From The Shores of Oahu I have watched my children, run and splash. Breathe in the wonders of the sea. Soak in the Vitamin D, and Love every bit of the Gypsy (Military) Life. It has not phased them yet that we are movers. The Wind changes and we seem to be lifted off to new parts of our Country to explore. Change, so far, comes at them easily.
But This Traveler, I fear, worries about whats to come as they get older...
Worry!
Everyone who knows me, and knows our family, Knows we are worriers. From the moment they step off to school, off the edge of the pool, or onto the top stair...I worry.
But I do not pretend to be a great parent. I don't create False identities or fictional persona's of what our family life is like. I am not fake. Guarded Maybe, maybe too much at times, but not Fake. I speak on all aspects of life. The good the bad and the ugly. All of that and more. I try to paint the most realistic picture I can.
Everyone who knows me, and knows our Family, Knows we do not sensor. Much to many friends and family surprise...It works for us. We will always take into consideration the knowledge and if and how the impact will be. But we do not sensor. Our Children, know the appropriate use of such knowledge and Are pretty good and not exploring it. Ryan in his rebellious and pushing button 3's like to walk the fine line, but also knows the consequence. Granted, I am a push over as well. They each get away with treating me a certain way, and As they are growing, im learning how to better direct their negative reactions. Which is a part of Parenthood no. Parents will continue to grow and change and learn, and adapt, methods to their kids, individually and as a whole. A continuous juggle, but as I've stated before, our children should be our first priority. Sure...Love God, Love ourselves, Love your husband, love your kids. Our Children will be molded By God's Hands, understand Direction, experience love, be successful because We have taught them about respect and order. Allowing them to be themselves and witness acts that will help them grow into awesome adults. Already, I can see how our kids have blessed us, changed us, molded us even. I've seen the good things we've done with them. Again Ill speak on Ryan, even in these 3's that I dread, and Am So thankful hes my last 3 yr old for now...Has such a soft spot. He kisses any boo boo's he sees on me, old or new. Always says "thank You", sometimes "thank You much" even if its to wipe an eye lash off his cheek. He always needs my hand when out. Sophie will cuddle All day long. Rub my hand or cheek if Im laying down. Wants everyone around her to always sign thank you, when appropriate, and will wait there till its signed :P is mothering in her class, cares for little kids and babies SO much. Emily is reserved and kind, quite and example of nice behavior for her siblings when we are out of the house. Sure In public they have each had their Moments of "OH MY GOSH ITS TIME WE GO HOME" but Proudly I would say they are well behaved beyond our front door 94% of the time. Home...In their comfort and glory, yeah its not as rosey, no hand raising here, no mild manners. But I would take the "mother may I's" the "yes ma'ams, No sirs" "please and Thank You's" out in public over home, any day of the week. And we are thankful for that. We Do have great kids.
One thing I've noticed about Hawaii, is that people are just so inviting. Warm. Understanding and eager. I took the kids to get sandwiches the other day before our HSDB principal meeting, The woman behind the counter saw Sophie signing something over and over. I was distracted By Ryan and Emily talking over each other, when the woman smiled and said "Ma'am,Shes saying soemthing I don't quite get" Soph, was saying "green" something on the menu had caught her eye. I in my now regular guarded tone say "Its ok, Don't worry about it" like a snot lol. And the Kind woman continued to smile and said "oh but Im curious, I really would like to know, and know more" And in that second I felt a piece of my wall break off. "green" I said. "shes signing green" The woman looked all around to find something That Sophie was referring to, and was happy to help. 3 Times In the same hour, We were talked too about Sophie, IN A POSITIVE MANNER! Who would have thought. Washington was so cold in peoples demeanor that after those 2 years I started to become jaded. But You see, As HSDB Has worked its signing magic on Sophie, and as her Vocabulary expands greatly, we are holding more lengthy Conversations, and that in public. Its amazing How much signing Catches the Eyes of strangers. People should be naturally curious right? Not Mean...In any case, another Employee had stopped by our table to ask if We are signing because Shes deaf, or just because. Which of course made me giggle. I too was a young mom with Emily, teaching my baby to sign because it was the Hip thing to do. When I smiled and said of shes deaf...(my smile was a bitch smile, again I mastered in Tacoma)The young woman smiled back and said awesome, so is my little sister and its been really hard. There it goes again, a little piece of the wall breaking off. A bit later, there was an older couple sitting across the aisle from us. With them an man maybe just a bit older then I who rocked the extra Chromosome So wonderfully. (everyone who knows me...knows I have a soft spot for down syndrome <3)They stood Up after their meals and walked right behind Sophie. The Father Gently patted Sophies head, and made a weird playful sound at Ryan who basically stood up and roared at the guy LOL LOL. His Wife stood next to him, as I signed to Phi, "say Hi, and smile" because she looked very...confused as to why a stranger was behind her. Phi did just as I asked. The older woman replied "Shes deaf right? shes beautiful, they all are" Her husband giggled "you sure have your hands full" The nice way of saying "good luck" We got a nice "have a good night and God Bless" And a nice wave from their son.
All this in not only one day, but one hour, of me and just the kiddos. My My how the tides have changed, literally. I looked back at the kids, just us again at the table...And I knew that Matt and I, are doing a good job.
Are we perfect parents? Absolutely not! Our Kids will not be perfect.THey Will make mistakes like us, bad judgement calls, be tried and tried again and again. Will lose and win and fall and get hurt. Cry. Hurt someone. But they will also do great things.
Im a very guarded person these days. The Military life has created in me a much different idea of how life works. Having had kids and marriage extremely young in life, its a good thing the military has shown me. nearly 4 years an Army wife, which seems weird to me. Moving everywhere we have, living on bases and off. Taking away lessons from each and every City, town, or village we'd seen, has molded us. And Now, here in Hawaii, Where the sky is Always blue, and the air so clear, where people smile, and show support I may break down this wall...
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, September 9, 2013
Monday, August 12, 2013
Birthday Wishes and Wedding Bells.
One thing For sure about the Month of August, is that it totally rocks!
Im partial, since Not only is it my BIRTHDAY month, but its My Lovey Hubby's
and My best Friends Birthday Month as well!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, AND US, AND YOU, And ME ME ME ;)
Its the Month We always spent Heading to the beaches, its the month we claim the most of Summer in. It was the Last chance to complete the Summer bucket list, before heading back to school each year.
And when I think about it...Matt and I are so privileged to have been able to spend Our birthdays together and in So many different places. This year In Honolulu <3 whhhhat We've celebrated after Leaving New York at 19 in wonderful places like : Phoenix Arizona Sumner Iowa New York (again) Clearwater/ Tampa Florida Fort Irwin/ Los Angeles California Tacoma Washington And Now Honolulu Hawaii Seems so weird No? I absolutely Love birthdays...the Continuation into a New year. 30 is quickly approaching and Im Psyched My 20's have been so extremely full...over whelming...exciting...but so full. Between all our travels, marriage and 3 kids I welcome the 30's. As All our Children are now completely out of the baby stage. 2 now being in Full time School and Ryan...Being too smart for his own good. Im welcoming the end of my 20's. Sure Im only turning 28 this year, but it gives me 2 more years to jam pack and make way for some breezier 30's.
Happy Birthday Month Dawny!!!
I miss my Dawny. Our birthday Months together were always so fabulous. Especially the one we got to spend together in Florida. I miss the crazy games and conversations we would have in front of the boys just to make them sit there, scratching their heads, wondering..."what is wrong with them" Miss her Kids all 4,000 of them ;) since her house is the Hub for all things Arnold <3 Family. Family. Family. Here I go again, speaking on something thats SO screwed up. I am definitely NOT the person anyone should seek for counsel on Family feuding. But, if they are looking for someone to tell them exactly what to say and do, to put a giant sized Wedge between them..Im the girl~ I have Full accepted, admitted, and taken responsibility for the Shit I did and said. All of which, I believe as my own truth, my version, my side, and reason for the fact Im not thought of as a part of their family anymore. I feel like now 3 years into feuding, and trying to reach out in different ways to mend it, that Theres no possible reconnection. Yet, Family is supposed to be able to for give, for get and move on. Forget Yesterday. So hard to do. So hard to do. I dwell I list I go tit for tat I compare he did, she said, I did, So I said. Human nature I guess. But...When it comes to family, shouldn't there be different rules at play? Its not like, We met when we were 10 got super close, then had a falling out and never want to see each other again...Its family. Life, here in the Decker house, has been painfully hard at times. Wouldn't a Father want to know? Shouldn't they care? And Give advice, or be a listening ear? Shouldn't a Grandparent, want to keep in touch with their grandkids, Not just hang pictures of them on their wall, like it makes up for anything? Especially during a crazy transition like they have gone through with moving, or In Sophies case with Surgery, and processing, and Transferring to an All deaf School? Shouldn't A daughter, want and need and hope to learn about wedding bells from her own dad. Sure, Brothers are the next best thing to get news from...But One would hope, that such, great news, such life changing events, should be shared among everyone. Thats All I wanted, as I told my brothers. I said. Thank You for telling me, I think thats fantastic. Now I want to see if Dad lets me know himself....weeks went by...Moved...weeks went by some more...Now only a few days from their date and My emails to him have not been responded to. :( I just wanted to show my joy. And Simply ask, if he considered reaching out and tell me. Have not been given the chance, Maybe one day I've since Changed my cell number since moving to Honolulu, but my email address has always been the same, for the last 6 years. And As I dwell, and compare, and go tit for tat, after getting no response...I then laugh at myself. How Silly. True, We invited him to Our "wedding" the only one we could afford after being told we have to now pay it all ourselves since Emily came first. And True, he decided to not Show up! And True It was done the day before his birthday. And True now they are marrying a week before mine...And True he can not stand the man I married. But UNTRUE, that I do not like Jessica. And UNTRUE, that Im not happy for them marrying. Oddly...things are not so different. In the lives we lead. Though We now know nothing about whats going on...in the day to day routines. we are not so different. Where can one go from here? Does it matter? is It possible? Is it mutual? A Wise Man in my Family, Once pulled me aside, to say, That the Sins of the Father are visited Upon the Children. And To walk carefully. The Conversation had always stuck close to me, I still remember where we were, the weather outside, and that it felt like the First honest and open (in non joking manners)conversation we had ever had before... It got me thinking about, Foot steps. And how we eventually, most of us anyway, wind up walking the same path as our parents. And its Our choices, that make the difference. Its our life, and our sins, we are to be accounted for. And if we are not careful. We can all wind up, with 1000's of miles between, passing away without having ever said, to the other...You know what, Im sorry and was foolish but I never stopped to let go of my anger to show show you I still do love you. Like Fathers, and mothers, before us. I take Full responsibility for my part. I know where I fall short...and because of my faults, and my sins, and my foolishness, and my pains and suffering I do not want our kids to thus have to be burdened and because of this separation it puts wedges between others too...I miss my Little Brothers, And Missed so much of their exciting life changing events as well
Exodus 34:6-7) - "Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; 7 who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."
Slow to Anger! Something My brother Kept saying this past weekend. Slow to Anger.
