Sophie's Choice

Moms!!!!!!!!!



Have You ever been in a group, out in public or in a moment where You notice peoples physical reaction to your children?
Whether its for a tantrum in public, mismatching outfits, or something more personal, like in our case, being deaf.
The face of disbelief, the face of disgust?
I've been conscience of societies reactions. The pure rudeness and gal of what people think they can say, or do to complete strangers. It is appalling. I have witness, Children who start to play with Sophie and then ask "whats wrong with her?" and once they are told she can't hear, and she doesn't talk, they start to distance themselves. I've been asked by adults, who then look like a deer in head lights, who get stiff and do not know what to say so, they make a face, and turn and walk away..."ok Goodbye to you too, thanks for chatting" said in my head, not out loud, though I probably should. I've witnessed while being in the home of someone we know, not want to even look at her, I've watched parents allow their kids to treat Sophie is disrespect. They show their ignorance to something that's perfectly ok, and yet because its not in their everyday, they make the "gross" face. Its like shes diseased...
Ohhh no Don't touch my daughter, or you'll be deaf too...kind of deal.
Which as Sophie gets older she starts to notice.
She notices the little girl who wont look at her, when Sophie is trying hard to get her attention.
She notices the boy who stops playing with her.
She notices the face expression that the parents have on their face, the one that's different towards Emily, and Ryan. The Smiling face that says "hi" when we see them, that quickly turns to just a slight grin and...no Hi, And Guess what...I notice it too!
Because we are naturally able to hear We are also around more families that are hearing as well. In a hearing World. Sophie has and does well to adjust herself to be in the hearing world as best as she can. But she shouldn't always have to.
we have been lucky to have found a small tight knit community that understands our family dynamic. To have placed Sophie in ASL education where we have watched her take off at lightening speed. Its Been Sophies Choice.
To watch her Story tell, to watch her explain, to watch her understand, to watch her Absorb language. Her Language. Its been an amazing experience.
One we have noticed is sometimes hard for people to understand.
People want so badly to make everything "better". They want perfection, they want what they see as normal to be...normal.

In talking with a friend this morning, she used the word normal is such a simplistic, yet awesome way. "this is your new normal"
One of those silent "uh ha" moments happen in my head...like DUH Bec! What a terrific way to explain that to those who just do not get it. That Having ASL in our lives is our new normal, and sharing it with as many people as possible is a testimony to the Joy that knowing ASL can bring. Advocating that its OK to be accepting to all things and sharing all kinds of things, thus making this sometimes, dark and stormy, World a bit brighter.

I've been told by close family and friends that we should NOT EXPECT those around us to learn ASL. That Sophie is one person, and its would be easier to just have her use the gifts of technology to come through into their "world".
BUT
Why shouldn't I expect that. Like a "Hey you want to hang with us, Learn a bit as ASL, so You can communicate with all of us as a whole" Right? YES!!! We can't be the friend, the mom, the wife, the daughter (in-law), Son (in-law) sister, Aunt, Uncle, Brother, Husband, AND ALWAYS TRANSLATE. We of course Aren't expecting you to learn it all, or understand it all, We are still students of the language ourselves, but I don't think its asking too much, especially of close family and friends, to learn the basic's...average 100 Signs, (not including the alphabet) Its really NOT MUCH! And Its not too much to take in, it benefits, Your brain, it strengthens you bond with Sophie. All she asks for is love and attention. To fully know her, means to understand her, How else will you get the gist of her story tell, or her joke, or the tricks she likes to play on people. OH THE MIGHTY POWER OF LANGUAGE!
Any language, any knowledge is good knowledge and works the brain, and keeps the cells active.

I've had countless people, say "oh you know Theres this thing that fixes hearing, right, the cochlear implant, you should get her that" "Oh why doesn't she talk?" "whats wrong with her?" "why is she so loud, can't she be quiet?"
Its reallllllly annoying. You know theres better ways of asking questions Folks. and Truly, If You do not know anything about Cochlear implants, or whether or not we have one, or was looking into one, you should NEVER tell someone to get it to fix their child. Theres Nothing Wrong with being deaf. Not to mention, everything that comes along with the device. Its a wonderful invention, it works awesome, and helps, it allows hearing to happen, but theres so much more then comes along with it. So much work that the person has to do on a day to day basis. Its NOT A FIX. Its wonderful, we have witnessed great differences, and seen the power of Cochlear implants. We may get to see it through our Sophie one day. But please don't expect us to force it on her. Its Sophie's Choice

Matt and I both share the fear of what would happen to our children should GOD FORBID anything happen to us both. Who would be the best match to take our kiddo's. And We fear that without family ACCEPTING ASL as its necessity, and as Sophies MAIN language, that she will suffer even more. Her comfort, has never been hearing, but in seeing. If You take away her parents, and her communication, and force upon her something not vital to her very own existence...what does she have left? Its important for us to document, Sophies Choice. While we continue to ask her to use the C.I. While we are still on the path of fixing it and setting up Aural Therapies. We will always use ASL. We will always ALLOW our CHILDREN TO DECIDE what works for them. We try and come from a place of yes as often as possible. We are trying to instill independent virtues in all 3 kids. showing them that we support their choices.Giving them enough guidance to make smart ones, but ones that will work for them, and their future. Who Am I to say, what they can study, or what colleges they can Attend, Who are we, to say where they can live or how far away, or who to love. ya know? If we can provide a solid foundation, and show love and respect for them starting even this young, then we can assure ourselves that their future is grand. Their choices!
I hope that should something happen to Matt and I, those next in line to care for our children can honor that, honor our way of parenting. We are honest, and allow real life in their life, while also nurturing silly fun fantasy like, Santa Claus and the tooth fairy! I couldn't image it being any other way.


Matt and I lucked up with these Kiddo's. As crazy and loud as we all are as a group. As trying as times can be, as hair pulling as these kids ages are (especially 3s) We have this beautiful thing called Family.




American Sign language ROCKS!

Mother May I? Break down this wall...

From The Shores of Oahu I have watched my children, run and splash. Breathe in the wonders of the sea. Soak in the Vitamin D, and Love every bit of the Gypsy (Military) Life. It has not phased them yet that we are movers. The Wind changes and we seem to be lifted off to new parts of our Country to explore. Change, so far, comes at them easily.
But This Traveler, I fear, worries about whats to come as they get older...


Worry!


Everyone who knows me, and knows our family, Knows we are worriers. From the moment they step off to school, off the edge of the pool, or onto the top stair...I worry.

But I do not pretend to be a great parent. I don't create False identities or fictional persona's of what our family life is like. I am not fake. Guarded Maybe, maybe too much at times, but not Fake. I speak on all aspects of life. The good the bad and the ugly. All of that and more. I try to paint the most realistic picture I can.


