Saturday, April 30, 2011

When it rains it hales

Last year something happened. I got to spend time with another member of my biological family! Which was great in getting a glimpse into the family I barely know! For those of you who dont know! I was adopted by my Biological mothers sister, officially when I was 3. Grew up always knowing I was adopted and truth be told, in adoption its best to always make that known,the Child deserves to know. My family is Great! My dad always worked hard for us, my Mother spent her days pining over our affection and time spent with her! Took care of us and was always our back-up. My 3 crazy brothers, always made the day interesting and I like to think my best of friends with my Brother John, whos only 3 years younger then I. Ups and downs in our family. Horrible Illness-spats of fighting-clingy-ness-independence and at the end of a 24 year roller coaster ride...a divorce!
Leading us all to our separate ways! Family I barely speak to, and cant see! Only because we live so away.
When My hubs and I ran off to Florida last year we spent time with my Aunt! A blood relative! And I remember in the first few times she had asked me this..."Am I anything like your mother?" weird to ask one would think right away! Right?
Well, at first! I said no! But now as time has passed by! I realize in fact...she is just like my mom, and my mom just like her, and I...JUST LIKE THE BOTH OF THEM!...stubborn, grudge keeping, neurotic (about different things sure, but the extend of it all is closely related),loving with all our person! sparatic! Ever changing! scared! Holding back of emotion until it explodes,clingy, bossy! huge MOOD swings!Paranoid! A battle with in us,that puts a wall around us! RESENTMENT! Easy to write people off! the list of our similarities could go on! GOOD and BAD!
Ive always said I have a gypsy soul! And While I still believe that true...and more truer as my days progress on, and im molding more into....dare I say it!
I can now say that the true factor that over takes who I am as A person, especially in my state of mind right now (upset at my husband) that In my emotions "HALE" the Name to which Myself and these ladies where born into,previals! Making me say "when it storms it HALES".
All beautiful women! All covering up deeply emotional wounds that bring us"close" in our stories~in our lives~even with out spoken words!
Theres really no denying the strength of this blood line~

Monday, April 25, 2011

Tearful Mommy Moments, and my middle Finger!

Today, is a day just like any other. Theres not really anything different or exciting going on. we are still in our Pj's and just been cleaning while Major Tornado's come behind me and destroy it again! So I took a break! Turned on OC housewives, of course with Captions on, because with my 3 kids running around playing "house" you cant hear a darn word.

Of course, When you sit back and take a moment just to watch little kids in action you remember that all things simple, are the most fun! They Could have a million noise making, shaking, moving on their own, talking toys,but the biggest hits will be the Old worn, Minature plastic Play house dolls(we one they fight over all the time). A man with no hands and permanent marker all over his wrestling body, a Few Balls, and empty Easter Baskets seem to be the Toys of choice! My kids can take anything and Make it Fun! They use of a jump rope as a balance Beam, The ottoman as a bed, balls as extra "Kids" and imaginary friends that come to visit! The moments that make me proud and thankful is to see my girls,play together. NICELY with out any hiccup of a fight! Then to see Ryan "try" and Join in. AS long as hes next them, minding his own business sucking on some kind of toy, or using his bottle as a travel mug, hes happy as a clam!

Of course, It was this morning as Im watching OC housewives, I had a mini-happy melt down. Sophie had Scrapped her foot outside during a friends birthday party when she took her shoes off. So a tiny piece of skin is missing, and you would think her foot was falling off. She keeps holding it and making her sad face. :) too cute! Again this morning is when sh ran to me,holding up that foot for me to magically kiss the boo-boo all better! FOR THE MILLIONITH TIME! So I kiss it and quickly off she goes to play like nothing is wrong. Which for some reason started this happy tear. Her communication with Us has gotten so much better. Yes, she has a scary crazy temper...but really more then that, shes so gentle and simple and easy. I started Crying! My kids are amazing. My family is amazing! And Though sometimes are hard and I flip out. I really couldnt ask to have it any other way! Or Any better! Attitude and All I love it dearly!