A task we have trouble with, something we need to work on. I need to work on.
So with Birthday wishes, for myself and my near and dears...
I also wish Joy and fulfillment, honesty and truth to each other and to themselves, in a Gracious and wholesomely long Marriage.
God Bless and best wishes on your happy day.
And Just because, Im so in love with the theme song from my new Fav ABC family Show...I have to include this song. It brings tears to me every time. Its beautiful. And Meaningful and ALMOST perfect for todays blog :)
I am thankful for my Family I do have. For my hard working Husband, and for my crazy loving Bunches of oats~
Family, Friends, and where blood doesn't make family, acceptance and love Makes Family, are welcomed
Im partial, since Not only is it my BIRTHDAY month, but its My Lovey Hubby's
and My best Friends Birthday Month as well!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, AND US, AND YOU, And ME ME ME ;)
Its the Month We always spent Heading to the beaches, its the month we claim the most of Summer in. It was the Last chance to complete the Summer bucket list, before heading back to school each year.
And when I think about it...Matt and I are so privileged to have been able to spend Our birthdays together and in So many different places. This year In Honolulu <3 whhhhat We've celebrated after Leaving New York at 19 in wonderful places like : Phoenix Arizona Sumner Iowa New York (again) Clearwater/ Tampa Florida Fort Irwin/ Los Angeles California Tacoma Washington And Now Honolulu Hawaii Seems so weird No? I absolutely Love birthdays...the Continuation into a New year. 30 is quickly approaching and Im Psyched My 20's have been so extremely full...over whelming...exciting...but so full. Between all our travels, marriage and 3 kids I welcome the 30's. As All our Children are now completely out of the baby stage. 2 now being in Full time School and Ryan...Being too smart for his own good. Im welcoming the end of my 20's. Sure Im only turning 28 this year, but it gives me 2 more years to jam pack and make way for some breezier 30's.
Happy Birthday Month Dawny!!!
I miss my Dawny. Our birthday Months together were always so fabulous. Especially the one we got to spend together in Florida. I miss the crazy games and conversations we would have in front of the boys just to make them sit there, scratching their heads, wondering..."what is wrong with them" Miss her Kids all 4,000 of them ;) since her house is the Hub for all things Arnold <3 Family. Family. Family. Here I go again, speaking on something thats SO screwed up. I am definitely NOT the person anyone should seek for counsel on Family feuding. But, if they are looking for someone to tell them exactly what to say and do, to put a giant sized Wedge between them..Im the girl~ I have Full accepted, admitted, and taken responsibility for the Shit I did and said. All of which, I believe as my own truth, my version, my side, and reason for the fact Im not thought of as a part of their family anymore. I feel like now 3 years into feuding, and trying to reach out in different ways to mend it, that Theres no possible reconnection. Yet, Family is supposed to be able to for give, for get and move on. Forget Yesterday. So hard to do. So hard to do. I dwell I list I go tit for tat I compare he did, she said, I did, So I said. Human nature I guess. But...When it comes to family, shouldn't there be different rules at play? Its not like, We met when we were 10 got super close, then had a falling out and never want to see each other again...Its family. Life, here in the Decker house, has been painfully hard at times. Wouldn't a Father want to know? Shouldn't they care? And Give advice, or be a listening ear? Shouldn't a Grandparent, want to keep in touch with their grandkids, Not just hang pictures of them on their wall, like it makes up for anything? Especially during a crazy transition like they have gone through with moving, or In Sophies case with Surgery, and processing, and Transferring to an All deaf School? Shouldn't A daughter, want and need and hope to learn about wedding bells from her own dad. Sure, Brothers are the next best thing to get news from...But One would hope, that such, great news, such life changing events, should be shared among everyone. Thats All I wanted, as I told my brothers. I said. Thank You for telling me, I think thats fantastic. Now I want to see if Dad lets me know himself....weeks went by...Moved...weeks went by some more...Now only a few days from their date and My emails to him have not been responded to. :( I just wanted to show my joy. And Simply ask, if he considered reaching out and tell me. Have not been given the chance, Maybe one day I've since Changed my cell number since moving to Honolulu, but my email address has always been the same, for the last 6 years. And As I dwell, and compare, and go tit for tat, after getting no response...I then laugh at myself. How Silly. True, We invited him to Our "wedding" the only one we could afford after being told we have to now pay it all ourselves since Emily came first. And True, he decided to not Show up! And True It was done the day before his birthday. And True now they are marrying a week before mine...And True he can not stand the man I married. But UNTRUE, that I do not like Jessica. And UNTRUE, that Im not happy for them marrying. Oddly...things are not so different. In the lives we lead. Though We now know nothing about whats going on...in the day to day routines. we are not so different. Where can one go from here? Does it matter? is It possible? Is it mutual? A Wise Man in my Family, Once pulled me aside, to say, That the Sins of the Father are visited Upon the Children. And To walk carefully. The Conversation had always stuck close to me, I still remember where we were, the weather outside, and that it felt like the First honest and open (in non joking manners)conversation we had ever had before... It got me thinking about, Foot steps. And how we eventually, most of us anyway, wind up walking the same path as our parents. And its Our choices, that make the difference. Its our life, and our sins, we are to be accounted for. And if we are not careful. We can all wind up, with 1000's of miles between, passing away without having ever said, to the other...You know what, Im sorry and was foolish but I never stopped to let go of my anger to show show you I still do love you. Like Fathers, and mothers, before us. I take Full responsibility for my part. I know where I fall short...and because of my faults, and my sins, and my foolishness, and my pains and suffering I do not want our kids to thus have to be burdened and because of this separation it puts wedges between others too...I miss my Little Brothers, And Missed so much of their exciting life changing events as well
Exodus 34:6-7) - "Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; 7 who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."
Slow to Anger! Something My brother Kept saying this past weekend. Slow to Anger.
A task we have trouble with, something we need to work on. I need to work on.
So with Birthday wishes, for myself and my near and dears...
I also wish Joy and fulfillment, honesty and truth to each other and to themselves, in a Gracious and wholesomely long Marriage.
God Bless and best wishes on your happy day.
And Just because, Im so in love with the theme song from my new Fav ABC family Show...I have to include this song. It brings tears to me every time. Its beautiful. And Meaningful and ALMOST perfect for todays blog :)
I am thankful for my Family I do have. For my hard working Husband, and for my crazy loving Bunches of oats~
Family, Friends, and where blood doesn't make family, acceptance and love Makes Family, are welcomed
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
The Learning Curve
phew~
Whirlwind of a few years, since Matt Joined into the Military. A proud and faithful Soldier he is, who longs for MORE involvement into the Ranks. Who longs for Deployment, who longs to lead.
Having Moved around this beautiful Country, We have had the priviledge and gift of travel. That has yet to stop. As we approach the final weeks here in Washington state, I'm Starting to see the Curve.
What we have learned, gained, lost, re-found.
These 2 years here in Washington have been the most trying of times. Seriously. And that's saying a lot. Seeing how we were merely 20 when we took that giant leap of faith moving away from our friends and family and comfort of Our Home town. Seeing how we struggled often, having been on food stamps at one point, no cars at other points. Even trying to survive on Iowa minimum wage of 7.50 once. Living with parents (again and again).Living on unemployment checks. To the obsolete desert of California where low and behold, discovering our daughter to be deaf, and having an infant. All the while trying to fit into the very different life style the army offers. One would think that all that chaos would have trumped the last 2 years here...
But it doesn't.
Here,
sadly. Among the beauty and actual dependence of the weather. Has been the toughest years EVER.
Tough in the Company my husband is a part of. Tough on our children. Tough on our marriage. Tough moments in our friendship in our marriage. And toughest financially. All to which make seem, learning A 2nd language simple. Adjusting to our kids getting big, way too fast, simple. The lack of solid friendships here and feeling lost and lonely, do not help Im sure. Or maybe its the actual lack of sun soaked Vitamin D bodies. who knows.
We have wondered more here in WA about our future...or lack there of. Then in any crazy chapter we've finished.
So while this Up coming move has been way daunting and annoying and hard, and tiresome. And what seems like never coming, with endless road blocks...We are embracing this change. With the highest of hopes that it brings us better yearly fortune. That we can get back into a happy go lucky, go with the follow identity. That we wont just be survivors of this new adventure but thrive within it. Make strides that count toward repairs individually and within our family.
Its true that if you can with stand the woes and lows and make it out still together and growing...then theres hope for a brighter tomorrow, No?
So with all the ups and downs, through out every aspect we've encountered since the day we settled in Over this state line. I pray it did make us stronger.
We only want the best for our family. Together, and strong. happy and excited about new things. Happy healthy children.
Polished.
Washington is a different kind of breed. Man oh Man.
I've said it before, that People who have never been here yet think that cold hard assed New Yorkers are the epitamony of ill tempered humans have never walked The streets of Seattle. No state...can trump the cold native Northwestern embrace of Washingtonians.
We were excited to come here. Had high hopes of the rainy state (something we do not mind actually) But There was no warning for the ill mannerism. NONE~ And After 2 years of being here I've actually felt the lose of my NY edge. These People scare me. Who would have thought?
We have not seen all that we wanted to see of WA. Still, We take away some good memories. Fun outdoor adventures we did gather under our belts. For me I take away the Beauty and awe of the Puget Sound. My favorite Spots are along the rocky beaches that surround the water. Where you enjoy seeing nature at its finest. Watch the Ferry's create tiny waves, and see the peak of Mount Rainier off in the distance.
The pure fact of it all, is Washington is where our Kids grew from babies...to Little kids.
Where Matt and I, figured each other out better...despite our 9 years of being together. <3 :="" p="">
Fingers are crossed, prayers are said daily. That the magic of the Island wields growth and promise.
We have learned much, and of course that wont stop.
But since we have now Passed the Curve and open waters are ahead, we are looking forward to a good few years of smooth(er) Sailing
Hello, More World.
Goodbye Seattle
Whirlwind of a few years, since Matt Joined into the Military. A proud and faithful Soldier he is, who longs for MORE involvement into the Ranks. Who longs for Deployment, who longs to lead.
Having Moved around this beautiful Country, We have had the priviledge and gift of travel. That has yet to stop. As we approach the final weeks here in Washington state, I'm Starting to see the Curve.
What we have learned, gained, lost, re-found.
These 2 years here in Washington have been the most trying of times. Seriously. And that's saying a lot. Seeing how we were merely 20 when we took that giant leap of faith moving away from our friends and family and comfort of Our Home town. Seeing how we struggled often, having been on food stamps at one point, no cars at other points. Even trying to survive on Iowa minimum wage of 7.50 once. Living with parents (again and again).Living on unemployment checks. To the obsolete desert of California where low and behold, discovering our daughter to be deaf, and having an infant. All the while trying to fit into the very different life style the army offers. One would think that all that chaos would have trumped the last 2 years here...
But it doesn't.
Here,
sadly. Among the beauty and actual dependence of the weather. Has been the toughest years EVER.
