a mile in Someone elses shoes

You never know what you have until its gone.

The Ship has Sailed

Careful what you wish for

A fool and his money are soon parted

A HOUSE DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF CANNOT STAND

A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

A watched Pot never boils

The Calm before the storm

Hindsight is always 20/20

Seeing is Believing

The Darkest Hour is just before the Dawn!







We live by our creeds





I write by mine.


I understand How we grow...we adapt...we Channel into different directions. We accept. We move on. We forgive. We do not forget. We do not change. But we add to ourselves.

Thats human

This is life

And

I

Just

Write

Let us Laugh

Laugh

Laugh like nothing else but laughter matters.

In this Crude and cruel World, We need to be able to just laugh...

We live but a short life, So to live bound and not free, stubborn and filtered...

Would be Tragic.



In A breath we wait for something to happen

We Mull over the moment and Forget for an instant that in fact we are but walking a frail line.

That line between what we perceive as reality and what it could be if we let go.

Who's life are we supposed to be living anyway, and in that case, isn't happiness key?

The key to success and solidarity.

What is it that we fear from laughter?

Is Laughter the catapult to all things coming unbound?

To our being lost in the mix of complex notions of life's perceptions?

Or Simply, Humility!?

Yet, it is so, that when true laughter expels from our guts, We feel a sense of relief. No?

So, Why do we hold back?

Laugh

And

Laugh hard

And

Mean it

Take it for what it is, and what it does, and how it expresses and heals and completes us.

Oh to Laugh, whole heartily. Without restraint, without care, without caution.

Freely and Openly. Amidst the Chaos that may be of that day, just laugh, and feel as the weight dissipates, the chains fall to the floor and you lift off feeling free and Calm and steady.

Oh to Laugh. Let us laugh and laugh, and laugh and

Laugh

To waste

All men think their life should be full of Charlie Sheen moments. In A paradox of 20 somethings, booze and sex toys. A mere 50 Shades of Grey mantra, where All ladies Swoon at their dimples and Swag. Where Their Wife Is Denise Richards and the mistress A playmate. Ideally, Martha Stewart Home making By day, And Extra Noisy By night. Dare I say stepford!


All women want, is to be swept off their feet, By an Iconic Handsome Man. Being Loved and Romanced in an erotic passionate way...while still being listened to and helped around the house!
Told they are beautiful and smart, Have success and safety. Faithfulness and Honesty, while Romantic gestures come surprisingly. Sometimes, Snag themselves A "bad" guy wanting to settle down for her and her alone! "until death do us part"


All parents want Genius kids. With remarkable talent, an enthusiasm for life and the ability to grasp the importance of Living the good life. Where they can do no wrong, Smile nicely and speak politely. Treating themselves, their peers and their elders only and always with respect. To live long, healthy and enriching lives.


But We live in a very imperfect society. Pushing for perfection which leads us further and further from happiness.

Because instead of
The sex bot cake makers, We have zero confident cake buyers, who make love only in the Dark.

Burn the Chicken, and have no clue how to cook rice properly every single time.

We have bald headed zoners, who miss every word we say and think A trip the Local Denny's is Romantic.

Lack Confidence and adore sweat pants and slippers.

We have kids who eat sand, and sniff glue, who fall hard before life even opens up and begins for them.

They speak with a tone and are super sneaky! Cute, But damn sneaky! Eventually growing up to feel exactly how we feel now.

Bullies who act out at school because they are bullied at home.

Kids with secrets too scared to tell them because they are afraid of whats to come next.

We have houses that are too small, or in the wrong place. Cars that wont stay put together, and dogs who can't walk themselves.

We have schools without money and teachers who do not care.

Parents who beat or neglect and Foster system soured with those left behind.

Grounds that are trampled by over populated Slaughter houses.

People who use violence as answers, and people caught in the crossfire.

Saddness and heartache, pain and famine.

An abundance a vain and lack of character.

Poison on our lands and in the skies.

Trees that are missing and Animals that no longer exist.

We have some doers, some sayers, some thinkers, and some (ahem) Writers.




Waste!

We waste So much time. Instead of remembering what we should be grateful for. We waste so much time striving for more money, instead of valuing the little things. ALWAYS WANTING MORE.

We waste our thoughts! We waste our time! We are quick to love others before loving ourselves and then wonder why relationships fall short!
We waste our lives searching for adventures, forgetting sometimes the journey is an adventure in itself.

We waste Time, Lusting after what we do not have, looking "past" whats right in front of us.

We waste our feelings on hate and sorrow.

We waste our hearts worrying what others think.

We waste our breath trying to change others, when we should be taking our own advice.

We waste ourselves hiding...baring masks, instead of being natural and clear.

Waste!


But...
You see...
This Is not A perfect World...
We are not perfect people...
Nor should we be...



But what do I know...

;)

Im just A writer!

From the Moon to Neptune

Rocket Rocket BOOM, BOOM
Off to Neptune.

The Journey to The Moon was quit interesting. Baby moon walking and Giant leaps of faith toward a Product to Introduce hearing.
An Experience I had Hopes (even dispite my doubts)would give her a Famously wonderful OUT of this World Experience.
AS each time with Her processor Progresses, I still do not find my doubts and regrets to fall from my waist line. They still lingure there, holding me down. But thats not a big surprise.


Meanwhile, Neptune. the 8th planet in our own Solar system. Named after the Roman God of the Seas...Perfect fit for my Swimmmmy Fish Sophie. WIth its Highest Winds and Strong Magnetic field gave Advanced Bionics the Idea and allowed them to Wonderfully name their Processor after this Blue Planet.

We've changed our Rockets Course. Neptune is where Our new Adventure and Foreign rein shall be. We will conquer the harsh realities of the Neptune Atmosphere, and Make it suitable for Sophie...our family. And Turn something that Has given doubts into joy. It May not be our Home away from home for a while, as we settle into this new World. But Maybe one day it will be. At Sophies pace of Course. As she continues to experience little Jolts of discomfort, and "growing pains" from Sounds and vibrations.
The Processor is Super Simple. its Easy for Her to even use herself. To put on, take off, change battery, change channel. The mere Size of a lipstick and Almost like a headphone piece that goes on an Ipod.

