Friday, February 25, 2011

Theres a Crack in everything...

I was reading today...reading Poems by unknown authors, and stories of other families. I read quotes and questions, Feelings and answers. N I was touched by many of them.
sharing with you readers what I have seen

"There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle." -Albert Einstein

of couse a few Bible verses
Be joyful in hope, patient in trouble, and persistent in prayer. ~Romans 12:12
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory. ~2 Corinthians 4:17

theres a crack in everything. thats how the light gets in- Leonard Cohen

Sunday, February 20, 2011

D-PAN: Waiting on the World to Change

This Video came to me, ViA Kidz connection Blog. Thanks so much for posting it. IT made me see the opportunities I always thought about for Sophie! I knew they could happen before, But seeing it puts it on a WHOLE other Level!

Its Sophies imperfection that inspires me. That Teaches me!

Sean Forbes "I'm Deaf"

Saturday, February 19, 2011

A language...I do not know! and many questions

One Would think that something so simple, as looking up a sign online, or In a book would be just that...simple!
My mind when we first got the news of Sophies range of Deaf-ness. I said to myself. OK, lets learn ASL. American Sign Language. Right? Who knew the true depth in which we were getting into. ASL is the most used...maybe!? Im not to sure. It is by far the one put out in America the most. Colleges have Full on degrees that specialize in ASL. So when you look into Signs. You will notice that many signs have different ways of doing it, and different types of Sign language. So what do you study? What do you learn? Can you mix it up? If you learn ASL, must you only use ASL? What if the person you are talking too, learned the language under a different system??

Its all so confusing. Or am I just Naive? CLueless into the silent which I do not live...who do I get to ASK, for Sophie is the only COMPLETE Deaf person I know.

What I do know, is that reguardless, I love the Book Grams gave me, and I know its not ASL, the signing flash cards I was using, was not ASL. THe teachers that Work with Sophie, dont use ASL...N when I compare the signs Ive learned with ASL...I like the ones Ive learned.I like how it flows, and Sophie Catches on to them well. OOOOOOO HUGE SIGH! HUGE HUGE HUGE SIGH!

So heres to the method of trying different types, and learning lots and lots, as much as we can absorb. To...daily signs that we will learn and the quiz we give each other each Sunday!
Heres to a family, becoming Bi-lingual...maybe tri-lingual?? with the different sign systems ;) who really knows.

Lastly, after writing my last entry, A fact was pointed out to me....that...
SILENCE is lonely.

While that may be true. Especially for those of us who can hear, and those of us using Science to make that hearing happen..that when there are moments where our Hearing is taken away, even just slightly. I suppose that quiet, can be really lonely.
But what does a little girl know of Silence...when She doesnt know Sound at all? and with that...can there really be that lonesomeness?
Shes the most happiest of little girls. Friendliest in all sorts of ways. Reaches out to touch strangers from the seat of the shopping cart and waves almost at every passer byers...So...Is her Silence A lonely Silence?
Will then the World of Sound when she gets the more then Frightening?

So many questions and so much time, before I can get any of my answers!

Friday, February 18, 2011

Melodies of silent Tongues

Ode to a Deaf Child . . .
One day I saw a little child as lovely as a flower,
She danced and ran, she jumped and turned ...
I watched her for an hour.

This child of God was all the things I'd want my own to be,
Magnificient of heart adn limb a curiosity.

But when God made this little one he didn't give her sound,
He left her in silent world where quiet is profound.

A deep abyss, a lonely world, away from all who hear,
To never know the voice of man in happiness or fear.

And as I watched her hands make pictures in the air,
A silent unknown rhythm that I could never share.

For in this world of silence the hearing rarely go,
Because they lack the picture words it never can be so.

This causes me to wonder about the world of sound,
What is it that we're missing where the silence is profound?

And then I knew the answer, it suddenly was there--
To live and love togethere means people have to share.

Thus in the world of picture words where pretty symbols flow,
The meanings of I LOVE YOU is there for all who know.

And so I guess the world of sound will stay a world apart,
Until it learns the picture words, it cannot share the same heart.

Philip A. Bellefleur, Ph.D.

Silent Hands

Can you hear me?
Listen, not with your ears
But with your eyes.
To you they speak,
My silent hands.
Hear me tell my tale.
Hear me sing my song.
Learn my language,
My beautiful native language.
Hear my hands,
Hear my music and story.
Learn my language.
Speak to me with your hands.
Share my beautiful language.
Hear my silent hands.
We have a tale to tell,
A song to sing.
Open your eyes
And hear me speak.

Author: Sandra L. Brooks

My Hands

God chose that I should never talk
and share a voice with you.
My world will be a silent one--
my ears hears nothing, too.

