Tuesday, December 28, 2010

ahhh my kids!

Im bored out of my mind here at 10:42pm, Wishing I could fall asleep but the quietness with out Matts snoring is a lil weird. Something sooo annoying like his snoring is truly missed when hes not around lol.

Just thinking about My kids tonight, n the wonderful, n sometimes extremely hard moments we go thru. Emily's attitude, n back talking, N Sophies Violence are a few that pop into my mind right now...If thats the case at 2 n 3. OOOO man we are in for it, at 12 n 13!! Which I truly find to be the worst thing...PRE-TEEEEEEN years lol. OOO how I remember them so clearly, I was the worst!! N just think, My Kids Are Half, me, Hald Matt...OOOO Lordy! But then mixed in with all that Sour, you have the sweetness too. The Funny parts. Emily n her grown up Phrases Like Using them to agree, disagree, or make you scratch your head on purpose. She says off the wall things like " I Heard that!!" After you tell her something, LIke Ex. " Hey Emily, I cant believe Sophies Going to be two in a week!!"...She Replies " I heard that!"...or another one is..."Ryan is Doing so good talking n standing huh?" N her response is.."Right?!"
REALLLLLY where in the world!!!??? This next one I know she gets from me, but its funny to hear her use "interesting" with one Eye Brow up when something Surprises her or makes her laugh! AHHHH me o My. My Children.
Then theres Sophie, with her Funny faces. Shes got expression DOWN PAT!! Her faces tell it all. Shes so theatrical in that sense too tho.Running around by herself Babble Signing to a wall then running to the other side falling to the floor to do a "donkey" like Kick into the air. then over n over again. Her Music Faces As she plays Guitar. The Way she interacts with Ryan, is precious. Melts me. Always kissing him, rubbing his head, n laughing when Ry Gets excited...WHO by the way has been getting the whole real Babbling going strong, He'll have dadda said out right in a matter of weeks, for sure! What amazes me too is the mere Smartness(word?) of Sophia. She has begun to use Signing on her own...with out prompting, tho not always on pt, but shes using it right, using it to tell me something. Like Tonight she was just sitting on floor playing with a few cars, looked up at me, signed "bath" 2 times, jumped up, ran to the stairs, n waited on Em n I to get over there. Meaning I want to take a bath now! I was SOOOO proud! SOO proud!

Simply My Kids are amazing! IM crazy in love with each n every one of them, n their crazy personalities, couldnt be more blessed. Wouldnt trade any moment, past, present or Future for a million dollars. Nor would I change anything about who they are, because they are PERFECT!

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Joy to the World

The Lord is Born, Let Earth receive their King. Let every Heart prepare!!!

Hark! The Herald Angels Sing Glory to the New Born King!

Loving me some Christmas Carols. Tho Today we took Down all our Christmas Decorations, N Had to rearrange the House again! Because these Blessed Children of Ours Got more then they needed, or asked for!! Guess thats why its a blessing ( n thank you to everyone who helped Makes these Kids have a fantastic Christmas) So now the play room is back in the livingroom, n the Dinning Room Back in to The Kitchen!

Its been a crazy n fantastic Year, Matt n I were blessed with our Son, who was a surprise to say the least! But a wonderfully exciting Surprise. Hes amazing. Matt joined the Army, n left me Pregnant which made for an interesting few months. Our Big Move to California in the middle of the mojave Desert, has brought us a lil more closer as a family, which is always a good thing. We discovered the profound deafness of Sophia, n has been working up a plan of Action. We refused to Put Emily into this terrible school systems in hopes of MOVING AGAIN soon! Busy Year, Great Year. A trial on My Marriage, on Family life in general. I grow up even more, found my security has always been with in myself, Learned how to do things on my own. One thing in Common with Army wives, is we are basically Doing it Alone! Strength has been found on ALL levels.

Im excited to see what 2011 has for the Deckers, AN OTHER MOVE PERHAPS!!!??? I hope so. Success with Sophies Ears!!! I cant wait, EMily in School!!! YIPPPPPPEEEE, Ryan Talking n Walking!!!! My Certifications Finished so I can start Working!!!! Yep Yep!!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

celebrating life, likes, differences and handi-capables

In the beginning as life is being created with in you. You pray to God to be blessed, for Healthy babies, n healthy pregnancy for yourself. You pray for guidance, the power to be a good parent and the strength to recongnize mistakes, and challenges.