Everyone who knows me, and knows our Family, Knows we do not sensor. Much to many friends and family surprise...It works for us. We will always take into consideration the knowledge and if and how the impact will be. But we do not sensor. Our Children, know the appropriate use of such knowledge and Are pretty good and not exploring it. Ryan in his rebellious and pushing button 3's like to walk the fine line, but also knows the consequence. Granted, I am a push over as well. They each get away with treating me a certain way, and As they are growing, im learning how to better direct their negative reactions. Which is a part of Parenthood no. Parents will continue to grow and change and learn, and adapt, methods to their kids, individually and as a whole. A continuous juggle, but as I've stated before, our children should be our first priority. Sure...Love God, Love ourselves, Love your husband, love your kids. Our Children will be molded By God's Hands, understand Direction, experience love, be successful because We have taught them about respect and order. Allowing them to be themselves and witness acts that will help them grow into awesome adults. Already, I can see how our kids have blessed us, changed us, molded us even. I've seen the good things we've done with them. Again Ill speak on Ryan, even in these 3's that I dread, and Am So thankful hes my last 3 yr old for now...Has such a soft spot. He kisses any boo boo's he sees on me, old or new. Always says "thank You", sometimes "thank You much" even if its to wipe an eye lash off his cheek. He always needs my hand when out. Sophie will cuddle All day long. Rub my hand or cheek if Im laying down. Wants everyone around her to always sign thank you, when appropriate, and will wait there till its signed :P is mothering in her class, cares for little kids and babies SO much. Emily is reserved and kind, quite and example of nice behavior for her siblings when we are out of the house. Sure In public they have each had their Moments of "OH MY GOSH ITS TIME WE GO HOME" but Proudly I would say they are well behaved beyond our front door 94% of the time. Home...In their comfort and glory, yeah its not as rosey, no hand raising here, no mild manners. But I would take the "mother may I's" the "yes ma'ams, No sirs" "please and Thank You's" out in public over home, any day of the week. And we are thankful for that. We Do have great kids.

One thing I've noticed about Hawaii, is that people are just so inviting. Warm. Understanding and eager. I took the kids to get sandwiches the other day before our HSDB principal meeting, The woman behind the counter saw Sophie signing something over and over. I was distracted By Ryan and Emily talking over each other, when the woman smiled and said "Ma'am,Shes saying soemthing I don't quite get" Soph, was saying "green" something on the menu had caught her eye. I in my now regular guarded tone say "Its ok, Don't worry about it" like a snot lol. And the Kind woman continued to smile and said "oh but Im curious, I really would like to know, and know more" And in that second I felt a piece of my wall break off. "green" I said. "shes signing green" The woman looked all around to find something That Sophie was referring to, and was happy to help. 3 Times In the same hour, We were talked too about Sophie, IN A POSITIVE MANNER! Who would have thought. Washington was so cold in peoples demeanor that after those 2 years I started to become jaded. But You see, As HSDB Has worked its signing magic on Sophie, and as her Vocabulary expands greatly, we are holding more lengthy Conversations, and that in public. Its amazing How much signing Catches the Eyes of strangers. People should be naturally curious right? Not Mean...In any case, another Employee had stopped by our table to ask if We are signing because Shes deaf, or just because. Which of course made me giggle. I too was a young mom with Emily, teaching my baby to sign because it was the Hip thing to do. When I smiled and said of shes deaf...(my smile was a bitch smile, again I mastered in Tacoma)The young woman smiled back and said awesome, so is my little sister and its been really hard. There it goes again, a little piece of the wall breaking off. A bit later, there was an older couple sitting across the aisle from us. With them an man maybe just a bit older then I who rocked the extra Chromosome So wonderfully. (everyone who knows me...knows I have a soft spot for down syndrome <3)They stood Up after their meals and walked right behind Sophie. The Father Gently patted Sophies head, and made a weird playful sound at Ryan who basically stood up and roared at the guy LOL LOL. His Wife stood next to him, as I signed to Phi, "say Hi, and smile" because she looked very...confused as to why a stranger was behind her. Phi did just as I asked. The older woman replied "Shes deaf right? shes beautiful, they all are" Her husband giggled "you sure have your hands full" The nice way of saying "good luck" We got a nice "have a good night and God Bless" And a nice wave from their son.

All this in not only one day, but one hour, of me and just the kiddos. My My how the tides have changed, literally. I looked back at the kids, just us again at the table...And I knew that Matt and I, are doing a good job.

Are we perfect parents? Absolutely not! Our Kids will not be perfect.THey Will make mistakes like us, bad judgement calls, be tried and tried again and again. Will lose and win and fall and get hurt. Cry. Hurt someone. But they will also do great things.

Im a very guarded person these days. The Military life has created in me a much different idea of how life works. Having had kids and marriage extremely young in life, its a good thing the military has shown me. nearly 4 years an Army wife, which seems weird to me. Moving everywhere we have, living on bases and off. Taking away lessons from each and every City, town, or village we'd seen, has molded us. And Now, here in Hawaii, Where the sky is Always blue, and the air so clear, where people smile, and show support I may break down this wall...

Educating me

Children...

There is something about the innocence, the sincerity, thirst for their own knowledge that makes us dig deep into who we are as people. Children are always looking to learn, asking questions, in a state of wonder and awe. So as their parents its our job to be as well equipped for these moments as possible. We have to try and get down to their level, and think about what kind of questions they may ask so we can be prepared to answer.

Our 3 rowdy honey bunches of oats, are knowledge Monsters.
Ryans Favorite new line is "whats that?"
Sophie has her epic PHI face, that says everything it needs to.
Emily has her grasp of everything she was taught this year in school applying it to day to day life.
We are in a constant moment of flux
Everything is possible, every possibility is questioned and every question has a possible answer.
We are bounced around from idea to idea, question to answer, moments the suck up knowledge.
AND these kids, stick it in their brain and hold on to it for forever.

How can we not as parents do anything and everything in our power to provide answers, and bring them to places where they ask more questions? Where they learn and grow and have these terrific moments of life that stick with them, and help shape them for the future.

As I watch these kids understand these moments.
Take in these moments.
Grow from these moments.
It reminds me that I need to be the best me as possible. I need to be that roll model that helps them see things clearly. Fully knowing I will make mistakes along the way, but praying that will also teach them.

Lets face it, its really not easy being a mom to 3 young kids. Lord, Help those with more, Truly. I think At the end of our day with 3 Im wiped out. Had we had more at this moment...I'd puddles. Adding into the mix A special needs Child, with the temper of her father and the attitude of her mother, That makes things a tad more complicated. With Sophie being deaf, and cute...she plays her strengths well and easily ignores us when she wants to. Mostly when we are telling her NO~ Or Wait~ Or STOP!

The kids and I sat around the lap top this afternoon as I pulled up different pictures in Testing Sophie and her language skills. Each week her teacher sends out a flyer about what they are learning in this week of school, and I "TRY" and keep up so that we are not behind on signs. The problem is knowing the methods used in school. For instance...Sophie wanted to know the sign for A Scuba diver last week in class. But her teacher didn't know it. As Sophie was more persistent on knowing the Sign Her teacher went and looked it up on the computer. The Sign She showed me Was NOT the same sign I found online on www.ASLPRO.org So Sometimes it is not easy to keep up. Im super thankful for Sophies class and her teacher this year, but I am so looking forward to a more sign stable environment. In any case, We went thru a list.
Lion
tiger
Giraffe
frog
cow
dog
horse
bird
duck
zebra
grass
sky
cloud
sun
moon
caterpillar
worm
bug
ocean
whale
seal
jellyfish
crab
sea turtle
octopus
shark

All things shes been learning about. Last month they did bugs. This month has been concentrated on Sea life. And every word we went through Sophia knew by heart. Now Emily and Ryan know them well too. "lion" and "octopus" were among the favorite signs. Making faces to match each animal.
Grass was A new one for me. Im glad I know it now :)

Education. Is not just something we are supposed to leave at the foot of the School building. It is to be shared at home, nurtured at home. USED at home. Education doesn't just have to be Find the sum of X. ya know~ Its more then that.
Sophia's Language skills has come so far. For a Kid who literally quit using for CI in September, shes A super star. Even babbling these days. Full on BABBLING. Not just yelling anymore, or single toned. But adding in a few letter sounds here and there. Lots of m's and G's and D's More A's not just O's. And Using it in reference to things. Sounding back to use and signing.

