Tuesday, May 28, 2013

The Learning Curve


Whirlwind of a few years, since Matt Joined into the Military. A proud and faithful Soldier he is, who longs for MORE involvement into the Ranks. Who longs for Deployment, who longs to lead.

Having Moved around this beautiful Country, We have had the priviledge and gift of travel. That has yet to stop. As we approach the final weeks here in Washington state, I'm Starting to see the Curve.
What we have learned, gained, lost, re-found.

These 2 years here in Washington have been the most trying of times. Seriously. And that's saying a lot. Seeing how we were merely 20 when we took that giant leap of faith moving away from our friends and family and comfort of Our Home town. Seeing how we struggled often, having been on food stamps at one point, no cars at other points. Even trying to survive on Iowa minimum wage of 7.50 once. Living with parents (again and again).Living on unemployment checks. To the obsolete desert of California where low and behold, discovering our daughter to be deaf, and having an infant. All the while trying to fit into the very different life style the army offers. One would think that all that chaos would have trumped the last 2 years here...
But it doesn't.

sadly. Among the beauty and actual dependence of the weather. Has been the toughest years EVER.
Tough in the Company my husband is a part of. Tough on our children. Tough on our marriage. Tough moments in our friendship in our marriage. And toughest financially. All to which make seem, learning A 2nd language simple. Adjusting to our kids getting big, way too fast, simple. The lack of solid friendships here and feeling lost and lonely, do not help Im sure. Or maybe its the actual lack of sun soaked Vitamin D bodies. who knows.

We have wondered more here in WA about our future...or lack there of. Then in any crazy chapter we've finished.

So while this Up coming move has been way daunting and annoying and hard, and tiresome. And what seems like never coming, with endless road blocks...We are embracing this change. With the highest of hopes that it brings us better yearly fortune. That we can get back into a happy go lucky, go with the follow identity. That we wont just be survivors of this new adventure but thrive within it. Make strides that count toward repairs individually and within our family.
Its true that if you can with stand the woes and lows and make it out still together and growing...then theres hope for a brighter tomorrow, No?
So with all the ups and downs, through out every aspect we've encountered since the day we settled in Over this state line. I pray it did make us stronger.

We only want the best for our family. Together, and strong. happy and excited about new things. Happy healthy children.


Washington is a different kind of breed. Man oh Man.
I've said it before, that People who have never been here yet think that cold hard assed New Yorkers are the epitamony of  ill tempered humans have never walked The streets of Seattle. No state...can trump the cold native Northwestern embrace of Washingtonians.

We were excited to come here. Had high hopes of the rainy state (something we do not mind actually) But There was no warning for the ill mannerism. NONE~ And After 2 years of being here I've actually felt the lose of my NY edge. These People scare me. Who would have thought?

We have not seen all that we wanted to see of WA. Still, We take away some good memories. Fun outdoor adventures we did gather under our belts. For me I take away the Beauty and awe of the Puget Sound. My favorite Spots are along the rocky beaches that surround the water. Where you enjoy seeing nature at its finest. Watch the Ferry's create tiny waves, and see the peak of Mount Rainier off in the distance.
The pure fact of it all, is Washington is where our Kids grew from Little kids.
Where Matt and I, figured each other out better...despite our 9 years of being together. <3 :="" p="">

Fingers are crossed, prayers are said daily. That the magic of the Island wields growth and promise.
We have learned much, and of course that wont stop.
But since we have now Passed the Curve and open waters are ahead, we are looking forward to a good few years of smooth(er) Sailing

Hello, More World.
Goodbye Seattle

Monday, May 20, 2013

Educating me


There is something about the innocence, the sincerity, thirst for their own knowledge that makes us dig deep into who we are as people. Children are always looking to learn, asking questions, in a state of wonder and awe. So as their parents its our job to be as well equipped for these moments as possible. We have to try and get down to their level, and think about what kind of questions they may ask so we can be prepared to answer.