Its been difficult to make her keep it on extensively. So we Let her take Breaks now and then. Back on it goes...sometimes a while, sometimes its only 5 minutes before shes running to her room as tho to hide and remove it. I did for the 1st time get a smile when I showed her it this morning. Put it on her...then it led to tears...and only 15 minutes of wear time. But in my book thats ok. Testing testing 1,2,3 right.So we try again and again and get her used to it.

Can not say with Ease that Im glad we did this to her. I can not say I like it, but I can also say I dont not like it. Im giving it a chance just as much as her. Therapy soon. Maybe she will respond better to strangers then us. Only time will tell.


Rocket Rocket BOOM, BOOM
off to Neptune

If I could turn back time... ;)

If I were to think back ohhhh 15+ years And think about the kind of childhood I experienced it would make me sad.
Not sad because it was a bad childhood, it wasnt. Sad, because Kids these days have no desire to just BE. They seem to always be on the move, and as their mini skirts get shorter, so does the age it starts to show more leg. Video games rule the house, they all have cell phones, and gagets of sorts.
Seems a bit..boring

I spent the better half of my years, pretty much OUTSIDE. From the first house in Monroe NY where my own memories began, to the "schoolhouse" in Howells, where we LIVED on our trampoline, and stayed out till late playing "man hunt". At that point Computers had been in circulation in homes, internet had been already underway, and social media, with AOL AIM and angelfire in full gear.My first email was to hotmail.com and I changed my screenname as often as the seasons. So it wasnt like we were lacking in Technology, we just prefered to be...off-line

Simple times, and pleasurable times. We couldnt wait for school to end to take turns wrestling on the trampoline. We enjoyed our summers in pools and went to county fairs, for the rides, not to just "bump" into other friends...only to then stand around Trying to look cool, by looking like we werent into all the fair activities, petting zoos and snacks.

Sure, I started wearing makeup at 10 years old, coloring my hair in 7th grade, sported a jean mini skirt or two to the mall "trying" to look older then I was, but barely ever pulling that look off. Regardless, I still liked to get down and dirty in grass and mud.

So maybe Im not the coolest mom on the Block. My kids do not HAVE ANY video games, phones, ipads, leap frogs, computer access, of any kind. When they do get a hold of ours...it amazes me that they even understand how to work it most of the time. Like technology is hardwired into this new generations DNA some how. A medical phenomena, clearly.
For my kids long for the out doors, to run a muck in the grass, roll down the hills, and trips to the beach...where here in Washington you must first hike thru trails of wooded areas to get to. They love to skip rocks, and crawl in the sand.

UGH it has dawned on me that Im the old mom now these days. Nothing cool here, except that I enstill my own "OLD SOUL" atributes into my kids.
Because I dont want them to be the kids that I see now who Have no clue, who Kevin Bacon is? Or understand that Footloose they saw in thearters was re-made. That True love Novels Like Sense and Sensibility were meant to be read with care and time. Who ponder the name Jane Austen.
Kids these days have no clue what real movies, books and shows are. They think "the Breakfast Club" are where Dorks meet at school for in the mornings, The Goonies is a type of Candy, and That "bed Knob and Broomsticks" are something you just would find in their grandmothers basement.

Who look confused if you belt out "just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down" or "how do you catch a Cloud and pin it down"

Have no clue Where the saying "everytime a bell rings an Angel gets his wings" started from. this is my Fav scene From "its a wonderful life"

Or that Tammy and The Bachelor Had a series of movies.
Or that Elvis Presley once had a time in his life where we was a hunky movie star. Or that Wearing LAYERS of clothes, shoulder pads and side pony tails and big hair was once sexy.

Before there was Glee there was the Vontrap

and Partridge family.
Before Harry Potter there was Star Wars...ORIGINAL Star Wars.
Before 90210 was anerexic there was Tori Spelling and Jason Priestly
Before Bratz there was Clueless

Before Video games and internet to "help" children with skills there was playing outside and Sesame Streets Count dracula.

My childhood was awesome. I turned out just fine. Im a proud 80s/90s girl. And hope to keep my kids memories simple, wonderful, and full of more family face time, then IMing time. ;)


I can not rewind time, I cant wish for life to be different for my kids, but I can aid their old time souls to always be visuable from with in.



Happy March readers. LET SPRING COME NOW~

Just a Monday Morning Ramble

Phew~ What a Night we Had. Patriots Lost the Superbowl to the Giants no less,found out Taxes are taking a ton of dough we need for back tax, and Sophia had me up till 2am. Ryan...woke up at 6am. Needless to say Ive been running on Coffee all morning. But it got my house tidy and laundry in the process of being finished. Mondays I love to Do a Big clean of the house to rid of The weekend left overs, when everyone in home together, and we are lazy.
Amazingly enough tho, Spirits here seem to be Pretty chipper. Honey I blew up the Kid AGAIN is lullying the kids to silence (for now) and they had a nice play date early this morning. My watching a few kids for a friend has been a HUGE benefit for our kids. THey enjoy having someone non related there to play with and Make up games with. Share snacks and Watch a funny movie with. Its not always easy with Ryan being Sensitive and crying when hes even Looked at By the Youngest Daughter but....He will get over that soon. I HOPE!
I was on the edge of the Sofa watching the last 2 minutes of the Superbowl. Eyes closed tight once Brady got The Ball for one last Try to get it down the Field and Score a BIG WIN. But Sadly my boys didnt pull it off. Madonnas Superbowl special was BORING as hell. The only thing that sparked my interest was the special graphics all else Failed in entertaining me Greatly. However I did Love the National Anthem But I truly wish NBC showed even a piece of the ASL rendition as I read that Miss Deaf America was to be there signing...BUT WHERE? WHY WAS SHE NOT SHOWN? and if it wasnt her, why wasnt any signer Shown? BOOOOOOOOOO network for cutting that from the program.