Why was it I was chosen to be
so all alone--
My inner voice was asking if
the answer could be known.

Then I look into the mirror and
saw good things looking back,
I had to take the positives--
put them on the right track.

I thought a lot about it,
and now I want to shout,
The wondrous gifts God gave me
outnumber what He left out.

So let me take the challenge in
meetings life's demands--
I have the power to change things,
and it lies here in my hands.

Stevie Drown

A Deaf Child's Prayer

Do the angels sing in Heaven, Lord?
Will I hear music there?
Or must I stand in a corner
While others join in prayer?
While I wonder what they're saying Lord,
As oft I do down here?
Must I sit in lonely stillness
While the bells ring loud and clear?
Can I read your lips in Heaven,
Lord Will I be brushed aside,
And stick my hands in pockets
Because of wounded pride?
Will all the saints there praise thee,
While I in silence wait?
Will some one up in Heaven
Help me through the gate?

Then God, who loves the humble,
Whispered in the poor deaf ear
My child, has no one told you,
There is no silence here.
Hold out your hands, my little one,
For Heaven all to see.
We've heard them pray so many times,
Each prayer reached up to Me.
See, all the angels waiting.
The gates are open wide.
Your crown of life awaits you,
And I shall be your guide.
I have a song to give you,
You'll sing both loud and clear.
And the song you sing, my dear one,
Will be the sweetest song up here.

Doris Isbell (McDonald) Crowe'
Registered Interpreter for the Deaf,
Employee of a International Relay System
for the Deaf , sponsored by the F.C.C.

I find it amazing, that in my search for Deaf literature the search engine had trouble locating some under specific names I searched for. Powerful Deaf people, whos written word of the 19th century was scrutinized, and torn down, by belief that such arts, like poetry is meant to be spoken when read, so that the audience can FEEL the purpose of the WORDS. SUCH BULL!!!! Come on really. Sign language in itself is an Art, and let me say NOT AS EASY AS IT LOOKS PEOPLE!
I do wonder why it is, we look to the World to be All Audio? WHY? Why do we feel that limitations such as hearing loss will subject loved ones to pain.....OH WAIT I know, Because the World is full of selfish, mean, cruel people who lack empathy, who have no knowledge of what it means to be limited. Who justify their actions by Creating a World when those that APPEAR less then they are...simply are! and thats such cowardness. When those with a disabilty have more Character and peace and ABILITY then the mindless dromes who lead others into believe their make believe world. where all things should be the same and perfect! Right?
I question every day, whether Our decision to Change what Sophie is...A beautiful Deaf girl, will effect her later negatively or positively. Of COurse Only the Lord knows how she will be later in her life. Do I surrender to the hearing World. And Allow myself and "leaders" label her something now only to TRY and put her in the Group Of "normal-ness" (which by the way I HATE HATE HATE the word normal now! if only my tired mind could think of a better term to forever go by)
Only the deaf know! Right? Well only the caring Parent of a Deaf Child knows as well? The Silent World in which they live...Maybe its only for them to decide, if silence over some hearing, will change how people look at them anyway....Will it change peoples Mind? Will the fact that We put Sophie thru the surgery Change how they see her...with her Aids on...Will the look be different if they just saw her speaking with her Hands? NO....I dont believe so! Its still that same God awful face...the "oh Im sorry" sentence and the pity you eyes...GAG!!!!!!!!!
As you can tell IM a little bitter right now! Stuck between my mind and my heart. My selfishness to hear her speak my name, and my Motherly desire to GIVE HER anything she wants. DO I know whats right for A World I've never been in first hand?
Then I see Emily...who is more then capable of Speaking and hearing, WHo uses bigger words then I use on a daily basis....I see her PREFER to use her hands to speak in Front of NON family people! What is that telling me? What does that show?

Lots of praying I need to do. To See a clear path to take!

I guess too, Only time will Tell. When Sophie is able to make up her mind. Reguardless...I never want her to feel bitter. OR angry. I want to try anything and everything and purse ALLLLLLLLLL of everything...ASL, Audio, Drama Class, Gymnastics, Karate...ANYTHING! because I never want her to feel her Ears...will hold her back! Because I wont let that happen. I wont let her feel failed by this World, that Label...everyone!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

getting it started

Been thinking all afternoon, about what I need to do to throw myself into high gear! Get a move on BECCI Get a MOVE ON, I picture the silly little cartoon yelling to me.
I need that in your face get it done kind of feeling. sure I am not happy with how I look and thats motivation to change it, sure I want to chase my kids and not be out of breath, but with so much taking over my day with 3 kids I find myself wanting to just sit in peace when i have the moments to do so. BUT thats about to change. these next 30 days need to be about sacrificing, peace, or activity and junk for pumped.
I can do it I can do it I can do it.
I have formulated a plan to fit myself and my quick on the go life I have at home with these darling children. I have a scheduled Work out time frame. and I have the resources I need. Plus, this blog to help me stay in line!

its all about, MOVING, I really dont eat that often anyway, but I my spurts of energy are reserved for action with the kids, and now With this new month to improve, my energy will be spread through out the day. Which in the end I know, not only will make me feel better, look better and think better, but will help me sleep better too, which..........Im so lacking in good healthy sleep!