Emily has been officially granted completion of Kindergarten. Technically her last day of class isn't till Thursday, but I guess her Teacher got her report card completed over the weekend and opted to send it home early. He reports thats she will be an outstanding 1st grader. She is doing so well with her reading, her exploring words and sounding things out. I make her spell each morning before getting on the bus, and she is so awesome. Her report card was 97% outstanding in the grading system.

My Ryan boy, is ready for school. Talks about "ryan schoo" all the time. Wears Sophies back pack and makes pretend that he and Emily are getting on the bus to go to school. I really hope to get him into SOMETHING this coming school year. He knows all his letters visually. But knows his colors in sign language more then verbally :o lol lol lol


We are always learning here in this crazy Decker house. Its awesome. We are learning this in 2 languages and growing and growing and growing. Its a blessing. As new adventures are with in hands reach, Im excited to experience more. Show our kids more. Teach our kids more. Fill them up with moments not too many people get to do. Feed their travelers blood.

All the while, The world is our School. We are teaching them. They are educating me.

Whatcha wanna know about my parenthood?

I used to sit on the floor of my Childhood bedroom, surrounded by my Favorite Fashion Magazines. Read them cover to cover then cut out all the parts I loved most. Next to me would be mounds of Journals I stuck them to, Pencils and blank paper for my desire to draw out dresses I'd love to one day make myself.

I used to take 30 minutes alone to just apply make up another 30 for my hair.
Would pick out my outfit the night before School, have it sprayed with my favorite Perfume and hung nicely on my door.

I used to be able to walk around in heels ALL day long. Run and jump in Heels.

Pj's were only worn in the evenings and to bed, NOT all day, although I did rock the house slippers out and about  now and again. YES GUILTY AS CHARGED~

I used to be able to stay up into the wee hours of the morning and sleep into 11am and Not have a care in the world about doing JUST that, Sleep, I seriously took for granted.


Now a days...
Showers are golden
Sweaters are prized
I have mastered how to paint my face and straighten my wavy hair in 20 minutes COMBINED!
Sadly Pj's and sweats are my go to ensemble
My Favorite Magazines Are in the bathroom, because its the only place I find peace during the day...ok not all day, they tend to bang on door, yell mom, and stick their chubby little fingers under the door.
Sleep...happens in bouts. Not full...still
I write in spare time, and its usually stuff people really could care less about reading. Because lets face it, While social media as completely taken over our lives here in this decade. People really do not care if your Son sounds super cute when bossing you around at the age of 2. Or your daughter Scored yet another Cool kid ticket, Or if you cat has learned how to open closed doors. They just want the juicy goodness and nothing more about the boring lives we lead. Yet...We continue to post and search and comment and like or in my case, Remove from my news feed...I am one of these fools on Facebook, twitter, yahoo...BLOGGER :p that visit too much, and lose time in the sites like Pinterest and youtube. Oh the Life I lead.

People want to hear, only when troubles are brewing, gossip can be shared, something terrible has happened, or only care if you "speak" to them first. They want a 1000 likes, hundreds of "friends" and to be told how wonderful their life is...Social media has turned us into insecure drones. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the escape while my kids are tuned into something that doesn't involve my name or using my body as a jungle gym.

We find out more information about our loved ones online then we do any other way. We see what each others lives has become, and where it lacks. We hold no secrets and yet we also hide behind the perception that we are perfect, take perfect pictures, only post "nice" things about our family life and leave the rest untouched by truth.

In this house, I can say the truth is, We are all very loud, we yell...whether mad or happy, we are always yelling. Our neighbors must think we are the most insane people ever, WE NEVER hear them unless they are in the back yard and yet...their 3 cars are always in the drive way. I swear Neighboring Soldier boy Has no MOS. hahaha.
We Love deep so that means we fight hard.
We have 2 girls and thats a whole lot of attitude. It astonishes me what comes out of their super tiny bodies.
The 3 kids can be down right mean to each other, but at the same time, always have to kiss each other goodnight, big hugs and I love Yous to go around.
Matt and I bicker...stupid stuff, but then always seem to work it out. I get mad, punch "toward" him a few times and he just stands there, "like Ok, like that tiny fist can do real damage" Waiting for me to get over it, stop over reacting, pull back my temp and walk away....OH WAIT THATS WHERE MY GIRLS GET IT FROM ;)
The boy~ Well...mamas boy for sure, but man is he go go go go and scrappy. Seriously mini Matt, he doesn't ever stop and then does a 1000 things all at once.
MY KIDS DRIVE ME insane. So yes I do hide now and then through out the day to re-compose my mama mode. Pull sanity back to me and go again. I love my life, I love my kids, I love Matt, I love our Family, I love our life style. But I will not pretend that life is a perfectly beautiful budding Garden of peace and enchantment. People lets get real.
If we spent more time in the real world and not trying to show the world the glories of Parenthood and marriage and life in general, maybe Things would be different.
We should never strive for perfect, because then you will always be disappointed. Strive for Happiness instead.


Parenthood, Isn't all about dressing up our "dolls" and toting them around like beautiful little packages, knowing good and well, that eventually that doll is going to poop so bad it runs up her back and through the dainty little outfit you prized so much.
That 8 out of 10 burps will involve puke. That will involve a change of clothes for everyone or into your hair when your shower is still hours away...
A trip to the park with your toddler means MANY heart attacks about where they are playing. Its more work while at the park then getting ready to go to the park.
School mornings mean, early mornings, fights over outfits, hair thats too knotted up and kids who refuse to eat more then one bite of a healthy much needed breakfast.
Bedtimes means Hearing your name called 20 times for little things like " My blankets Not covering my feet" or they can not reach that Toy thats 4 inches from their legs.
Getting into the Car means fits over who sits where, and taking 10 minutes just to buckle in.
Massive amounts of home work for kids who are 5 and 6 years old.
Worrying CONSTANTLY but we know that never goes away ;)
Potty training is a nightmare, and laundry piles up everyday everywhere.
If you don't buy multiples of the same things, its Utter Chaos.
Meal time everyone wants something different (not that thats excepted in this house, but it doesn't stop the complaints)
Sharing is the Hardest thing when it comes to siblings....apparently in their handbook, it just doesnt work that way.
Theres Confusion ALL the time.
BUT then something happens...You notice the kids looking to see if you are watching them do a cool trick they learned. You hear them sing songs verse for verse. They Make you a hand made card when they are supposed to be in bed sleeping, not drawing.
The quickly blown kiss from the bus window, before anyone else sees.
The pride in school made projects.
The random kiss on the cheek or distance run just for a hug.
The rare moment they just help clean up or get excited every time they are making their bed, on their own better and better each time.
The moment they say " you made the best mommy" at dinner instead of crying that its green and not pink noodles this time.
The moment toys are shared without asking and they are playing all together nicely with no one left out crying.
Those moments...though, few and far between, help us parents out.
Parenthood is hard work, not for everyone, worth every moment of Crazy and painful moments.
For us, We couldn't erase all the hard parts, because then these good parts wouldn't be so loved and Cherished.
It goes for life in general too, not just for us parents.
If everything was easy, what would we long for? work for? hope for?

