Wednesday, September 28, 2011

magic Fingers

Wee little hands
Move back and forth
Creating Words
Wee little hands
that tell a story
magic fingers

Sophie has been amazing with not only signing, but looking for the sign. Watching my hands. Pointing to something and then turning to look at what the sign is. She is more in tuned in what Im trying to teach her. Its been so awesome to experience.
Ryan, Tho he does not sign. He too has been paying more attention to hand signs and gestures. He leaves his gaze a few extra seconds on me to see If A sign comes with what I say.
Emily will ask, "is this the sign" "is this how you do it" "whats the sign for...?"
We are a working signing family.
Coming along just fine. Fine tuning where it needs and adjusting our sense of behavior now that we have 3 fully understanding kids ;)who catch on to everything said around them, by us, and the World they live in.

A very well rounded out Month here for September.
Cant believe its just about Over already!
Im going to blink and its Going to be us waking up Christmas morning AHH
I wont complain too much about it ending, This year has been a hard one~

Monday, September 26, 2011


Its so annoying sometimes, wanting to BLOG!
Wanting to blog and write out my feelings at the moment I have them. Express myself and a situation I want to highlight.
Give my two cents and Have a ventation centered blog.

I have so much I want to spill onto these pages, yet because I have a certain audience...Its not really appropriate. ANNOYING!
Annoying I want to really vent, and because of retaliating folks, I can not.

But do I let ligit feelings sit and fester once again...and 2 years from now explode? hahaha it would be deja vu.

It would be healing for me. Im stress and feeling pressured and mad and it all makes me think of the Story of the Wolf in sheep clothing.

Ugh its so annoying I have to be vague........

Plain and simple Bullshit

but then again such things makes me think a movie line (yet again)
"you cant spell families with out Lies...AM I right? or AM I RIGHT?"

Cue evil laugh

Wheres a falling house when I need one ;)


Totally not related to my home,
my kids
my husband
where I live
or anything I usually complain about

totally related to, those people I shall not name


yea at you!

In the Thick of things!

Hello Monday!

Hello Rain!
Been waiting to feel the touch of North Western weather Since we got here in June. And Finally Its starting to look just how I Imagined Washington Would. Smell of Rain. Listening to gentle tapping and light wind blowing.
Tires Splashing in puddles, and hoody jackets worn while running for cover.
But I, Stand there, Still in Pajamas, Coffee in hand, letting the drops pound my shoulders.
How I love Rain.
How I missed the Rain.
Its so peaceful, and reminds me of simplier times. Oranges, hot tea and Movies like "the First wives club" "Mrs Doubtfire" "16 candles" "Hello Dolly"
Yes Hello Dolly, with Barbara Streisand. Something about her voice, speaking and singing that I just love. And seriously, who doesnt love a good streisand rendition?
Other movies from my childhood, Annie and ALL the shirly Temple movies makes.Thinking about it, makes me hum "animal crackers in my soup"
Days like today, when the sky is gray, rain covers my windows, and the smell from the heat lingures in the air, I also drift back to "the Secret garden"
Can I help Im such a movie Buff?

It was a long weekend. I seemed to have reached my first fall cracking point from stress. Dealt with it and calmed down. having 3 young kids isnt any joke, some days really tests my very soul.
But the stress seemed to be about me. Myself, my unsatisfiable self. My best quailty is being able to run, and adapt,run and adapt. But then I fall short in the being ok enough to just stay put.
My friend told me, that While I may enjoy and have a lot of hobbies that Im into, none of them seem to give me the concrete control that I must be searching for. And that Now being an Army wife, We lose more control over things because we need to be prepared for every and any situation at the drop of a...shall we say Army Hat!
And shes right~
Knowing what My interests are...finding something I long for, and can be creative with, and take my time with...that I control. JUST MIGHT BE KEY!

