Monday, April 29, 2013

Whatcha wanna know about my parenthood?

I used to sit on the floor of my Childhood bedroom, surrounded by my Favorite Fashion Magazines. Read them cover to cover then cut out all the parts I loved most. Next to me would be mounds of Journals I stuck them to, Pencils and blank paper for my desire to draw out dresses I'd love to one day make myself.

I used to take 30 minutes alone to just apply make up another 30 for my hair.
Would pick out my outfit the night before School, have it sprayed with my favorite Perfume and hung nicely on my door.

I used to be able to walk around in heels ALL day long. Run and jump in Heels.

Pj's were only worn in the evenings and to bed, NOT all day, although I did rock the house slippers out and about  now and again. YES GUILTY AS CHARGED~

I used to be able to stay up into the wee hours of the morning and sleep into 11am and Not have a care in the world about doing JUST that, Sleep, I seriously took for granted.

Now a days...
Showers are golden
Sweaters are prized
I have mastered how to paint my face and straighten my wavy hair in 20 minutes COMBINED!
Sadly Pj's and sweats are my go to ensemble
My Favorite Magazines Are in the bathroom, because its the only place I find peace during the day...ok not all day, they tend to bang on door, yell mom, and stick their chubby little fingers under the door.
Sleep...happens in bouts. Not full...still
I write in spare time, and its usually stuff people really could care less about reading. Because lets face it, While social media as completely taken over our lives here in this decade. People really do not care if your Son sounds super cute when bossing you around at the age of 2. Or your daughter Scored yet another Cool kid ticket, Or if you cat has learned how to open closed doors. They just want the juicy goodness and nothing more about the boring lives we lead. Yet...We continue to post and search and comment and like or in my case, Remove from my news feed...I am one of these fools on Facebook, twitter, yahoo...BLOGGER :p that visit too much, and lose time in the sites like Pinterest and youtube. Oh the Life I lead.

People want to hear, only when troubles are brewing, gossip can be shared, something terrible has happened, or only care if you "speak" to them first. They want a 1000 likes, hundreds of "friends" and to be told how wonderful their life is...Social media has turned us into insecure drones. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the escape while my kids are tuned into something that doesn't involve my name or using my body as a jungle gym.

We find out more information about our loved ones online then we do any other way. We see what each others lives has become, and where it lacks. We hold no secrets and yet we also hide behind the perception that we are perfect, take perfect pictures, only post "nice" things about our family life and leave the rest untouched by truth.

In this house, I can say the truth is, We are all very loud, we yell...whether mad or happy, we are always yelling. Our neighbors must think we are the most insane people ever, WE NEVER hear them unless they are in the back yard and yet...their 3 cars are always in the drive way. I swear Neighboring Soldier boy Has no MOS. hahaha.
We Love deep so that means we fight hard.
We have 2 girls and thats a whole lot of attitude. It astonishes me what comes out of their super tiny bodies.
The 3 kids can be down right mean to each other, but at the same time, always have to kiss each other goodnight, big hugs and I love Yous to go around.
Matt and I bicker...stupid stuff, but then always seem to work it out. I get mad, punch "toward" him a few times and he just stands there, "like Ok, like that tiny fist can do real damage" Waiting for me to get over it, stop over reacting, pull back my temp and walk away....OH WAIT THATS WHERE MY GIRLS GET IT FROM ;)
The boy~ Well...mamas boy for sure, but man is he go go go go and scrappy. Seriously mini Matt, he doesn't ever stop and then does a 1000 things all at once.
MY KIDS DRIVE ME insane. So yes I do hide now and then through out the day to re-compose my mama mode. Pull sanity back to me and go again. I love my life, I love my kids, I love Matt, I love our Family, I love our life style. But I will not pretend that life is a perfectly beautiful budding Garden of peace and enchantment. People lets get real.
If we spent more time in the real world and not trying to show the world the glories of Parenthood and marriage and life in general, maybe Things would be different.
We should never strive for perfect, because then you will always be disappointed. Strive for Happiness instead.