Sure, things surely have changed from the quiet of my bedroom floor to the chaos of Lunchtime in the Decker house hold.

Sure, I do not always look like I used to, Don't always get a chance to straighten my hair...and I have literally forgotten what it feels like to wear foundation (not just because of time limits but because I choose not to wear the awful stuff) Im no where near as Tan as I should be.
However, I have pieces of me that are so wonderful, Emily, Sophia and Ryan. And taking care of them, and my husband...Makes wearing Sweats n Simply mascara and lip stain, well worth it all~

From babes

PLEASE EXCUSE SOPHIES MORNING BED HEAD. As per our routine, Breakfast time means Processor time. On while watching some tunes, and eating a lil something. Never lasts too long, but the point for now is to get her nerves exposed to sound as often as possible. I have been on the Phone again this week with Docs, trying to get our referral for closer Therapy into the system. So Aural Therapy has not begun yet. An update for Sophies success is that she still hates it. Fights me, cries, hides to take it off, hides it under things. We've had success with her wearing them out in public so much hasnt changed. Im sure once therapy begins her perception will change. Maybe even as she sees the wonderful skins (aka stickers) Her Great Aunt Pam got for her will make her seem more interested in them. They arrived yesterday and as per Pams request We let sophie open the envelope they came in. She pulled them out and looked confused...and then excited. Thinking they were just cool big stickers. lol. Im sure. She peeled them off and I put them on the processor which seemed to take forever. But they look darn cute. Baby steps in the hearing world. baby steps.


Last night tho I could not shut my mind down for bed. It took me way long even after some allergy meds (which usually knocks me out)before I fell asleep. Not to mention Sophie getting up a few times. I swear if Im thinking about her, In the same moment I will hear her yell or cry because she woke up with something out of place. Im not kidding.
But the Reason I was thinking about Sophie last night, had a lot to do with something I experienced via facebook that day. Which caused me to think about Different kinds of Sign language, and how we do not really consider ourselves to use a specific type yet. Meaning, Often we use ASL, but we also include helping words and in Exact English Form, where we sign the same word we are speaking. In ASL, of course Word placement As Ive blogged before is different, much like when you learn Spanish.
Deaf community as Ive been told refers to that as pigeon signing.
Yet, in true form of being a child, untainted by meanings, and propaganda Sophie has oddly enough Shown me something incredible.
Sophie uses real ASL~ She puts the on before the shoe. the Shopping before the go. Dad before Where. Not every sign is perfect, not every sign right, but oh my goodness. How funny, that For me...Im stuck in my wanting to use the,this,is,it because I sign and talk at the same time. But because Sophie only signs, she doesnt add in the,is, or it. She understands her Language as the community sees it, with out ever knowing anyone from that world. How coooooool. Last night I thought about the sentences she uses, the format she does it in, and the results I give her.
All these little tells, moves me into more and more believing that Sophie is comfortable in who she is. And its OUR JOB to make sure that continues. Her not wanting to wear her hearing device has prompted her to WANT TO SIGN MORE! N Communicate well. Even Ryan is picking up other signs now and using them.

Communication! Communication is KEY! But what if you were missing a sense that allows for you to communicate with everyone? After all it is said that our sense of hearing allows us to gather, process, and interpret.We use sound to acknowledge what is around us. Sound triggers memories, waves in sensations. Can keep us safe by warning us whats coming or whats near.Right? All important. All needed. But not essential. I feel. Sure i'd miss the heck out of my hearing should I loose it. But If I put myself in Sophies personal situation, I can see why the immediate change in what she hears can be off putting.
For argument sake I understand why doctors in the ENT field will push said Cochlear Implants, and other hearing devices on Families with Very young children. I understand the mind is a sponge the younger we are. And that Sound helps our Brain to function in multiple ways. Learning to listen sparks brain cells, memory, and expands the brain capacity. The more information you obtain the more you hold right?
I read something recently that Its not all about SOUND for children who are deaf. Sound is not going to make their brain Bigger, them smarter or their Capacity to retain information greater. its COMMUNICATION that is going to do that. Learning How to relate things, understand things, LANGUAGE~ I've heard every spew about how extremely important language is for Sophie. Language to communicate, to gain knowledge, to grow, to understand, to progress. All referring to the spoken language. BUT I BEG to differ. As my life continues to see Sophies progress right before my eyes. Through Sign language, shes expanding her knowledge, shes learning, shes retaining information, shes bright, and funny. I didnt teach her that Egg is to bird. Yet When I signed egg the other night she signed Bird. I didnt teach her Fish is to water, but with Sign language and relation, and absorption, and using her other senses...She knows that, and can tell me that.
In the animal World. Many mammals are born without the sense of hearing. In fact its the VERY LAST sense to develop. Meanwhile, the tiny furry newborns thrive, grow, learn and take in tons of knowledge before week 3 when the sense of sound starts to open up. Animals Again later in life can loose their hearing, We take pity on them...but really they are just fine. A horse with less or no hearing goes about his Horse life perfectly happy. adapting. Progressing, Successful, less timid. Still graceful, galloping, trotting and prancing along. Still enjoys the wind in his hair as he runs and plays. Still loves. Still understands. Thats my Sophie!

IF Only we werent so obstructed by the hearing world.

If only I too had gone with my gut. And my gut the night before and the morning of the surgery. Sophie wouldnt have this giant lump on her. She would touch the side of her ear and sign "I dont know". She wouldnt hate the processor. If we had waited a few more years...Letting her make that decision.
AS of right now, in her 3 year old mind, her deafness is freedom, her hearing device is punishment. If she didnt feel that way, she wouldnt run covering her ear at the site of me picking it up to turn the battery on.

Other people have their opinions of it. her reactions, her fits about it. Have hopes for her liking it, using it, needing it. All I want is her to decide whats right. Shes happy as is, we are happy when shes happy. Love her for her. N all in all, thats what we hold onto. We are not holding onto hope that shes gonna use it, we are holding on to her! Following her. Obviously she knows whats right for her already, hence her crafty ASLING skills. ;)


FROM THE MOUTH OF BABES right? In her Case From the Hands! Children, deaf, hearing, blind, anything amaze me in what they know...its US adults who loose the sense of MIND as we age. Maybe, we should listen to a child more often!