We were Created in the likeness of Christ. Some of us choose to live by walking in his foot steps, some try, n some dont. To each our own. One thing we all seem to share is that God is real, Im different then some, because I KNOW hes the real deal, n were it not for him I would not be here, let alone blessed like My family And I have been.

Life is gumbled up in crazy times, we make mistakes, we learn from them. We fall down from high up, but stand again to climb. We run fast, n slow down for the memories. We Talk loud most of the time, then whisper when its needed, because not all our laundry is meant to be air dried :)We will always remember where we came from as a child, n do our best to be different.

And Different is what We Got. 3 amazing little kids, all 3 of whom have the crazy personalities of matt n I did it mom you told me I'd have little girls like me n I did, n I like it, no I love it. Life as a stay at home is anything but BORING with these little girls.

The Lord knew who I was, n what I wanted to be. The goal n the path I saw for our family. He has allowed me to grow more in the last year and half then I have my entire life. I made some changes, n some changes I regressed...only now to wake up and start over on that change because its not the person Im supposed to be, n thats not the best version of myself. So Im on a path to find it again. Lord knew that if he was to send my an amazing little girl with easr that are perfect in her own world, n less then perfect in the eyes of strangers that I WOULD BE THE BEST MOM i possibly could be for her, and for her siblings as well. Sophie deserves that. Sophie will forever be deaf, but its not a disability. Its not sad, its not heart breaking, its not something to pity...she doesnt know any different, so why should we make her FEEL different? We shouldnt.
Strangers who notice, strangers who stare or point it out, are naive to the wonder and the beauty of it, in Sophies case and cases of other people who have the JOY of being handi-capable. I never want my daughter to feel any less of a person because she cant hear on her own. I dont want her to feel like its a disadvantage, because there sure are times I wish I had the ability to turn my ears off!!
Its something to celebrate, its someting to like, its something different, and shes more then capable of being successful in life, in school, in career, in love, in family...because her "support system" her family, her friends, her surroundings, WILL NEVER look down on her, or allow others to belittle her. I wont let any of my beautiful amazing joyful children feel different.

True perfection is over rated anyway :)

Saturday, November 27, 2010

been thinking...

Sometimes in the heat of the moment we all jump to conclusions. We listen to what we are told instead of looking for the truth. We hold things against people that arent any of our business. We cringe n shutter at a mere issue, that we werent involve in because somewhere down the "telephone" line, things got changed n messed up, the story then false. Just like that silly little "telephone" game we play as kids, to see if the person at the end of that long sharing line was told "the truth". Things get mis understood. N, I for one feel bad. its happened to me.

Lately Ive been feeling as tho I am invisable. That people only included me in the gossip that I had no business being in. Stories all got changed, n my need to swallow it over came me. N im more n more regretting it. Here we are now, N im pushed aside, im lost in the shuffle of things, over looked, n not really cared for. N I guess thats my own doing. I stepped out of my norm when I came here to Fort Irwin, I tried to make friends, Something thats not easy for me, I tried to put myself out there, n climb out of the hermit crab shell I like to stay with in...n all it did was get me in trouble, hurt me, n make me feel like a bad person.
Nothing personally was done to me by the friend I pushed away, I took other peoples stories to heart in fear that drama would suck me in n i'd wind up doing something I regret.......yet!!!! It happened anyway. just in a different way.

Maybe Im being overly sensitive. Maybe Im seeing something different. Or maybe this something was never there to begin with. The people who I say our my few friends here on post...just maybe just maybe are not. especially since they got their group of friends they were missing back. Here I am again, outkasted......well at least feeling that way.

