Sunday, September 26, 2010

Prevention is better then a cure...

Been thinking a lot about life, life Goals, faith, happiness, family, relieving stress...LIFE really. I think back to my life as a child, teen, single, now Wife and mom and see how much has changed, good and bad. Where is it that this long road is taking me? How do I need to live to Make it all it can be? Trying to always think positive, and reenforce it in my family...Things will always get better, life can change in a moment, we are healthy and together. WE ARE WE ARE WE ARE a happy family.

Positive re-enforcement is the Key, the key to good energy, the key to a good day, a relaxing night and fulls night sleep. We need to step out of the box of doubts and troubles and walk into the light of love~~Love for yourself and love for your life~~

recently I had been reminded that no matter what I feel ive have been wronged by, no matter how much bad stuff I feel Ive went thru, that I have bounced back I have grown up. That there are people out there that have had it worse then I have ever had it. That Even still, I can be a leader and remind people that the past make us who we are, the present defines out future, and our future should always be worth living For. Prevention is Better then a cure. So lets start each day off with a smile, with quiet happy thoughts, with self love and love for others, no hate in our hearts, no vengence in our minds, lets cast out all our cares and live a life we can be proud of.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

life is as life dreams....

I received my package about the Cochlear implant today, the one thats tiny and water proof(thanks AUnt Pam). The Package was amazing, has a DVD to watch but thats going to have to wait till my husband is home. Came with a coloring story book about it and ALL the info you could want about the product. Hoping if Sophie qualifies for the implant that this one is covered by our insurance. Finally UCLA received our referral and now we just have to send the fax of her orginal test results before we can schedule an APPT. Early intervention finally called for her info today and once we get the UCLA appt we can set one up for a consult with her speech therapist. Phew~~ Meanwhile shes amazing and is nothing less then a normal Tot, she even back talks in Sign language!! sometimes you cant help but smile during that tho At least its signs she understands. I love that All my children can make me laugh out loud at least 5 times a day...pure Bliss.

Meanwhile Im starting to grasp this whole Paranormal activity thats got a hold of our house right now, and the more I look into it and research and think about it, I realize its just my life, my life is a powerful source for what ever is linguring. The stress we have with all thats going on, the fact 3 kids live here, the fact Im sensitive to it, the fact we live on very historical land...everything....ahhhhh to one day rid it will be a relief.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

mom, ma', mommy

My children are the best part of me. They are everything good, bad and ready in me that I do not always share. Each one of them different in spirit, in mind, in presence. Hosting an abundance of attitude, love, joy! Making me laugh, smile, cry, or even roll my eyes 1000's of times a day. No matter what they do, and what they say (or dont) my love for each of them will never change, will never alter, will never turn away. I love being called mom, ma', mommy. I love how they hold me, squeeze me during a hug, flash a quick smile, and even get into trouble at times. They are kids, thats what they do.
As I look back to each one, from pregnancy to birth, infant to baby, baby to tot. I laugh because not once did I do anything the same. Emily I was causious, wanting everything in its place, prepped and perfect, safe and germ free. Then I learn...being a parent also means that over protecting is smuthering and what WE as adults will often run away from, and kids defy. Then, I learn, nothing will be as I want, nothing is perfect and that I set myself up for disappointment by setting my expectations much to high. Its ok to be alil easy on yourself right?
With Sophia I did total opposite, I wasnt so worried about Germs, because no matter what Babies will get sick reguardless (just like Em did at almost 2 months and was in hospital reguardless to how careful I was and made people be) I didnt Rock Sophia to sleep everynight I let her sooth herself, It was just different more relaxed and truth be told their personalities are soo different and their independence different too maybe not because of how I did things different but could
With Ryan my boy, my last baby ever!!!! Im not scared of messing up, it happens, IM not scared of forgetting a change of clothes or diaper wipes. He's amazing and Im so luck that We were blessed with such a great infant for a good experience with our last. Times are sure challenging but we are blessed as parents, we understand how hard it can be, and scary and mind blowing and life changing, and will be now the rest of our lives with the many new firsts, and lasts and possiblities are children will go through, And I pray to God Matt and I are here to share every moment with them.
All I can do is lead my children on a path of faith, and good. Hoping that their virtues will take them the rest of the way, I never want to hold them back, but push them forward, supporting NO MATTER what! I can only be me, and for my children, I'll always try to be what they need.
Its all about being mommy as best as I could. Everyone is different and so to each their own. We all learn at different paces, we all expect different things, but the one thing we all can share in is the name, mommy.