Just A Friday Ramble

The Truth about my life is that theres only 2 ways it goes. Either, im extremely busy, ready to pull my hair out, or having a great time. With my Blessed Family Or Im Way bored. Ready to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Not that my kids really let me do that. Lord Knows if Sophie Sees my Eyes closed she pokes me till they are opened. Ryan, will crawl on me and get inches from my nose talking, or Emily notoriously Says "mom, mom, mom...I want...or I have to...or When dad gets home..." Going on and on and On. In fact As Im sitting here typing away, shes talking my ear off. About what? Lets see, About how Jesse has taught her a Funny laugh (not sure how a puppy does that) and About her Future Bike, and what shes going to name it, and telling the story of what shes gonna do with it. Oh Wait now theres a Dragon with a large tongue involved in her Bike story....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA seriously gotta love this girls story telling. Its always an Adventure. I would expect nothing less for the mere fact shes a Decker. Our kids without Killer Imaginations, gift of Gab, and Quirkiness would mean EACH CHILD HAD BEEN SWITCHED AT BIRTH...hahaha in the Hospital with someone elses Newborn ;) ;) Little Girls and life means, magic and well lets be real, A WHOLE LOT OF ATTITUDE. Never easy. They like to keep everyone on their toes. They are sweet...then Sour with demands and melt downs. Dramatic! Exciting! But See For me...Its another mini me. Im used to seeing Barbie dolls naked n laying around. Nail polish on finger nails, and tutus in the bottom draws of Dressers. Emily Goes around belting out Made up Songs (who does that sound like thehehe)Sophie Stays up long hours at night in her room, making herself laugh n laying in Odd positions (again who does that sound like) The Two of them Are Constantly FIghting. One uping each other n taking revenge in many forms. Sophies resorts to first taking a prize possession of Emilys and using her body to cover it up....Emily Hits, then Sophie hits back, then they throw things...its a whirl wind of backsies. Yelling Doesnt work, Splitting them up...nope. Punishing...never lasts. UGHHHHHHHHH. Right!? But my girls, are amazing. They Do love each other I know. And Our Precious and funny, and Beautiful, NOT FRAGILE. Despite all the Drama our Lives brings, all the moving we've done, and friends we've left or lost. Emilys Bond with Her sister was made greater by Sign language. I feel as tho its a Bond that will last always as lets face it. Many people Wont learn Sign. Let alone Understand it. N it will become the Sister Language between the two as they grow. Really Its so fun being able to say something with no one else understanding what is said. I remember Growing up And trying to create a language with Friends. Having Note books we'd pass between us and write in code, in cirlces or by skipping lines and then writing Right to left. Having "dear Diary" before Text messaging was a thing. Giga pets before Angry Birds, and Making sure our friends didnt forget to feed and play with it so it didnt die. Being a Girl in Awesome. Taking Pride in ourselves is key to our beauty! Even Last night when I got my hair done it felt awesome hearing from the Stylist that I have Great Hair, in Amazing Condition, both when its wet and Dry. Well HELLO!!!! ;) My hair has always been taken care of well, despite all the crap Ive done to it, the colours its been, the cuts Ive had done, the braiding, twisting, pony wearing, heat taking hair of mine. Those of you who have known me a long time would remember the 8th grade Graduation Roast. When I was Forced to not only wear wood blocks under my shoes for height as I danced in a circle but also to wear A multi colored curly clown wig!!! 7th grade is when my hair obsession truly began...so it was only Fitting. THANKS AUNT PENNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now whats different, even though I grew up with all brothers, and surrounded only by my male cousins at the time, is having a little boy of my own. Polar opposite from his sisters altho Now and Then I catch him sporting one...just one Princess Dress up heel on. But he always trips and falls in it and crys then flings it across the room out of anger. ANGER!!!! Is what Ryan is most known for, and in essence is his fathers SON for sure. Matt calls him bypolar...I call him Mini Matt. ;) He is soft and Cuddly one minute and then passive aggressive the next. Im used to it 8 years later in my relationship with Matt, so Ryan...BRING IT ON!!!!! ;) Ryan is an awesome kid, even tho He refuses to say "mama". He will say lots of others, even DADA, n DADDY! The Brat. He says Jesse, sissy, Go, stop, I got it, I get it, I did it. WHos there, Who Did it. Will laugh funny on cue. Takes direction well, and Makes us All laugh. Cute as a button! Loves his sisters, But they do fight with him. He takes it to heart most times and comes running to me with big croc tears, gets some lovin' n back to taking the absuse. Its a vicous Cycle! I can not believe How quickly our year here and Washington is going as it Will be 1 full year in June. Meaning July Ryan will be 2. It feels just like yesterday we were Celebrating his 1st birthday in our Washington Apt in Lacey. WHile He doesnt sign many words just yet, Like Sophie he is understanding them. He is closer to Soph then To Emily, and When Soph is upset he likes to be in her face babbling and showing her affection. He LOVES his sisters. How much hes grown tho makes me weepy haha. No more Crib, or high chair for him, the bottles been long gone. he tells me to change his diaper. Watches the entire Beethoven 2 when I put it on, and Laughs at all the right funny spots. Just BIG! Even tho He is still only 23 pounds, And I have him in onesies. Even tho hes only in the 27%tile in height....Hes BIG! Hes Smart, Hes BIG! hes My big boy. I love having a little Boy, Im So thankful to be blessed with him. As I love watching him take his trucks from the toy box, place them right on the Floor and "drive" them all over the livingroom and dinningrooms as fast as he can. How he will lay his head on the floor with his Tush up and PLay with his Jungle animals. I have to say It warms my heart Finding Match box cars Everywhere in the house. I even laugh when I find them in my spice drawer and the dishwasher bahahaha. (he gets into everything)THankfully I havent had the priviledge of smelling Melted Race car, so the Oven thankfully hasnt been blessed with his little cars yet!! Hopefully never will! He carries them with him usually 2 in one hand. It just makes me smile! My kids are my life. And I wouldnt have them any other way. Nothing different, nothing Changed, nothing! I only want them happy. The Best they can be, within the Journey they want to take. Living life for Joy, and Love and Success in their terms, not the terms of the World. Or My own for them. My Job, is to keep them safe, Teach them right from Wrong, Set the course of Faith, and then Let them Fly (hopefully not too far from me) but with even wing span to take them where ever their hearts desire. To Nurture, but not smother. Be supportive and Loving. Help them grow to be good citizens and Followers of Christ. In which case Matt and I would have done our Jobs well! Matt has been So amazing to us. Providing for us. Building us up. Supportive in everyway he can. From Money to Mind. Hes is always behind me in my crazy tactics, or ideas. Hes Allowed me to Be the one to Move us place to place. Pretty much saying "happy wife happy life" ;) With out him being my support thru all our battles I wouldnt be the Becci I am today. I would have lost my the Voice I only gained when becoming a mom...( I am mama Hear me roar) He lets me say what I mean, and mean what I say. And has my back, or calms me down when My fighter comes out. SUre we fight, we ignore and annoy each other...then we find each other again. Most times, fights last 10 minutes (after I win of course) before we are playing chinese checkers again or YATZEEEEE, or hes asking him to make him a snack! And Im asking him to crack open a beer! hahahahahaha For me not him! hes not really into Drinking. We are truly each other Ying to the Yang ;) Its Love! What can I say. There are times I do wish we could have seen the future. Known what we know now, or Learn what we are about to endure, But Its True that To know the Future would mean we'd be fearful! N You can not live life Fearful. Then there Are moments I wish we could go back to, have do overs. But then that would Change the entire Coarse we've been walking the present with. So What good would that do? In Hinde Site...Now knowing Sophies True Reaction to the Machine in her head...Matt and I both now agree We should have waited till it was her decision. But the pressure of family and society Got to us. It is what it is now. N thats ok! We are working on her accepting it. Its Not any task, and At night Sometimes I go to bed feeling defeated. But We pray. and Start again the next day. its ALl you really can do right? Pray! Prayer has Power. Prayer guides Faith. Faith Gives strength.