As today starts the first full week of February and Marks 10 days till this Surgery for implanting Sophie, Im here to dedicate the next days to Little Sophia Gabrielle..."gabby" as we have been going around called each other for fun by our Middle names this weekend.

I find it unsettling this Surgery. Not just for the fact shes going under, or the process or the pain she will be in, but for that fact that STILL, Im wondering if Implanting is the right choice.
I Had thought that once the appointments were done and the schedule made I'd be settled on one side...implant side. But I AM NOT. I can still say with my whole heart that I do not know if its the right choice. I can say with 98% I DO NOT WANT HER IMPLANTED. But I have to remember its not my life, and its not JUST my decision, Its a decision as a family, in what will make Sophie Happy. Key Word "happy". As of right now Shes a happy little girl, expressive, and funny, witty and smart.
I know many of you out there have a different opinion, and WANT Sophie Implanted, and look at me with disappointment for wanting it not to happen for her. But I have to emphasize, No one Knows Sophie better then her family, US the 5 of us. Not one Knows Sophie better then ME, as I communicate with her 24/7....hahaha truly 24/7 as she has bad insomnia.
I guess, Fact is Sophie is Sophie Because she is unable to hear. Shes not ravaged by the poor language I have hahaha, or that of the World around her. Shes not brought down by the fact she can not hear the TV. She Enjoys movies every much. Laughs at what is funny. Mimics the Facial and body expressions. Understands the story line. Gets excited when an important part of the movie takes place. Has her favorites. Adores Books and Puzzles.
She is every bit a 3 year old as the next. Hearing or not. So when People feel as tho, shes not normal...or can not fit in...or be successful...or smart...or communicate It Sux. "oh ye of little faith"
Sure often times I wonder "how does she Think?" ligit right? I mean As I type now I think of my words...But For Sophie, is it All Pictures in her mind...signs....?? Let me take Last night for example. Sophie was having a rough night, she wanted me by her side till she fell asleep...At 830pm I was there rubbing her back and she passed out. But At 11pm she was up again upset and wanting me in her room. She we put on Anastasia and I had hoped she'd fall asleep, instead her stubborn little self Fought every heavy eye, every rubbing of her cheek (her fav) rubbing of her back, and legs, and forehead, I even massaged her shoulders and kneck and Back of head. YET....I was the one Knodding out more then her. The Entire movie we watched and I was still sitting in the room. Every move I made away from her would Jolt her into tears and Loud yells. So there I waited. When the Movie was over I refused to put a new one in. So she laid there, being Sophie...thinking. Not needing me but just wanted me there as a comfort. I watched her as she pointed to the ceiling over and over, chattering her teeth and laughing, squinting and sign babbling with her hands in the air. Smiling, then winking,the cowering like "frightened" then Woooping in a low voice, and doing it all over again as IF, shes thinking the same ideas over and over. It was Beautiful to see. But How I'd love to get a glimpse into those very thoughts.
My point is Im not worried about the success of Our Sophia. Im not worried about Progress, OR HOW something will come about.
I find it a tad....bothersome when People will ask me "how does she learn if she cant hear" While I understand we are a hearing World...Theres deaf culture for a reason. Its as simple of an answer as "just like every other kid, You arent born knowing that a ball is called BALL by making the sounds B.A.L.L You are taught. Sign language is the same, You are taught by association, that sign goes with that item."
Sign Language is not easy. Theres no much to learn, ASL has its own unique system, and value and style. Lots for someone who has never studied it before to pick up. So I understand how it is "different" for someone to wrap their mind around. But I must say Im very sad that Friends and Family, who are curious about Sophie, do not have the desire to LEARN ANY SIGN LANGUAGE to help them better communicate. For Although this is a hearing world, We will NOT be forcing Sophie, TO Conform to the Hearing world and ALWAYS be the one adjusting her comfort zones for hearing friends and family.
An Implant, for a child especially who knows nothing of sound for 3 years, is not going to make her a hearing citizen. Do not misunderstand what this implant will do, it DOESNT NOT REPLACE HEARING, but allows her to learn what sounds are. Again I will re-state that we will NOT BE forcing this device on her. We Will not be MAKING her listen, or use her words if she is not wanting to just yet. As someone not here in our day to day life, It is easy for you to judge that to be whatever you want...but Because Im not Pro implant, Im not pro Aural Therapy Either. Sign language will forever be her 1st language and Our 2nd, and We are more then happy to be the ones who dedicate ourselves to learning a Brand new lanuage and such to not bombard Sophie with more then she needs. Being Deaf is not Terrible. If you were ever given the choice to be Deaf or Blind I BET 95% of you's would say you'd prefer to be DEAF.
Just as The family of a Blind Child cant run to a Doctor to fix their blindness, but they live a life full of acceptance, as should families of Deaf Members. So again, this implant is to allow Sophie to access sound, But its not to re-define her. Im afraid to lose the Sophie she is, because she is then not as expressive with her face and body language.
I dont want us to use WORDS as the Easy way out. Its not easy for Sophie....(right now) so how does that make it fair. We are not forcing anything, and Will be going against tons the therapist says Im sure, and Im sure Ill just be Yesing them to Death, And let Sophie learn at a pace shes comfortable with.
Truly making this Decker Family, A bi-lingual, and Bi-cultural family.
I just hope that Should we be moving back to NY that people who WANT TO be in Sophia's life on a regular bases, WILL in fact, pick up a Signing book, or view ASL webpage often, and start picking up the language, learning MORE then just ENOUGH to get by. At least this Proud Mama OF a Deaf Daughter can hope for it~

Come what May

Does everyone fit to the same shaped object?
Does anyone walk the same walk as his neighbor?

I do not think so.

While We may stumble upon similiar situations as our fellow mankind. And have 2cents to put into the other travels pot. maybe that 2cents would be put to better use in your very own pocket.