Tough in the Company my husband is a part of. Tough on our children. Tough on our marriage. Tough moments in our friendship in our marriage. And toughest financially. All to which make seem, learning A 2nd language simple. Adjusting to our kids getting big, way too fast, simple. The lack of solid friendships here and feeling lost and lonely, do not help Im sure. Or maybe its the actual lack of sun soaked Vitamin D bodies. who knows.
We have wondered more here in WA about our future...or lack there of. Then in any crazy chapter we've finished.
So while this Up coming move has been way daunting and annoying and hard, and tiresome. And what seems like never coming, with endless road blocks...We are embracing this change. With the highest of hopes that it brings us better yearly fortune. That we can get back into a happy go lucky, go with the follow identity. That we wont just be survivors of this new adventure but thrive within it. Make strides that count toward repairs individually and within our family.
Its true that if you can with stand the woes and lows and make it out still together and growing...then theres hope for a brighter tomorrow, No?
So with all the ups and downs, through out every aspect we've encountered since the day we settled in Over this state line. I pray it did make us stronger.
We only want the best for our family. Together, and strong. happy and excited about new things. Happy healthy children.
Polished.
Washington is a different kind of breed. Man oh Man.
I've said it before, that People who have never been here yet think that cold hard assed New Yorkers are the epitamony of ill tempered humans have never walked The streets of Seattle. No state...can trump the cold native Northwestern embrace of Washingtonians.
We were excited to come here. Had high hopes of the rainy state (something we do not mind actually) But There was no warning for the ill mannerism. NONE~ And After 2 years of being here I've actually felt the lose of my NY edge. These People scare me. Who would have thought?
We have not seen all that we wanted to see of WA. Still, We take away some good memories. Fun outdoor adventures we did gather under our belts. For me I take away the Beauty and awe of the Puget Sound. My favorite Spots are along the rocky beaches that surround the water. Where you enjoy seeing nature at its finest. Watch the Ferry's create tiny waves, and see the peak of Mount Rainier off in the distance.
The pure fact of it all, is Washington is where our Kids grew from babies...to Little kids.
Where Matt and I, figured each other out better...despite our 9 years of being together. <3 :="" p="">
Fingers are crossed, prayers are said daily. That the magic of the Island wields growth and promise.
We have learned much, and of course that wont stop.
But since we have now Passed the Curve and open waters are ahead, we are looking forward to a good few years of smooth(er) Sailing
Hello, More World.
Goodbye Seattle
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Means to the End. Shall we Move on?
Often in my short life, I've been faced with the decision to either MOVE on, and continue down the path. I've felt the sting of letting go, I've felt the repercussions of heading the same way. I've also experienced the relief and joy from both.
While I think about whos precious in my life, the list is short. And Thats Great because that means I've grown emotionally. I feel like, you can not trust everyone, but a few at a time, and those are the people you need to cherish most.
While I Think about Whos Birthday it is today I remember the journey. The extreme of the bumps, the extreme of the highs, the love, the drama, the patching of deep wounds. The last time we broke up, I remember Everyday wondering what I was missing in her life...BIG THINGS AT THE TIME. I was wondering if We'd never exchanged such harsh words if We'd be experiencing these things together. I remember saying all the time to mutual friends, that I'm sad We can not fix it, that I wish she would just respond to my attempts.
When things Finally were starting to come back together, and the glue was "drying"
I remember being so grateful. So excited, but walking slowly and quietly and being cautious not to just stick my nose right into everything I had missed.
The near YEAR of our biggest break up ever, I felt as though A piece of me was missing the entire time. I desired to have her back and things mended. I thought about it often. Reached out often. Not always in the right way granted.
It was so hard. So heart breaking where our friendship of SO long had wound up.
At the same time, as We know God allows things to happen for specific Reasons, I feel like that rough year was a palate cleanse. She And I, from my point of view, had been on this jagged edge for quit some time. Both stubborn, both ignoring the signs till we had to face them straight on.
Here we are almost 3 years past the break up, and well, we are not in the same place. Not the same place we were as kids, not the same place we were as teens, nor young adults, nor before the breakup. We are NEW. We are better. And while distance is a huge gap. In a sense...thats what broke down walls.
God Sends us on Journeys for a reason, He puts people in our lives for a time, or for life. And he has a plan. With this relationship, I never felt like She was supposed to be gone forever. I never was at peace with it. On my end. I knew I wasn't supposed to move on from this.
And Im glad to be where I am with her today.
But God does Challenge us, and our lives, and our hearts. For even though he knows our truest of true wants and desires. He challenges us so that we can learn from life and see the CLEAR reason for his actions for us. Not always easy. Not always something happy. But reality.
While I think about whos precious in my life, the list is short. And Thats Great because that means I've grown emotionally. I feel like, you can not trust everyone, but a few at a time, and those are the people you need to cherish most.
While I Think about Whos Birthday it is today I remember the journey. The extreme of the bumps, the extreme of the highs, the love, the drama, the patching of deep wounds. The last time we broke up, I remember Everyday wondering what I was missing in her life...BIG THINGS AT THE TIME. I was wondering if We'd never exchanged such harsh words if We'd be experiencing these things together. I remember saying all the time to mutual friends, that I'm sad We can not fix it, that I wish she would just respond to my attempts.
When things Finally were starting to come back together, and the glue was "drying"
I remember being so grateful. So excited, but walking slowly and quietly and being cautious not to just stick my nose right into everything I had missed.
The near YEAR of our biggest break up ever, I felt as though A piece of me was missing the entire time. I desired to have her back and things mended. I thought about it often. Reached out often. Not always in the right way granted.
It was so hard. So heart breaking where our friendship of SO long had wound up.
At the same time, as We know God allows things to happen for specific Reasons, I feel like that rough year was a palate cleanse. She And I, from my point of view, had been on this jagged edge for quit some time. Both stubborn, both ignoring the signs till we had to face them straight on.
Here we are almost 3 years past the break up, and well, we are not in the same place. Not the same place we were as kids, not the same place we were as teens, nor young adults, nor before the breakup. We are NEW. We are better. And while distance is a huge gap. In a sense...thats what broke down walls.
God Sends us on Journeys for a reason, He puts people in our lives for a time, or for life. And he has a plan. With this relationship, I never felt like She was supposed to be gone forever. I never was at peace with it. On my end. I knew I wasn't supposed to move on from this.
And Im glad to be where I am with her today.
But God does Challenge us, and our lives, and our hearts. For even though he knows our truest of true wants and desires. He challenges us so that we can learn from life and see the CLEAR reason for his actions for us. Not always easy. Not always something happy. But reality.
When God tells you to move on, it's because He has something so much better for you than where you are right now!
Is something I read this morning. And After my Conversation last night with my Brother, I felt like it was set before at the most perfect of times.
I will not pretend that my distance from certain family members is easy. I will admit I do At times wonder about how life is going for them. I will always love them. I will say that im not surprised on our outcome. I made one last feeble attempt in December, a sliver of an out reach, and it didn't go so well. And thats ok. Now with it being May, And knowing things I do know...I feel as though I'm ok. Im strong enough to understand what it is I am supposed to do from my side. And that is to MOVE ON. I have no struggles with it, surprisingly. I have no doubts about doing so. No panics about what it means, or where it leaves My family and I. Too much was said from my side, too much said from their side. Too many emotions then floating around, clouding judgements. And We both made choices. And our means to an END was our Own versions of our truths. It got us to where we are...which is...far apart.
Our oldest does wonder why we do not speak to everyone. I have been asked "why does he not talk to me" And then get lack of memory from them. Who knows if in years to come something brings our lives closer again. And He can spend the time he wants to repair the relationships he could have now. But thats a future I can not see myself, thats in the hands of God only.
Moving on is never easy. Sure I'll catch myself in thought and wonderment. I'll be reminded by little things. Ill be curious. But I know...Some people are meant to be with you forever, some for a short time, Some to raise you up and teach you, some to hold your hand through tough times, some to challenge you, some to knock you to your feet. Some to pick you back up. Some through thick and thin, and some to tell you Goodbye
Monday, April 29, 2013
Whatcha wanna know about my parenthood?
I used to sit on the floor of my Childhood bedroom, surrounded by my Favorite Fashion Magazines. Read them cover to cover then cut out all the parts I loved most. Next to me would be mounds of Journals I stuck them to, Pencils and blank paper for my desire to draw out dresses I'd love to one day make myself.
I used to take 30 minutes alone to just apply make up another 30 for my hair.
Would pick out my outfit the night before School, have it sprayed with my favorite Perfume and hung nicely on my door.
I used to be able to walk around in heels ALL day long. Run and jump in Heels.
Pj's were only worn in the evenings and to bed, NOT all day, although I did rock the house slippers out and about now and again. YES GUILTY AS CHARGED~
I used to be able to stay up into the wee hours of the morning and sleep into 11am and Not have a care in the world about doing JUST that, Sleep, I seriously took for granted.
Now a days...
Showers are golden
Sweaters are prized
I have mastered how to paint my face and straighten my wavy hair in 20 minutes COMBINED!
Sadly Pj's and sweats are my go to ensemble
My Favorite Magazines Are in the bathroom, because its the only place I find peace during the day...ok not all day, they tend to bang on door, yell mom, and stick their chubby little fingers under the door.
Sleep...happens in bouts. Not full...still
I write in spare time, and its usually stuff people really could care less about reading. Because lets face it, While social media as completely taken over our lives here in this decade. People really do not care if your Son sounds super cute when bossing you around at the age of 2. Or your daughter Scored yet another Cool kid ticket, Or if you cat has learned how to open closed doors. They just want the juicy goodness and nothing more about the boring lives we lead. Yet...We continue to post and search and comment and like or in my case, Remove from my news feed...I am one of these fools on Facebook, twitter, yahoo...BLOGGER :p that visit too much, and lose time in the sites like Pinterest and youtube. Oh the Life I lead.
People want to hear, only when troubles are brewing, gossip can be shared, something terrible has happened, or only care if you "speak" to them first. They want a 1000 likes, hundreds of "friends" and to be told how wonderful their life is...Social media has turned us into insecure drones. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the escape while my kids are tuned into something that doesn't involve my name or using my body as a jungle gym.
We find out more information about our loved ones online then we do any other way. We see what each others lives has become, and where it lacks. We hold no secrets and yet we also hide behind the perception that we are perfect, take perfect pictures, only post "nice" things about our family life and leave the rest untouched by truth.
In this house, I can say the truth is, We are all very loud, we yell...whether mad or happy, we are always yelling. Our neighbors must think we are the most insane people ever, WE NEVER hear them unless they are in the back yard and yet...their 3 cars are always in the drive way. I swear Neighboring Soldier boy Has no MOS. hahaha.
We Love deep so that means we fight hard.
We have 2 girls and thats a whole lot of attitude. It astonishes me what comes out of their super tiny bodies.
The 3 kids can be down right mean to each other, but at the same time, always have to kiss each other goodnight, big hugs and I love Yous to go around.
Matt and I bicker...stupid stuff, but then always seem to work it out. I get mad, punch "toward" him a few times and he just stands there, "like Ok, like that tiny fist can do real damage" Waiting for me to get over it, stop over reacting, pull back my temp and walk away....OH WAIT THATS WHERE MY GIRLS GET IT FROM ;)
The boy~ Well...mamas boy for sure, but man is he go go go go and scrappy. Seriously mini Matt, he doesn't ever stop and then does a 1000 things all at once.
