Birthday Wishes and Wedding Bells.

One thing For sure about the Month of August, is that it totally rocks!

Im partial, since Not only is it my BIRTHDAY month, but its My Lovey Hubby's

and My best Friends Birthday Month as well!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, AND US, AND YOU, And ME ME ME ;)


Its the Month We always spent Heading to the beaches, its the month we claim the most of Summer in. It was the Last chance to complete the Summer bucket list, before heading back to school each year.


And when I think about it...Matt and I are so privileged to have been able to spend Our birthdays together and in So many different places. This year In Honolulu <3 whhhhat We've celebrated after Leaving New York at 19 in wonderful places like : Phoenix Arizona Sumner Iowa New York (again) Clearwater/ Tampa Florida Fort Irwin/ Los Angeles California Tacoma Washington And Now Honolulu Hawaii Seems so weird No? I absolutely Love birthdays...the Continuation into a New year. 30 is quickly approaching and Im Psyched My 20's have been so extremely full...over whelming...exciting...but so full. Between all our travels, marriage and 3 kids I welcome the 30's. As All our Children are now completely out of the baby stage. 2 now being in Full time School and Ryan...Being too smart for his own good. Im welcoming the end of my 20's. Sure Im only turning 28 this year, but it gives me 2 more years to jam pack and make way for some breezier 30's.

Happy Birthday Month Dawny!!!
I miss my Dawny. Our birthday Months together were always so fabulous. Especially the one we got to spend together in Florida. I miss the crazy games and conversations we would have in front of the boys just to make them sit there, scratching their heads, wondering..."what is wrong with them" Miss her Kids all 4,000 of them ;) since her house is the Hub for all things Arnold <3 Family. Family. Family. Here I go again, speaking on something thats SO screwed up. I am definitely NOT the person anyone should seek for counsel on Family feuding. But, if they are looking for someone to tell them exactly what to say and do, to put a giant sized Wedge between them..Im the girl~ I have Full accepted, admitted, and taken responsibility for the Shit I did and said. All of which, I believe as my own truth, my version, my side, and reason for the fact Im not thought of as a part of their family anymore. I feel like now 3 years into feuding, and trying to reach out in different ways to mend it, that Theres no possible reconnection. Yet, Family is supposed to be able to for give, for get and move on. Forget Yesterday. So hard to do. So hard to do. I dwell I list I go tit for tat I compare he did, she said, I did, So I said. Human nature I guess. But...When it comes to family, shouldn't there be different rules at play? Its not like, We met when we were 10 got super close, then had a falling out and never want to see each other again...Its family. Life, here in the Decker house, has been painfully hard at times. Wouldn't a Father want to know? Shouldn't they care? And Give advice, or be a listening ear? Shouldn't a Grandparent, want to keep in touch with their grandkids, Not just hang pictures of them on their wall, like it makes up for anything? Especially during a crazy transition like they have gone through with moving, or In Sophies case with Surgery, and processing, and Transferring to an All deaf School? Shouldn't A daughter, want and need and hope to learn about wedding bells from her own dad. Sure, Brothers are the next best thing to get news from...But One would hope, that such, great news, such life changing events, should be shared among everyone. Thats All I wanted, as I told my brothers. I said. Thank You for telling me, I think thats fantastic. Now I want to see if Dad lets me know himself....weeks went by...Moved...weeks went by some more...Now only a few days from their date and My emails to him have not been responded to. :( I just wanted to show my joy. And Simply ask, if he considered reaching out and tell me. Have not been given the chance, Maybe one day I've since Changed my cell number since moving to Honolulu, but my email address has always been the same, for the last 6 years. And As I dwell, and compare, and go tit for tat, after getting no response...I then laugh at myself. How Silly. True, We invited him to Our "wedding" the only one we could afford after being told we have to now pay it all ourselves since Emily came first. And True, he decided to not Show up! And True It was done the day before his birthday. And True now they are marrying a week before mine...And True he can not stand the man I married. But UNTRUE, that I do not like Jessica. And UNTRUE, that Im not happy for them marrying. Oddly...things are not so different. In the lives we lead. Though We now know nothing about whats going on...in the day to day routines. we are not so different. Where can one go from here? Does it matter? is It possible? Is it mutual? A Wise Man in my Family, Once pulled me aside, to say, That the Sins of the Father are visited Upon the Children. And To walk carefully. The Conversation had always stuck close to me, I still remember where we were, the weather outside, and that it felt like the First honest and open (in non joking manners)conversation we had ever had before... It got me thinking about, Foot steps. And how we eventually, most of us anyway, wind up walking the same path as our parents. And its Our choices, that make the difference. Its our life, and our sins, we are to be accounted for. And if we are not careful. We can all wind up, with 1000's of miles between, passing away without having ever said, to the other...You know what, Im sorry and was foolish but I never stopped to let go of my anger to show show you I still do love you. Like Fathers, and mothers, before us. I take Full responsibility for my part. I know where I fall short...and because of my faults, and my sins, and my foolishness, and my pains and suffering I do not want our kids to thus have to be burdened and because of this separation it puts wedges between others too...I miss my Little Brothers, And Missed so much of their exciting life changing events as well