Parenthood, Isn't all about dressing up our "dolls" and toting them around like beautiful little packages, knowing good and well, that eventually that doll is going to poop so bad it runs up her back and through the dainty little outfit you prized so much.
That 8 out of 10 burps will involve puke. That will involve a change of clothes for everyone or into your hair when your shower is still hours away...
A trip to the park with your toddler means MANY heart attacks about where they are playing. Its more work while at the park then getting ready to go to the park.
School mornings mean, early mornings, fights over outfits, hair thats too knotted up and kids who refuse to eat more then one bite of a healthy much needed breakfast.
Bedtimes means Hearing your name called 20 times for little things like " My blankets Not covering my feet" or they can not reach that Toy thats 4 inches from their legs.
Getting into the Car means fits over who sits where, and taking 10 minutes just to buckle in.
Massive amounts of home work for kids who are 5 and 6 years old.
Worrying CONSTANTLY but we know that never goes away ;)
Potty training is a nightmare, and laundry piles up everyday everywhere.
If you don't buy multiples of the same things, its Utter Chaos.
Meal time everyone wants something different (not that thats excepted in this house, but it doesn't stop the complaints)
Sharing is the Hardest thing when it comes to siblings....apparently in their handbook, it just doesnt work that way.
Theres Confusion ALL the time.
BUT then something happens...You notice the kids looking to see if you are watching them do a cool trick they learned. You hear them sing songs verse for verse. They Make you a hand made card when they are supposed to be in bed sleeping, not drawing.
The quickly blown kiss from the bus window, before anyone else sees.
The pride in school made projects.
The random kiss on the cheek or distance run just for a hug.
The rare moment they just help clean up or get excited every time they are making their bed, on their own better and better each time.
The moment they say " you made the best mommy" at dinner instead of crying that its green and not pink noodles this time.
The moment toys are shared without asking and they are playing all together nicely with no one left out crying.
Those moments...though, few and far between, help us parents out.
Parenthood is hard work, not for everyone, worth every moment of Crazy and painful moments.
For us, We couldn't erase all the hard parts, because then these good parts wouldn't be so loved and Cherished.
It goes for life in general too, not just for us parents.
If everything was easy, what would we long for? work for? hope for?

Sure, things surely have changed from the quiet of my bedroom floor to the chaos of Lunchtime in the Decker house hold.

Sure, I do not always look like I used to, Don't always get a chance to straighten my hair...and I have literally forgotten what it feels like to wear foundation (not just because of time limits but because I choose not to wear the awful stuff) Im no where near as Tan as I should be.
However, I have pieces of me that are so wonderful, Emily, Sophia and Ryan. And taking care of them, and my husband...Makes wearing Sweats n Simply mascara and lip stain, well worth it all~

I write therefore Im....NOT YET?


How does one Evolve?




How can one take their true passion and make it into a productive living?

I want to write, I think about Writing, I do random scribbles and such...but nothing is truly complete.
Im so A.d.d With my writing that Im not even kidding...

I want to share it with the world. But who cares enough to read it? I want to see it in print...In my Favorite Magazine "elle" and see it at every news stand.

I want to hear my writings Shared.

I want to keep it going and going and going and going...

But Im merely An Army house how can I make this possible. With no budget! No idea of the avenue to take...

Can't I just fall into it? Can't I just be discovered? Its not like I have not put a TON of work into my own Passion...professionally, no, Morally and emotionally YES~~~~~~

Im a writer, I write...and I want to write to live

Is that really too much to ask for! Honestly?

Tuesday, April 23, 2013



We create Art, life, morals, family values, beauty

We make time and Sense of things

We Seek fulfillment, Satisfaction

We honor truth and Hope

We learn from mistakes and always make new ones


We Have been taught the preciousness that life is offering us. With each day, each step, each breath, We find something that pushes us further and further. Journey men, of a path to created Bliss.

We Create.

We create our life's path by each choice made. And Its simple really. With each choice, We can also choose to be happy. Not that everything in life will bring us joy, not that every moment is a good one, Not that enjoyment is easily obtained, But by Choice, Do we bring it about.

Nothing in this Life is easy. but Life is simple. Believe it or not.

Our Children have reminded us about simplicity. Reminded us how honoring ourselves and our family will take us to where we need to be. Taught us about Love.

Sophie has shown us how to be humble.