Not everyone is excited, or happy about the decision to get out of the Military life. its a great life for those who want it, for those who can make it work, for those with will power to miss out, and leave behind and skrimp and save every nickle and dime. Its well suited for families who were once single soldiers who built a family after signing over their life to that of the Military.
But like I said, Not everyone is able to fit into the cookie cutter shapes of the army.
Not everyone has the same experiences we've had outside and in the Army. Not everyone understands the Army until they've experienced the life. Not just watched from afar. But literally got their hands dirty.

Based on logic for a Bohemian lifestyle in which we are acostumed to, one would image it the perfect life for a traveler. But As I have stated in pervious Blogs, my mind set, especially as a mother has changed. I find myself twitching at the thought of Military schools. Possible Deployments, long hours as rank is gained...Midnight calls to rescue Intoxicated Soldiers, other peoples business and their family woes and fueds. Where my husband is taken away from OUR time. Prime kid time, where much happens and much is missed in his absense. Selfish sure, but I want him there for it all.
Not for nothing, but my kids have a sharing problem probably because Im not big on sharing. The time We have on earth is precious. So why waste it? Why be stuck in ruts? Why miss out of those moments of awe and enjoyment because of work? Why beat yourself ragged one day, to miss out, and do it all over again the next? Surely, We can manage a life outside the Army. We have before. And mind you done much better on time and finance then we have in the past 2 years working and living under government sanctions.
2012 is going to be a bigger deal personally for me, then 2011 was. in which case I did a ton of soul search and changing in. Grew up and matured in different ways, realized things about myself and my family...2012 will not be anything short of a change. Spiritually, mentally, physically.
A year is a long time for sure. As we have just started, maybe its a bit...early to make plans. Maybe we have jumped the gun a bit on sharing news of getting out. Maybe Things will be different in a few months.
But Come what may. My hope is that people will be understanding, and accepting of what happens. For I know whats meant to be will be. I can not forsee what our year will look like, But I know what I want, what we want and what we feel long term will be best...and for right now Military life....well we will see

Just a girl

ahhhhhhhhhhhh
Seemed to be the Sound of choice while closing out 2011. December was an epic failure for me in terms of keeping my cool.
Anyone who knows me well, knows about some of the "stuff" I put myself through. The challenges, the ups and downs, the wild thoughts and the complaining I love doing. Anyone who knows me well, knows me well enough to know I USUALLY, again USUALLY can handle a ton, and keep my composure. Especially in front of other people, in public, with friends over, Dinning out, or shopping in good Ole' Walmart. I have been told "I dont know how you do it" "I cant believe you were so calm, I would not have been if that just happened to me"like from my Friend Amy when Trying to calm 3 crazy loud fighting and crying kids down to watch a movie at her house. Even she left the room to "make Coffee" because Truly the kids were WILD. I get embarrassed easily, and so to not shame myself even further Keeping calm in those situations are the only thing I know how to do.
Its not "impressive" its how I cope. At Home sure, I flip, Ill yell, Ill give time outs, and Swear in my head when Sophie and Ryan are fighting on who gets to sit on my lap...which happens EVERY time Im sitting in the livingroom after Dinner. I roll my eyes and giggle a little when my body flinging son throws the mother of all tantrums over something so minute.
Ive never really been the punishing kind, Ryan pinches Emily, and I tell him no. Ryan is playing with the blinds and I can yell out loud and he just laughs but once Daddy raises his voice while Ryan is doing it, Ryan RUNS off crying. WTH.??? NOT FAIR ;) At home Ive created bratty loveable monsters but they are pretty awesome kids and pretty well behaved in public (usually).

But December was new territory for me. I couldnt form a sentence with out grinding my teeth, swearing, or punching something hard. Sophie couldnt drop her yogurt with out being sent to her room for 5 minutes. Ryan wouldnt stay in his crib and I had to just leave him crying to fall asleep. The house couldnt get clean enough, the Cats crying was making me want to rip off my own ears. Problem after Problem, issue after issue, bad news and more bad news kept creeping up at every turn I made. I felt myself Leaving my body. I was not myself, I felt out of control and unstable. Irritable, sad, angry, no control over emotions. Was losing my mind, and my family was getting the brunt of my frustration. I had missed a period and BAM....My little bit of grasp I had left of reality flew right out of my hand. Thats it...I knew it. I just knew it. I was in total manic mode. Sick all day, head aches and leg pains at night, crying fits and wanting no one to touch me. My taste buds were crazy, I hated the taste of chicken and loved ketchup....GROSS.
My face and Arms looked like I had balloon animals glued to them. Insomnia and weird ass dreams when I did finally get to sleep.
An utter utter utter nutty mess. December...ugh...December
Christmas Came and went, I had put on a great face, Truly was excited, and happy for the kids and loved the cooking and baking I was doing. Enjoyed the family time we had. But under neath it all....I still was a mess. What was I to do. Daily waiting and waiting and looking for the period that was M.I.A. Still nauseous, still panicing I made an appt with the Doctor at the end of December. The week before DRAGGED on, that Friday couldnt come fast enough. Thankfully, when it did arrive. Barely anyone was in the waiting area. I GOT weighed and Felt my EYE bug out of my head at the number...NOT COOL.
Sat with the nurse and told her how I was feeling. She says "give me an example of a mood swing your having" and As I was telling her I could feel myself panicing and getting anxious and tears forming....so she stopped me and Just told me to wait. Doc came in shortly after....we talked...he examed me...we talked more...I cried 2x. Like not even just tears, like FULL ON I COULDNT TALK CRYING. Finishing up with him, he sent me to get blood work done. Then I waited...and waited...and waited...

Picked up my presciptions and went home.
He Set me up with Celexa, an anit-depression and anxiety medication. told me it would take a few weeks to get into my system. Give it some time, and come back in a few weeks and we will see how things are. Then work on my weight loss.phew...ok. If thats what needs to be done for me to feel like Becci again. Fine. BRING IT ON. I have to start out 2012 on a good foot and if being on some "happy pills" is the way to start then great...fine...ok...
Literally I do mean LITERALLY 24hrs after my appointment with the doctor.
Aunt FLOW (wink wink)finally showed up for her visit. OOO the Luck.
I can not believe it. ON New years Eve Nonetheless. WELCOME NEW YEAR.