In the Thick of things. My dreams always seem to capture exactly what I question while Im awake.
I get crazy moments of dreams that I never understand, of people I havent seen nor talked to in years and years. OR whom are dead.
I have dreams of moving constintly, and then dreams about Being told, NOT TO IMPLANT SOPHIE! why?
Its bad enough Im on the fence with the whole thing, its bad enough I have neighbors scaring me and saying DONT LET MADIGAN TOUCH YOUR BABY, have Seattle do the surgery.
But for my dreams to tell me too.
I may be crazy, and quirky and Different. But so often I have seen my physical dreams come true, that it scares me.
You can tell me it means nothing, that its just my subconscience fighting me, but I have dreams, that eventually bring back to deja vu, and then as I think I feel, and remember I had once drempt it~
I know all the statistics, the good the bad, the need for implants. the possiblities with them and with out. I know the surgery, I know the technology, I know the amount of work.
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm, side note.
Sitting here in my kitchen. I thought the sound I just heard was thunder...but really its something army related. But how funny if it was thunder, as Im venting about my hang ups with implants ;)

ITs funny too, that 2 years ago, i would have never believed Id land here in Washington, with 3 kids, one deaf, and as an Army wife. Never thought I'd move so much and hate every place I land. Like being in one place too long, despite its beauty and such, makes me loath the place.Dont know what my problem is.
Odd that As I was searching thru my photos yesterday, Most of the ones of sophie between the age of 11 months and 17 months old, It seems to me that 7 out of 10 pictures she has tears in her eyes or rolling down her face. At that point in time we were In Middletown waiting for matt to finish his Army training, and I waspregnant with Ryan. I dont remember her crying ALL the TIME! WAS SHE? Was she always upset? until I pull out Camera where she hams up~ My little entertainer~ Was that point in her little life, a tear fest? Pregnancy Brain has me not remembering, but pictures say otherwise.
And weird to think,that if we had tested Sophie for Hearing loss in NY at that time, how we most likely would have wound up at a different 1st duty station. But then Ryan would be our California Blonde Baby!
Gods Plan for us is surely mysterious. Wish I could get a little insight to where we are headed next (hopefully to a duty station back EAST PLEASE LORD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BACK EAST.

Ahhhh to Wonder~

PS Happy Birthday to my Bennifer, My writing buddy and often Muse!
Love you girly~!~~~!~~~~

Jen Binnie and I have been CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE amazing friends since I was in the 1st grade. SPent Countless sleepovers together, running around outside, swimming jumping and trampolines, WRITING till the wee hrs of the morning, making finger hats with candle wax, tease hair till its WAY big, and Witchy...playing darts till I get one stuck in my tush,Movies like Romeo and Juliet, Man in the Iron mask and Titanic (do you notice the leo Cap theme there hahaha) Creating restaurantes and menus for Aunt mental for her breakfast in the mornings, listening to my brother and her sister laugh at their WEIRD inside jokes. Trips to the Diner, Gravy cheese fries,hrs at friendlys with our families all loud and laughing "bucky" "jecky" and "Benny" of course. Oranges and Aunt Mares "maybe this is a little too much" tipped nails ;)
Were it not for Jenny, and those Wonderfully crazy fun and loving Binnies my childhood would have been dull and boring and nothing like it was.

Love you Benny, and distance and time has not changed our friendship, we know how to pick it up where we left off each and everytime. Im blessed to be able to call you my Friend.
So, HAppy birthday! Girly! Enjoy your day ;)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

If you could?

If you could...Would you?

If there was one time in your life that you with all your heart and soul, and mind and body wish you could go back to. To change one major thing that happened, or DIDNT happen and should have. WOULD YOU?

Like I said, Im thankful for my family, for our opportunities and the 3 blessings God has given to us.

But If I could travel back in time, to one spot. To Change something. To make it not happen. I would. And I would go back to August of 2008.

Friday, September 23, 2011

nothing is easy...

Something wonderful happened.
I realized that I shouldnt be consentrating on what I should do for a living, but should be consentrating on what I do best creatively speaking. Which is Writing. I may not spell, or have great grammar. I may miss a letter or squish words, but thats me in my spellbound mind, typing fast and not giving a crap about grammar.
Whats so important about Great Grammar skills anyway? Isnt that what proof reading Edits and editors are hired for?
The problem is, I havent been able to write a lick, worth of decent material since Emily was born.
My mind focused on motherhood, and sanity rather then the mind moving paradox. YES paradox,that I worked in. May not make too much sense to my readers, but you've not been in my working head. When Im able to block out the world, sound, logic, reality and move into a character.
Best work for me, is that which I can outline the first few chapters, extensively had already created each and every character, down to the color of their favorite nail polish. Figure out their first several giant moves in the lined work, and then bam.............LOST. Blocked. Bored of my own work, regardless to what my fav writing buddy says or thinks about my piece....More often then not tho, im settled in my then opinion of the middle story before She gets to read it, so really shes out of luck in winning me over. And then its not till months, or now years later, Ill glance back at a story and think "how wonder" and know I was crazy for stopping. Crazy for thinking it lacked interest. Yet, cant seem to muster up the formalities needed to pick it up where I left it of. Not that I could even if I wanted go back to the mind frame I had at that point in time writing it.