Tip Toe

I often try to watch my mouth, as in what I say. Especially around people I do not know or have just met, and Im trying to work on my whole "making friends" bit. But sometimes I just can not wrap my head around what people say...maybe theres a little bit of being lost in the translation-ness because after all we all come from different up bringings and beliefs, WHO am I to judge. In fact Im no one to judge Im sure many of you think what I say sometimes is soo off the wall, that my beliefs are strange to say the least and have formed a not so great opinion of myself and my family. Right?
But really sometimes I just want to get inside a persons head and understand where in the world they form the sentences that come out of their mouth. UNderstand the concept to which they've formed their ideas.~~sigh~~
A rough couple of years has led me to become a very different person, not only in myself, but as a mom, as a wife and a woman. Things are seen more logically~~~good thing?~~~perhaps.
But As I sit here now at 6am staring out my window from my bed, loving the sight of Fort Irwin in the wee hours of the morning, Im thankful for the road that has led me here with my family. Making new friends, understanding a new way of life. Even if that means I must Tip Toe around for a while. Cant start of new life being labeled! not yet anyway :)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The X factor

IN a round about way, I'M feeling kind of torn lately. This whole Army thing has put a tail spin on just about everything we think or do. Does "he" reenlist? Or Green to Gold college program? or Should we put in for a compassion transfer? Lord knows with the newest news that we can not stay on this military post and I contain my composure, or my sanity for that matter. Its looking like Sophia will not be getting into Speech therapy till late Winter or next freak year, UNLESS we travel even further to L.A County, which mind you WE ARE ARMY and get paid peanuts, therefore will not be able to make it out for the weekly sessions they would like her to have...more if she gets the implant and soon (so I assume that is). So what cards do we play? Whats the factor can we maneuver? Maybe something will be in our Favor. Truly believe tho that a transfer will be in everyones best interest, because Lord knows things are gonna be a lil different soon and With 3 kids along for the ride all I can say is AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...reguardless Im soo stressssssssssssssssssssssssed!!!
Im happy to have been making friends here tho, good friends, great people and our Kids are getting along so great as well, to then have to leave would be sad, and then to start over making new friends...geeeeesh!!!! Its a miracle I popped out of my shell enough on this post to already have people I LOVE!! Friend making isnt the easiest for me. Ive been lucky now and then, and I keep very few close to me!
anyway off to bed. tomorrow is yet another day

Saturday, September 11, 2010

The D

So its been almost 2 weeks since we truly knew what we already felt with Sophia and hear hearing issue.

You can always prepare yourself for the worst, or try to at least, but when it comes right down to it, you will always have that moment when your heart hurts and you slink down into your seat.

Everytime I now pass the "deaf Children in area" sign we had our neighborhood put up, I let out a big sigh. I wont pretend that I dont tear up at times, or think about the worst possiblities behind the causes of her hearing loss. Because I do.
But then I look at our beautiful little girl, our monster, our smart and independent Phi and im thankful, and I smile, and I remember that ALL is going to be ok. Long road ahead, but so much to look forward to. to hearing her say "mom" "dad" and then " I love you"...that is exciting...and makes everything we will be going thru become just another notch on our family belt of strength.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

From the Dashboard

Recent events and on going issues have been overwhelming my brain lately. I can not shake all the chaos and whirling of ideas and what if's that over take any space I have left up there. Yet, I try to manage my life, my family and this house hold, with as much grace as I can. Still, not always protraying that,in the heat of the moment I lose my head, my temper and my sanity.
I glance back in time when things seemed harder then now and realize it wasnt. I was just being a baby. I think back to opportunities we walked away from, friends we left behind and lives we "loved". Always coming back to the fact that home is where your heart is, and my heart is with my family. So long as we are together, all else can slip away and we will still be richer then most.
Together Matt and I seem to always draw the same conclusion for our future...simplicity at its grandest. Charm in a little home some where amongst the trees. Where the birds stir us awake and the crickets lull us to sleep. Downsizing not our family but our posessions. I believe I once lived the life that of a gypsy and the soul that runs deep into me, will always long for the road. To take with me only that which is dearest,meeting new faces, seeing new places, discovering the world from the dashboard.

Ideas...possiblities for the near future.