Our 3 rowdy honey bunches of oats, are knowledge Monsters.
Ryans Favorite new line is "whats that?"
Sophie has her epic PHI face, that says everything it needs to.
Emily has her grasp of everything she was taught this year in school applying it to day to day life.
We are in a constant moment of flux
Everything is possible, every possibility is questioned and every question has a possible answer.
We are bounced around from idea to idea, question to answer, moments the suck up knowledge.
AND these kids, stick it in their brain and hold on to it for forever.

How can we not as parents do anything and everything in our power to provide answers, and bring them to places where they ask more questions? Where they learn and grow and have these terrific moments of life that stick with them, and help shape them for the future.

As I watch these kids understand these moments.
Take in these moments.
Grow from these moments.
It reminds me that I need to be the best me as possible. I need to be that roll model that helps them see things clearly. Fully knowing I will make mistakes along the way, but praying that will also teach them.

Lets face it, its really not easy being a mom to 3 young kids. Lord, Help those with more, Truly. I think At the end of our day with 3 Im wiped out. Had we had more at this moment...I'd puddles. Adding into the mix A special needs Child, with the temper of her father and the attitude of her mother, That makes things a tad more complicated. With Sophie being deaf, and cute...she plays her strengths well and easily ignores us when she wants to. Mostly when we are telling her NO~ Or Wait~ Or STOP!

The kids and I sat around the lap top this afternoon as I pulled up different pictures in Testing Sophie and her language skills. Each week her teacher sends out a flyer about what they are learning in this week of school, and I "TRY" and keep up so that we are not behind on signs. The problem is knowing the methods used in school. For instance...Sophie wanted to know the sign for A Scuba diver last week in class. But her teacher didn't know it. As Sophie was more persistent on knowing the Sign Her teacher went and looked it up on the computer. The Sign She showed me Was NOT the same sign I found online on So Sometimes it is not easy to keep up. Im super thankful for Sophies class and her teacher this year, but I am so looking forward to a more sign stable environment. In any case, We went thru a list.
sea turtle

All things shes been learning about. Last month they did bugs. This month has been concentrated on Sea life. And every word we went through Sophia knew by heart. Now Emily and Ryan know them well too. "lion" and "octopus" were among the favorite signs. Making faces to match each animal.
Grass was A new one for me. Im glad I know it now :)

Education. Is not just something we are supposed to leave at the foot of the School building. It is to be shared at home, nurtured at home. USED at home. Education doesn't just have to be Find the sum of X. ya know~ Its more then that.
Sophia's Language skills has come so far. For a Kid who literally quit using for CI in September, shes A super star. Even babbling these days. Full on BABBLING. Not just yelling anymore, or single toned. But adding in a few letter sounds here and there. Lots of m's and G's and D's More A's not just O's. And Using it in reference to things. Sounding back to use and signing.

Emily has been officially granted completion of Kindergarten. Technically her last day of class isn't till Thursday, but I guess her Teacher got her report card completed over the weekend and opted to send it home early. He reports thats she will be an outstanding 1st grader. She is doing so well with her reading, her exploring words and sounding things out. I make her spell each morning before getting on the bus, and she is so awesome. Her report card was 97% outstanding in the grading system.

My Ryan boy, is ready for school. Talks about "ryan schoo" all the time. Wears Sophies back pack and makes pretend that he and Emily are getting on the bus to go to school. I really hope to get him into SOMETHING this coming school year. He knows all his letters visually. But knows his colors in sign language more then verbally :o lol lol lol

We are always learning here in this crazy Decker house. Its awesome. We are learning this in 2 languages and growing and growing and growing. Its a blessing. As new adventures are with in hands reach, Im excited to experience more. Show our kids more. Teach our kids more. Fill them up with moments not too many people get to do. Feed their travelers blood.

All the while, The world is our School. We are teaching them. They are educating me.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Means to the End. Shall we Move on?

Often in my short life, I've been faced with the decision to either MOVE on, and continue down the path. I've felt the sting of letting go, I've felt the repercussions of heading the same way. I've also experienced the relief and joy from both.