And here I am 4 days later, FEELING LIKE BECCI. Not as insane, not as moody, NO hysteria or punching of cabinets while waiting on the phone to talk to cable with those stupid automated voices. No more yogurt punishments or hiding out. I can breathe easy, I have BEEN SLEEEEEEEPING (rejoice) laughing and smiling just because I can. All the while still taking those Meds. But according to reach, it wont be in my system and regulating things for a few weeks still. So...was I just a menstrating momzilla??? HARDCORE PMSING stress machine? After 18 months of very regular Aunt Flow visits, being thrown off the track like that must have sent my emotions over the edge. What now tho? DO I continue Celexa? And wait till my Feb appointment with the Doc to say "oooops i was pmsing" ????????

Ahhhhhhhhhh Seems to be the sound of choice again, But THANKFULLY for a much different reason. ;)
Who knew how much my hormones were still so teenage like...
Just a Girl. Im still just a Girl.

A Rose By any other name Would Smell as sweet ~W.S Romeo and Juliet.

As I was watching the Extreme Home make-over addition that took place in Orange County NY (my home county) last night. The Mother spoke to her sweet daughter about The fact that Flowers...(like people) are beautiful no matter what their shape or size is. I have a hard time watching this show because of the stories about these families lives always bring me to tears. But in patriotism To Good Ole O.C we DVRed it and watched it last night. Course We sat there in tears most of the show, and Loved the home they built and found joy in knowing some friends had taken part of doing a local family this awesome deed. (sadly didnt see anyone we knew on the show tho, we kept an eye out)
However, It also made me wonder something. This family was doing everything in their power to get a message out about their family and their daughters life...but it took a show, to raly locals to get involved. Sometimes, we are so busy with out own lives that we over look the lives of other people around us. people we know...and even dont know. We get caught, "eyeing" the child or adult down the aisle that looks different, sounds different. Whisper about them, and just walk on. Not putting too much more thought into them. Not taking the time to say hi, or flash a smile. In fact we prefer to Look away quick when they see us staring instead of look them back in the eye. Making that Person thus feel targetted. Awkward. Left wondering why? Its not about offering help, if they dont want nor need it. Its about being Friendly,even to that which is unfamiliar to you. A look, is just as MEANINGFUL, as a gesture, or words.
Something Ive realized With Sophie is that Right away Kids KNOW that Sophie is a little bit different. So they become stand offish...and then run off to something more familiar, comfortable for them. It has always been my Hope to be a better parent. Im not perfect by any means, and lose my temper with them, and shut myself off at times to escape the madness. But thing I know for sure is that my Kids embrace difference. I wasnt exactly sure how it was going to work in them. I hoped that Teaching them to be accepting of all people would be enstilled in them and Id see it later in their lives. Emily however taught me that no matter what age, they can do the right thing, when taught. We as parents are the biggest influence on them. They will speak like us, walk like us, use the words we use and how we use them. And have the Mannerisms we have...good and bad, Bad hopefully only until they are old enough to have learned different and change it.
So Emily taught me. One afternoon while letting them play at the McDonalds playhouse, there was alarge group for the day. One Young girl, maybe 7, Was Tall, skinny, beautiful and Had Down syndrome. Everyone who knows my Emily, knows how long it takes for her to warm up to people, even friends and Family shes known for a while, she needs space to take it all in during visits. She is especially hard to crack with young girls. For she'd much more prefer to play with boys but hides and waits things out before playing with girls.
However on this particular afternoon. With this Wonderful little girl. Emily had no reservations. No hiding. No shyness. Just took her by the hand, and they played. And they Played, and Played together with Sophia. and played some more. Tons of running Children around them, boys and girls of all ages. Then it was those 2...and Sophie with them at times.
So I was taught on that day. That The Mannerisms I need to project around my kids especially. are the ones that will create Such wonderful additions to this World. This world that takes each others limitations and holds it against them. Who barely embraces change. Who hides the differences.

Theres tiny pockets all over the U.S of people doing their good deeds and being led by their differences to MAKE A DIFFERENCE in the world they see. These Tiny Pockets are not always shown light. It took an ABC televised Show for A Group of volunteers in O.C to do their good deed. And it was a good deed. But what about the days they arent being put in the spot light. What about all the leg work to get there. What about all the effort behind the scenes.???

You know, My Family has been through so much. So many different heart aches. I know that things arent as simple as they are said. And My aunt Jo made a great point one evening last month. Childhood Cancer Awareness month...As She Lost her daughter (and my baby Cousin) to Cancer. That Breast Cancer, has done so well with in the media on getting its awareness out there, Millions of dollars into the research of it. That even the NFL wore pink to show their support on the cause. WHICH IS SPECTACULAR. But what about other illness' or life changers, or differences out there that dont get as much awareness?
And on this base. Where Autistic awareness is huge....and needs to be,dont take me the wrong way. How do I get people to raly for my families Cause?
How do you get people to listen? If you dont have the clout? Where can you make that light shine?
It all starts with one family...
It all starts with having meaning...



Point is on this crazy manic Monday...
We need to be meaningful.
Show meaning, and not just for the "once I did this..." feeling. But for a feeling that will never go away. that you will feel when you wake up and before you say your prayers before bed.


MEANINGFUL MONDAY...what do you want to give meaning to?

In the Thick of things!

Hello Monday!

Hello Rain!
Been waiting to feel the touch of North Western weather Since we got here in June. And Finally Its starting to look just how I Imagined Washington Would. Smell of Rain. Listening to gentle tapping and light wind blowing.
Tires Splashing in puddles, and hoody jackets worn while running for cover.
But I, Stand there, Still in Pajamas, Coffee in hand, letting the drops pound my shoulders.
How I love Rain.
How I missed the Rain.
Its so peaceful, and reminds me of simplier times. Oranges, hot tea and Movies like "the First wives club" "Mrs Doubtfire" "16 candles" "Hello Dolly"
Yes Hello Dolly, with Barbara Streisand. Something about her voice, speaking and singing that I just love. And seriously, who doesnt love a good streisand rendition?
Other movies from my childhood, Annie and ALL the shirly Temple movies makes.Thinking about it, makes me hum "animal crackers in my soup"
Days like today, when the sky is gray, rain covers my windows, and the smell from the heat lingures in the air, I also drift back to "the Secret garden"
Can I help Im such a movie Buff?