If I could turn back time... ;)

If I were to think back ohhhh 15+ years And think about the kind of childhood I experienced it would make me sad.
Not sad because it was a bad childhood, it wasnt. Sad, because Kids these days have no desire to just BE. They seem to always be on the move, and as their mini skirts get shorter, so does the age it starts to show more leg. Video games rule the house, they all have cell phones, and gagets of sorts.
Seems a bit..boring

I spent the better half of my years, pretty much OUTSIDE. From the first house in Monroe NY where my own memories began, to the "schoolhouse" in Howells, where we LIVED on our trampoline, and stayed out till late playing "man hunt". At that point Computers had been in circulation in homes, internet had been already underway, and social media, with AOL AIM and angelfire in full gear.My first email was to hotmail.com and I changed my screenname as often as the seasons. So it wasnt like we were lacking in Technology, we just prefered to be...off-line

Simple times, and pleasurable times. We couldnt wait for school to end to take turns wrestling on the trampoline. We enjoyed our summers in pools and went to county fairs, for the rides, not to just "bump" into other friends...only to then stand around Trying to look cool, by looking like we werent into all the fair activities, petting zoos and snacks.

Sure, I started wearing makeup at 10 years old, coloring my hair in 7th grade, sported a jean mini skirt or two to the mall "trying" to look older then I was, but barely ever pulling that look off. Regardless, I still liked to get down and dirty in grass and mud.

So maybe Im not the coolest mom on the Block. My kids do not HAVE ANY video games, phones, ipads, leap frogs, computer access, of any kind. When they do get a hold of ours...it amazes me that they even understand how to work it most of the time. Like technology is hardwired into this new generations DNA some how. A medical phenomena, clearly.
For my kids long for the out doors, to run a muck in the grass, roll down the hills, and trips to the beach...where here in Washington you must first hike thru trails of wooded areas to get to. They love to skip rocks, and crawl in the sand.

UGH it has dawned on me that Im the old mom now these days. Nothing cool here, except that I enstill my own "OLD SOUL" atributes into my kids.
Because I dont want them to be the kids that I see now who Have no clue, who Kevin Bacon is? Or understand that Footloose they saw in thearters was re-made. That True love Novels Like Sense and Sensibility were meant to be read with care and time. Who ponder the name Jane Austen.
Kids these days have no clue what real movies, books and shows are. They think "the Breakfast Club" are where Dorks meet at school for in the mornings, The Goonies is a type of Candy, and That "bed Knob and Broomsticks" are something you just would find in their grandmothers basement.

Who look confused if you belt out "just a spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down" or "how do you catch a Cloud and pin it down"

Have no clue Where the saying "everytime a bell rings an Angel gets his wings" started from. this is my Fav scene From "its a wonderful life"

Or that Tammy and The Bachelor Had a series of movies.
Or that Elvis Presley once had a time in his life where we was a hunky movie star. Or that Wearing LAYERS of clothes, shoulder pads and side pony tails and big hair was once sexy.

Before there was Glee there was the Vontrap

and Partridge family.
Before Harry Potter there was Star Wars...ORIGINAL Star Wars.
Before 90210 was anerexic there was Tori Spelling and Jason Priestly
Before Bratz there was Clueless

Before Video games and internet to "help" children with skills there was playing outside and Sesame Streets Count dracula.

My childhood was awesome. I turned out just fine. Im a proud 80s/90s girl. And hope to keep my kids memories simple, wonderful, and full of more family face time, then IMing time. ;)


I can not rewind time, I cant wish for life to be different for my kids, but I can aid their old time souls to always be visuable from with in.



Happy March readers. LET SPRING COME NOW~

Sophies Implant story Part 1: The Beginning

Ive been holding back this post for days now. Unsure of what I really wanted to share. Unsure if I should share. But of course, Here I am writting. Tho Im sure as today is hectic, Ill be leaving it unfinished for a while and wont post it until later.

Bare with me friends...




As Most of my readers are aware of, Sophie had her Cochlear implant surgery on the left ear. February 16th. It was a Thursday. Done By Dr. Crawford, Pediatrics ENT surgeon at Madigan Army Medical Center, here at Fort Lewis WASHINGTON.
We Opted to go with Advanced Bionics, and two separate processors, The NEW NEPTUNE (Sophia is the first Child in The Seattle Metro Area who will be fitted for this specific Processor,which is kind of cool) as well as the 2nd processor the Much loved Harmony.
We had Pre-op on Feb 13th A Monday early in the morning. Quick and easy minus a Sophie melt down while waiting.
Matt Had taken 2 weeks off of Leave for this surgery and to be here for her healing process, THANK THE LORD. This was his actual FIRST TIME ever taking time off from ANY JOB (besides a few days here and there for Child Births or PCSing with the Army) Hes got this last full week with us, and its been WONDERFUL having him home, truly sad that he will be going back to a regular schedule, cuz Ive been spoiled with him home 24/7.

I had been doing my best to prepare Sophie for her upcoming event but, how do you explain something so serious to a little 3 year old. Showed her the neptune booklet, which eventually that same day got torn to shredds by her...."heres your sign" yeppppp
I also was preparing Emily in the same manner, showing her pictures, explaining whats about to happen, and why wrestling and rough housing will be limited for a few weeks after. Why Sophie would be in pain and so forth.

The day finally came, I actually did sleep a good few hours, just enough to make me get thru the day. The alarm went off at 5am, I was up by 530 lol. Got myself ready in peace, warmed up the van and waited till the very last 10 minutes before we had to leave to make sure, the thought of her morning routine wasnt really in her sleepy mind...aka FOOOOOOOOD~ as of course she wasnt allowed to eat for 12 hours before the surgery. Of course, she woke up easy, perky and ready to get her shoes on. She asked me once to eat while we were driving the 10 minutes to the hospital. So I tried to distract her thoughts with the "face mask" the nurse gave her at Pre-op to make the going to sleep part not as scary...I pointed out cars, and Soldiers running for PT, formations of Soldiers in front of medical companies and had her dancing to some beats in the car...COURSE the beats she can feel. As she LOVES music and LOVES to dance.
We parked in a very empty lot. Close to pediatrics yet far from surgery. PURPOSELY. Text my Jackie as I was enjoying the fact she text me bright and early and was thinking of Sophia on her crazy day.
We made the long walk across the hospital Sophia was a peach, pointing at the photos of water, and ships, birds and such that madigan had hanging in the wall, waving at every worker who walked by. Smiles...SMILES...more SMILES.....That I had a gut feeling were not going to stick around.
And I was right, not even 2 seconds after walking into PRE-OP the same place she pitched a Sophie melt Down 2 days before SHE STARTED TO MELT DOWN AGAIN. Pulling me from exit to exit, throwing pamphlets and Didnt even want to go in the childrens waiting room where more children were watching a Disney Movie. I wasnt allowed to sit, and she now gave the stink EYE to every passer byer. Once her name was called and we had to walk out the exit...she was fine, thinking that was easy, but not realizing we had a new room to enter to dress her in a gown. I walked with her thru that door and again.......MONSTER SOPHIE SPRUNG INTO ACTION. At the sign in window I warned the ladies that she was in a mood and Being WAY LOUD. Something thats hard to get under control.
MY SMART LITTLE DRAMA QUEEN KNEW SOMETHING WAS ABOUT TO HAPPEN, LIFE WOULD BE CHANGING, and that she would be coming out a new...and pain filled Sophie. Right away they had us change in the room...this is the product of that activity