So this concludes that I new manuscript needs to be in the works, and maybe If I pull out all the old stuff to awaken that spirit in me, something will come of it. But there lies one big question...."how do I block out my life, long enough to write?"
I am mom, to 3 young babies. Who every 10 mins or less Yell for me, for some reason or another.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH nothing is ever easy is it?

Thursday, September 22, 2011

2 guys, a girl, a thing called blessed

Oddly enough,on facebook a local page group I am with asked...What are you thankful for? Course, its thursday! and for all of us nuts who put a day of the week into a category, its THANKFUL THURSDAY today. So I said You guys! My brothers! Zachary James and Thomas James. Course John is included in that, he knows my admiration and love for him. BUT TODAY is about Zj and Tj. HAPPPPPPPPPPPPY 16th Birthday Guys

It officially means IM OLD! For I remember this exact day in 5th grade. having just gotten to school only to be pulled out to go home and get Stuff to bring to AUNT penny's house. MOM WAS IN HOSPITAL! YAY!
How different you guys made the house, in a good way tho ;)How tiny Zach was when he finally came home. How Scared Jeanna was to be the one holding you and caring for you Zach. So she mostly was with T, and I with You. You babies would follow us with your eyes with everything we did. Tj was easy to please,and ZACH, BOY YOU LOVED THAT SWING. The old wind up ones, and as soon as we would hear it go off, we'd jump to wind it again so you didnt wake up screaming! phew....sometimes it was a close one!
To you little brats loving Lion king and Buzz light year, growling on all fours at us everytime we walked by, to watching the same 2 movies 50 times a day! Your love for toy school buses, and "john" moon! Your own Language and inside jokes no one ever got. To flooding the School house kitchen floor and ruining Tape that were left on counter. First days of school, and riding the BUS! Loving aunt pams exercise machines in her apartment. Obsession with BACON~! Which grew into Obsession with ALLLLL foods.
Used to hate when I would call you, zoobe, and Tomas (like in spanish)

Blessed Iam,to beable to call you both my brothers. Thankful for the time we had growing up together. Years since have past, I've long left. But Forever you guys are with me. Photos sit on my giant TV, of years past. In notebooks Ive collected thru the years. I may not call or write, but I love you all with all my heart. I hope you know that. And Ihope we can regain a great relationship one day!

I hope (because I know certain people come visit my blog almost daily)will see this, and call you over to read as well!

this is funny

And these are old but so cute!

See I actually do have a card for you, and did draw ALL over the outside hahaha.

Found this poem and its so cute, Sorry Zach it didnt have your name, but Im sneak it in...and PS this is one of my Fav Poetry writers.

My Brothers by Robert William Service
While I make rhymes my brother John
Makes shiny shoes which dames try on,
And finding to their fit and stance
They buy and wear with elegance;
But mine is quite another tale,--
For song there is no sale.

My brother Tom a tailor shop
Is owner of, and ladies stop
To try the models he has planned,
And richly pay, I understand:
Yet not even a dingy dime
Can I make with my rhyme.

My brother Jim(zach) sells stuff to eat
Like trotters, tripe and sausage meat.
I dare not by his window stop,
Lest he should offer me a chop;
For though a starving bard I be,
To hell, say I, with charity!

My brothers all are proud of purse,
But though my poverty I curse,
I would not for a diadem
Exchange my lowly lot with them:
A garret and a crust for me,
And reams and dreams of Poetry.

LOVE YOU GUYS forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever.
I cant believe you are 16


Wednesday, September 21, 2011


Is it just me, or do people to easily disregard other peoples feelings. With that said, their opinions as well.

ALERT THE MEDIA! ALERT THE MEDIA! Some people complain about changes made to something so simple like, FACEBOOK, or road detours, or moving the office supply closet!
SO WHAT LET THEM! WHY get all upset, that someone is complain about something, that isnt in regards to yourself? Why get upset that this person comments on it? Its just as petty to make someone feel "small"(for lack of a better term)for having feelings about something (mundane or not)as it is (in your then opinion) for stating how they feel about something.
And Silly to then think that person needs a wake up call, or a life, or be reminded of that fact its a small and temporary change!
What makes you a bigger and better person?