It was a long weekend. I seemed to have reached my first fall cracking point from stress. Dealt with it and calmed down. having 3 young kids isnt any joke, some days really tests my very soul.
But the stress seemed to be about me. Myself, my unsatisfiable self. My best quailty is being able to run, and adapt,run and adapt. But then I fall short in the being ok enough to just stay put.
My friend told me, that While I may enjoy and have a lot of hobbies that Im into, none of them seem to give me the concrete control that I must be searching for. And that Now being an Army wife, We lose more control over things because we need to be prepared for every and any situation at the drop of a...shall we say Army Hat!
And shes right~
Knowing what My interests are...finding something I long for, and can be creative with, and take my time with...that I control. JUST MIGHT BE KEY!

In the Thick of things. My dreams always seem to capture exactly what I question while Im awake.
I get crazy moments of dreams that I never understand, of people I havent seen nor talked to in years and years. OR whom are dead.
I have dreams of moving constintly, and then dreams about Being told, NOT TO IMPLANT SOPHIE! why?
Its bad enough Im on the fence with the whole thing, its bad enough I have neighbors scaring me and saying DONT LET MADIGAN TOUCH YOUR BABY, have Seattle do the surgery.
But for my dreams to tell me too.
I may be crazy, and quirky and Different. But so often I have seen my physical dreams come true, that it scares me.
You can tell me it means nothing, that its just my subconscience fighting me, but I have dreams, that eventually bring back to deja vu, and then as I think I feel, and remember I had once drempt it~
I know all the statistics, the good the bad, the need for implants. the possiblities with them and with out. I know the surgery, I know the technology, I know the amount of work.
I KNOW
I KNOW
I KNOW
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






hmm, side note.
Sitting here in my kitchen. I thought the sound I just heard was thunder...but really its something army related. But how funny if it was thunder, as Im venting about my hang ups with implants ;)


ITs funny too, that 2 years ago, i would have never believed Id land here in Washington, with 3 kids, one deaf, and as an Army wife. Never thought I'd move so much and hate every place I land. Like being in one place too long, despite its beauty and such, makes me loath the place.Dont know what my problem is.
Odd that As I was searching thru my photos yesterday, Most of the ones of sophie between the age of 11 months and 17 months old, It seems to me that 7 out of 10 pictures she has tears in her eyes or rolling down her face. At that point in time we were In Middletown waiting for matt to finish his Army training, and I waspregnant with Ryan. I dont remember her crying ALL the TIME! WAS SHE? Was she always upset? until I pull out Camera where she hams up~ My little entertainer~ Was that point in her little life, a tear fest? Pregnancy Brain has me not remembering, but pictures say otherwise.
And weird to think,that if we had tested Sophie for Hearing loss in NY at that time, how we most likely would have wound up at a different 1st duty station. But then Ryan would be our California Blonde Baby!
Gods Plan for us is surely mysterious. Wish I could get a little insight to where we are headed next (hopefully to a duty station back EAST PLEASE LORD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BACK EAST.

Ahhhh to Wonder~




PS Happy Birthday to my Bennifer, My writing buddy and often Muse!
Love you girly~!~~~!~~~~

Jen Binnie and I have been CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE amazing friends since I was in the 1st grade. SPent Countless sleepovers together, running around outside, swimming jumping and trampolines, WRITING till the wee hrs of the morning, making finger hats with candle wax, tease hair till its WAY big, and Witchy...playing darts till I get one stuck in my tush,Movies like Romeo and Juliet, Man in the Iron mask and Titanic (do you notice the leo Cap theme there hahaha) Creating restaurantes and menus for Aunt mental for her breakfast in the mornings, listening to my brother and her sister laugh at their WEIRD inside jokes. Trips to the Diner, Gravy cheese fries,hrs at friendlys with our families all loud and laughing "bucky" "jecky" and "Benny" of course. Oranges and Aunt Mares "maybe this is a little too much" tipped nails ;)
Were it not for Jenny, and those Wonderfully crazy fun and loving Binnies my childhood would have been dull and boring and nothing like it was.

Love you Benny, and distance and time has not changed our friendship, we know how to pick it up where we left off each and everytime. Im blessed to be able to call you my Friend.
So, HAppy birthday! Girly! Enjoy your day ;)

Gypsy do da deaf

Meet a Wonderful Family this afternoon. Their Daughter whos just about one. Was Born Deaf. Shes beautiful. Precious and Ready to take off and start walking soon. Loud and a scream just like Sophie, which kept making me SMILE! It was wonderful, to sit and talk Mommy to mommy about our daughters being Deaf. Having the same ideas about it, about implants, school, sign language and Life in general for all our children.
Its so wonderful having someone in a similiar situation to talk to now! Our kids seemed to get along WONDERFUL and She (the mommy) was great! I look forward to more play dates.

Washington, isnt everything I hoped it to be. The traveling is still going to be a ton since, would you know it, this place actually doesnt have speech therapy on post like I believed. Not that Tacoma, or even Seattle is as for as things were in Cali, but...still. While Im glad to be close to real life, it still baffles me. Army is supposed to be...Ugh I dont even know. They are supposed to make things easier on families...at least I thought.
Another thing that baffles me is Audiologists, out of the hmmm 6 total audis and Doctors we've seen...1 knew a decent amount of Sign language. Even if you arent fluent, as someone who is hearing specialist and sees people with all ranges of loss, Wouldnt it be beneficial to learn more then 4 words??? Or so this mom thinks! lol.
Shouldnt it be a given, that caution signs, are plentiful and easy to put up. So when moving a family into a home, on post that you know has some disablity, why cant they just put up the MUCH needed caution signs, instead of making us Go fill out YET MORE PAPER WORK.