As you can see she was not having the gown. To the fact I left her own pants on. Didnt even both putting the hospital ones on. Tried to calm her down before we walked out of the cubby hole. BUT>> that didnt work. The lady was nice tho and calm, just said "you have to remember we have other people around".....Well Im sorry but NO SHIT...shes more then welcome to take a crack at it. We opted to stay in the locker area instead of the waiting room with other patients. Two of whom were young kids waiting for their own surgery. When a little boys turn came to change, and Sophie was freaking out he came in and looked at her and got upset right away, refusing to change. I explained how its different for her, that she cant hear, and just feels that shes about to experience something she doesnt understand, but his damn grandmother just gave me the most evil look. IF ONLY I CAUGHT THAT WITH A PICTURE....It was ICE COLD.
The Nurse then said. "well stay here in this room, Ill give you a wheelchair to sit down with her" Sophie hopped up on that thing and calmed down. Her notorious finger pacifier went right to her mouth, as she hummed and pointed from locker to locker, We signed numbers together, and counted. I gave her a pen and paper to help pass the time. We had already been at the hospital since 645am!~ YEP 645 AM~~~

Funny enough when Doctor Crawford came into see her and explain whats next to me. SHE WAS ALLLLLLLLLLLL SMILES and nice to him. Everyone else including me kept getting shunned by her, but ohhhh no, not him. Maybe that was a good sign. We waited a tab more before Anesth. Doc came in. By then she was up off the chair and playing with the locker locks. The Gentle man explained everything again I said "all I care about is making sure you take GOOD CARE OF MY BABY" He said "of course I have 4 of my own, I will take great care of her dont worry, it will be over in roughly 2 or 2and half hours" Picked Sophie up after I kissed her sweet face and she walked away in his arms QUIETLY~IT WAS 8:03am by then.
I COULD NOT BARE THE THOUGHT OF GOING TO THE WAITING ROOM AT THAT MOMENT. in fact my legs wouldnt let me. So I wandered the halls, grabbed 2 separate cups of coffee, text a little when I got service

After an hour of walking I found my place in the waiting room. Watched as call after call to the families waiting came into the waiting room. Thought it was strange that more then 75% of "come see the patient surgery is over and they are awake" came via calls to the waiting room, instead of a nurse or doctor coming....But leave it to a military hospital to fore-go bedside manner.
I read a few old mags, and actually Saw some great articles like "the snob diet" which was an interesting read, and made perfect sense. to the Latest worst and best dressed in life and style.

was texting and texting and texting and was glad to do so, It was helping more so much. My leg however, that has this odd twitch to it ever since my csection, was GOING BONKERS, My leg kept finching and popping up at odd moments, so I just kept them swinging While I sat...HAHAH PERKS OF BEING SHORT in a chair.

FINALLLLLLLLY longer then I thought surgery would go, Dr. Crawford came and got me. Said that she did wonderful, she didnt give them problems before hand, and that the cord went into her Cochlea just fine. The Only issue was that her skin is thin, so the implant was sticking out some, leaving a larger then "average" bump on the side of her head, right behind her ear. And....that while waking up she was a bit, well SOPHIE. I dropped my purse when I saw her, grabbed her and sat with her. Her eyes closed and her whining. Pulling at the ear cover that had to band across her forehead. She was wiggling, and crying, and punching me in the head, then holding me tight. then punching me again and ripped off her ear cover 3 times. BY THE 3rd she chucked it so far, WE COULD NOT FIND IT. Come to find out, they were waiting, and didnt give her any pain meds. Untill I said plz give her something...which then took 10 minutes to do so, resulting in my own pony tail then pulling pulled to the side and FRIZZ everywhere. As soon as that med was in her IV, down she went....and slept. THANK THE LORD.
An hr into recovery discharge papers were signed. Replacement ear covers gotten and the nurse even went to the pharmacy for me and got the meds we needed for her at home. She was set into a wheel chair and we got walked out to the VAN. THANK GOODNESS WE ONLY LIVE 10 mins away as she was insane. MAD. and I was nervous she'd start pulling at her ear again. especially since she still refused to where the ear piece. BUT WE MADE IT HOME. TIP TOP SHAPE. but her sad and hurting. She cuddled right on my lap on the sofa and We sat and sat and sat, she slepted a little. N I got a few good shots of her boo boo

MY POOOOOOOOOOOOOR baby. But at least she didnt get stitches, they used Skin glue instead.
We decided to spend the rest of the day and night in my room. Just she and I and the bed and TV. And there we camped for about 16 hours straight. The next day she was in better spirits. NOT WONDERFUL, but wonderful enough to ask me to give her a bath. She ate half a pain dry bagel, a few go-gurts and the only problem she gave me was taking the codiene. Guess it taste is gross. Later that day I noticed her cheek and temple BLOWN UP, very swollen, and called in the Doctor tho they were closed for training, the emergency line was open, she told me shes page him and he'd call......BUT I NEVER GOT A CALL.

this is as good as she would let me get of her face swelled up

But regardless she was feeling better, she pretty much stayed in her room watching Scooby doo all day, OVER AND OVER, to her liking, its her fav new thing. But I insisted on having her sleep in my room again with me. So Emily and Daddy camped in the livingroom on the pull out bed.
She pretty much slept thru the second night. Which wasnt the case the 1st night, she was up and up and up and watched Disney for hrs. as I tried to snooze and she'd bust me in my face for having my eyes closed...yep she hates to let me sleep while shes up alone.
But we made it thru. After 2 nights we let her sleep in her room. She got up after 3am and sooooo gently and cute(ly) pointed to her ear, and made a confused sad face...indicating pain. Took her meds, turned on scooby AGAIN FOR HER then she eventually drifted back to sleep.
Here we are MONDAY, shes jumping around, didnt take any pain meds today, tho I tried to give her some. She danced and roller skated, played with the new puppy Jesse and has adjusted well. Swelling went down some and she even went out Yard saling with us this weekend. Emily understands to take it easy, though has to be reminded at some moments. But has shown affection and i love you signs all weekend to her sissy. Ryans clueless but ha thats ok. he wont remember any of this.
Our Appointment in Seattle for her Activation is scheduled for March 15th as of right now....

ITs been a long few days, Im a bit overwhelmed. Still not team implant, but who knows that could change. Im sad I put her thru the drama and pain. and CONFUSION mostly. But IM SO GLAD ITS ALL OVER. I still have concerns about the implant being in there. What about her loving to wrestle, and playing baseball (her fav sport) what if she wants to play soccer. the risks are extremely high of taking a shot to the head. DOES THIS CHANGE A LOT OF ACTIVE POSSIBLITIES FOR MY BABY. my sporty, tom boyish baby girl??????????
Ill always have something that concerns me...I know, but they only thing that was limiting her was NOT hearing before. AND NOW....it seems to be more limiting having this THING in her head.
I just cant seem to find any peace in it, AT ALL.

But at least she is ok. It went well, shes getting better, and feeling herself again...beautiful and funny as always

Birthday treats.

HAPPY birthday Sophie. My happy girl. my Funny girl. My princess. Rockstar...break dancer. Beautiful, smarty pants bright star. You fill our lives with joy, laughter and love. You keep us on our toes and have taught us much. Youre a great sister and amazing Daughter. We love you so much and can not believe you are 3 already. Stay sweet forever, always be you.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU Sophie Ge-ge.

Saw this and found it so cute

If You Give a Mom a Muffin


If you give a mom a muffin,

She’ll want a cup of coffee to go with it.

So she’ll pour herself some.

The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.

She’ll wipe it up.



Wiping the floor, she will find some dirty socks.

She’ll remember she has to do some laundry.

When she puts the laundry in the washer,

She’ll trip over some snow boots and bump into the freezer.