So here I go, cutting myself off from the world again, putting the lid back on my jar of "pitty me", n being the loaner mom, I guess I was always meant to be. I cant help but think, too, that this time of year is the worst for me. Holidays' n missing my ever so crazy family n especially my real friends from back home ( tho again they are so few...enough to count only on one hand)

Still, Im sad since losing such a dear Friend on Thanksgiving (R.I.P Ricky J Vidal I love you) t young age of yet another drunken overdose. It brings out all the sorrow in me...makes me think even harder, torture myself for making others feel worse about themselves, because thats not like me. thats not what Im about. N Im truly sorry, if I could take things back I completely would. Ive missed out, my kids have missed out, n IM an idiot. I CAN NOT WAIT TO HEAR ABOUT SOPHIES TEST ON TUESDAY N HOPEFULLY GET OFF THIS POST BY THE SUMMER, maybe I can start over. n this time be a real friend.

Because Im sorry...but I dont know how else to get it heard

Sunday, November 14, 2010

what a mess

I have said it time and time again. You make life as happy as you are. So if you are not happy, then the life you lead will be nothing but short of happiness. If its love you seek, you must love yourself, Love God and search for it. If you already found love, and feel it slipping away, then working on it first and foremost, should be your top priority. If you are lacking something in your life, its your job to take a step back and figure out why...Life is not black and white, its not one straight line, its hard work, and you have to make the reward worth the work.

Theres certain people in my life lately that I have let go of. And not because they had wronged me personally, but because they seem to have been on a downward spinal, I can only say what I say so much, before its too annoying. I can warn, I see what I see, n Im not about drama anymore, my life is full enough of my own. So before I stepped in it, I cut it out of my life. Sure, this person may have needed my help, but when advice was given it went in one ear and out the other, and recent events have proven to me, that I got out just in time. So I give my help through prayers and thought. Hoping that the wake up call is sooner rather then later, but...

truthfully, I dont see that happening. Respect, for other people, for loved ones, for honesty, is all my life is about right now.

My family happiness comes before anyone else.

Fact of the matter I just dont get it. I dont get why people take something good they have and mess it up. I dont get why they think the grass is always greener...What ever happened to looking temptation in the eye and sending it packing???? life is as you make it right? You reap what you sow. N i hope that people get whats comin to them.

SHAME SHAME SHAME SHAME~ Wonder why people get cut off...because they are toxic, irresponsible and self indulged in what makes them happy...But when you are in a relationship its always best to look at the picture as a whole~

Nothing is perfect, but no one said a relationship is perfect.

Plus...may I say that rumors spread like wild fire, some true some not. Its a game of telephone, people seem to hear what they wanna hear, and the story winds up trickling down the phone line all wrong...When does the maddness stop?? When the people the rumor is about, stops hiding and tells the truth for once~
But shelfish people get what they deserve, if not by us, then by a higher power.

At the same time, people may not know the ins and outs of a relationship, and I place no judgment however, I do know, that theres a right way, n a wrong way...people make stupid choices, and wind up...exactly where they deserve...Karma baby Karma.

I know this whole blog is spotty n may not make sense, but its therapy to me...I get it off my chest, and maybe even the people its involving may read this. N know that...they messed up big time. People got hurt, people are sad, and suffering... at your hand.

Looks to me like some people are a lot more like a chick they talked smack about all the time because of her constint infidelity n bad behavor toward a good man...then they let on~~~ ugh Im soooo frustrated and saddened. I thought I had found an honest to God, down to earth, truthful, reliable, and safe friend...N I was way wrong. Back to being the cautious friend finder I started to be years ago.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Prevention is better then a cure...

Been thinking a lot about life, life Goals, faith, happiness, family, relieving stress...LIFE really. I think back to my life as a child, teen, single, now Wife and mom and see how much has changed, good and bad. Where is it that this long road is taking me? How do I need to live to Make it all it can be? Trying to always think positive, and reenforce it in my family...Things will always get better, life can change in a moment, we are healthy and together. WE ARE WE ARE WE ARE a happy family.

Positive re-enforcement is the Key, the key to good energy, the key to a good day, a relaxing night and fulls night sleep. We need to step out of the box of doubts and troubles and walk into the light of love~~Love for yourself and love for your life~~

recently I had been reminded that no matter what I feel ive have been wronged by, no matter how much bad stuff I feel Ive went thru, that I have bounced back I have grown up. That there are people out there that have had it worse then I have ever had it. That Even still, I can be a leader and remind people that the past make us who we are, the present defines out future, and our future should always be worth living For. Prevention is Better then a cure. So lets start each day off with a smile, with quiet happy thoughts, with self love and love for others, no hate in our hearts, no vengence in our minds, lets cast out all our cares and live a life we can be proud of.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

life is as life dreams....