Sophies ability to be so cute! Makes me melt! She touches Ryans head with a pat and a rub. Smiles at him with such love. When she saw Emily for the first time this morning she ran to her and gave her two big hugs. Hugs daddy every time he walks thru the door. Walks him out by holding door for him and waving goodbye out the window (after she slams door behind him of course). She has Matts need for CLean and helps clean up better then Emily does, whose a natural slob like me! Is obsessed with Dr.Seuss books (mostly green eggs and ham) Loves action adventure scenes like jumping off building and seeing white water rafting, she gets her excited face on and keeps giving High fives. Finally starting to potty train (thank the Lord).
In no way shape or form does her deafness hinder who she is. Or what she wants. And fingers crossed with our help,she'll never feel it! Though, sadly kids are mean, and I see her left out a lot, with groups of kids :( and that breaks my heart! Shes resourceful and finds something to do on her own, or hangs with Ryan and I, with Adults. Who sadly to say, still arent as "accepting" of her,SOME that is! Not everyone! People are ignorate and they dont get it! Especially Women (no offense to some)they seem to be so judgemental of Children and compare and contrast and make COMPETITIONS out of everything, especially Child rearing! Which is so sad. Sometimes I want to burst out of my comfort zone and composure and SLAP a Bi-otch! Like,seriously, I could care less if your 2 year old daughter, can say supercalifragilisticexpialidocious front and backwards while doing a cartwheel and blowing bubbles out their ears! really? Really? Some of them sit there smug saying "well...BLAH BLAH BLAH my son, my daughter, at their age...I never allow that, or this. " like really? Dont you see my invisble Middle FINGER WAVING AT YOU!? If I didnt have some Class, I'd never be invited anywhere!
Its like "hey thanks for trying to put my kids in a soap box"
LIke lets see...sly remarks on my parenting "oo my kids know not to write on walls even if I have to hover over them while they have crayons"...SMACK in my face because they went thru a phase. Hello its not the end of the world. Magic eraser or some paint bitch! Get over it!!!!!!!!!!
Or to be slapped in my face this weekend, while talking about the saying that while Pregnant with girls, they say they steal the mothers beauty! Someone looked at me and laughed when I said that and said
"Well then I guess they took a lot huh?".....A**HOLE! Thanks I feel so great now! again I laugh it off while putting an invisible middle finger up!
Have I mentioned how "WONDERFUL ARMY WIVES here at FORT IRWIN" are lately! *~*~GAG~*~*
So...All in all! I just love this family, and Im happy, and Im happy to spend it mostly at home, eating air popped pop corn in our Pjs watching Mickey Mouse Club house,and of course Bloggin!~

Word to the wise, if you wonder! What to say, in regards to Sophie or any other uniquely wonderful person! Never say, You feel bad, or sorry for them, or put them in a box~ Especially so young! Be it for something in life like, being deaf, blind, sick, hard time reading, spelling, OCD, CP, diabetic, ADD, ADHD, Autistic, allergies, limb issues, deformities, premies, OR whatever else "different" is out there. Just be kind, Be sweet! Be sincere! With good intentions, and never with labels. Sometimes, ignorance makes her look stupid! Sorry! If you dont like what Im saying! BUt until you know...what its like! Being insensitive and judgemental is not becoming!
Im growing a bigger pair of mommy "balls" and Dont let me catch you saying anything about my kids with any distain! OR about disablities (even small)Cuz ima be a bull!
I dont wish to change my family, just how most people immediately think! Harsh World because people dont think before they speak!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Faith and the Easter Bunny