While yes life is short and complaining takes time up, and makes you look weird and maybe makes someone think less of you, but............should you be a box? Lifeless? tape over mouth? disregarded for speaking up about the change?
I could state my opinions on here about those people Ive heard, seen or been subject of, who complain that I have complained about something. I could call it a classless belittle those feelings...but...then doesnt that make me just as petty?
And it goes full circle, or back and forth, forever...lashing comments one after the other. RIGHT?

So, truthfully, I am one of those complainers, today, who HATE how the facebook company has rearranged said page. YES I stated my opinion, as Isaw, and sure many others share the same point of view. THEN...see other people state that we complainers, need to shutup, or delete said account, or get a life anyway, or find something better to do...AND yet...those people had time enough to complain about us complainers and make it just as public. Targetting.
I like things simple. Sorry, I want to be able to decide hows status I want to read and not be alerted everytime someone comments on someones status, whom I DONT know! And I will complain if I please! Im not targetting you! Dont say something back to me, thats degrading, because youre snobbish enough to think youre lashing out about complainers will make you feel more superior! AND if you read this Blog, surely you will know who you are, and yes this blog targets the audience who have done so in the past. Whether on facebook, or else where. As I too have been one of the snobs a time or two before.
But as my year continues on, my life does as well, and I learn a thing or two about myself, and the world around me.

Monday, September 19, 2011

The past is the past but I'll keep it all close!

Ever Wonder what might have been?
Sometimes I catch myself thinking about it.
Thinking about things Ive done, said, or didnt for that matter.
Not that life isnt wonderful, and obviously Im where Im supposed to be for this part of my life. But the unknown sometimes is so captivating.
Im a thinker, a writer and use that artistic side more then any other.
Is that so bad? You could tell me over and over to stop thinking about the past, to stop holding on to those things, to leave well enough alone. But will I? No, so dont say it! ;)

Little things bring me back to the childhood mind...Channel surfing and Landing on "clueless" hearing her say "you should always have something baking when a boy is coming over" made me laugh...I still think that is a true statement, and not just for boys (now that Im married)but in general. Candles, crockpot, or baking is usually taking place when I have company.
Something more HOMEY to have warm scent brewing in the air. Relaxes are bodies and eases the mind, I think.

Is it so bad to be reminded about our pasts?
Again its the little things.
Old Navy reminds me of a birthday where Jeanna gave me purple PJ pants that until they were more holey then together I wore them because they WERE THAT COMFORTABLE.
Marykay reminds me of my first day of 8th grade, spraying the crap out of my black polo shirt with one of the newest fragrances for that year.
Winding Hills park reminds me of the VERY last day of 8th grade and how life CHANGED forever there after.

I love Lucy, reminds me of my early first real babysitting job for the Foxes, and Also my first House in Iowa, where we didnt have cable TV for the first 2 full months. Still to this day, when Im lonely, I love Lucy (even with no sound on) comforts me. THe long road trips we took to get different places, almost running into insane storms. Packing 2 families and stuff in one van and driving 36 hrs together. Building a new life everytime Matt and I move. Managing to tolorate each others quirks while doing so. Loving being just us, with out trying to be something for someone else.

Coconut lime Smell reminds me of the Library at OCCC, where I "tried" to do most of my studying with those silly boys, and spent quality time in the stacks cubie holes up there, on the 2nd floor. :) :) lmao!To cleaning up nasty drunk boy pee from my back car seat from the previous night at a club,to being late to christmas eve dinner at my Aunts to be with said painting my bedroom gold and on purpose being in slutty short shorts FUN TIMES~ I was pregnant with Emily when I learned about His Death.
Wedding magazines remind me of highschool, me planted on my bedroom floor cutting out favorites and words and glueing them to my HUGE hardcovered photo album I got from my Aunt a few Christmas' earlier.

