Phew~ What a Night we Had. Patriots Lost the Superbowl to the Giants no less,found out Taxes are taking a ton of dough we need for back tax, and Sophia had me up till 2am. Ryan...woke up at 6am. Needless to say Ive been running on Coffee all morning. But it got my house tidy and laundry in the process of being finished. Mondays I love to Do a Big clean of the house to rid of The weekend left overs, when everyone in home together, and we are lazy.
Amazingly enough tho, Spirits here seem to be Pretty chipper. Honey I blew up the Kid AGAIN is lullying the kids to silence (for now) and they had a nice play date early this morning. My watching a few kids for a friend has been a HUGE benefit for our kids. THey enjoy having someone non related there to play with and Make up games with. Share snacks and Watch a funny movie with. Its not always easy with Ryan being Sensitive and crying when hes even Looked at By the Youngest Daughter but....He will get over that soon. I HOPE!
I was on the edge of the Sofa watching the last 2 minutes of the Superbowl. Eyes closed tight once Brady got The Ball for one last Try to get it down the Field and Score a BIG WIN. But Sadly my boys didnt pull it off. Madonnas Superbowl special was BORING as hell. The only thing that sparked my interest was the special graphics all else Failed in entertaining me Greatly. However I did Love the National Anthem But I truly wish NBC showed even a piece of the ASL rendition as I read that Miss Deaf America was to be there signing...BUT WHERE? WHY WAS SHE NOT SHOWN? and if it wasnt her, why wasnt any signer Shown? BOOOOOOOOOO network for cutting that from the program.
As today starts the first full week of February and Marks 10 days till this Surgery for implanting Sophie, Im here to dedicate the next days to Little Sophia Gabrielle..."gabby" as we have been going around called each other for fun by our Middle names this weekend.
I find it unsettling this Surgery. Not just for the fact shes going under, or the process or the pain she will be in, but for that fact that STILL, Im wondering if Implanting is the right choice.
I Had thought that once the appointments were done and the schedule made I'd be settled on one side...implant side. But I AM NOT. I can still say with my whole heart that I do not know if its the right choice. I can say with 98% I DO NOT WANT HER IMPLANTED. But I have to remember its not my life, and its not JUST my decision, Its a decision as a family, in what will make Sophie Happy. Key Word "happy". As of right now Shes a happy little girl, expressive, and funny, witty and smart.
I know many of you out there have a different opinion, and WANT Sophie Implanted, and look at me with disappointment for wanting it not to happen for her. But I have to emphasize, No one Knows Sophie better then her family, US the 5 of us. Not one Knows Sophie better then ME, as I communicate with her 24/7....hahaha truly 24/7 as she has bad insomnia.
I guess, Fact is Sophie is Sophie Because she is unable to hear. Shes not ravaged by the poor language I have hahaha, or that of the World around her. Shes not brought down by the fact she can not hear the TV. She Enjoys movies every much. Laughs at what is funny. Mimics the Facial and body expressions. Understands the story line. Gets excited when an important part of the movie takes place. Has her favorites. Adores Books and Puzzles.
She is every bit a 3 year old as the next. Hearing or not. So when People feel as tho, shes not normal...or can not fit in...or be successful...or smart...or communicate It Sux. "oh ye of little faith"
Sure often times I wonder "how does she Think?" ligit right? I mean As I type now I think of my words...But For Sophie, is it All Pictures in her mind...signs....?? Let me take Last night for example. Sophie was having a rough night, she wanted me by her side till she fell asleep...At 830pm I was there rubbing her back and she passed out. But At 11pm she was up again upset and wanting me in her room. She we put on Anastasia and I had hoped she'd fall asleep, instead her stubborn little self Fought every heavy eye, every rubbing of her cheek (her fav) rubbing of her back, and legs, and forehead, I even massaged her shoulders and kneck and Back of head. YET....I was the one Knodding out more then her. The Entire movie we watched and I was still sitting in the room. Every move I made away from her would Jolt her into tears and Loud yells. So there I waited. When the Movie was over I refused to put a new one in. So she laid there, being Sophie...thinking. Not needing me but just wanted me there as a comfort. I watched her as she pointed to the ceiling over and over, chattering her teeth and laughing, squinting and sign babbling with her hands in the air. Smiling, then winking,the cowering like "frightened" then Woooping in a low voice, and doing it all over again as IF, shes thinking the same ideas over and over. It was Beautiful to see. But How I'd love to get a glimpse into those very thoughts.
My point is Im not worried about the success of Our Sophia. Im not worried about Progress, OR HOW something will come about.
I find it a tad....bothersome when People will ask me "how does she learn if she cant hear" While I understand we are a hearing World...Theres deaf culture for a reason. Its as simple of an answer as "just like every other kid, You arent born knowing that a ball is called BALL by making the sounds B.A.L.L You are taught. Sign language is the same, You are taught by association, that sign goes with that item."
Sign Language is not easy. Theres no much to learn, ASL has its own unique system, and value and style. Lots for someone who has never studied it before to pick up. So I understand how it is "different" for someone to wrap their mind around. But I must say Im very sad that Friends and Family, who are curious about Sophie, do not have the desire to LEARN ANY SIGN LANGUAGE to help them better communicate. For Although this is a hearing world, We will NOT be forcing Sophie, TO Conform to the Hearing world and ALWAYS be the one adjusting her comfort zones for hearing friends and family.
An Implant, for a child especially who knows nothing of sound for 3 years, is not going to make her a hearing citizen. Do not misunderstand what this implant will do, it DOESNT NOT REPLACE HEARING, but allows her to learn what sounds are. Again I will re-state that we will NOT BE forcing this device on her. We Will not be MAKING her listen, or use her words if she is not wanting to just yet. As someone not here in our day to day life, It is easy for you to judge that to be whatever you want...but Because Im not Pro implant, Im not pro Aural Therapy Either. Sign language will forever be her 1st language and Our 2nd, and We are more then happy to be the ones who dedicate ourselves to learning a Brand new lanuage and such to not bombard Sophie with more then she needs. Being Deaf is not Terrible. If you were ever given the choice to be Deaf or Blind I BET 95% of you's would say you'd prefer to be DEAF.
Just as The family of a Blind Child cant run to a Doctor to fix their blindness, but they live a life full of acceptance, as should families of Deaf Members. So again, this implant is to allow Sophie to access sound, But its not to re-define her. Im afraid to lose the Sophie she is, because she is then not as expressive with her face and body language.
I dont want us to use WORDS as the Easy way out. Its not easy for Sophie....(right now) so how does that make it fair. We are not forcing anything, and Will be going against tons the therapist says Im sure, and Im sure Ill just be Yesing them to Death, And let Sophie learn at a pace shes comfortable with.
Truly making this Decker Family, A bi-lingual, and Bi-cultural family.
I just hope that Should we be moving back to NY that people who WANT TO be in Sophia's life on a regular bases, WILL in fact, pick up a Signing book, or view ASL webpage often, and start picking up the language, learning MORE then just ENOUGH to get by. At least this Proud Mama OF a Deaf Daughter can hope for it~