The way I was Raised, In A Baptist Church has always stuck with me. Sure, times I fought it, Ran away, looked to other places...I was always Brought back to what I already new. Now, AS An Adult and A mother and Wife, I have passed Down onto my kids Faith! I dont label myself in Religious Files, But I say...I am A Christian. And I have Faith! Faith in the Lord God, Faith that Jesus died for our sins and rose again! That he shelters us, loves us, Keeps Us grounded, Gives us Something to look forward to! I believe in Heaven, and Evilness. I READ THE BIBLE! I proudly share BIBLE verses. I Sing Worship songs in the shower and Around Friends and Family AS LOUD as I can (though sometimes to just annoy them with my voice,..AH-HEM Rashan!) OR Share Childhood Christian Songs with Friends Like My Sammi and Lexi..."I've got the wonderful love of my blessed Redeemer way down in the depths of my heart" :)
So, To fulfilling to me, to Hear Emily Talk about Jesus, and Somewhat Understand Christian Holidays As I explain them...because she doesnt go to Sunday School yet! While at the Same time!...Loves Easter Bunny's and Santa Claus And Dressing up for Halloween. And Thats ok! We want Our kids to experience it ALL! While, Some others may look at us with doubts and Frowns at how we parents, we rejoice in it! We dont shelter our kids too much, and we talk freely about the World around us. They Know whats right and wrong, and bad and good, real and pretend! ANd We think even at their age, its a good thing to know.
It was a Work day for Matt today! So the Easter Bunny snuck up stairs During Matts Lunch Break...Left the kids Baskets to enjoy! And BOY were they so thankful and excited.

We had Fun! A really Great Weekend. Took some Time to Visit the Easter Bunny Yesterday! Leave it to Fort Irwin, to have him in front of a med-chopper!

Then we closed the Evening with Some Coloring of Eggs!

The day We step back And Recongize all we have doesnt just have to be on Holidays Or Celebration days! Jesus Died for us to Live, He Died so that we can be Free from Sin, So shall we Ask! So Shall we Believe. He Rose and Showed his strength and Power and Might, for us and for those Non-believers. He Died So that This family, and the Millions out there, Could spend our days Happy and together! He lives, so that one day, we will be greeted by him! He lives for us! In lives in Us!
My Life is Wonderful, because of my Faith! My Faith has led me to where I am. The Rocky Road, Was my doing! But We are here, and He has never left!
So Closing With Some Scripture!From the One True place, where the message, though, in different styles has always remained the same!

Romans 1:4-5
And Jesus Christ our Lord was shown to be the Son of God when God powerfully raised him from the dead by means of the Holy Spirit. Through Christ, God has given us the privilege and authority to tell Gentiles everywhere what God has done for them, so that they will believe and obey him, bringing glory to his name.

Romans 5:6-11
For when we were still helpless, Christ died for the wicked at the time that God chose. 7 It is a difficult thing for someone to die for a righteous person. It may even be that someone might dare to die for a good person. 8 But God has shown us how much he loves us—it was while we were still sinners that Christ died for us! 9 By his b...lood we are now put right with God; how much more, then, will we be saved by him from God's anger! 10 We were God's enemies, but he made us his friends through the death of his Son. Now that we are God's friends, how much more will we be saved by Christ's life!
11 But that is not all; we rejoice because of what God has done through our Lord Jesus Christ, who has now made us God's friends.

1 Corinthians 15:17-20 "Unless Christ was raised to life, your faith is useless, and you are still living in your sins. And those people who died after putting their faith in him are completely lost. If our hope in Christ is good only for this life, we are worse off than anyone else. But Christ has been raised to life! And he makes us certain that others will also be raised to life."

"And the angel answered and said unto the women, Fear not ye: for I know that ye seek Jesus, which was crucified. He is not here: for he is risen, as he said. Come, see the place where the Lord lay. And go quickly, and tell his disciples that he is risen from the dead; and, behold, he goeth before you into Galilee; there shall ye see him: lo, I have told you." Matthew 28:5-7

Happy Easter Friends and Family!

