Monday, August 12, 2013

Birthday Wishes and Wedding Bells.

One thing For sure about the Month of August, is that it totally rocks!

Im partial, since Not only is it my BIRTHDAY month, but its My Lovey Hubby's

and My best Friends Birthday Month as well!


Its the Month We always spent Heading to the beaches, its the month we claim the most of Summer in. It was the Last chance to complete the Summer bucket list, before heading back to school each year.

And when I think about it...Matt and I are so privileged to have been able to spend Our birthdays together and in So many different places. This year In Honolulu <3 whhhhat We've celebrated after Leaving New York at 19 in wonderful places like : Phoenix Arizona Sumner Iowa New York (again) Clearwater/ Tampa Florida Fort Irwin/ Los Angeles California Tacoma Washington And Now Honolulu Hawaii Seems so weird No? I absolutely Love birthdays...the Continuation into a New year. 30 is quickly approaching and Im Psyched My 20's have been so extremely full...over whelming...exciting...but so full. Between all our travels, marriage and 3 kids I welcome the 30's. As All our Children are now completely out of the baby stage. 2 now being in Full time School and Ryan...Being too smart for his own good. Im welcoming the end of my 20's. Sure Im only turning 28 this year, but it gives me 2 more years to jam pack and make way for some breezier 30's.

Happy Birthday Month Dawny!!!
I miss my Dawny. Our birthday Months together were always so fabulous. Especially the one we got to spend together in Florida. I miss the crazy games and conversations we would have in front of the boys just to make them sit there, scratching their heads, wondering..."what is wrong with them" Miss her Kids all 4,000 of them ;) since her house is the Hub for all things Arnold <3 Family. Family. Family. Here I go again, speaking on something thats SO screwed up. I am definitely NOT the person anyone should seek for counsel on Family feuding. But, if they are looking for someone to tell them exactly what to say and do, to put a giant sized Wedge between them..Im the girl~ I have Full accepted, admitted, and taken responsibility for the Shit I did and said. All of which, I believe as my own truth, my version, my side, and reason for the fact Im not thought of as a part of their family anymore. I feel like now 3 years into feuding, and trying to reach out in different ways to mend it, that Theres no possible reconnection. Yet, Family is supposed to be able to for give, for get and move on. Forget Yesterday. So hard to do. So hard to do. I dwell I list I go tit for tat I compare he did, she said, I did, So I said. Human nature I guess. But...When it comes to family, shouldn't there be different rules at play? Its not like, We met when we were 10 got super close, then had a falling out and never want to see each other again...Its family. Life, here in the Decker house, has been painfully hard at times. Wouldn't a Father want to know? Shouldn't they care? And Give advice, or be a listening ear? Shouldn't a Grandparent, want to keep in touch with their grandkids, Not just hang pictures of them on their wall, like it makes up for anything? Especially during a crazy transition like they have gone through with moving, or In Sophies case with Surgery, and processing, and Transferring to an All deaf School? Shouldn't A daughter, want and need and hope to learn about wedding bells from her own dad. Sure, Brothers are the next best thing to get news from...But One would hope, that such, great news, such life changing events, should be shared among everyone. Thats All I wanted, as I told my brothers. I said. Thank You for telling me, I think thats fantastic. Now I want to see if Dad lets me know himself....weeks went by...Moved...weeks went by some more...Now only a few days from their date and My emails to him have not been responded to. :( I just wanted to show my joy. And Simply ask, if he considered reaching out and tell me. Have not been given the chance, Maybe one day I've since Changed my cell number since moving to Honolulu, but my email address has always been the same, for the last 6 years. And As I dwell, and compare, and go tit for tat, after getting no response...I then laugh at myself. How Silly. True, We invited him to Our "wedding" the only one we could afford after being told we have to now pay it all ourselves since Emily came first. And True, he decided to not Show up! And True It was done the day before his birthday. And True now they are marrying a week before mine...And True he can not stand the man I married. But UNTRUE, that I do not like Jessica. And UNTRUE, that Im not happy for them marrying. Oddly...things are not so different. In the lives we lead. Though We now know nothing about whats going the day to day routines. we are not so different. Where can one go from here? Does it matter? is It possible? Is it mutual? A Wise Man in my Family, Once pulled me aside, to say, That the Sins of the Father are visited Upon the Children. And To walk carefully. The Conversation had always stuck close to me, I still remember where we were, the weather outside, and that it felt like the First honest and open (in non joking manners)conversation we had ever had before... It got me thinking about, Foot steps. And how we eventually, most of us anyway, wind up walking the same path as our parents. And its Our choices, that make the difference. Its our life, and our sins, we are to be accounted for. And if we are not careful. We can all wind up, with 1000's of miles between, passing away without having ever said, to the other...You know what, Im sorry and was foolish but I never stopped to let go of my anger to show show you I still do love you. Like Fathers, and mothers, before us. I take Full responsibility for my part. I know where I fall short...and because of my faults, and my sins, and my foolishness, and my pains and suffering I do not want our kids to thus have to be burdened and because of this separation it puts wedges between others too...I miss my Little Brothers, And Missed so much of their exciting life changing events as well

Exodus 34:6-7) - "Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; 7 who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."

Slow to Anger! Something My brother Kept saying this past weekend. Slow to Anger.
A task we have trouble with, something we need to work on. I need to work on.

So with Birthday wishes, for myself and my near and dears...
I also wish Joy and fulfillment, honesty and truth to each other and to themselves, in a Gracious and wholesomely long Marriage.
God Bless and best wishes on your happy day.

And Just because, Im so in love with the theme song from my new Fav ABC family Show...I have to include this song. It brings tears to me every time. Its beautiful. And Meaningful and ALMOST perfect for todays blog :)

I am thankful for my Family I do have. For my hard working Husband, and for my crazy loving Bunches of oats~

Family, Friends, and where blood doesn't make family, acceptance and love Makes Family, are welcomed