Tornados remind me of a ton of stuff, Like. Hiding in the cement hallway under Harmony during art class because of a big storm, that took out a few trees. And that tiny blue school house that used to be under the tree on the playground. It reminds me of The Movie Twister and that birthday debocal. It reminds me of the sirens that used to go off in Sumner and how ear piercing loud and scary they sound. It also reminds me of hiding in the bath tub with John the Summer we spent with our Grandparents in Iowa. The Same Summer I would have sworn a girl that went to my Grandpas church was a boy, the same summer, we spend watching the 4thof July parade from the sidewalk curb, just like in those small town movies!Collecting Candy and Even getting to ride high top of a RED convertiable. Which ultimately reminds me of my Grandpa, The way he smells, his Salt and peppery beard, HIS PREACHING that always stuck with me, the voice he had. My singing on his stage in Naperville Church. His fluffy Cat who was always hiding, The Movies he got us to watch like "the butchcreek Gang" and "georgia". Down in his basement with him was the first time I ever tried that queso dip, the orange Spicier one! (see little things like this, Its good to think of the past)Which then leads me to Gram, her giving into my sillyness and playing the paino for the so called Music I just wrote out, by copying notes from other books into different orders,she always humored me! Our trip to the Mall of America. How she curled her hair in the morning. Making Chili in her kitchen. BUFFY!!!!!!!!! R.I.P Buffy! Grams homemade biscuits. YUMMMMMMMMMY
Stopping on the border of Iowa and Illinois on the way to their house...why'd we stop on the border? (from what I remember it was the border but regardless) Grandpa stopped because it was raining on one side of the car, and not the other! :) Can never forget that!
That all leads to the last time I ever saw Paige. Her sweet funny smile, and tickling her on the hotel bed till she had enough and said "we have to talk" all serious, because She didnt want to be tickled anymore. Love you Paige! To the same trip memory of me telling Aunt Jo that Grandma bit Carter because he bit someone else...OOPS, guess I should have kept quiet!

Its ok to think back, to remember the good, the fun, the funny, the bad, and sad. Its ok. to Wonder what might have been. its not taking steps back, its not keeping yourself from moving forward, its being human. Its me, and Ill think back and know that even tho I might wonder sometimes...that Im thankful for the life I was given.

Course there are a few times I wish werent so dominate in my
The time I fell on my tush all the way down the library stairs at OCCC. Or the time I was running up the DOWN escalator and Then fell once I reached top and had to ride it back down to the ground. Or the time I was running during a football game to the other side and had my cheerleading Jacked stuffed into my spankies and had no idea till I ran all the way...:( ugh so sad! Or the time In junior high during one of those after school BASHes they had, where I was wearing BRIGHT lime green pants and started my period with out knowing and a boy was the only one to be brave and tell me! Thanks Royce!O.M.G how sad lol.
Which then thinking of Royce reminds me of St Bernards and man hair, ew!

and Kissing car rides during field trips and the Guy COOLIO!!!! AHHHHHH 5th and 6th grade FLASHBACK! to M05 and T90! bahaha, My dear Diary and Trips to West point. Flashbacks to Jellyfish kissing and Church lady, Michael and his drumset and pole dancing in the Church parking lot via Danny's car radio!

Flashbacks to being Drunk and fighting Tyler Flynn,ultimately breaking a speaker. then was humped by the kid Jasons Golden retriever, for turning my back to him to look out the window. To back yard campouts and having to use the bush as a bathroom where we swore we heard multiple foot steps run thru the stream near by!

I just realized, I have nothing to be sad about. While People may be missing in my life now, 2 of whoms death anniversary(if thats even ok to say) is coming up in alittle over a month. I have all these memories to keep me company. I can say that I lived, lived hard once, lived free once, lived on edge once, tried that, been there, and Still landed on my feet. I can close my eyes and have conversations with those I miss, Or I can call those who are still here on earth. I have friends I love. Family I love. And although I let little distance issues sometimes get me down, and make me think the worst, and I feel left out and lonely and sad that Im missing things, and Mad when I dont hear back from people sooner, rather then later. I know its me just being silly and petty and Lonely.
But I shouldnt feel that way. Im blessed 4x over. With more memories to be made. MANY MANY MORE

this is fresh off the brain, brainstorming game.

You promised the World,
And when its been torn,
You held my hand as we
Weathered the Storm.
It has been said
You must learn to Tred
To walk the line
so youll come out fine.
Holding me close
Lovings in Full dose.
Having the time to
to Cherish you
Its not same way
like it was Yesterday
But We have grow up, stronger
laughing harder
Making the rules as we go
something no body knows
other then you and I
enjoying our family time.
Lets me a rollercoaster
seem like a teeter totter
Taking the good with the bad
learning to smile when Sad
having the guts to say
what we mean in that day
For tomorrow, is never sure
Say I love you, always more
Carefully we slip into sleep
tomorrows another leap
You promised the World,
and when its been torn,
you held my hand
and we weathered the storm.