Thankfully, I havent seen too many crazy drivers yet, speeding down our block, but theres that chance ya know? Not that too many people pay attention to road signs anyway. At least Here in Washington. Sadly, we've been several places, busy cities and snow bird paradises where transplants from all over WORLD move to. Yet Washington BY far, WORST DRIVERS EVER! Id take freaked out Phoenix drivers in Monsoon season over the high ways here! LMBO! YES freaked out Phoenix drivers, as I witnessed because of lack of Rain...native Phoenix drivers mistake the blinker for wipers (and Visa Versa)in a storm and AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH SWERVE ALERT!!!!! cursing and hands thrown up into the air! BAHAHAHA.


The sad truth is that I feel as though My mind will never belong to a town I want to stick to. Might as well Buy an RV and call it home. WHEN WILL I BE SATISFIED? The only place I can ever say That I didnt want to run from until news about a baby growing in me Was Sumner! Funny huh? A Small, as middle of Crops, humdinger of a town. 30 mins away from the closest Kmart or Walmart, 1 cafe and 1 tiny 1 roomed movie thearter. Simplisity at its finest. BUT SUPER COLD COLD WINTERS! OUCH! It totally beat out Stupid DES MOINES AREA! I hated that town we lived in NEWTON! IT needs to fall off the map!




I wish I had a concrete plan, and Idea, and Knowledge of what it is we need to be doing, and where we need to be~ Cant just follow my heart...its been too many places to just pick one

Foolish

Happy Birthday to me! Happy Birthday to me....

Alone with just the Kids as Matt is out in Indiana On a training Mission.
Meanwhile, Spent the last almost 4 hrs at the hospital with 2 kids having well visits.
And Again tomorrow for Sophie.
Im so exhausted.
I got the text from Some Family wishing me a happy birthday, family and Friends posting on my facebook page,as Well. Which of course I LOVE TO SEE! Not everyone will take the time to say happy birthday even with that little reminder on the side. So Thank You to the true Persons who did, and Always do.
To my Best friend for being the First one on east Coast time to say it to me. MS Dawny I couldnt be me with out you girl!
My Husband sending almost hrly birthday text because hes sad this is the first birthday he is missing in all of our 7 years together.

We are in our new home. Running off of mobile internet chip that doesnt give me very good service. But the home is fantastic. 3 beds, 1200 sq feet. only down sides are, not enough cabinet space, and the Darn Summer sun heating up the living room and blinding us from 330-7pm EVERYDAY! Going to need black out curtains for sure!

Neighborhood is awesome, and have friends near by. hopefully will get to know neighbors as we can see they have kids around the same ages as ours.
Over all everyone is adjusting, Just as I knew they would. our seasoned Movers.
They have no problem saying goodbye and as Em said the first day we moved in running around the empty dinning room
"NEW CITY, NEW HOUSE"
Ive trained my Gypsies well!



AS my long birthday is coming to a close, at 6pm here, Im thankful for life in general. For the family and friends that showed they care, and always care and know I love them just as much.
Thankful for I love Lucy DVDs and old movies to keep my mind at ease while alone in a quiet house. 2 bathrooms and my own room again! NO STAIRS. A park directly behind my house, and space to run outside our back door.
Who would have guessed the noise of Military base living with constant Planes and helicopters would put me at ease. Funny the things you get used to, and thus comfort you. That make it feel like home.

But foolish enough, as I stand here, thankful...Im also foolish to have ever thought, that While I knew Id never get a phone call from my father again, on today, for my birthday, because of my actions...But Foolish to think I'd even have an email that even just read.
"happy birthday"
But as I checked my email again for like millionth time...NO email from him. And As for the Twins, if they even realize todays date...could they have been allowed to call me, text me at least!?

Something so simple as an email, so simple as 2 words......Makes me left with one word in mind


















Foolish

Shot Worthy.

Im thinking about time tonight. How Much of it is wasted.
Wasted on mindless projects
wasted on Television
Wasted on Never telling someone the truth
Being Spiteful
Lieing
underminding
mean
grudge holding
Mad
Even Writing this blog

Then Im thinking, how crazy it is that we never take into consideration other points of views...WHY? Cause its our life, we are going to do what we do, and say what we want, and waste time on OUR life. We are individuals and seeing eye to eye on things...doesnt come natural.
Like minded minds, will still have something they dont agree on.
Families, have different ways of raising them, and approaching life.
And I guess, to cope, we have to make do with what we have. WE have to fake it till we make it sometimes. We have to put on those Rose colored glasses, so not to fall short, or have negative thoughts.
Irony...That sometimes in order to live, we must waste our time.

If life is a story, but nothing is written in stone, Isnt it possible that we could always have different out comes? That Characters that once were friends, are now foes, that the rich can lose it all, and the down and out Reach the very top of the ladder?
Isnt it possible, that much of the story was a fairy tale, or that you are your own super-villian?
Isnt it possible that on lookers on your life story, may see something completely different then the Author?

If its ok, for a parent to point out the Flaws, and short comings of their children, as if to better parent them...then Why cant a child point out the same for the parent? When Life is about learning, and growing and bettering oneself. Whether its hearing it from a Spouse, a friend, an enemy, a therapist, or ones Child.
Why is it different?
Experience, age, or lack there of, doesnt make one person smarter, or better equiped, or more wise. Sorry to say.
Because For me...I've learned more on my own, with my own mistake, then most people learn in their entire life...but it doesnt make me better.
It doesnt put a sour note on my life, and I dont let my faults or sad times rule me. Nor Define me. Just a notch that helped me grow.