Friday, April 22, 2011


A day at the park here in So-Cal sometimes isnt as easy as 1,2,3. More often then not we hold on for dear life as we even try to pile into the Van. But We cant be couped up All day, everyday! And on those days I actually can get us all out of the house before something or someone breaks down and things go Terribly Wrong, We enjoy the Sunny life~

Then...we try to RUN! Run through that forceful Wind and well! Not always is it a success~

Other times you just Grin and Bare it~

Just put on a happy face and go with it~

We Sit in the Sun, and walk the Gravel. The Sandy Tone of Emptiness that surrounds us, Day in and day out! Climb up those Ladders and Enjoy that fearless Ride Down! Round and Round we go, till our little legs are all tuckered out!

Just another day! Just another Slide! But what brings a smile to our faces, is usually something just so Simple! So easy! So carefree!

And WHY not just smile! Just Because! Because it FEELS good!

Because At the End of the day! No Matter how Full, or how Boring! All we Have is our Family. Doesnt Matter what we do together, how much Money is in the Bank or what creditors are calling our line! We Have Each other, we and Sunshine! And Health, And Faith, and thats a good enough reason to JUST Smile! And as for that WIND...No Matter how hard it Blows! Still...We Smile!

Birthday pictures

Looking Good in Baby Blue. One of the birthday gifts from her Poppi and Jessica!She loves the way it moves n in her words "not itchy"
Her birthday was good, low key, just us, Daddy got home early, yummy homemade Chocolate Cake with Pink frosting

We Did nothing all day! Watched a few movies, played at home. Cleaned, napped and took a spin in the "truck". Sang a happy birthday song and opened gifts. It was a day of love!

Silly faces with mommy!

Birthday gift from her "boyfriend" and his family. She still wont let go!

Daddy's little Tom-boys!

Minus the California WIND! the days here are simply beautiful out!

light up shoes!!!!
Dr.Seuss YES YES please! We love these books!

lastly is Ryan with his Mozart Cube! He and Soph think its great

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

"Empire State of Mind" Jay-Z | Alicia Keys [OFFICIAL VIDEO]

Missing My New York. I Spent my whole life trying hard to get away! Managed it more times then I believed. MADE it all the way to the WEST coast! But! Its not all that! I have changed so much, and who would have thought I'd miss OC. ???? really I dont even believe it myself. No Matter where I am, who Im with, what outs goin on, the NEW YORK in me always shines thru! In my blood, Mid-City Water running thru my veins baby! Italian Food(y) that Built the way. Replaced O's with Aw's my whole life, left out important T's in Words and put extra A's at the end where its not needed. What can I say!?...What can I say "Wrong" according to Non-Southern New Yorkers!
Ironic? Maybe. Im the epitome of an oxy-moron. A gypsy who wants to plant Roots. An Adventurist who likes plans, A dreamer who packs a head of time. A Writer who can not spell, and hates grammar! A Christian who cusses! A Singer who cant play an instrument! Studying Fitness when I have 50 pounds to shed! I Could go on Forever(a) lol.
But I am who I am, I love myself, and I tell others to take me or leave me.
Point is...New York, no matter how far or long Im gone. Will always be with me! Who I am. And where I came from.
Missing my Ladies tonight,
Thinking about Sex and the City (thanks Benny)
Jamming to Alicia and JZ and waiting for lil Man to be in Bed so I stop being Bitched at by my 9mth old who's learned a ton of Attitude from his sisters!
Nighty Night!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Just another rambling GOAT!

Pixie Dust and balloons settle from the Family birthday celebration. 4 Years ago yesterday Emily graced us Early! LONG Labor, LONG birth, Family feudings, Meetings and Blow Outs. College Massacres and "HOLY RAINFALL BATMAN", Hurt feelings, HURTING mama, and one Tiny 6 pound baby wrapped in Pink! OK OK Ill Admit, Wasnt the most magical day I was dreaming it would be, despite the Drama...Emily was perfect! And I couldnt be more happy! After that day, YES that day I was full of shelfish-ness (rightfully so after having hmmm 10 people all at once in my labor room while in extreme pain and forgettfulness!)Life Drasticly changed. In my Mind, in my heart, in my personality and in my strength! My actions tho that day in pain, started a ripple effect! And Life as I once knew it...was Gone!...BYE BYE!