MY KIDS DRIVE ME insane. So yes I do hide now and then through out the day to re-compose my mama mode. Pull sanity back to me and go again. I love my life, I love my kids, I love Matt, I love our Family, I love our life style. But I will not pretend that life is a perfectly beautiful budding Garden of peace and enchantment. People lets get real.
If we spent more time in the real world and not trying to show the world the glories of Parenthood and marriage and life in general, maybe Things would be different.
We should never strive for perfect, because then you will always be disappointed. Strive for Happiness instead.
Parenthood, Isn't all about dressing up our "dolls" and toting them around like beautiful little packages, knowing good and well, that eventually that doll is going to poop so bad it runs up her back and through the dainty little outfit you prized so much.
That 8 out of 10 burps will involve puke. That will involve a change of clothes for everyone or into your hair when your shower is still hours away...
A trip to the park with your toddler means MANY heart attacks about where they are playing. Its more work while at the park then getting ready to go to the park.
School mornings mean, early mornings, fights over outfits, hair thats too knotted up and kids who refuse to eat more then one bite of a healthy much needed breakfast.
Bedtimes means Hearing your name called 20 times for little things like " My blankets Not covering my feet" or they can not reach that Toy thats 4 inches from their legs.
Getting into the Car means fits over who sits where, and taking 10 minutes just to buckle in.
Massive amounts of home work for kids who are 5 and 6 years old.
Worrying CONSTANTLY but we know that never goes away ;)
Potty training is a nightmare, and laundry piles up everyday everywhere.
If you don't buy multiples of the same things, its Utter Chaos.
Meal time everyone wants something different (not that thats excepted in this house, but it doesn't stop the complaints)
Sharing is the Hardest thing when it comes to siblings....apparently in their handbook, it just doesnt work that way.
Theres Confusion ALL the time.
BUT then something happens...You notice the kids looking to see if you are watching them do a cool trick they learned. You hear them sing songs verse for verse. They Make you a hand made card when they are supposed to be in bed sleeping, not drawing.
The quickly blown kiss from the bus window, before anyone else sees.
The pride in school made projects.
The random kiss on the cheek or distance run just for a hug.
The rare moment they just help clean up or get excited every time they are making their bed, on their own better and better each time.
The moment they say " you made the best mommy" at dinner instead of crying that its green and not pink noodles this time.
The moment toys are shared without asking and they are playing all together nicely with no one left out crying.
Those moments...though, few and far between, help us parents out.
Parenthood is hard work, not for everyone, worth every moment of Crazy and painful moments.
For us, We couldn't erase all the hard parts, because then these good parts wouldn't be so loved and Cherished.
It goes for life in general too, not just for us parents.
If everything was easy, what would we long for? work for? hope for?
Sure, things surely have changed from the quiet of my bedroom floor to the chaos of Lunchtime in the Decker house hold.
Sure, I do not always look like I used to, Don't always get a chance to straighten my hair...and I have literally forgotten what it feels like to wear foundation (not just because of time limits but because I choose not to wear the awful stuff) Im no where near as Tan as I should be.
However, I have pieces of me that are so wonderful, Emily, Sophia and Ryan. And taking care of them, and my husband...Makes wearing Sweats n Simply mascara and lip stain, well worth it all~
I used to take 30 minutes alone to just apply make up another 30 for my hair.
Would pick out my outfit the night before School, have it sprayed with my favorite Perfume and hung nicely on my door.
I used to be able to walk around in heels ALL day long. Run and jump in Heels.
Pj's were only worn in the evenings and to bed, NOT all day, although I did rock the house slippers out and about now and again. YES GUILTY AS CHARGED~
I used to be able to stay up into the wee hours of the morning and sleep into 11am and Not have a care in the world about doing JUST that, Sleep, I seriously took for granted.
Now a days...
Showers are golden
Sweaters are prized
I have mastered how to paint my face and straighten my wavy hair in 20 minutes COMBINED!
Sadly Pj's and sweats are my go to ensemble
My Favorite Magazines Are in the bathroom, because its the only place I find peace during the day...ok not all day, they tend to bang on door, yell mom, and stick their chubby little fingers under the door.
Sleep...happens in bouts. Not full...still
I write in spare time, and its usually stuff people really could care less about reading. Because lets face it, While social media as completely taken over our lives here in this decade. People really do not care if your Son sounds super cute when bossing you around at the age of 2. Or your daughter Scored yet another Cool kid ticket, Or if you cat has learned how to open closed doors. They just want the juicy goodness and nothing more about the boring lives we lead. Yet...We continue to post and search and comment and like or in my case, Remove from my news feed...I am one of these fools on Facebook, twitter, yahoo...BLOGGER :p that visit too much, and lose time in the sites like Pinterest and youtube. Oh the Life I lead.
People want to hear, only when troubles are brewing, gossip can be shared, something terrible has happened, or only care if you "speak" to them first. They want a 1000 likes, hundreds of "friends" and to be told how wonderful their life is...Social media has turned us into insecure drones. But that doesn't mean I don't enjoy the escape while my kids are tuned into something that doesn't involve my name or using my body as a jungle gym.
We find out more information about our loved ones online then we do any other way. We see what each others lives has become, and where it lacks. We hold no secrets and yet we also hide behind the perception that we are perfect, take perfect pictures, only post "nice" things about our family life and leave the rest untouched by truth.
In this house, I can say the truth is, We are all very loud, we yell...whether mad or happy, we are always yelling. Our neighbors must think we are the most insane people ever, WE NEVER hear them unless they are in the back yard and yet...their 3 cars are always in the drive way. I swear Neighboring Soldier boy Has no MOS. hahaha.
We Love deep so that means we fight hard.
We have 2 girls and thats a whole lot of attitude. It astonishes me what comes out of their super tiny bodies.
The 3 kids can be down right mean to each other, but at the same time, always have to kiss each other goodnight, big hugs and I love Yous to go around.
Matt and I bicker...stupid stuff, but then always seem to work it out. I get mad, punch "toward" him a few times and he just stands there, "like Ok, like that tiny fist can do real damage" Waiting for me to get over it, stop over reacting, pull back my temp and walk away....OH WAIT THATS WHERE MY GIRLS GET IT FROM ;)
The boy~ Well...mamas boy for sure, but man is he go go go go and scrappy. Seriously mini Matt, he doesn't ever stop and then does a 1000 things all at once.
MY KIDS DRIVE ME insane. So yes I do hide now and then through out the day to re-compose my mama mode. Pull sanity back to me and go again. I love my life, I love my kids, I love Matt, I love our Family, I love our life style. But I will not pretend that life is a perfectly beautiful budding Garden of peace and enchantment. People lets get real.
If we spent more time in the real world and not trying to show the world the glories of Parenthood and marriage and life in general, maybe Things would be different.
We should never strive for perfect, because then you will always be disappointed. Strive for Happiness instead.
Parenthood, Isn't all about dressing up our "dolls" and toting them around like beautiful little packages, knowing good and well, that eventually that doll is going to poop so bad it runs up her back and through the dainty little outfit you prized so much.
That 8 out of 10 burps will involve puke. That will involve a change of clothes for everyone or into your hair when your shower is still hours away...
A trip to the park with your toddler means MANY heart attacks about where they are playing. Its more work while at the park then getting ready to go to the park.
School mornings mean, early mornings, fights over outfits, hair thats too knotted up and kids who refuse to eat more then one bite of a healthy much needed breakfast.
Bedtimes means Hearing your name called 20 times for little things like " My blankets Not covering my feet" or they can not reach that Toy thats 4 inches from their legs.
Getting into the Car means fits over who sits where, and taking 10 minutes just to buckle in.
Massive amounts of home work for kids who are 5 and 6 years old.
Worrying CONSTANTLY but we know that never goes away ;)
Potty training is a nightmare, and laundry piles up everyday everywhere.
If you don't buy multiples of the same things, its Utter Chaos.
Meal time everyone wants something different (not that thats excepted in this house, but it doesn't stop the complaints)
Sharing is the Hardest thing when it comes to siblings....apparently in their handbook, it just doesnt work that way.
Theres Confusion ALL the time.
BUT then something happens...You notice the kids looking to see if you are watching them do a cool trick they learned. You hear them sing songs verse for verse. They Make you a hand made card when they are supposed to be in bed sleeping, not drawing.
The quickly blown kiss from the bus window, before anyone else sees.
The pride in school made projects.
The random kiss on the cheek or distance run just for a hug.
The rare moment they just help clean up or get excited every time they are making their bed, on their own better and better each time.
The moment they say " you made the best mommy" at dinner instead of crying that its green and not pink noodles this time.
The moment toys are shared without asking and they are playing all together nicely with no one left out crying.
Those moments...though, few and far between, help us parents out.
Parenthood is hard work, not for everyone, worth every moment of Crazy and painful moments.
For us, We couldn't erase all the hard parts, because then these good parts wouldn't be so loved and Cherished.
It goes for life in general too, not just for us parents.
If everything was easy, what would we long for? work for? hope for?
Sure, things surely have changed from the quiet of my bedroom floor to the chaos of Lunchtime in the Decker house hold.
Sure, I do not always look like I used to, Don't always get a chance to straighten my hair...and I have literally forgotten what it feels like to wear foundation (not just because of time limits but because I choose not to wear the awful stuff) Im no where near as Tan as I should be.
However, I have pieces of me that are so wonderful, Emily, Sophia and Ryan. And taking care of them, and my husband...Makes wearing Sweats n Simply mascara and lip stain, well worth it all~
Thursday, May 10, 2012
A visit From Nonna
SHES HERE! Nonni is here here here. The kids have been Full of enery and Joy and Took right back to being in Nonnas arms. Ryan Whom shes just meeting for the first time ever, Course Loves her all the same. He is my nice boy and Being his Charming self for her. Its Been great having her here and seeing her, Ill be sad when she has to leave, we all will. Shes been awesome. Signing with Sophie, falling Right back into Remembering Signs. Its Awesome. Im thankful for the Chance To have her here!
WE LOVE YOU NONNA!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
Do Solemnly Swear
Welcome Another 4 years of Army Strong Living! Matthew R Decker Re-enlistment To 31 Bravo, Military Police, Was Official on this Day April 19 2012 At Roughly 11:30am. Sworn in By Captian Chang and witness by Myself, The kids And A few Soldier Comrades. On the Steps of the Capital Building Dome In Olympia Washington.
Im extremely Proud Of my husband, His commitment and his Duty.
It was a back n forth about What to do as far as Re-signing or civilian Life. But in the End the Army Seemed like the best choice. We hope to be stationed somewhere new Come Next Spring. Matt Will be getting his orders to attend MP school At Fort Leonard Wood Missouri AGAIN! In the Winter no less, come September. Then January is when he would ship out for Training.