Exodus 34:6-7) - "Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; 7 who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."



Slow to Anger! Something My brother Kept saying this past weekend. Slow to Anger.
A task we have trouble with, something we need to work on. I need to work on.

So with Birthday wishes, for myself and my near and dears...
I also wish Joy and fulfillment, honesty and truth to each other and to themselves, in a Gracious and wholesomely long Marriage.
God Bless and best wishes on your happy day.


And Just because, Im so in love with the theme song from my new Fav ABC family Show...I have to include this song. It brings tears to me every time. Its beautiful. And Meaningful and ALMOST perfect for todays blog :)

I am thankful for my Family I do have. For my hard working Husband, and for my crazy loving Bunches of oats~

Family, Friends, and where blood doesn't make family, acceptance and love Makes Family, are welcomed

Theres Always those people...

There will always be that person that rubs you the wrong way

There will always be those people who don't understand you

There will always be that person that tries to "correct" your methods

There will always be those people who talk behind your back

There will always be that person who will always come to your defense

There Will always be those people whom you never will forget


People, Persons, friend, Enemy, family and just someone you know...

People who really know you, People you trust, people that love you, People that show respect

People who are fake, people who do not like you, people who want to see you harmed. People...

WHO KICK WHEN OTHERS ARE DOWN.

People who inspire, people who cheer you on, people who take part in your success

People who drag you down

People who Challenge you

People who rob your sanity

People who advise you

People who ruin you

People who make you better



But

These people are not you. They are not living your life, they are not behind your closed doors.
They are not in your shoes, or in your mind or in your heart per say.

Ultimately it is Ourselves that decide to allow such People to do these things to us, good or bad.

We have to power to allow these persons in our lives. To allow them to treat us as so. To allow them into your heart and thoughts and future.

We have the right to walk away from harsh people, and surround ourselves with genuine People.

We are the company we keep.

Which is the funny part of it all. When you surround yourself with light, You are light, you feel light, you give off light.

Some people have a hard time once fallen into the deep nature of darkness that its hard to walk away.
But Hopefully one day they can.

This is not some crazy insight, friends.
This is not my hippy self saying "go into the light"
Peace, love and incense will make it ok.
Burn the sage and feel the love.
hahaha

This is simply about remember who you are, and loving yourself enough to be free of those People.
Theres always those people...but knowing yourself, and appreciating your worth, makes all the difference in the World :)

Means to the End. Shall we Move on?

Often in my short life, I've been faced with the decision to either MOVE on, and continue down the path. I've felt the sting of letting go, I've felt the repercussions of heading the same way. I've also experienced the relief and joy from both.

While I think about whos precious in my life, the list is short. And Thats Great because that means I've grown emotionally. I feel like, you can not trust everyone, but a few at a time, and those are the people you need to cherish most.