This is what happens, I get a feeling I need to just write, what what Im thinking in that very moment, whether is makes sense or not, whether lines match or dont. I may jump from subject to subject or keep coming up with the same type of line, but the point is to just write with out stopping
and sometimes the product, though raw. Is something worth keeping written down.

How I do love a good brainstorming.!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

When I get where Im going

Hello 100th Blog post. we've had quite the last few months.

Things are interesting around here this week.

And in that quiet Im left to just think. Which isnt always such a great thing.
For my mind will go off in different directions.
Thinking about the I should haves and what ifs. The what might have beens and OOOO boy that was a bad thing to do.
Last night, was the first time I couldnt sleep in a good month and half really. I tossed and turned, short drempt and woke up STILL thinking. Singing the same song lines that had been stuck in my head this week and letting my thoughts run away to times I should have said what I meant when I meant it, and stood up for myself.
Thoughts of where I need to be going in my life with my family.
Thoughts of what to do to satisfy this Empty pit, that makes me feel good for nothing.
What do I provide? outside the home. That contributes to the growth of myself, my family, and my kids individually?...I cant think of anything.

Theres lots I want to do. Lots I can do. But Im lacking in the will power to do so. Ive been down and not working for 5 and half years now. HOW DO I GET THAT MOTIVATION BACK. That Drive to actually commit?
I love being a SAHM,but sooner and not too much later, ALL MY KIDS WILL BE IN SCHOOL. SO doing something is needed. Being someone, other then Mom and wife, is needed.

I get inspired...
then something completely new inspires me too.
Its like the gypsy soul has taken control of everything,so do I cave, and stick to something in motion? Will being inspired by something that is a commitment that is to something ever changing and new and moving, what I need to put my energy into?
And How? and What? and where Do I start? Can I start now while my kids are not in school? Do I create it?

I want to help. I dont want my family to just survive...I want us to Thrive
When I get where Im going

I pray that We can give each other and our children the best life has to offer.

English Gypsy Wagon...just thought it was beautiful

Sunday, September 11, 2011

just Some

where the river runs wild

Through the trees

When there are signs of Warning ;)

But the brillance draws you near

Go down to the River and Pray

Oh Lord show me the way.

The Sandy Cove on the Pudget Sound

My Water babies

On a pooh bear kick right now in the girls room

they all love books

Ryans Dr. Seuss theme

Its finally fall in my kitchen ;)

Being goofy

this picture of sophie was from Friday, but TODAY, Sunday, she did for the first time signed MUSIC! Its a sign ive been working on with her for a while now, a long long while, and she finally did it! ~*~PROUD~*~

cheese ball

the end of summer is here. And Im ready to welcome on the fun seasons!