One of the best part about Military Life Is the moving around and getting the chance to see Life in different parts, I Pray the Lord has it in his plans to be put back on the East Coast this time around. Nevertheless, Im proud to Say My Husband is serving is country and Providing for His family. Hes been working very hard and Has been recognized By his Chain of command as being a great and important asset to their Motor pool. As he has been working on his leadership skills, and In his classes, as he continues to get certified in everything he can.
We've been one of the Lucky few to have not been a part of a deployment, dispite Matts desire to Do so. Having Spent a year at NTC and Then coming here to A Unit that was not set for deploying. However, It is possible that the next step After AIT is To be sent over seas, in that Case We will Continue to be As Strong possible, As I will continue To Support Matthew And His career.
Congratulations Matty on a Job well Done! I love you So much, and You mean the WORLD to me and to our kids. We Appreciate all you do!
Friday, March 30, 2012
Just A Friday Ramble
The Truth about my life is that theres only 2 ways it goes.
Either, im extremely busy, ready to pull my hair out, or having a great time. With my Blessed Family
Or
Im Way bored. Ready to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Not that my kids really let me do that. Lord Knows if Sophie Sees my Eyes closed she pokes me till they are opened. Ryan, will crawl on me and get inches from my nose talking, or Emily notoriously Says "mom, mom, mom...I want...or I have to...or When dad gets home..." Going on and on and On. In fact As Im sitting here typing away, shes talking my ear off. About what? Lets see, About how Jesse has taught her a Funny laugh (not sure how a puppy does that) and About her Future Bike, and what shes going to name it, and telling the story of what shes gonna do with it. Oh Wait now theres a Dragon with a large tongue involved in her Bike story....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA seriously gotta love this girls story telling. Its always an Adventure. I would expect nothing less for the mere fact shes a Decker. Our kids without Killer Imaginations, gift of Gab, and Quirkiness would mean EACH CHILD HAD BEEN SWITCHED AT BIRTH...hahaha in the Hospital with someone elses Newborn ;) ;) Little Girls and life means, magic and well lets be real, A WHOLE LOT OF ATTITUDE. Never easy. They like to keep everyone on their toes. They are sweet...then Sour with demands and melt downs. Dramatic! Exciting! But See For me...Its another mini me. Im used to seeing Barbie dolls naked n laying around. Nail polish on finger nails, and tutus in the bottom draws of Dressers. Emily Goes around belting out Made up Songs (who does that sound like thehehe)Sophie Stays up long hours at night in her room, making herself laugh n laying in Odd positions (again who does that sound like) The Two of them Are Constantly FIghting. One uping each other n taking revenge in many forms. Sophies resorts to first taking a prize possession of Emilys and using her body to cover it up....Emily Hits, then Sophie hits back, then they throw things...its a whirl wind of backsies. Yelling Doesnt work, Splitting them up...nope. Punishing...never lasts. UGHHHHHHHHH. Right!? But my girls, are amazing. They Do love each other I know. And Our Precious and funny, and Beautiful, NOT FRAGILE. Despite all the Drama our Lives brings, all the moving we've done, and friends we've left or lost. Emilys Bond with Her sister was made greater by Sign language. I feel as tho its a Bond that will last always as lets face it. Many people Wont learn Sign. Let alone Understand it. N it will become the Sister Language between the two as they grow. Really Its so fun being able to say something with no one else understanding what is said. I remember Growing up And trying to create a language with Friends. Having Note books we'd pass between us and write in code, in cirlces or by skipping lines and then writing Right to left. Having "dear Diary" before Text messaging was a thing. Giga pets before Angry Birds, and Making sure our friends didnt forget to feed and play with it so it didnt die. Being a Girl in Awesome. Taking Pride in ourselves is key to our beauty! Even Last night when I got my hair done it felt awesome hearing from the Stylist that I have Great Hair, in Amazing Condition, both when its wet and Dry. Well HELLO!!!! ;) My hair has always been taken care of well, despite all the crap Ive done to it, the colours its been, the cuts Ive had done, the braiding, twisting, pony wearing, heat taking hair of mine. Those of you who have known me a long time would remember the 8th grade Graduation Roast. When I was Forced to not only wear wood blocks under my shoes for height as I danced in a circle but also to wear A multi colored curly clown wig!!! 7th grade is when my hair obsession truly began...so it was only Fitting. THANKS AUNT PENNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now whats different, even though I grew up with all brothers, and surrounded only by my male cousins at the time, is having a little boy of my own. Polar opposite from his sisters altho Now and Then I catch him sporting one...just one Princess Dress up heel on. But he always trips and falls in it and crys then flings it across the room out of anger. ANGER!!!! Is what Ryan is most known for, and in essence is his fathers SON for sure. Matt calls him bypolar...I call him Mini Matt. ;) He is soft and Cuddly one minute and then passive aggressive the next. Im used to it 8 years later in my relationship with Matt, so Ryan...BRING IT ON!!!!! ;) Ryan is an awesome kid, even tho He refuses to say "mama". He will say lots of others, even DADA, n DADDY! The Brat. He says Jesse, sissy, Go, stop, I got it, I get it, I did it. WHos there, Who Did it. Will laugh funny on cue. Takes direction well, and Makes us All laugh. Cute as a button! Loves his sisters, But they do fight with him. He takes it to heart most times and comes running to me with big croc tears, gets some lovin' n back to taking the absuse. Its a vicous Cycle! I can not believe How quickly our year here and Washington is going as it Will be 1 full year in June. Meaning July Ryan will be 2. It feels just like yesterday we were Celebrating his 1st birthday in our Washington Apt in Lacey. WHile He doesnt sign many words just yet, Like Sophie he is understanding them. He is closer to Soph then To Emily, and When Soph is upset he likes to be in her face babbling and showing her affection. He LOVES his sisters. How much hes grown tho makes me weepy haha. No more Crib, or high chair for him, the bottles been long gone. he tells me to change his diaper. Watches the entire Beethoven 2 when I put it on, and Laughs at all the right funny spots. Just BIG! Even tho He is still only 23 pounds, And I have him in onesies. Even tho hes only in the 27%tile in height....Hes BIG! Hes Smart, Hes BIG! hes My big boy.
I love having a little Boy, Im So thankful to be blessed with him. As I love watching him take his trucks from the toy box, place them right on the Floor and "drive" them all over the livingroom and dinningrooms as fast as he can. How he will lay his head on the floor with his Tush up and PLay with his Jungle animals. I have to say It warms my heart Finding Match box cars Everywhere in the house. I even laugh when I find them in my spice drawer and the dishwasher bahahaha. (he gets into everything)THankfully I havent had the priviledge of smelling Melted Race car, so the Oven thankfully hasnt been blessed with his little cars yet!! Hopefully never will! He carries them with him usually 2 in one hand. It just makes me smile! My kids are my life. And I wouldnt have them any other way. Nothing different, nothing Changed, nothing! I only want them happy. The Best they can be, within the Journey they want to take. Living life for Joy, and Love and Success in their terms, not the terms of the World. Or My own for them. My Job, is to keep them safe, Teach them right from Wrong, Set the course of Faith, and then Let them Fly (hopefully not too far from me) but with even wing span to take them where ever their hearts desire. To Nurture, but not smother. Be supportive and Loving. Help them grow to be good citizens and Followers of Christ. In which case Matt and I would have done our Jobs well!
Matt has been So amazing to us. Providing for us. Building us up. Supportive in everyway he can. From Money to Mind. Hes is always behind me in my crazy tactics, or ideas. Hes Allowed me to Be the one to Move us place to place. Pretty much saying "happy wife happy life" ;) With out him being my support thru all our battles I wouldnt be the Becci I am today. I would have lost my the Voice I only gained when becoming a mom...( I am mama Hear me roar) He lets me say what I mean, and mean what I say. And has my back, or calms me down when My fighter comes out. SUre we fight, we ignore and annoy each other...then we find each other again. Most times, fights last 10 minutes (after I win of course) before we are playing chinese checkers again or YATZEEEEE, or hes asking him to make him a snack! And Im asking him to crack open a beer! hahahahahaha For me not him! hes not really into Drinking. We are truly each other Ying to the Yang ;) Its Love! What can I say.
There are times I do wish we could have seen the future. Known what we know now, or Learn what we are about to endure, But Its True that To know the Future would mean we'd be fearful! N You can not live life Fearful. Then there Are moments I wish we could go back to, have do overs. But then that would Change the entire Coarse we've been walking the present with. So What good would that do? In Hinde Site...Now knowing Sophies True Reaction to the Machine in her head...Matt and I both now agree We should have waited till it was her decision. But the pressure of family and society Got to us. It is what it is now. N thats ok! We are working on her accepting it. Its Not any task, and At night Sometimes I go to bed feeling defeated. But We pray. and Start again the next day. its ALl you really can do right? Pray! Prayer has Power. Prayer guides Faith. Faith Gives strength.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Trusty ole Red Book
It wasnt until today that It hit me. ITS JUST US HERE. No friends around, no family to visit with. No bouncing from House to house, no exchanging of gifts and being stuffed with deviled Eggs and Cherry cheesecake.
So we are opting to start our own annual Traditions. Traditions that I hope we will see through until the Children Make families of their own.
So while thinking about What we can do And Having to cook our turkey a head of time, and not liking its flavor. I thought, WHY NOT slow cook the turkey in a pool of flavor and create a homemade turkey pot pie. For Christmas Day.
Im going to also try my hand at Grams Buttermilk Biscuits, and the best Chocolate Cake recipe comes from the side of Hershey's cocoa Powder. So their we go. its set and if it turns out well...TRADITION set.
So Of course I start looking up recipes for the pie crust. remembering I do not know the recipe that came from my fathers infamous RED COOK BOOK. The Trusty OLD, ratty, falling apart book. That has the best pie crust recipe in the pot pie area. SOOOOO yum. His Trusty ole Red Book is so old, its missing pages, and has hand written recipes and cut outs he has collected along the way. Black and white photos of certain recipes and I can RECALL it from my Childhood.
Which of course, makes me miss the good times with my dad. The little traditions we had as a family while I was growing up. The Video Camera always plastered to his eye every Christmas morning. The Going around the circle of us kids, allowing us to only open one gift per time. Torturing us, and prolonging the JOY. Chocolate Cream pie with Cool whip. Runny Eggs and Fatty bacon the Morning of. The Yule Log and Christmas Music playing on the TV as we opened our Gifts. Dad either Falling asleep on the sofa or purposely taking a nap. His Chocolate chip cookies. "Its a wonderful life" in the kitchen, while he was baking.
All remembering this from his trusty ole Red book pie crust recipe.
As for Traditions, I cant wait to bake cookies on Christmas EVE, let the kids open stockings and Listen to Grandma Lights Voice from "the night before Christmas" book.
Im really looking forward to this Christmas.
IS IT HERE YET?
So we are opting to start our own annual Traditions. Traditions that I hope we will see through until the Children Make families of their own.
So while thinking about What we can do And Having to cook our turkey a head of time, and not liking its flavor. I thought, WHY NOT slow cook the turkey in a pool of flavor and create a homemade turkey pot pie. For Christmas Day.
Im going to also try my hand at Grams Buttermilk Biscuits, and the best Chocolate Cake recipe comes from the side of Hershey's cocoa Powder. So their we go. its set and if it turns out well...TRADITION set.