I received my package about the Cochlear implant today, the one thats tiny and water proof(thanks AUnt Pam). The Package was amazing, has a DVD to watch but thats going to have to wait till my husband is home. Came with a coloring story book about it and ALL the info you could want about the product. Hoping if Sophie qualifies for the implant that this one is covered by our insurance. Finally UCLA received our referral and now we just have to send the fax of her orginal test results before we can schedule an APPT. Early intervention finally called for her info today and once we get the UCLA appt we can set one up for a consult with her speech therapist. Phew~~ Meanwhile shes amazing and is nothing less then a normal Tot, she even back talks in Sign language!! sometimes you cant help but smile during that tho At least its signs she understands. I love that All my children can make me laugh out loud at least 5 times a day...pure Bliss.

Meanwhile Im starting to grasp this whole Paranormal activity thats got a hold of our house right now, and the more I look into it and research and think about it, I realize its just my life, my life is a powerful source for what ever is linguring. The stress we have with all thats going on, the fact 3 kids live here, the fact Im sensitive to it, the fact we live on very historical land...everything....ahhhhh to one day rid it will be a relief.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

mom, ma', mommy

My children are the best part of me. They are everything good, bad and ready in me that I do not always share. Each one of them different in spirit, in mind, in presence. Hosting an abundance of attitude, love, joy! Making me laugh, smile, cry, or even roll my eyes 1000's of times a day. No matter what they do, and what they say (or dont) my love for each of them will never change, will never alter, will never turn away. I love being called mom, ma', mommy. I love how they hold me, squeeze me during a hug, flash a quick smile, and even get into trouble at times. They are kids, thats what they do.
As I look back to each one, from pregnancy to birth, infant to baby, baby to tot. I laugh because not once did I do anything the same. Emily I was causious, wanting everything in its place, prepped and perfect, safe and germ free. Then I learn...being a parent also means that over protecting is smuthering and what WE as adults will often run away from, and kids defy. Then, I learn, nothing will be as I want, nothing is perfect and that I set myself up for disappointment by setting my expectations much to high. Its ok to be alil easy on yourself right?
With Sophia I did total opposite, I wasnt so worried about Germs, because no matter what Babies will get sick reguardless (just like Em did at almost 2 months and was in hospital reguardless to how careful I was and made people be) I didnt Rock Sophia to sleep everynight I let her sooth herself, It was just different more relaxed and truth be told their personalities are soo different and their independence different too maybe not because of how I did things different but could
With Ryan my boy, my last baby ever!!!! Im not scared of messing up, it happens, IM not scared of forgetting a change of clothes or diaper wipes. He's amazing and Im so luck that We were blessed with such a great infant for a good experience with our last. Times are sure challenging but we are blessed as parents, we understand how hard it can be, and scary and mind blowing and life changing, and will be now the rest of our lives with the many new firsts, and lasts and possiblities are children will go through, And I pray to God Matt and I are here to share every moment with them.
All I can do is lead my children on a path of faith, and good. Hoping that their virtues will take them the rest of the way, I never want to hold them back, but push them forward, supporting NO MATTER what! I can only be me, and for my children, I'll always try to be what they need.
Its all about being mommy as best as I could. Everyone is different and so to each their own. We all learn at different paces, we all expect different things, but the one thing we all can share in is the name, mommy.

Tip Toe

I often try to watch my mouth, as in what I say. Especially around people I do not know or have just met, and Im trying to work on my whole "making friends" bit. But sometimes I just can not wrap my head around what people say...maybe theres a little bit of being lost in the translation-ness because after all we all come from different up bringings and beliefs, WHO am I to judge. In fact Im no one to judge Im sure many of you think what I say sometimes is soo off the wall, that my beliefs are strange to say the least and have formed a not so great opinion of myself and my family. Right?
But really sometimes I just want to get inside a persons head and understand where in the world they form the sentences that come out of their mouth. UNderstand the concept to which they've formed their ideas.~~sigh~~
A rough couple of years has led me to become a very different person, not only in myself, but as a mom, as a wife and a woman. Things are seen more logically~~~good thing?~~~perhaps.
But As I sit here now at 6am staring out my window from my bed, loving the sight of Fort Irwin in the wee hours of the morning, Im thankful for the road that has led me here with my family. Making new friends, understanding a new way of life. Even if that means I must Tip Toe around for a while. Cant start of new life being labeled! not yet anyway :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The X factor