AS I look back now, at Events that accompanied! Words that were spoken and feelings that were created! I compare them to now! I think, Karma is amazing! I think no truer words were ever created then that of "until you step into their shoes you will never truly know" Doesnt make the pain or results of the past different, but for me it makes me think! I dont know about other people, I can only speak for myself!

You know! Life has a funny away of tearing things apart, and then piecing them back together later. Pulling people apart and reuniting them in the future. Changing who we are and turning FATE, into reality! Sometimes you have to let go, and go with the flow to get every inch out of life. Its not one thing, its not one way! Its not a list or chart or routine! the Willy Wonka Elevators Of All Elevators! Doesnt just go 2 directions!

Im not perfect, IM not a saint, I Have many days of "ohhh FML" and "woe-es me" But Im human! Im Woman! Im a worrier and a complainer and pool of self confidence and lack of as well! And apparently, as POINTED out last night by a friend "debates" just give us women another reason to NEVER shut up! HA, we do truly love our opinions!

Today, Im sick! My balance is off from the ear infection, my head hurts, my nose is annoying and All I can hear are the kids spinning around the livingroom chasing eachother!. And that ok! Its just another day and in 14 more hrs a new day starts! But somewhere down the line till then. Ill bitch, yell, cry, hide, sleep, eat and play with the kiddos. And Be me! regardless to what happened 4 years ago! Life kept moving. Had more Kids with AMAZING births and felt the joy of what the day should be. Been up and down more mountains in life then most people ever climb and I wouldnt change that for anything! Because I know, when I look at each of my Children, and Play their story in my mind, it has molded myself and this family into what it is today. Not perfect, Not Royal...Plain Jane Ordinary but Spectacular to us!

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Who is Emily McKenzie?

Who is Emily McKenzie?
In!....Heres Why

As she is getting older. I keep seeing more and more of me in her. After All shes the oldest. And it wasnt Just her for too long. Being only 21 Months old when Sophia was born. She took to the Big sister role Right away. I dont Give Emily much responsiblity at Home. She must clean her toys up, brush her teeth, clean up her spills...that about sums it up. Its when we go out, especially to the park or someones home where they go off an play, that I tell her "its your job to keep Sissy safe, to help her and show her things and make sure friends are being nice to her". Well that role has spilled over into our house. to the point where I hear my own mothers voice coming out of me..."I am the mom you are not"...those dreaded moments where all of a sudden you are brought back to your own childhood.
Emily McKenzie as sweet and funny as she Bossy! Bossy! Bossy! Which also happens to be the most used Word by her, inregards to Matt and I parenting her :/

On the positive side. Shes super quirky just like me. Singing at random times, her own lyrics. Talking to herself. Saying weird things like "im all alone...Im all alone I cant find my kids, that makes me alone" at random times...with a very sad look on her face.

She Just reminds me soo much of myself. Its kind of funny! Shes such a doll. Wants so much to be loved and cared for. Wants to hear it and feel and see it! She wants to make sure shes never forgotten about.
My little me is turning 4 on Sunday! That amazes me! 4...really 4!!!??
Im so thankful for her. Im so Blessed. She changed my life. She changed me and made me a stronger person. She will always be My Emmiepoo.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I watch her twist, and turn. Smile into the air and yell (in joy) her high pitched scream. I watch her bend and scoup, then twirl and jump. Her imagination, at its wildest. She falls to the ground, kicking her legs up. Moving faster and faster Laughing at herself. So! She acts. She makes us laugh. Does extrememly funny faces and inspired motions!
Shes beautiful! Graceful! enchanting! Illuminating! Glamorous.
She does not let the hearing defeat her. She does not let the looks get her down. Her pride and joy is seen through her big brown eyes.

So when I hear "I feel bad for her" from those who dont really know her. I Brush it off. What is there to feel bad for? This is her life. This is how God intended. She is the happiest little girl, bouncing from one end of the house to the other.