So Of course I start looking up recipes for the pie crust. remembering I do not know the recipe that came from my fathers infamous RED COOK BOOK. The Trusty OLD, ratty, falling apart book. That has the best pie crust recipe in the pot pie area. SOOOOO yum. His Trusty ole Red Book is so old, its missing pages, and has hand written recipes and cut outs he has collected along the way. Black and white photos of certain recipes and I can RECALL it from my Childhood.
Which of course, makes me miss the good times with my dad. The little traditions we had as a family while I was growing up. The Video Camera always plastered to his eye every Christmas morning. The Going around the circle of us kids, allowing us to only open one gift per time. Torturing us, and prolonging the JOY. Chocolate Cream pie with Cool whip. Runny Eggs and Fatty bacon the Morning of. The Yule Log and Christmas Music playing on the TV as we opened our Gifts. Dad either Falling asleep on the sofa or purposely taking a nap. His Chocolate chip cookies. "Its a wonderful life" in the kitchen, while he was baking.
All remembering this from his trusty ole Red book pie crust recipe.
As for Traditions, I cant wait to bake cookies on Christmas EVE, let the kids open stockings and Listen to Grandma Lights Voice from "the night before Christmas" book.
Im really looking forward to this Christmas.
IS IT HERE YET?
Sunday, December 4, 2011
What it might come down to
You know Us Deckers here have a way of always figuring things out. Some times with Help, Some times just by the Skin of our knees. More often then not we put out each month more then we bring in. And by WE I mean Matt. While it is a blessing That I am A SAHM and That every Job Matt has ever had has allowed that to be possible, it also has a lot to do with the fact that If I were to work...I'd just be paying the sitter and Gas. So What good is no face time with my kiddos if I still dont have the means to help support their ever growing feet, legs, ears...
As December has now arrived, Im thinking about the new year coming up. What needs to change, what can be changed, how things can be changed, if things can be changed. Things were a tad easier when All my kids were tiny. While they are still small, everything else about them is bigger. Can we truly continue down this pay check to pay check life style and provide? No, not really.
I find it tacky to talk about money problems and our down and outs in public. But today, as I vent and sort out whats in my head by writing it down. It seems to be helping clear out the mindly junk. BUT its not going to fix our sour situation.
Last Month we went from A HUGE mistake made on part of Western Union, and bill collectors calling to...Having a bank that hasnt fixed the problem but made it possible for us to continue life. TO our life information being stolen from the car of a Tri-care worker. Tri-care is our insurance company, to having to borrow $$$ when I knew that eventually all that was borrowed would have to be paid back, and then what....same poor boat. Allotments on checks, and now......NO CAR for the kids and I to all be in together. Which means.....if Seattle calls to set up therapy appts before the February surgery, we are screwed. Still the collectors call as our Bank account reaches $6 dollars that of course has to keep us a float in our boat till the 15th when we reach a new pay day. Now lets think...positive. If we didnt live in military housing, where even our electic and gas is paid for (unless we go over our alloted amount) we'd be living in a car, OH WAIT WE DONT HAVE ONE...so a tent made from sheets and blankets. Making this Traveling Family, even more true Gypsies.
So from the bottom of my heart to my family who has helped us this year it means the World. To the Family who has purchased Christmas Gifts for our Children, It wouldnt be a Christmas with out the kindness you have shown for us. And I thank you truly.
Its Funny because there is a possiblity of things changing for us. But it involves paper out of my husbands control really. If we had a chance to get it, The way we would use it, to make 2012 NOTHING like 2011 has been would work wonders for this family of mine. Im talking, Getting a paid off car, paying off insurance, removing allotments from his Check, getting the kids real beds and real shoes and coats, paying off student loans. Goodness that would mean when we get paid every two weeks, we actually have money! But its a pipe dream because it involves having a special someone change her mind about...me...Emily and change who she is. Which come on, thats a hard enough task for a 3 year old to manage. I just pray that this coming year will be different. SO much else will be changing with our kids...Hearing, School...sports. We have job security at the moment. Now I want The security of knowing when Pay day comes, we dont have to not get this, because we have to pay that. Or worry that our door bells going to ring, and someones taking back unpaid for property.
2011 has been way too hard. It has to change. We need it to change. We need prayer. We NEED PRAYER~ I keep asking for prayer requests.
Prayer, because Something Powerful and meaningful has to be out there for us right? There has to be a good no string attachment angel waiting for us around the corner right? RIGHT?
It comes down to prayer.
It comes down to Faith.
It comes down to Hope.
It comes down to Starting out 2012 clear mind, a little less debt free and on the right foot.
So I pray Lord.
As December has now arrived, Im thinking about the new year coming up. What needs to change, what can be changed, how things can be changed, if things can be changed. Things were a tad easier when All my kids were tiny. While they are still small, everything else about them is bigger. Can we truly continue down this pay check to pay check life style and provide? No, not really.
I find it tacky to talk about money problems and our down and outs in public. But today, as I vent and sort out whats in my head by writing it down. It seems to be helping clear out the mindly junk. BUT its not going to fix our sour situation.
Last Month we went from A HUGE mistake made on part of Western Union, and bill collectors calling to...Having a bank that hasnt fixed the problem but made it possible for us to continue life. TO our life information being stolen from the car of a Tri-care worker. Tri-care is our insurance company, to having to borrow $$$ when I knew that eventually all that was borrowed would have to be paid back, and then what....same poor boat. Allotments on checks, and now......NO CAR for the kids and I to all be in together. Which means.....if Seattle calls to set up therapy appts before the February surgery, we are screwed. Still the collectors call as our Bank account reaches $6 dollars that of course has to keep us a float in our boat till the 15th when we reach a new pay day. Now lets think...positive. If we didnt live in military housing, where even our electic and gas is paid for (unless we go over our alloted amount) we'd be living in a car, OH WAIT WE DONT HAVE ONE...so a tent made from sheets and blankets. Making this Traveling Family, even more true Gypsies.
So from the bottom of my heart to my family who has helped us this year it means the World. To the Family who has purchased Christmas Gifts for our Children, It wouldnt be a Christmas with out the kindness you have shown for us. And I thank you truly.
Its Funny because there is a possiblity of things changing for us. But it involves paper out of my husbands control really. If we had a chance to get it, The way we would use it, to make 2012 NOTHING like 2011 has been would work wonders for this family of mine. Im talking, Getting a paid off car, paying off insurance, removing allotments from his Check, getting the kids real beds and real shoes and coats, paying off student loans. Goodness that would mean when we get paid every two weeks, we actually have money! But its a pipe dream because it involves having a special someone change her mind about...me...Emily and change who she is. Which come on, thats a hard enough task for a 3 year old to manage. I just pray that this coming year will be different. SO much else will be changing with our kids...Hearing, School...sports. We have job security at the moment. Now I want The security of knowing when Pay day comes, we dont have to not get this, because we have to pay that. Or worry that our door bells going to ring, and someones taking back unpaid for property.
2011 has been way too hard. It has to change. We need it to change. We need prayer. We NEED PRAYER~ I keep asking for prayer requests.
Prayer, because Something Powerful and meaningful has to be out there for us right? There has to be a good no string attachment angel waiting for us around the corner right? RIGHT?
It comes down to prayer.
It comes down to Faith.
It comes down to Hope.
It comes down to Starting out 2012 clear mind, a little less debt free and on the right foot.
So I pray Lord.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Tis the Season for a thankful Reason: 23
Havent been extrememly dilagent about writing my thankfulness out each day. Forgot yesterday...seems to be a pattern with me.
This week seems to have pretty long. I mean its Wednesday and Still feels like Friday is so far away.
On the positive Side, Matts last day of work and Thanksgiving is TOMORROW! Which Means tonight I start my food prep. I always like to start ahead so Im not speading the day only cooking! Not that I mind cooking, infact Ive taken to really enjoying cooking. Something about this time of year that makes me get into it a lot. Did the same thing last year as well. My passion as really started to mold, as Ive been finding and trying all kinds of recipes. Like I attempted homemade oven bread last night. Forgot one step but its still came out terrific and tasting but very filling.
Cooking big meals Always reminds me of holidays at my parents house. Parents waking up early to put a GIANT turkey in oven, or at Christmas I giant Roast. The same sides, as usual. But pretty much everything from scratch, fresh mashed and drippings gravy. Sometimes even Grams yummy buttermilk biscuits, which I still cant seem to make myself.
I think of My mom setting tables nicely and My family coming to eat. Mostly Christmas time was when we had the WHOLE family together, taking turns at whos house it would be at each year. Traditions that lasted a while. But as most of us cousins grew up, and families battled their separate issues, things began to change. No more yearly whole family apple picking or trips to the Beach. No more family road trips down south, and family dinners were a thing of the past.
Not that with my own family, we eat at the table every night together. We dont. I tend to feed the kids before Matts finished with Work. But on Holidays course we change it up a bit. Setting the table, having kids help. Listening to the football games and sipping Champagne and...Beer.
Being thankful for our time together, and thankful for the lives we have lost but will never Forget. Last thanksgiving was hard. As we lost a young man who was never really given the chance to blossom. A hard up hill battle he fought from with in himself. But we loved him, and cherished even the brief moments we had with him the last few years we had lived in orange County. Ricky Vidal, will always be Remembered, and always be in our hearts and Thanksgiving will never go by with out a shout out from our family to him, and his Wonderful parents and sisters.