The Army has taught us to be patient, and Flexible.

Emily has taught us about Humor

Ryan has taught us about stamina

The Lord has taught us about Blessings and faith.

Being Modern day Travelers have taught us about The World.

Friends have taught us about Acceptance.

No matter where we are or how much time has wrinkled our cheeks, We are always open to learning.


Are forever Students

Friday, April 19, 2013

Just me and the Blog

Water filled veins for 24 years...and Its just now starting to drain...

Replaced with the nurishment of healthy relationship goodness...

As times Change, and Persons Grow...

Minds Absorb more goodness and Feelings Show...

A Ball drops

The shoes on the Other Foot

The Grass is greener

All that Glitters isn't  Gold

Just around the Corner

Walk a mile in Someone elses shoes

You never know what you have until its gone.

The Ship has Sailed

Careful what you wish for

A fool and his money are soon parted


A little knowledge is a dangerous thing

A watched Pot never boils

The Calm before the storm

Hindsight is always 20/20

Seeing is Believing

The Darkest Hour is just before the Dawn!

We live by our creeds

I write by mine.

I understand How we grow...we adapt...we Channel into different directions. We accept. We move on. We forgive. We do not forget. We do not change. But we add to ourselves.

Thats human

This is life





Sunday, April 7, 2013

To Be or Not to Be? Whats the real question HEAR!?

Ignorance Is Truly Bliss!

Have You ever Gone to see A doctor and Wonder after the appointment...If they really can relate? Or Understand? have been there done that? With Exception to oncologists, cardiologist, And ophthalmologist...Who Ultimately Do wear Glasses and/or Contacts eventually...

I have...

Lets Take GYN's and OB's for example that are men!
Ever Wonder if they went into the profession so they can sit in front of a womans VAG all day!?
And then think, "well hey dude, How can I trust you REALLY understand when you have a penis?"

Seriously What young 20yr old MALE goes into med School thinking, OH Im picking this field because I know I can truly make A difference in the lower region of Womens lives, And I'll Extend it to Obstetrics Because I can relate to A pregnant Women and their Child......I THINK NOT PEOPLE!

Not to mention the fact its the most, intimate Medical Profession.

Whats my point?

My Point is, that I wonder if these, Audiologists, Speech Pathologists, ENT Doctors and Otolarynologist, Have spent MORE then a few days with Someone whos hard of hearing or Profoundly deaf? Wonder If They had, If they would have the Same conclusions they have now...
I feel like its important to get on a more personal level to be able to relate to families and patients To see A broader Spectrum of Possibilities.Especially since, Really they do not care what your story is for being in their office. They want medical facts, and Want to know you desire medically for the future. MOST Of what they say, Comes with a cold Front, and Simply "scientific" replies, as to WHY this is important...and why this is necessary, and What will happen in the future. LIKE THEY KNOW FOR SURE~
Professionals are always quick to Boast about their success rate, successful patients and stories TO WARM the heart. I understand its to give Hope...But then Ask them about When It didnt go so successfully, Like with Sophie, And their demeanor and Tone Changes. Its no longer with a smile, or happy Chuckle in their story. Their Eyes aren't bright when Speaking About cases where The Child just wants NOTHING to do with wearing this machine...

Side note...

Isn't it the case with Most places...In reference to Doctors offices, that the Nurses are the key players in EVERYTHING. Doctors are in and out, quick, usually cold...I feel like Maybe The smart way to become a doctor Should have meant that its a prerequisites  to Be a Nurse first, Then BE MD...Whatever you like to be Called.

Obviously I KNOW WE CAN NOT ALL EXPERIENCE the same way. Lives aren't long enough to live through every possible scenario. Im Not an idiot!

Im just saying it would be nice to relate more, and get less text book answers.

Im reminded That Sophia, Is one of the "rare" cases. In which Youth at a super young age, have already made up their own mind, their avenue of Communication. Being told that While its Not The "normal" (theres that word again) But that it does Sometimes happen. Making it that much harder to try and sway them in any other direction.