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

One down

I made it. She made it, We made it I felt the tears starting to reach the edge of my eyes but....SUCKED them back in. It wasnt until that moment.... last night i had butterflies and weird dreams. Woke up to get ready and kept the girls in their room playing. Trying to keep Sophies mind some place other then her morning routine. Poor kid, No yogurt, no milk, no food or drink of any kind. We left early again to put her mind somewhere else. It was just she and I and open play at the park. NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE. Granted it was 8:30am. But the park was hot, the sun had been welding its Heat for a while by then, the only sounds around was local traffic the fountain and the sprinkler watering the soccer fields next to us. Even with the heat tho...the dew from the morning and puddles from the wash down had not been dried up...She wound up with a wet tush, that I tried to dry under the hand dryer in the restroom ;) Enough quiet excitement, off to Madigan Army medical Center we went. It was the busiest I had ever seen it...yet. Crowds of people AND parking geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh, somehow I lucked out. Just as I turned the corner to start tracing my 2nd park lot section, a van backed out with no one around it waiting...and would you know it, the first spot of the row. :) Found our way to where We'd never been, and Miss Sophie wasnt so helpful in the nursing room. Shes done it a million times before, and this girl has seen enough of busy nurses. But we got it. Her weight, her height, her O2 and temp. Though from throwing a fit her temp was 99.4 she puts a whole nothing spin to HOT HEADED when she gets mad. WAITING, WAITING, WAITING,MORE WAITING WE DID~WAITING WAITING AND MORE WAITING~ and then WISHING I BROUGHT IN MY JACKET, the AC HAD ME FREEEEEEEEEEEZING.I was amazed on how patient she was down in the main waiting area. played, sat on me, watch tv and not once did she try and pet, nor looked really at the therapy dog laying across the seating area....ODD? HELL YEA, she loves strange Dogs lol. ALL the waiting for the easiest and fasted procedure. A Cat scan. But since she is little and young had to be gassed and put to sleep. She took the Docs hand, and then into his arms, where I trusted them to do their job right. I couldnt watch. She left me, with out a tear. But me....I guess my face was a bit nerved as a strange lady waiting in the same area, asked me if I was OK. Literally 5 minutes later, Im speed walking behind the docs and my little sophie passed out on the bed, rolling to recovery.Thats the moment the tears I had were trying to make their appearance... "everything went well mom" He said, "she didnt even fight me, like most kids do" Thats a relief as I warned them how her temper could get. In Recovery she laid sound asleep, the nurse asked to compare my band to hers....LOL....WHAT BAND? I DONT HAVE ONE AND NEITHER DOES SHE? Nurse looked perplexed...."thats never happened before" But all was verified and things were ok... I SWORE that sleeping beauty was ALLLLLLLLLLLL MINE! 45mins into recovery just about and she woke up. Was given a popsicle and off we went home. Tired, hungry and ready to just be left alone~ Step one completed many many many many more to come ~*~*~~*~

Monday, September 5, 2011

What say You

When theres no words to use. When theres lines to draw. When theres Battles through the dust. When you have to start out Small. Meaningful Monday. What is in your heart today? What are you thinking about? What has caught your attention? What are you reminded of? Who are you Reminded of? What represents you? I was hit with words this morning, though I cant seem to find any good ones to speak on it with. Which leads me to just share. Lamentations 3 1 [a]I am the man who has seen affliction by the rod of the LORD’s wrath. 2 He has driven me away and made me walk in darkness rather than light; 3 indeed, he has turned his hand against me again and again, all day long. 4 He has made my skin and my flesh grow old and has broken my bones. 5 He has besieged me and surrounded me with bitterness and hardship. 6 He has made me dwell in darkness like those long dead. 7 He has walled me in so I cannot escape; he has weighed me down with chains. 8 Even when I call out or cry for help, he shuts out my prayer. 9 He has barred my way with blocks of stone; he has made my paths crooked. 10 Like a bear lying in wait, like a lion in hiding, 11 he dragged me from the path and mangled me and left me without help. 12 He drew his bow and made me the target for his arrows. 13 He pierced my heart with arrows from his quiver. 14 I became the laughingstock of all my people; they mock me in song all day long. 15 He has filled me with bitter herbs and given me gall to drink. 16 He has broken my teeth with gravel; he has trampled me in the dust. 17 I have been deprived of peace; I have forgotten what prosperity is. 18 So I say, “My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD.” 19 I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. 20 I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. 21 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: 22 Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. 23 They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. 24 I say to myself, “The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.” 25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; 26 it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD. 27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke while he is young. 28 Let him sit alone in silence, for the LORD has laid it on him. 29 Let him bury his face in the dust— there may yet be hope. 30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him, and let him be filled with disgrace. 31 For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. 32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. 33 For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to anyone. 34 To crush underfoot all prisoners in the land, 35 to deny people their rights before the Most High, 36 to deprive them of justice— would not the Lord see such things? 37 Who can speak and have it happen if the Lord has not decreed it? 38 Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that both calamities and good things come? 39 Why should the living complain when punished for their sins? 40 Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the LORD. 41 Let us lift up our hearts and our hands to God in heaven, and say: 42 “We have sinned and rebelled and you have not forgiven. 43 “You have covered yourself with anger and pursued us; you have slain without pity. 44 You have covered yourself with a cloud so that no prayer can get through. 45 You have made us scum and refuse among the nations. 46 “All our enemies have opened their mouths wide against us. 47 We have suffered terror and pitfalls, ruin and destruction.” 48 Streams of tears flow from my eyes because my people are destroyed. 49 My eyes will flow unceasingly, without relief, 50 until the LORD looks down from heaven and sees. 51 What I see brings grief to my soul because of all the women of my city. 52 Those who were my enemies without cause hunted me like a bird. 53 They tried to end my life in a pit and threw stones at me; 54 the waters closed over my head, and I thought I was about to perish. 55 I called on your name, LORD, from the depths of the pit. 56 You heard my plea: “Do not close your ears to my cry for relief.” 57 You came near when I called you, and you said, “Do not fear.” 58 You, Lord, took up my case; you redeemed my life. 59 LORD, you have seen the wrong done to me. Uphold my cause! 60 You have seen the depth of their vengeance, all their plots against me. 61 LORD, you have heard their insults, all their plots against me— 62 what my enemies whisper and mutter against me all day long. 63 Look at them! Sitting or standing, they mock me in their songs. 64 Pay them back what they deserve, LORD, for what their hands have done. 65 Put a veil over their hearts, and may your curse be on them! 66 Pursue them in anger and destroy them from under the heavens of the LORD. Yes its the entire Chapter. And Thankful It was laid upon me. Thankful it caught my eye. Thankful it makes me think. Thankful for the reminder For The Lord brings to me, what I need when I need it. He has never failed to show me whats truly right in front of me. ~Amen