Do not for Bad for her, rejoice in her delightfulness. She is a shining bright light. Those looks...those words of discouragement, those words of pitty...will be clouds over her. I refuse to let that light burn out! So stop! Before you think of how terrible it must be to be "different", think about the power and Blessings it has to be Unique!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

As Chicks

Little Girls are rough! I'd say just as bad as boys. Always doing something to get themselves an adrenaline rush! Climbing just as high, just as many scars on Knees,elbows and hands. Jumping from the top, landing hard and laughing out of control. Just as many bloody noses and black and blue marks. Always trying to out do each other.
"old Mr Webster could never define..." the truth about Childhood, Boy or Girl! Could never guess who did what, or why! In our youth, we always test those boundaries. We live to play, we play pretend, we fall and always get back up. Shake off fears of heights and small places. Drown ourselves in ice cream and m&m's. Make prank calls and 'Tag' YOUR IT! Stay out past dark to feel like a "bad" one! Ride Bikes for fun...hide our vitamins in secret places. Count down till Summer, pass notes in school, secret code languages and CODE names for our crushes.

Its all so important. the way we play as Children. The way we grow into Snotty pre-teens and secretive teenagers. The Learning curve that honestly we all go through. Although for some its in different ways..we still experience it.
I love listening to the Kids play pirates and inter-act with their imaginary Friend Yana from a different country...New York! lol. AS Em told me.
Seeing Sophie, act in Slo-mo and run crazy. Kick her legs and giggle in excitement over nothing in the car. Ryan Chase after the Balls laughing hysterical as he pushes them further.

Its funny. Since the beginning of Spring. Ive found myself being brought back to the good years of my careless Childhood. Certain things, certain times of the evening remind me of those days. The overwhelming sensation of great-ness comes over me in those moments, makes all my cares disappear for that time. Its what I loved about Spring and Summer days as a Child, and what I love as an adult. Just before night fall, as the Sun peaks over the mountain top and the rooms glow. The family settles for Dinner and relax from the day. Perfect! Priceless! Simple!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


Learning each and everyday something new. New inspiration and new challenges to help mold myself and my family. We will be the best we All can be!

please join

please join me in a nice little Blog spot. and Support My Sophie and other families that need Awareness and Support

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

The Lion the Witch and the Elephant in the Room...?

Gathered in a room full of people...Its loud. Lots of movement.When through the Crowd pops out A little girl. All Smiles. All hyper. Ready to party her tush off. People Smile at her, say her name. Speak to her...and then wonder..."does she not care?"..."maybe she doesnt like me" All the while not paying attention to the Signs at hand. "ohh shes Deaf" surprised pitty faces stare blankly back. Silently thinking "now what do i say...hurry either ask a question or change the subject". Its Obvious then...theres an Elephant in the room.
Happens more then one would think. The Silence (no pun intended)forms a wall of tension and uncertainty. Hmm? Some think. How is it shes deaf...her parents are not. Her brother and sister are not. But they are sometimes scared to ask what happened.

The Witch, How we've come to know her very well. She sits day in day out, sleeping, Cleaning...doing her witchy routine. At the very sound of hardship, or evilness, she reveals her self. She defends life. She defends the right to be free of bullying...the hackling snarling green witted sense of humor...has thus changed. Certain things are not as funny anymore.

The lion...this lion is not so cowardly. He stands his ground when called upon, but for the most part, Lays still and quiet in the brush. Annoying the young and females now and again just to make his presense known. Hes a fighter, a leader, a provider. A great influence and loved dearly by his cubs that TAKE JUST AFTER HIM!

As for that still lingures. It roams and pops out now and again.In Different rooms where new questions come up, or when People scratch their heads wondering..."if shes deaf then why is she dancing to the music? why does she act with a mic and a guitar in hand? Why does she laugh at the Movie?"...
What we have learned is that reality, is a hard thing to swallow. Tasteless,mostly...Bitter at times. Sweet with every inch of laughter. Sometimes Burning as it drips down the back of your throat, swelling your eyes. Its our reality, Elephant or not...We've learned to live it, and take nothing for granted!