IN a round about way, I'M feeling kind of torn lately. This whole Army thing has put a tail spin on just about everything we think or do. Does "he" reenlist? Or Green to Gold college program? or Should we put in for a compassion transfer? Lord knows with the newest news that we can not stay on this military post and I contain my composure, or my sanity for that matter. Its looking like Sophia will not be getting into Speech therapy till late Winter or next freak year, UNLESS we travel even further to L.A County, which mind you WE ARE ARMY and get paid peanuts, therefore will not be able to make it out for the weekly sessions they would like her to have...more if she gets the implant and soon (so I assume that is). So what cards do we play? Whats the factor can we maneuver? Maybe something will be in our Favor. Truly believe tho that a transfer will be in everyones best interest, because Lord knows things are gonna be a lil different soon and With 3 kids along for the ride all I can say is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...reguardless Im soo stressssssssssssssssssssssssed!!!
Im happy to have been making friends here tho, good friends, great people and our Kids are getting along so great as well, to then have to leave would be sad, and then to start over making new friends...geeeeesh!!!! Its a miracle I popped out of my shell enough on this post to already have people I LOVE!! Friend making isnt the easiest for me. Ive been lucky now and then, and I keep very few close to me!
anyway off to bed. tomorrow is yet another day

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The D

So its been almost 2 weeks since we truly knew what we already felt with Sophia and hear hearing issue.

You can always prepare yourself for the worst, or try to at least, but when it comes right down to it, you will always have that moment when your heart hurts and you slink down into your seat.

Everytime I now pass the "deaf Children in area" sign we had our neighborhood put up, I let out a big sigh. I wont pretend that I dont tear up at times, or think about the worst possiblities behind the causes of her hearing loss. Because I do.
But then I look at our beautiful little girl, our monster, our smart and independent Phi and im thankful, and I smile, and I remember that ALL is going to be ok. Long road ahead, but so much to look forward to. to hearing her say "mom" "dad" and then " I love you"...that is exciting...and makes everything we will be going thru become just another notch on our family belt of strength.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

From the Dashboard

Recent events and on going issues have been overwhelming my brain lately. I can not shake all the chaos and whirling of ideas and what if's that over take any space I have left up there. Yet, I try to manage my life, my family and this house hold, with as much grace as I can. Still, not always protraying that,in the heat of the moment I lose my head, my temper and my sanity.
I glance back in time when things seemed harder then now and realize it wasnt. I was just being a baby. I think back to opportunities we walked away from, friends we left behind and lives we "loved". Always coming back to the fact that home is where your heart is, and my heart is with my family. So long as we are together, all else can slip away and we will still be richer then most.
Together Matt and I seem to always draw the same conclusion for our future...simplicity at its grandest. Charm in a little home some where amongst the trees. Where the birds stir us awake and the crickets lull us to sleep. Downsizing not our family but our posessions. I believe I once lived the life that of a gypsy and the soul that runs deep into me, will always long for the road. To take with me only that which is dearest,meeting new faces, seeing new places, discovering the world from the dashboard.

Ideas...possiblities for the near future.

Monday, August 2, 2010

When I look

When I look, I see. A smart Little girl. A beautiful little girl. She may be different, she may have a different road to take in life. still, shes amazing and will always be amazing. Her lack in communication, has deepened her thought process by watching every single move we all make. She may not mimic words or sounds but she copies us by action. Shes talented in every other way. Shes my baby girl, strong willed, strong headed and my cuddle bug. A temper like daddy but an angel at heart.

Thursday, February 25, 2010


"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
— Marilyn Monroe

"You'll only get what you've always gotten if you only do what you've always done."