Bumping into the freezer will remind her she has to plan supper for tonight.



She will get out a pound of hamburger.

She’ll look for her cookbook. (101 Things To Make With a Pound of

Hamburger.)

The cookbook is sitting under a pile of mail.

She will see the phone bill which is due tomorrow.

She will look for the checkbook.



The checkbook is in her purse that is being dumped out by her two year old.

She’ll smell something funny.

She’ll change the two year old.

While she is changing the two year old the phone will ring. (Of course!)

Her five year old will answer it and hang up.



She remembers that she wants to phone a friend to come over for coffee on

Friday.

Thinking of coffee will remind her that she was going to have a cup.

She will pour herself some.

And chances are,

If she has a cup of coffee,

Her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.



Written by Kathy Fictorie

Based on If You Give a Mouse a Cookie

.

All I meant~

Lets talk.

Have you ever wondered about epiphanies?
How they happen? what triggers the thought?
For me it happens in my writing. Even sometimes amist Chaos and confusion as I have my two little kids fighting over my middle lap space.

I love that 2011 has been such a growing process for my family and I. I love what we have learned about each of our children. Seeing them grow and discover. Even during the rough, all I want to do is sleep through this terrible experience moments, I can find that glimmer of thankful reality.

In my last blog I spoke about individualities and creating an environment based of nurturing the spirit more then mind. I spoke about my feelings toward the harsh methods among the educational system in place for my daughter Sophia.
I today realized in a conversation that while my statements came off harsh on the education system. I also meant what I said.
Yes my child is different, needs assistance, needs more things. Not just my child, not just her difference. When I say I meant what I said about also understand that I do support the system in place. I understand the dynamics. I know the reasoning behind the grading and placing and calculating. I understand the purpose of having a chart of milestones as guidelines. I do. I do~ Its pretty simple to understand.
So again my speaking about it, is about MY FEELINGS. Im not saying do away with the system. Im not saying its uncalled for. But What I am saying. Is that to me...again to me....the word "evaluation" is just a pretty way of saying "we are comparing".
So for me. A mom who knows her daughter is deaf. Who knows she has lots to learn and catch up on, who feels like her disablity isnt as limiting as others are. For a mother who loves Sophie just the way she is. Having a system that technically COMPARES my daughter to the "norm" bothers me.
But its my opinion. Its my fight with in me.
granted. State to state guidelines are pretty different and San Bernadino County California, did not have a separate education milestone chart for disabilites, or for the deaf, so her comparisions are made against Average hearing children. TELL ME WHERE THAT IS FAIR.
At the same time. Because I feel theres nothing WRONG with Sophie or her being deaf, the need for special intervention....well. thats for a another blog. THe point is my epiphany in all this is that, while we adored Sophies intervention teachers in California, I realized. As soon as we STOPPED intervention for our move...BAM she was communicating up a storm. She has COME miles since we stopped intervention, literally ;). She is signing more then ever. Expressing more then ever. And If I were to tally up her "abilities" on a milesstone report sheet. The only ones missing are verbal. She can now tell me, what she wants. Where something is, go find something when I ask her. Point stuff out. PLays pretend, EVEN BARKS when its a Dog shes pretending to be. She can put her shoes on, she can undress herself, tell me when she needs to go potty or be changed from a pull-up. Tells me when shes tired and ready for bed. What Movie she wants to watch. So...yes. My feeling my daughter is a typical well rounded average little almost 3 year old is correct. But Education institues COUNT on paper work. And because shes deaf, and it is a Disablity she needs IFSP plan to attend schools and receive SSI. and to be seen by special pediatric clinics.
We are all God's children and should be treated as such.
with "AVERAGE" kids You dont see their parents being sat down and told what to do for them, to them, with them. They dont get to hear what to expect,or about any problems unless they are in school and the issue is out of control.
Maybe Im reaching to far out on this one. But hopefully you see my point.
I love my daughter. I love all my kids. I love EVERY child. special needs or not. Im going to respect them, as I am teaching my children to respect them as well.

Its kind of Spooky that...

This last week of October Dragged on~ Seriously

I was having huge anxiety about things in general and really feeling the tug of Home sickness! Missing everyone, everything, the sites. Feeling sorry for ourselves that we keep missing all the things our friends are going through. Not being there to celebrate with them, not even there to join in on the Chaos of an October Winter Storm. I was sad.

We began talking about Middletown. Orange County. Getting out of Army and moving back home. Thinking about what we can do professionally to get us there, keep us there and raise our family where we were raised. The benefits. The Joy of being around friends, and not being stuck at home all the time, surrounded by very unkind people~
Jobs of course was the biggest question...And as we planned our 2013 return home. The Home sickness started to wear off. The memories of struggling more then now, flooded in. The Family Issues I have flooded in. The busy, crime ridden, and BUSY thoughts came back. The thought of the price of living came back. And the more we talked about going back, the more we talked ourselves right back out of it.
I miss my friends and their kids more then anything. I so wish I could see their kids growing up with mine. And If The Lord wants us back in O.C to stay for good. Then I suppose thats where we will wind up. And it will all work out as it should. 2013 is super far away. But re-enlistment time isnt that far and a decision needs to be made.
I think the home sickness has a lot to do with the fact we have now reached the longest point we have ever been away from good Ole Mcity. Before the army. We stayed the longest in Sumner Iowa,right before I was preggers with Em. We had been gone literally 13 and 3/4th months. Here we are now in NOVEMBER (praise the Lord) one month shy of a year and half away from New York. A nice long Visit is in desprite need for darn sure.
I cant help but wonder, would we make it for our family if we did MOVE back there?




Well for now we are in Washington. And going to make the best of it, by just keeping us busy. Ive decided that if I cant make friends,(and not for lack of trying) then getting kids into activities and sports to fill up the empty time, is the most wonderful thing to do. Thinking, Ballet, Gymnastics and Music classes. Plus soon enough Sophies Therapies will be starting up and thats going to be an adventure all by itself. Im excited for her, and nervous all at the same time.
So On this Thoughtful Tuesday, Im welcoming November with a Vanilla Creme Coffee and maybe a trip out and about.

The Kids had a fantastic time trick or treating. Though Ryan was fiesty and yelling and whining the whole time. They wore the wrong shoes and wouldnt let us switch them, resulting in sore toes for Sophie. Who barely let me touch her last night to help her along. She was in some kind of Weird mooooood. We went to the other side of post for it. But I left a Halloween bowl on Treats on my porch being held by our Ghostly friend and covered in the webs. When we got home, the bowl was there, but no treats thank Goodness~ ;) I had to do our part. INstead of being one of those non participating homes here on this post. Again, I say people here, not so cool. Not so friendly. The Crowds were....ehhh not that big all night...and few houses actually were handing out treats. Meanwhile If I look back last year at my Tinks during Halloween. I remember having to Have Sophie in the stroller with Ryan, and the crowds being so thick. AND EVERY HOUSE IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD, made sure to leave treats, or leave someone to hand out treats. Come on its a Military post, you would think, it was a given. Guess one can never truly be satisfied by the place they live. Always going to complain about something right? For me with Irwin it was Ladies and their gossip bitchyness, and being FAR from life lol. Here its the opposite, too much traffic for my taste and closed off rude and boring wives. HA~ Is there not a happy medium?




Last year Halloween flash back, WARM night~

My little Fairies.



New 2011 Halloween fun~