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Hello September

Welcome September. What a great day. Danced our hearts out this morning doing some cleaning. All bathed and then off we went to greet the day. My schedule didnt go exactly to plan, as the commissary, (Since its pay day) WAS JAMMMMMMMMMED packed. Not to mention they are doing the case lot sale. So didnt want to bother heading in with all me kiddos. So that will wait till later. Off we ventured to a different side of post. TO a NEW neighborhood, where I was meeting up with a talented woman I found on facebook. Unpacked my troops and brought them into her beautifully decorated home. It was warm, and pretty, Fall colors and painted walls (yes here onpost) Nice furniture, window treatments, and two darling little kids of her own. Sat down in her cubbie hole on one side of her home. A tiny closet space just big enough for a chair, a stool, a tiny table and shelves. My kids ran to play and Ryan patiently sat in her livingroom not once tried to go up her stairs (which I was nervous about) We had great conversation in her tiny room. Which was good, it was taking my mind off of the, tingling, ouch, ooo, ahhhing that was going on in my head. Left arm out! Left arm getting the first tattoo ive had in 8 whole years, HOWD THAT HAPPEN! Thats a lot of years! I cringed a few times, took a deep breathe once, closed my eyes once, and all for this for a 1 inch long tatt. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA But So glad she was friendly and it wasnt akward silence during the 30 mins it took. We talked the whole time. WHAT A RELIEF. Finished product...LOVING IT! Simple and pretty and my only VISIBLE one. But not my last. Already planning my chest tatt that will represent myself and my family. And Currently hoping Matt will be the next one in her cubbie hole. Simple, Black, small, meaningful to me. Supposed to be an Angelic Symbol. Whether real or not. It was meaning to me. It Means.... Honesty. Something I never was good at as a teenager, something that took me YEARS and EXPERIENCE to learn to be. Something Im still learnig about. And this will be a daily reminder. HONESTY. Took a couple fights, and losing friends and FAMILY, to make me realize that not only should I not be scared of stating the truth, in what I feel and see. But to be honest to myself as well. After All, when lieing, to someone else, you still are lieing to yourself as well. All my tatts have meaning The first one I ever got. the Dragonfly with the devoted chinese symbol next to it, represents still to this day,the Devotion I have to my friendship, My friendship with Jeanna. While, she and I went at the same time, same day, same artist. Even tho hers, if a different one and may have different meaning. Mine will forever be in regards to Her, Even though time has long passed. We have gone in different directions, not the same point of view, and have had spells of not all doesnt matter. Jeanna is with me forever, and will always be with me and not just because of the perminate reminder on my body. the 2nd tattoo isnt as symbolic, by any means. A beautiful Cross, wrapped in Cherries. A cross for I Do believe in The Lord Jesus Christ, an Cherries because....Well, whats better then Cherries? I decided that Im not going to get my kids name tattooed on me, at least not yet. But Will get my BIG tatt to be the Soul I believe we as a family have. And include 5 for our size. Placed near my heart :) Gonna really have to save for this one! All in All, GREAT start September, GREAT START. Lots to get done this month. So I hope the stride lasts. Busy Month brings us one step closer to our first........ Well that for another Blog at a much later date ;)