"It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power." -Alan Cohen

“Life isn’t supposed to be an all or nothing battle between misery and bliss. Life isn’t supposed to be a battle at all. And when it comes to happiness, well, sometimes life is just okay, sometimes it’s comfortable, sometimes wonderful, sometimes boring, sometimes unpleasant. When your day’s not perfect, it’s not a failure or a terrible loss. It’s just another day.”... See More
— Barbara Sher

"Be who you are and say what you feel because people who mind don't matter and people who matter don't mind." Dr.Seuss

Monday, February 15, 2010

Drum Roll Please

Its a boy.......yay!!!!!!!!!!!!! had an ultrasound today and baby Deckers lil boy parts were left wide out in the open to see!!! So excited and I'm hoping for a much more laid back baby unlike my girls ;)but we will see. Matt doesnt know yet and unless he remembers to ask Wednesday when he gets his phone back in Army then he wont know until I can surprise him with the pictures!!!! hehehehe

Leaving tomorrow on a Bus for Missouri, Wish me luck.

Noticed today that as I walked out of restaurant with my sandwich to go, I had a huge smile on my face (ahhhh sigh its a boy) and these old people passing me by were looking at me like I was a loony tune. it was a great feeling tho, They passed me by and I just laughed!

Sunday, February 14, 2010

drama Vultures

Funny way to describe those I feel hang around waiting to swoop down and feast on poor innocent peoples lives that at the moment are full of drama...savage beast that will be your friend one minute and the next bite you in the ass.

It really is funny when you think about things. You can sing praises all day long, rejoice out loud in your happiness and be vocal about your joys in life, and most people will just pass you by and think what a WACKO!! Right??? Especially if all of a sudden you change from down and out to a new found glory...they dont ask why the change...they wait for the bottom to drop out before you hear from them again. Makes me wonder about the pure nature of human beings...are all humans born unhappy...? is it stuck in our DNA and its like having a rebirth when you are no long glum? Really honestly Im asking...

Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, and life is as you make it, and only you can judge it, its no ones business to bring you down. It only matters how you feel, and what you want to do with your life...

anyway a new lesson I've learned from my past crazy month, and I'm in motion on a revamp to a bigger better joyful life, and marriage.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

another day another thought

crazy day, went out into MIddletown in hopes of going to walmart for one quick art supply and food shopping trip but it was insanely busy even just getting to walmart so I gave up and went to ACMoore got cute valentines day stuff for the girls to make a vday gift for my to take to Matt this coming week...YES FINALLY I GET TO SEE HIM. I'm taking a trip by myself to Missouri to see him Graduate from Bootcamp on Thursday, and these gifts are sure to make him cry (snickers)..heheheh love to see him get misty eyes over his girls ;) The sucky part is me taking the bus a full 24 hrs on a bus there and back....but a bed to myself at least for one night will be HEAVEN!!!!!!!!! A much needed escape to reconnect with my inner Becci, and come back refreshed and ready to bore out the last 12 weeks of his training in slummy old Middletown ;( blah... I seriously can not wait to find out where we get adventures and love to sow more seeds in Land we have yet to see. Thats the thing about us Deckers...we have gypsy blood traveling through our veins, or so it would seem. Since 2005 we have been coming and going so quickly, moving and enjoying breaks, new scenery and people. You meet a lot of interesting people on the road, people you will not soon forget. Tho, its not always best I hope to one day see the traveling side of my kids and watch them go off to Europe to Back pack around or even study. I hope to one day set foot in Greece, Italy and even Russia Where if Matt decided to retire Military good me for my dreams will come true and that includes adopting a baby girl from Russia my life long dream since I was 9.

Friday, February 12, 2010

a learning curve

Many a times in my life have a lost those that are closest to me. Friends, family, school mates. This time is different. My best friend who knows me almost as well as my husband and I are at a stand still. Problem started with a joint cell phone bill, just as my husband promised a problem would evolve it did. My anger got the best of me when agreements were not kept on her be half and choice words like "I cant see you right now" came out of my mouth because of her lack of understanding why I was so upset. Which led her down a road of hostility and wall building. I explained myself time and time again, and said sorry and that I'm stressed with life as it is right now and I got nothing but her twisting my statements to make it sound as tho I was kicking her out of my life which is not true...Being a mom of two little ones, basically with out my moral support and back up from my husband is soo hard and I have a much better appreciation for single moms now. stress can get the better of me sometimes and for someone who was my bestie she should have remembered that and taken things with a grain of salt as I did with her as I kept attempting to forget it and move on. But no A mountain was made out of a mole hill and now she is my 2nd close life friend apparently I've PUSHED out of my life.