Im starting off this session with Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. Why? Well I love her, I think she maximizes the time well and hits all the target zones I need. I WILL lose the 20 pouds in 30 days you can while using her system and my formulated eating plan. After which I will change it up and get into my next phase of POWER activity. Chalean...AWESOME stuff, but a lil more intense and will be better once my body is acclimated for more intense pylometrics with 20 pounds being off this short frame of mine!

IM ready soooo ready. Im taking each month at a time setting different goals each time till I get the results im looking for. So that hopefully by July....Ill be more then on my way to the ultimate Me~ The Elite Me~

getting active! getting excited!

31 to get it done!

So I keep seeing all these posts for 30 day photo challenge. Which, OK is great and cute, and can keep us busy and makes you think...But I have decided to do something WAY different.

31 (days) to get it DONE (20 pounds to lose)

Between today Feb 16th and Monday Feb 21st, I will be formulating my game plan and settling my absolute Goals. Anyone who knows me, knows I like to think ahead and be prepared and have a plan. Ideas of recipes, shopping done, videos laid out, time frames scheduled.

so every day Ill blog about it, and Post Motivational pictures to get me moving everyday!

anyone who wants to join me in this challenge let me know and we can do it together!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 3, 2011


So I have been trying to get more information on what Sophie's condition is like. I have been asked Questioned like "what can she hear" "can she hear me talk?" "whats the next step?"

So I found a small list that will give people an idea of what might be heard by our little girl. The last hearing test was done on the 1st. She only gave us 2 response. One at 750hz and one at 1000hz. The responses can in between 95 and 105 DB. Meaning that she heard only VERY LOUD sounds at a very low toned Frequency. Like a BASS tone. NO high pitches can be heard. Now mind you this is ALL WITH her aids on!

50 - 75 dB air conditioner
50 - 80 dB electric shaver
55 - 70 dB dishwasher
60 - 85 dB vacuum cleaner
60 - 95 dB hair dryer
65 - 80 dB alarm clock
75 - 85 dB flush toilet
80 dB ringing telephone
110 dB baby crying
90 - 115 dB subway
120 dB ambulance siren
130 dB jackhammer, power drill
130 dB percussion section at symphony
140 dB airplane taking off
95 - 110 dB motorcycle
110 dB symphony concert
110 dB car horn
110 -120 dB rock concert
112 dB CD player on high
117 dB football game (stadium)
150 dB firecracker
157 dB balloon pop
162 dB fireworks (at 3 feet)
163 dB rifle
166 dB handgun
170 dB shotgun

Decibel Levels of Environmental Sounds

Source--Dangerous Level dBA SPL
Produces Pain 120-140
Jet Aircraft During Takeoff (at 20 meters) 130
Tractor Without Cab 120
Rock Concert 110
Die Forging Hammer
Gas Weed-Whacker
Chain Saw
Pneumatic Drill 100-105
Home Lawn Mowers 95 to 100 dB
Semi-trailers (at 20 meters) 90

Source-- dBA SPL
Discomfort Level Above 80
Heavy Traffic 80
Automobile (at 20 meters) 70
Vacuum Cleaner 65
Conversational Speech (at 1 meter) 60
Quiet Business Office 50
Residential Area at Night 40
Whisper, Rustle of Leaves 20
Rustle of Leaves 10
Threshold of Audibility 0

With out her aids, Sophie had gotten responses between 120 and 150. If you notice it says those kinds of levels are in the range of PAIN for someone without hearing loss. Sounds on this list, that MAY be something she can hear with her aids on. Are...
Lawn mower
chain saw
jack hammer

When she gets her Implants. She will beable to learn how to detect and respond to speech. Learn how to talk and read. Hear music and be on a phone. Just all those sounds will come in much much different.
WE, without Hearing trouble hear on Soundwaves...

Sophie will not be hearing soundwaves. Her Mind will be directly getting the signal that sound is coming thru the implant. And be able to feel the pulses. Because of her degree of hearing loss.
Currently her Audiologist believes that the hairs with in her Cochlea have been completely Wiped out. The anatomy of the ear, those ears help to move sound from the Ear drum to the Nerve endings, that tell the brain noise is there. thus the Brain reacting, recognize the sound or search for the source. The implant will take the place of those "hairs" that are possibly missing in sophies ear.