Course, thinking of holidays like I said reverts my memories to greater Foody days. Times when my father still spoke to me, and my parents had happy faces. Many people feel that because my father worked too much, that his absense made John and I, grow spiteful. Which, any spite I have has nothing to do with him working too much. My memories I do have with him are fond. I can remember the times of Driving in his lap from the top of Canterbury Knolls to our driveway. him "letting" shift sometimes. Riding in his Jeep with the tops down and doors off...once it even started to storm. Listening to him watch the Yankees game every summer. Knowing he used to watch Basketball all winter and root for the knicks. How he dressed for the School Christmas plays. He being an usher in church. Making Sunday morning Breakfast with him. Him defending me to neighborhood kids, and He did that for John as well. Bike riding! Him playing racket ball with mom. Always the one to Cook our special birthday dinners, allowing us to have anything of our choice. My favorite was his Fliet Mignon with Fresh garlic butter and baked potatoes. He gave me the credit for his version of Buffulo Chicken, that he first made during one of the super bowls we watched together. Watching movies like The Karate Kid "wax on wax off" and the old one about a basketball kid...except I can not for the life of me remember the name of that movie. He always was singing the Cats in the craddle song, and had tic-tacs for us during Church every Sunday. I know his facial expressions, I know hes not serious with a laugh when its a closed mouth snicker with his eyes closed tight, shaking his head. But his real laugh his mouth is wide open, he throws his head back and will touch his stomach. I know when hes mad he talks fast, quiet and gets down to eye level, maybe by leaning on his elbows on a counter or table. I know when hes not really wanting to agree with you he folds his arms as he talks and looks to the right. Mostly when its a conversion where he feels he can not be wrong in. I know he makes pizza dough every friday night...(hey dad tip, make the dough the night before COver it but make sure theres a little hole so its ready friday before you even get home, will make the dough user to use and go farther and taste Awesome)He makes Chocolate Chip cookies that everyone loves, but Jessica took over that because She likes hers fluffy not flat and changed how the ingreds, go into the mix. he makes brownies with Semi sweet and bitter chocolate, Puts ONIONS in everything meaty (blah) likes his eggs runny and bacon fatty. Tea vs Coffee. He did have time to help me with my history homework, sometimes my math. Taught me how drive, and would set up cones for parallel parking. Hes got a bit of clepto ness and is a sure pack rat. Wears his Tshirts tucked in, and a leather jacket when he wants to look "dressy" Has had the same style forever and that includes his hair. Falls asleep everywhere and at just about every family function. Made us (john and i) do chores and outside work sometimes. Lets us have Dogs when he didnt. Cooked pizza and cookies for my movie nights with friends. Bought my Friend a Car to use, let her paint the Dinning room DEEP purple. Attended EVERY single baseball game of mine. Cheered me on in Basketball and under stood how much I hated Karate and that Weirdo mr koons. He gave me bad guy creeps. Thinks I never knew how much he really swore while I was growing up. It all sounds...like Dad. Sounds like MY dad. Johns Dad...but sadly The twins have a different experience. The best thing I remember and what Im thankful for on this 23rd day for a thankful Reason, is knowing that I got the best years of dad. Knowing that reguardless to how some feel hes a better dad now, to the twins, then he was to me, I know that they are dead wrong. It was fatal mistakes me made later in my life that ruined any relationship we had. Its the lieing he keeps doing, its the cutting me from his life because of Bold statements I made. I know different then everyone else. Im not one to talk about emotions that often. Im not one to always like confrontation and hold back a lot. But Ive always been good at observing and reading people and body language.
So heres to Him, far away in NY. Maybe...things one day will change again.
Im thankful for the time I did have. Im thankful for what I learned with him, from him and about him.
This week seems to have pretty long. I mean its Wednesday and Still feels like Friday is so far away.
On the positive Side, Matts last day of work and Thanksgiving is TOMORROW! Which Means tonight I start my food prep. I always like to start ahead so Im not speading the day only cooking! Not that I mind cooking, infact Ive taken to really enjoying cooking. Something about this time of year that makes me get into it a lot. Did the same thing last year as well. My passion as really started to mold, as Ive been finding and trying all kinds of recipes. Like I attempted homemade oven bread last night. Forgot one step but its still came out terrific and tasting but very filling.
Cooking big meals Always reminds me of holidays at my parents house. Parents waking up early to put a GIANT turkey in oven, or at Christmas I giant Roast. The same sides, as usual. But pretty much everything from scratch, fresh mashed and drippings gravy. Sometimes even Grams yummy buttermilk biscuits, which I still cant seem to make myself.
I think of My mom setting tables nicely and My family coming to eat. Mostly Christmas time was when we had the WHOLE family together, taking turns at whos house it would be at each year. Traditions that lasted a while. But as most of us cousins grew up, and families battled their separate issues, things began to change. No more yearly whole family apple picking or trips to the Beach. No more family road trips down south, and family dinners were a thing of the past.
Not that with my own family, we eat at the table every night together. We dont. I tend to feed the kids before Matts finished with Work. But on Holidays course we change it up a bit. Setting the table, having kids help. Listening to the football games and sipping Champagne and...Beer.
Being thankful for our time together, and thankful for the lives we have lost but will never Forget. Last thanksgiving was hard. As we lost a young man who was never really given the chance to blossom. A hard up hill battle he fought from with in himself. But we loved him, and cherished even the brief moments we had with him the last few years we had lived in orange County. Ricky Vidal, will always be Remembered, and always be in our hearts and Thanksgiving will never go by with out a shout out from our family to him, and his Wonderful parents and sisters.
Course, thinking of holidays like I said reverts my memories to greater Foody days. Times when my father still spoke to me, and my parents had happy faces. Many people feel that because my father worked too much, that his absense made John and I, grow spiteful. Which, any spite I have has nothing to do with him working too much. My memories I do have with him are fond. I can remember the times of Driving in his lap from the top of Canterbury Knolls to our driveway. him "letting" shift sometimes. Riding in his Jeep with the tops down and doors off...once it even started to storm. Listening to him watch the Yankees game every summer. Knowing he used to watch Basketball all winter and root for the knicks. How he dressed for the School Christmas plays. He being an usher in church. Making Sunday morning Breakfast with him. Him defending me to neighborhood kids, and He did that for John as well. Bike riding! Him playing racket ball with mom. Always the one to Cook our special birthday dinners, allowing us to have anything of our choice. My favorite was his Fliet Mignon with Fresh garlic butter and baked potatoes. He gave me the credit for his version of Buffulo Chicken, that he first made during one of the super bowls we watched together. Watching movies like The Karate Kid "wax on wax off" and the old one about a basketball kid...except I can not for the life of me remember the name of that movie. He always was singing the Cats in the craddle song, and had tic-tacs for us during Church every Sunday. I know his facial expressions, I know hes not serious with a laugh when its a closed mouth snicker with his eyes closed tight, shaking his head. But his real laugh his mouth is wide open, he throws his head back and will touch his stomach. I know when hes mad he talks fast, quiet and gets down to eye level, maybe by leaning on his elbows on a counter or table. I know when hes not really wanting to agree with you he folds his arms as he talks and looks to the right. Mostly when its a conversion where he feels he can not be wrong in. I know he makes pizza dough every friday night...(hey dad tip, make the dough the night before COver it but make sure theres a little hole so its ready friday before you even get home, will make the dough user to use and go farther and taste Awesome)He makes Chocolate Chip cookies that everyone loves, but Jessica took over that because She likes hers fluffy not flat and changed how the ingreds, go into the mix. he makes brownies with Semi sweet and bitter chocolate, Puts ONIONS in everything meaty (blah) likes his eggs runny and bacon fatty. Tea vs Coffee. He did have time to help me with my history homework, sometimes my math. Taught me how drive, and would set up cones for parallel parking. Hes got a bit of clepto ness and is a sure pack rat. Wears his Tshirts tucked in, and a leather jacket when he wants to look "dressy" Has had the same style forever and that includes his hair. Falls asleep everywhere and at just about every family function. Made us (john and i) do chores and outside work sometimes. Lets us have Dogs when he didnt. Cooked pizza and cookies for my movie nights with friends. Bought my Friend a Car to use, let her paint the Dinning room DEEP purple. Attended EVERY single baseball game of mine. Cheered me on in Basketball and under stood how much I hated Karate and that Weirdo mr koons. He gave me bad guy creeps. Thinks I never knew how much he really swore while I was growing up. It all sounds...like Dad. Sounds like MY dad. Johns Dad...but sadly The twins have a different experience. The best thing I remember and what Im thankful for on this 23rd day for a thankful Reason, is knowing that I got the best years of dad. Knowing that reguardless to how some feel hes a better dad now, to the twins, then he was to me, I know that they are dead wrong. It was fatal mistakes me made later in my life that ruined any relationship we had. Its the lieing he keeps doing, its the cutting me from his life because of Bold statements I made. I know different then everyone else. Im not one to talk about emotions that often. Im not one to always like confrontation and hold back a lot. But Ive always been good at observing and reading people and body language.
So heres to Him, far away in NY. Maybe...things one day will change again.
Im thankful for the time I did have. Im thankful for what I learned with him, from him and about him.
Friday, November 4, 2011
Tis the Season for a Thankful Reason: 4
you know what I remember about my childhood...Giving my brother John a hard time. He always wanted to be in my room, sleep in my bed, play games with me, Play mario Brothers, me to sing him to sleep, play with my friends, on and on and on.... ;)
We called him Cupcake head, and Johnnyboy, "the butler" which made him cry "I dont wanna be the butt" Insergant and ooo yea Go to Sleep John "come to my bosom" lmfao
used him for getting what we want, as we said he was the "favorite child" and if Jeanna and I wanted to go out for Icecream, we were told no, but if Had John ask if we can go...it was always YES. Go figure ;)
Needless to say, i wasnt very nice. Gave him a hard time, as did other kids in the neighborhood. He was always so....hmm let me think....quirky JUST LIKE ME~ we had times where we would laugh at night from making up songs, flipping off the top bunk and on to the bottom, making BUBBLE tents out of our sheets to sleep in. Rode Bikes together and jumped on the trampoline, Even had sleep overs together at the Binnies. Remembering now He and Brit had an obsession with Count Dracula from Sesame Street and Sleeping beauty....YEAH JOHN I SAID! I out'ed ya ;) I remember some phrase about a Shoe...Figure-o-a????
Johns Awesome rendition of Will Smiths Opening Dance on His sitcom...but ugh Why cant I think of the name. Cuz lets face it, No one has a better head bob then John. Which then takes me back to his quirkiness. Did you know THat John once told me i couldnt wear my hair a certain way in a pony tail because it drove him insane how the hair moved in the pony/bun like thing. Bouncing all around uncontrollable! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He said he couldnt stand sitting behind girls in class when their hair was up like it! OHHHHH my Johnny boy ;)
How bout Johns Goth era! Black Hair and Eyebrows...Really John? ReALLY!?
Or how your belts have to match your shoes...
Now Readers, you may think this is all about The odd behavor of my Brother. Or that Im trying to knock him. But Im not. Truth is, we werent really that close growing up! I was a meanie head.
And truth his That it wasnt until after his high school graduation that we started to get to where we are today. A place I might add that Im super thankful for. Hes amazing. and Funny, and whitty, and charming and did i say Amazing. I love him so much. I feel he doesnt get enough credit from others, nor does he give himself enough credit or anything too. But that will come with time I believe. Hes amazing! Hes strong, and able and has a huge heart. Always trying to spare feelings instead of saying what is on his mind.
Life Changed for him at 11. August 24th to be exact. Thats when he got the call to go down to the hospital. I remember that exactly. Where I was lounging. (on that odd red sofa in the kitchen) holding my sweet 16 birthday gift, a ring, from my parents. My dad had answered the phone.
It was my birthday, and they were packing up my little brother for a trip down to the Childrens hospital in NYC. I was terrified. Jeanna came and stayed with the twins and I while they left. Even drove my parents car to go pick up pizza hut. AHHH memories of that day.
But....here we are. 12 years later from that date. Johns here, Johns healthy, hes a survivor. Hes my inspiration, and a reminder!
I was a shitty sister during that time. Only went to the Hospital once. And that was much later, years later. If I could go back in time. I would have and should have been there with him more. Maybe our relationship would had blossomed sooner if I had. What if...He didnt survive? I couldnt even image. But HE was awesome through the whole ordeal. I remember once Coming home Drunk out of my mind, Threw up in the kitchen sink, in the dark ALL OVER dirty dishes, and my mom walked in, pissed at me because I was past curfew, and I was pretending to wash dishes...in the dark no less. I remember channel surfing that TV with my eyes closed talking...Lord knows what I was saying. Went to my room, threw up all over my bed, and there in the door way was John...a Bucket and a huge bottle of water for me. ~~~LOVE~~~ Now thats something I didnt deserve, and yet he was there, cleaning me up, protecting me...and I had never really done that for him. My Amazing Brother.