While I think about whos precious in my life, the list is short. And Thats Great because that means I've grown emotionally. I feel like, you can not trust everyone, but a few at a time, and those are the people you need to cherish most.

While I Think about Whos Birthday it is today I remember the journey. The extreme of the bumps, the extreme of the highs, the love, the drama, the patching of deep wounds. The last time we broke up, I remember Everyday wondering what I was missing in her life...BIG THINGS AT THE TIME. I was wondering if We'd never exchanged such harsh words if  We'd be experiencing these things together. I remember saying all the time to mutual friends, that I'm sad We can not fix it, that I wish she would just respond to my attempts.
When things Finally were starting to come back together, and the glue was "drying"
I remember being so grateful. So excited, but walking slowly and quietly and being cautious not to just stick my nose right into everything I had missed.
The near YEAR of our biggest break up ever, I felt as though A piece of me was missing the entire time. I desired to have her back and things mended. I thought about it often. Reached out often. Not always in the right way granted.
It was so hard. So heart breaking where our friendship of SO long had wound up.
At the same time, as We know God allows things to happen for specific Reasons, I feel like that rough year was a palate cleanse. She And I, from my point of view, had been on this jagged edge for quit some time. Both stubborn, both ignoring the signs till we had to face them straight on.
Here we are almost 3 years past the break up, and well, we are not in the same place. Not the same place we were as kids, not the same place we were as teens, nor young adults, nor before the breakup. We are NEW. We are better. And while distance is a huge gap. In a sense...thats what broke down walls.
God Sends us on Journeys for a reason, He puts people in our lives for a time, or for life. And he has a plan. With this relationship, I never felt like She was supposed to be gone forever. I never was at peace with it. On my end. I knew I wasn't supposed to move on from this.
And Im glad to be where I am with her today.

But God does Challenge us, and our lives, and our hearts. For even though he knows our truest of true wants and desires. He challenges us so that we can learn from life and see the CLEAR reason for his actions for us. Not always easy. Not always something happy. But reality.

When God tells you to move on, it's because He has something so much better for you than where you are right now!
Is something I read this morning. And After my Conversation last night with my Brother, I felt like it was set before at the most perfect of times.
I will not pretend that my distance from certain family members is easy. I will admit I do At times wonder about how life is going for them. I will always love them. I will say that im not surprised on our outcome. I made one last feeble attempt in December, a sliver of an out reach, and it didn't go so well. And thats ok. Now with it being May, And knowing things I do know...I feel as though I'm ok. Im strong enough to understand what it is I am supposed to do from my side. And that is to MOVE ON. I have no struggles with it, surprisingly. I have no doubts about doing so. No panics about what it means, or where it leaves My family and I. Too much was said from my side, too much said from their side. Too many emotions then floating around, clouding judgements. And We both made choices. And  our means to an END was our Own versions of our truths. It got us to where we are...which is...far apart.
Our oldest does wonder why we do not speak to everyone. I have been asked "why does he not talk to me" And then get lack of memory from them. Who knows if in years to come something brings our lives closer again. And He can spend the time he wants to repair the relationships he could have now. But thats a future I can not see myself, thats in the hands of God only.
Moving on is never easy. Sure I'll catch myself in thought and wonderment. I'll be reminded by little things. Ill be curious. But I know...Some people are meant to be with you forever, some for a short time, Some to raise you up and teach you, some to hold your hand through tough times, some to challenge you, some to knock you to your feet. Some to pick you back up. Some through thick and thin, and some to tell you Goodbye 

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Athems, Are always needed

Slow down, you crazy child.
You're so ambitious for a juvenile.
But then if you're so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire? What's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out.
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.

Don't you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old?
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine.
You can't be everything you wanna be before your time,
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight, tonight.
Too bad, but it's the life you lead.
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need.
Though you can see when you're wrong,
You know, you can't always see when you're right, you're right.

You've got your passion. You've got your pride,
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child.
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.
It's all right you can afford to lose a day or two.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Don't you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old?
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through.
Why don't you realize Vienna waits for you?
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?