I hope this helps some people understand a lil more about whats going on. As I learn more, and understand the process' I will Let you guys whom are interested on point as Well.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

11:48pm I am Humbled

AS today is now coming to a close, Im gazing through Facebook, though its last and I am tired. I am also restless with tons on my mind. I write to my dear friend about Today and then click on my home page again. The first thing to catch my eye is my "like" to Joseph Prince..(thank You Aunt Maryanne for leading me to his preachings)And of Course The Bible verse in which he opens todays Note in is Philippians 4:19. So I go the the passage, I go a read verse 19. Then I decide My hear wants more. So I open the entire Chapter, and I have read this time and Time before, I have shared from this chapter on my status and between good Friends, in time of need. But TONIGHT! I am Humbled. I am Thankful. AND CAREFREE, Because I have chosen, to cast all my Cares upon HIM! HIM WHO STRENGTHENS ME!!!!...STRENGTHENS ME!!!!!! YES!
Thank You Lord, Thank you for Giving to me all that I have been blessed with. Thank YOU for believing in me, and Dieing for me, and Holding me! This life, though hard at times, thought tramatizing now and then, though I have seen, I have felt and I HAVE DONE MANY rotten things, he forgets me NOT! He keeps his watchful eye on me, and on my Family. This life....with all its ups and downs, with all my sins and joys, I WOULD NOT CHANGE! FOR ANYTHING. I am Humbled. I am Thankful.

There is controversy when it comes down to Sophies and any other human being with Hearing loss of all types. Controversy of the benefits and the debilitating effect CI's (the implants) could have on a person. I have read both sides of the story. The good, the bad, the ugly. Those who love it and praise God for allowing such technology to be apart of our World, and others who take it as just that Technology and what they call "NORMAL" people, just trying to make more "NORMAL" people out of those who have a disability. I myself have battled in my head...implants? no implants and just good ole Sign Language...Sophie is getting great at that.

I Want whats best for Sophie. If she can have the chance to hear...even if what she hears isnt, classified in what others call "NORMAL" thats ok! She will be my bionic AWESOMENESS! The Side effects are slim at best, with the Implants. The benefits completely out weigh the bad. And from what I have seen, ALL those who are against the CI's (even recipients) seem to have a bitter under-story. That really has nothing to do with the implant, but their lack of Joyfulness in life. I've come to the decision tooo....Go forward with the implants, for right now it will benefit our daughter more greatly to have them. So should decide that later in life when she is old enough to make different CHoices that she doesnt want to use the implant...then thats her choice. And WHY I WILL GO AGAINST ALL CI doctors and Audiologists and teachers who tell me to Completely cut out ASL...(SIGN LANGUAGE). Because in my opinion...having that 2nd language, be it spanish, french, Or SIGN LANGUAGE will always be SMART!
CI's will not make Sophia NO LONGER deaf. She will still be deaf. She will still be a beautiful, disabled, Woman who can hear! (as much sense as it makes)or not hear should she chose to not wear them, and why sign lanuage will be a fluent 2nd language of the Decker house hold.

SHE is profoundly deaf and I have finally come to terms with that. After todays Visit to the Doctor again and understanding a little bit more about Sophies condition...I have become Humbled and Perfectly happy with this path. Knowing that God sent her to us, made her this way, put her on this path, because IM the best MOM she could have and WILL always be that for her.

So read, and take it! Philippians 4:1-19

Philippians 4
1Therefore, my brethren dearly beloved and longed for, my joy and crown, so stand fast in the Lord, my dearly beloved.

2I beseech Euodias, and beseech Syntyche, that they be of the same mind in the Lord.

3And I intreat thee also, true yokefellow, help those women which laboured with me in the gospel, with Clement also, and with other my fellowlabourers, whose names are in the book of life.

4Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice.

5Let your moderation be known unto all men. The Lord is at hand.

6Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.

7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

9Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

10But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at the last your care of me hath flourished again; wherein ye were also careful, but ye lacked opportunity.

11Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

12I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

13I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

14Notwithstanding ye have well done, that ye did communicate with my affliction.

15Now ye Philippians know also, that in the beginning of the gospel, when I departed from Macedonia, no church communicated with me as concerning giving and receiving, but ye only.

16For even in Thessalonica ye sent once and again unto my necessity.

17Not because I desire a gift: but I desire fruit that may abound to your account.

18But I have all, and abound: I am full, having received of Epaphroditus the things which were sent from you, an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God.

19But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

More on Sophie and her condition and what her tests results have shown us stay "tuned"