I have ventured, and experienced, and tried, and failed, and succeed.
I have cried, and yelled and laughed so hard water came out of my nose.
I have questioned myself at times, my faith, my family, my hardships...and that makes me human.
I have fallen before, and surely will again.
Because no one is perfect, but I know where I fall short in my character, and my silver tongue and snappy judgements. Not always to my best control.
I have been known to run, and duck and hide and wish away problems, with out truly fixing them...but Here I am today, learning how not to run.
How not to be blind, how to take into consideration, someone else around me might have a better view of the road Im on, then I do. And Should they say...hey maybe you need to re-examine that walk youre on, then I will take a look closer, instead of being quick to cut them off.

My lesson out of these last 2 weeks, is that points of views are extremely important, and must be taken into consideration.
I know I surely dont want the same fate, Ive had in the past, and if history is doomed to repeat itself, I want to make sure the arrow I think is straight, truly is shot worthy!

Writes

Funny to think, blocking someone, from Viewing walls or pages, or themselves, will make them feel...better.
Yet, still speak of Character and good intentions.
But Blocked, so that one cant see their rants. At least I have the realization, that I can say whats on my mind in public and not be ashamed.

Cowardly Lions that lost their rawr to The Village.

Speaking tit for tat, but spineless. Just wanting to be rescued.





This past week has really brought me somewhere Fantastic.
I've valued my life more, then I ever did before.
I've understand my likeness to my parents.BOTH of my parents.
I've looked at my Kids, and thought...I want them to be who they are with out a mask ever.

To enjoy life, is to know life, and be in life with out being scared of what someone may think of you, or actions.
Everything you now do is something you have chosen to do. Some people don’t want to believe that. But if you’re over age twenty-one, your life is what you’re making of it. To change your life, you need to change your priorities.– John C. Maxwell
Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.– Maria Robinson




Ive been reading clips from Books of my Past, and remembering What it was that was so special about certain ones.
Great Expectations, for example, Miss Havisham, and her Crazy idealistic complex rants and lectures. Sorrow and self-persecuting...Yet saying some interesting lines that stick to your bones as you read.

"In the little world in which children have their existence, whosoever brings them up, there is nothing so finely perceived and so finely felt, as injustice.So,throughout life, our worst weaknesses and meannesses are usually committed for the sake of the people whom we most despise.The success is not mine, the failure is not mine, but the two together make me. Suffering has been stronger than all other teaching ... I have been bent and broken, but -I hope -into a better shape"



Classic Stories are my Favorite~



And Truth be told, whatever family issues I or someone may bring up it will eventually work itself out.

For right now, my therapy is writing. Even if its just about the Sky being Blue, Cowards in hiding, or Classic Novels with amazing quoteable lines. Vents about my Children going bonkers or Bordeum at asoftball game.
I Write to live. I write, therefor I am.

Swing batt-arrrh, Swing

So think think think Becci Think...

Take advantage of the education opportunites us Military Wives get to use!!

Things to take with me where ever we go..near, far, States or abroad.

As Matt is taking steps to further himself in the Army,adding new professions...so should I, who cares if it winds up making me a Jane of all trades, and in more ways then one, probably wont Mesh. lol.

As Fall is quickly approaching, its time to get into the swing of things. School things.
I THINK I finally am grasping this mind making up business...as Im settling one a career choice, as well as FINALLY made my decision about My daughters Ears...Right now, tho Im not sharing that precious and Vital information accept to those Closest to me, and in private.

But Batters Up, Decker Family, Lifes about to be a homerun~With long awaited and much needed Wins. The Rough slump of a losing streak is over~

"AND THE CROWD GOES WILD"...haha At least in my own story book life.

9 days and counting we get to start fresh in our home on post. Where We may or May not be for quite some time. Ill Post pictures as soon as Im allowed to walk through it :/ it still has its current tenants.
cant wait to unpack EVERYTHING, make things fit and hang stuff on the walls. Move Furniture around till Im satisfied (for at least 2 months before rearranging)and NOT DEAL WITH STAIRS.

It was a long day today, Sophie was a handful! Like never really before, first time ever today she wouldnt let the Doctor examine her. FOUGHT so hard, the Doctor just said "we will do it at a different time"
But At least shes gained 2 pounds roughly but still my short Beauty at only 33 inches :)

Time to Declutter my DVR and fill my mind with it instead ;) then passing out, hoping tomorrow GOES much more smoother~

daily garble

What a way to start of the Month huh? teheh. Its the End of the Summer, School are starting in different places of the U.S already, And Fall decor is reaching the store fronts. Summer is not my Favorite of Seasons, regardless to it being my BIRTHDAY season ;)I love Everything about Fall. And would you know it. I am finally living in a place that Should really feel like fall! lol. Love you Cali but Love my Fall season more!

The smells, the colors, the Warm sweaters, and Holiday fun. Our Family traditions we are creating. Decorating and Warm apple EVERYTHING, in fall.

One thing I will miss in a way the Fireplace in this apartment....BUT its replaced by the ease of moving on base! 10 days till we move and THANK THE LORD! Really wish our new home had all hard floors...with these kids its a must...guess that means Ill need a steam cleaner for my Christmas GIFT!!! thehehe.
Love that we are close to the Hospital and EVEN closer to a park~No more driving to get the kids worn out with fun, and then fall asleep on way home only to be wired again lol.
And an extra 400 sq feet of living ~*~*~ANGELS SING~*~*~

Just one of these rambling days! Nothing important to say, Just one of those "dear Diary" entries.
Today was full of lazy hazy skies at the Steilacoom Park, family talks on the phone(FINALLLLLLY) and Purposely annoying the husband~ Annoying people is a craft that IM SUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPER Great at.
Had a good time at a co-ed baby shower last night and soon to be involved with groups on post. So thank you Fort lewis for Welcoming us so "warmly".

Now lets end summer, it not a real season here in Western Washington anyway~

Going to end this Saturday with a snuggling Movie, hanging with kiddos and my sick kitty. Same Tomorrow, Since MONDAY IS GOING TO BE A LONG tedious day on base with Appointments galore,and down time in between them, hope its nice enough out for the park while we wait!!!!
It will be a day testing my skills, on if I can juggle 3 kids while one of them needs to be in a hearing booth...hmmmmmm! Its going to take finese :/

Till later my readers...Till later