I understand that for those who have experienced Hearing loss, Or my New favorite Term thanks to "switched at birth" ..deaf gain...Are super sad, scared, scrambling for a fix it,and fix it now, route. That it would be defeating almost to have to struggle to hear, what you could always hear before.
However, I can also understand that Its a different way of life for those who's earliest memories come from silence. Where nothing BUT SOUND is new, and frightening and weird.
The Cochlear implant is a fantastic device, yes! Successfully helping those who are hard of hearing to Function Easier in this Dominate hearing World. A recipient, Knows they are still and forever will be deaf, But as Ive heard from friends, family and strangers, They see it as a way to NO LONGER BE DEAF. While thats a very false Statement, In a way, I guess it helps these hearing folk, be more ACCEPTING! They no longer see that person as deaf, and welcome them...(that sounds so bad, but its the truth, people have said that, and done that...funny huh?...)
Acceptance is a tricky thing, its not really our human nature (for most of us anyway) Something that Has to be taught, and at that Taught when Young so it sticks...Which goes along with Our family being told that scientifically, Sophie must learn speech before a certain age or it all turns to "garbage"..Their WORD USED, not my Word.
Acceptance Is something I CHOOSE to use, instead of the word Tolerance. Tolerance implies that Deep down you are still uneasy about something, but you just go with it. Acceptance is SOUL DEEP. And WHY tolerance is something WE DO NOT TEACH ABOUT IN THIS HOUSE. Our Children are being caught the importance of accepting Everyone, Culture, looks, "difference", Challenge, daily life adventures.

We feel its important to nurture Sophia's Desire to just be a kid. Her choices are just as important. Her Lifes path should be her own. AS Should All our childrens. We are not sad that Sophie is deaf. We are not sad she doesnt use her voice to speak words to us. We Communicate amazingly. This week I was informed how impressive my ASL has gotten, that its Fantastic to see that Sophie has picked it up So well. Does what every other 4 year old does, Some better, And has A bright future (duh). If speech is the only thing impacted When Sophie is an adult, then The Good Lord knows, Matt and I did A damn good job. If Speech is the only thing people want to HOLD against her...Then We will teach her that most people are ignorant, and that Shes strong enough to with stand, and maybe make that person whistle a different tune, after they meet.

When Sophie was first "diagnosed"...though Again not a term I love.
We were asked, well...How will she learn?
                                    Will she learn her ABC's and count?
                                     Be able to follow directions?
                                     How do you teach someone who doesnt hear?
                                     What kind of future can she have without sound?

My answer to all?

American Sign Language.

Its a real language you know?

Now almost 3 years later. Sophie can...

Dress herself, follow 3 step directions, Writes out "mom, dad, Emily, Ryan, Sophia" when We ask her too. Writes her letters, Knows numbers 1-10...How many 4 year olds do you know, that not only can recognize Letters in print, in sign, and then be able to write them out? Or In sign alone in Sophie case when we practice our daily writing skills. SHES A SPONGE, rather speaking or not. Because ASL is An actual structural language, To which We are taught things with. Has meaning, and just as A hearing child learns....A Deaf Child Learns through ASL.The brain receptively ACCEPTS the sign and remembers it for its meaning. People want to call it visual Cues...FINE call it what you will. But Do we not do MOST EVERYTHING with our eyes. We Are able to Live and be successful even without the sense of Sound. Did you know, that in the Canine World, hearing is the last thing to Develop? In fact All dogs are only born with one functioning sense, The sense of Smell. Personally, If I lost my sense of smell....that would be more horrible then the sense of hearing. bahaha

To Be Deaf, hearing, have Hearing Loss, or deaf Gain. If you are still learning and growing and using the gift God has Given you. Whats the Problem?

Nothing is easy. Whether you are a Deaf, blind, paralyzed or Green plant loving hippy. Some people have it harder then others. True. But All in all, life isn't a cake walk no matter who you are, or where you are lacking. Life is how we make it out to be. Happiness SOLELY depends on us and us alone. When we let the outside World torment us, break us down, hold us back, knock us down...That's when its time to pick OURSELVES back up, re-evaluate, and find our own happiness. Letting the hate, fall to the way side, find your own community and keep them Close to heart. Prayer. And the push, for joy, no matter what fault we own.

To Be Or Not to Be?

Exactly who you are supposed to be