My mouth gets me into Trouble too much and I need to learn when to keep it closed and which battles to fight and which to stay away from. OVER A STUPID CELL husband was right tho I hate to admit it, and wouldnt let him hear those words come out of my mouth when he told me to say them lol the bastard!!!! hahahaha (love you honey)

The learning curve is to never do business with Friends, no matter how big or how small it never works out. In the end that supposed strong friendship wilts at the way side and you are left standing alone once again. I hope and I pray I learn a lesson and Learn how to pick and choose my battles better and find some great girlfriends While I'm on base in this army life now to keep me positive and active especially whilst Matt is over seas fighting this terrible now pointless war.

Fact of the matter is my "bestie" has a very strong personality and when her mind is made up she only sees what she wants to see. She doesnt mind confrontation, and puts up a good fight. But her wall only allows her to see something bad and turn it into something worse and she doesnt know how to let go...a stupid fight that went on for too long with no empathy or resolution and believing everything she did was right and had no fault has caused us to fall apart. I did my fair share and I said maybe somethings I shouldnt and even said to her I'd regret. But I honor my agreements and I stand by my reasoning. So adios to something that was great, but is over now apparently.

Is it just me or do I not know how to keep resolution for 2010, make and keep friends, and keep the ones I have standing by me already. I gotta lot of work to do on myself

Thursday, February 11, 2010

playing catch up

So as time goes on I realized that my true passion,writing, has escaped me. Ever since I became a mom in 2007 I've let the only thing that was my escape hatch be put away. Then it dawned on me...Maybe if I write I would be less stressed. What other way do I have to be open and honest not only with myself but with whatever I have going on in my life. So I sit here now as Yo gabba Gabba plays on the TV and my two girls are enthralled with it, I start this little blog. To capture that of the simple life, as mom and wife, and maybe regain a piece of my sanity, a piece of myself I lost too long ago.

So for all you bloggers out there wondering who I am lets play a little catch up...

My name is Rebecca always been called Becci, guess it suits me tho I have always been tempted to change my name as silly as it sounds. I live in Orange County, New York for now. My husband and I got married in 2007, we have a beautiful growing family, with our 2 year old daughter and Our year old as God would have it baby number 3 a mere 4 and half months away...this past November my Husband enlisted as a soldier in the UNITED STATES ARMY and is currently training at Fort Leonard Woood, Missouri. I and my 2 girls are living back home with my father to save money and wait till May for the army to move us to our station...fingers crossed for Alaska. Why? you ask...its time for a new adventure and more people are to be met. The more you read on the more you will come to realize We love to move and have lived in lots of places, like, Phoenix and Tampa and yes even in the county parts of IOWA...despite us moving so much and loving it we always wind up back in good Ole Orange county where we both grew up. Sadly each return is torture and the itch to move is back.

The husband is away and I can not wait to be back with him every night and in our own little place again. To set a schedule and decorate and get my crazy, adorable and loud girls back into the normal swing of things. Something that isnt so easily accomplished whilst sharing a bedroom (not to mention a bed with my 2yr old) despite what others and on lookers may think. I dont like Chaos but my girls have my heart, IM not made of putty with them, but not of stone either.

Its a different kind of life for us, we enjoy the simple things that life has to offer, raising our growing family, nights at home with a board game a family movie and a glass of wine for the parents (when I can have it again). I enjoy "I Love Lucy" because even with the sound off it can make me laugh out loud.

We have lots of hopes for the future and dreams of retiring young and passionate, with a taste of our beautiful country. Traveling and enjoying that which it has to offer. Is it really so much to ask to live in a small country town where ever one knows your name, your next of kin and even the breed of Dog you call RIN TIN TIN??? Where you can here the cheers of the High school Football game from your back porch and catch fire flies in the summer. Count Stars and have block parties? Thats a dream we share...enjoying the spoils of the simple life, together forever, under Open Sky in God Country.

Need to know more? Want to know whats next....stay tuned!!