Later, as we grew up, he became an uncle. And Still to this day in my kids, I see glimpses of him....ODD tho right. Ryan for example, Blonde, blue eyes...very round head ;) Emily in a few pictures too when she was a baby I remember Mom a few times say..."wow she just looked like John"
John and Emily, Thinking it was when she was about 8 or 9 months old. Maybe a little older.
So after all that crazy talk, all the odd things I said, all the stories. Know that I have such admiration for John, my Brave and terrific Brother.
I couldnt image life with out him now, not having our 1 to 2 hr long conversations on the phone...listening to him say "WIN-SSS-DAY".
On this 4th Day. November 4th, Johns Birthday and my 4th day of A Thankful Reason. Im thankful for my Brother, for his surival, for his bravery, for him being him and for the chance to have the relationship I never gave a chance for growing up. Hes so super special to me, and Im blessed because Hes a huge part of my life. We may be 2800 miles away but hes in my life for good. LIKE IT OR NOT JOHN~ ;)
HAPPPPPPPY Birthday John. I hope your wish comes true. Enjoy every moment of your day, and smile~ Ill be thinking of you all day!!!!
hahaha had to throw the last one in!
Embarrassment is what good sisters do....Remember your graduation...the silence and then "yea John" bahahahahahahahahaha Thats what Im here for.
We called him Cupcake head, and Johnnyboy, "the butler" which made him cry "I dont wanna be the butt" Insergant and ooo yea Go to Sleep John "come to my bosom" lmfao
used him for getting what we want, as we said he was the "favorite child" and if Jeanna and I wanted to go out for Icecream, we were told no, but if Had John ask if we can go...it was always YES. Go figure ;)
Needless to say, i wasnt very nice. Gave him a hard time, as did other kids in the neighborhood. He was always so....hmm let me think....quirky JUST LIKE ME~ we had times where we would laugh at night from making up songs, flipping off the top bunk and on to the bottom, making BUBBLE tents out of our sheets to sleep in. Rode Bikes together and jumped on the trampoline, Even had sleep overs together at the Binnies. Remembering now He and Brit had an obsession with Count Dracula from Sesame Street and Sleeping beauty....YEAH JOHN I SAID! I out'ed ya ;) I remember some phrase about a Shoe...Figure-o-a????
Johns Awesome rendition of Will Smiths Opening Dance on His sitcom...but ugh Why cant I think of the name. Cuz lets face it, No one has a better head bob then John. Which then takes me back to his quirkiness. Did you know THat John once told me i couldnt wear my hair a certain way in a pony tail because it drove him insane how the hair moved in the pony/bun like thing. Bouncing all around uncontrollable! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He said he couldnt stand sitting behind girls in class when their hair was up like it! OHHHHH my Johnny boy ;)
How bout Johns Goth era! Black Hair and Eyebrows...Really John? ReALLY!?
Or how your belts have to match your shoes...
Now Readers, you may think this is all about The odd behavor of my Brother. Or that Im trying to knock him. But Im not. Truth is, we werent really that close growing up! I was a meanie head.
And truth his That it wasnt until after his high school graduation that we started to get to where we are today. A place I might add that Im super thankful for. Hes amazing. and Funny, and whitty, and charming and did i say Amazing. I love him so much. I feel he doesnt get enough credit from others, nor does he give himself enough credit or anything too. But that will come with time I believe. Hes amazing! Hes strong, and able and has a huge heart. Always trying to spare feelings instead of saying what is on his mind.
Life Changed for him at 11. August 24th to be exact. Thats when he got the call to go down to the hospital. I remember that exactly. Where I was lounging. (on that odd red sofa in the kitchen) holding my sweet 16 birthday gift, a ring, from my parents. My dad had answered the phone.
It was my birthday, and they were packing up my little brother for a trip down to the Childrens hospital in NYC. I was terrified. Jeanna came and stayed with the twins and I while they left. Even drove my parents car to go pick up pizza hut. AHHH memories of that day.
But....here we are. 12 years later from that date. Johns here, Johns healthy, hes a survivor. Hes my inspiration, and a reminder!
I was a shitty sister during that time. Only went to the Hospital once. And that was much later, years later. If I could go back in time. I would have and should have been there with him more. Maybe our relationship would had blossomed sooner if I had. What if...He didnt survive? I couldnt even image. But HE was awesome through the whole ordeal. I remember once Coming home Drunk out of my mind, Threw up in the kitchen sink, in the dark ALL OVER dirty dishes, and my mom walked in, pissed at me because I was past curfew, and I was pretending to wash dishes...in the dark no less. I remember channel surfing that TV with my eyes closed talking...Lord knows what I was saying. Went to my room, threw up all over my bed, and there in the door way was John...a Bucket and a huge bottle of water for me. ~~~LOVE~~~ Now thats something I didnt deserve, and yet he was there, cleaning me up, protecting me...and I had never really done that for him. My Amazing Brother.
Later, as we grew up, he became an uncle. And Still to this day in my kids, I see glimpses of him....ODD tho right. Ryan for example, Blonde, blue eyes...very round head ;) Emily in a few pictures too when she was a baby I remember Mom a few times say..."wow she just looked like John"
John and Emily, Thinking it was when she was about 8 or 9 months old. Maybe a little older.
So after all that crazy talk, all the odd things I said, all the stories. Know that I have such admiration for John, my Brave and terrific Brother.
I couldnt image life with out him now, not having our 1 to 2 hr long conversations on the phone...listening to him say "WIN-SSS-DAY".
On this 4th Day. November 4th, Johns Birthday and my 4th day of A Thankful Reason. Im thankful for my Brother, for his surival, for his bravery, for him being him and for the chance to have the relationship I never gave a chance for growing up. Hes so super special to me, and Im blessed because Hes a huge part of my life. We may be 2800 miles away but hes in my life for good. LIKE IT OR NOT JOHN~ ;)
HAPPPPPPPY Birthday John. I hope your wish comes true. Enjoy every moment of your day, and smile~ Ill be thinking of you all day!!!!
Embarrassment is what good sisters do....Remember your graduation...the silence and then "yea John" bahahahahahahahahaha Thats what Im here for.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Tis the Season for a Thankful Reason: 3
Was looking at Tacoma Forecast for the weekend and into next week. And All I can say is BRRRRR. Average temp being high 40's, mixed with Rain~ The Rain I love~ But being super cold is not a joy of mine, unless I can be wrapped in a very warm blanket, hence my room being iced every night ;)
Speaking of Night , I didnt really get much sleep last night. Between stomach issues, weird dreams and being yelled for every few hours it wasnt an easy feat. Thankfully this morning hasnt been full of arguing and nerve rattling...for now I still have to take everyone with me to the Laundry mat lmao.
But you know, I look at Ryan in his Black and white track suit looking outfit today...I look at Em Reading through her Magazine from Aunt Pam, telling me all about the flute she sees. Sophie running around laughing at herself, wanting everyone to chase her down, and I smile, Because whats better then being here with my crazy bunch. I complain a ton, Im whiney and annoying and barely satisfied. But Its all over silly things really. We have a roof over our heads, health and happiness. We are together and we Are family. We are struggling somedays, but rich in the fact that we have each other.
Theres no such thing as a perfect family, but for this family I have been given I am truly thankful. We've Been through so much. More then We even needed to, but we have survived. We've been tested together, and separately. And Count on each other to help each other through. My Husband and my kids ground me.
So on this 3rd day of thankful Reasons, Im more then thankful for this Family. My husband and my kids. Who complete who I am. Who make my world go round, who give me things to look forward to. That care about me and I to them.
My family.
My family.
My family.
They are my home. My blessings, my chance to get family "right". Im proud of my family. I cherish our moments. we are blessed to have each other.
My family.
My family.
My family.
I love you.
Thank you Lord for my Family.
Speaking of Night , I didnt really get much sleep last night. Between stomach issues, weird dreams and being yelled for every few hours it wasnt an easy feat. Thankfully this morning hasnt been full of arguing and nerve rattling...for now I still have to take everyone with me to the Laundry mat lmao.
But you know, I look at Ryan in his Black and white track suit looking outfit today...I look at Em Reading through her Magazine from Aunt Pam, telling me all about the flute she sees. Sophie running around laughing at herself, wanting everyone to chase her down, and I smile, Because whats better then being here with my crazy bunch. I complain a ton, Im whiney and annoying and barely satisfied. But Its all over silly things really. We have a roof over our heads, health and happiness. We are together and we Are family. We are struggling somedays, but rich in the fact that we have each other.
Theres no such thing as a perfect family, but for this family I have been given I am truly thankful. We've Been through so much. More then We even needed to, but we have survived. We've been tested together, and separately. And Count on each other to help each other through. My Husband and my kids ground me.
So on this 3rd day of thankful Reasons, Im more then thankful for this Family. My husband and my kids. Who complete who I am. Who make my world go round, who give me things to look forward to. That care about me and I to them.
My family.
My family.
My family.
They are my home. My blessings, my chance to get family "right". Im proud of my family. I cherish our moments. we are blessed to have each other.
My family.
My family.
My family.
I love you.
Thank you Lord for my Family.
Monday, October 24, 2011
Autumn
Its not secret how much I adore this season. The Weather, the scenery, the smells, the holidays. The Fun you can still have out doors with out sweating to death or Freezing off a toe.
I have memories of playing in leaves. Being out side and playing with friends. Riding Bikes and enjoying being outside ALL the TIME!
So this afternoon, while Daddy slept from his 24hr shift. We took a small time out from being cooped up in the house.
Went outside, played in the colors of Fall, Got soaked from the left over dew and enjoyed the freshest of air~
Sophie Ge-Ge had a leaf, then Signing "excited/yay" until she then notices Ryan Running off, hence the odd face shes making, then pointed and gestured "lets go this way" ;) shes sooooo amazing
These colors were fantastic, I wish she would have looked at me and made a sweet face for one of these shots. But today, like most, shes not into staying still~
Im more then blessed to have been given These kids, this family. These chances. My World is that much brighter because of these blessings.
I love them with all my soul.
Our Family Monday was given meaning, by enjoying nature at its finest~
I have memories of playing in leaves. Being out side and playing with friends. Riding Bikes and enjoying being outside ALL the TIME!
So this afternoon, while Daddy slept from his 24hr shift. We took a small time out from being cooped up in the house.
Went outside, played in the colors of Fall, Got soaked from the left over dew and enjoyed the freshest of air~
Sophie Ge-Ge had a leaf, then Signing "excited/yay" until she then notices Ryan Running off, hence the odd face shes making, then pointed and gestured "lets go this way" ;) shes sooooo amazing
These colors were fantastic, I wish she would have looked at me and made a sweet face for one of these shots. But today, like most, shes not into staying still~
Im more then blessed to have been given These kids, this family. These chances. My World is that much brighter because of these blessings.
I love them with all my soul.
Our Family Monday was given meaning, by enjoying nature at its finest~
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