While I Think about Whos Birthday it is today I remember the journey. The extreme of the bumps, the extreme of the highs, the love, the drama, the patching of deep wounds. The last time we broke up, I remember Everyday wondering what I was missing in her life...BIG THINGS AT THE TIME. I was wondering if We'd never exchanged such harsh words if  We'd be experiencing these things together. I remember saying all the time to mutual friends, that I'm sad We can not fix it, that I wish she would just respond to my attempts.
When things Finally were starting to come back together, and the glue was "drying"
I remember being so grateful. So excited, but walking slowly and quietly and being cautious not to just stick my nose right into everything I had missed.
The near YEAR of our biggest break up ever, I felt as though A piece of me was missing the entire time. I desired to have her back and things mended. I thought about it often. Reached out often. Not always in the right way granted.
It was so hard. So heart breaking where our friendship of SO long had wound up.
At the same time, as We know God allows things to happen for specific Reasons, I feel like that rough year was a palate cleanse. She And I, from my point of view, had been on this jagged edge for quit some time. Both stubborn, both ignoring the signs till we had to face them straight on.
Here we are almost 3 years past the break up, and well, we are not in the same place. Not the same place we were as kids, not the same place we were as teens, nor young adults, nor before the breakup. We are NEW. We are better. And while distance is a huge gap. In a sense...thats what broke down walls.
God Sends us on Journeys for a reason, He puts people in our lives for a time, or for life. And he has a plan. With this relationship, I never felt like She was supposed to be gone forever. I never was at peace with it. On my end. I knew I wasn't supposed to move on from this.
And Im glad to be where I am with her today.


But God does Challenge us, and our lives, and our hearts. For even though he knows our truest of true wants and desires. He challenges us so that we can learn from life and see the CLEAR reason for his actions for us. Not always easy. Not always something happy. But reality.

When God tells you to move on, it's because He has something so much better for you than where you are right now!

 

Is something I read this morning. And After my Conversation last night with my Brother, I felt like it was set before at the most perfect of times.

 

 

I will not pretend that my distance from certain family members is easy. I will admit I do At times wonder about how life is going for them. I will always love them. I will say that im not surprised on our outcome. I made one last feeble attempt in December, a sliver of an out reach, and it didn't go so well. And thats ok. Now with it being May, And knowing things I do know...I feel as though I'm ok. Im strong enough to understand what it is I am supposed to do from my side. And that is to MOVE ON. I have no struggles with it, surprisingly. I have no doubts about doing so. No panics about what it means, or where it leaves My family and I. Too much was said from my side, too much said from their side. Too many emotions then floating around, clouding judgements. And We both made choices. And  our means to an END was our Own versions of our truths. It got us to where we are...which is...far apart.

 

Our oldest does wonder why we do not speak to everyone. I have been asked "why does he not talk to me" And then get lack of memory from them. Who knows if in years to come something brings our lives closer again. And He can spend the time he wants to repair the relationships he could have now. But thats a future I can not see myself, thats in the hands of God only.

 

Moving on is never easy. Sure I'll catch myself in thought and wonderment. I'll be reminded by little things. Ill be curious. But I know...Some people are meant to be with you forever, some for a short time, Some to raise you up and teach you, some to hold your hand through tough times, some to challenge you, some to knock you to your feet. Some to pick you back up. Some through thick and thin, and some to tell you Goodbye 

Just A Friday Ramble

The Truth about my life is that theres only 2 ways it goes. Either, im extremely busy, ready to pull my hair out, or having a great time. With my Blessed Family Or Im Way bored. Ready to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Not that my kids really let me do that. Lord Knows if Sophie Sees my Eyes closed she pokes me till they are opened. Ryan, will crawl on me and get inches from my nose talking, or Emily notoriously Says "mom, mom, mom...I want...or I have to...or When dad gets home..." Going on and on and On. In fact As Im sitting here typing away, shes talking my ear off. About what? Lets see, About how Jesse has taught her a Funny laugh (not sure how a puppy does that) and About her Future Bike, and what shes going to name it, and telling the story of what shes gonna do with it. Oh Wait now theres a Dragon with a large tongue involved in her Bike story....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA seriously gotta love this girls story telling. Its always an Adventure. I would expect nothing less for the mere fact shes a Decker. Our kids without Killer Imaginations, gift of Gab, and Quirkiness would mean EACH CHILD HAD BEEN SWITCHED AT BIRTH...hahaha in the Hospital with someone elses Newborn ;) ;) Little Girls and life means, magic and well lets be real, A WHOLE LOT OF ATTITUDE. Never easy. They like to keep everyone on their toes. They are sweet...then Sour with demands and melt downs. Dramatic! Exciting! But See For me...Its another mini me. Im used to seeing Barbie dolls naked n laying around. Nail polish on finger nails, and tutus in the bottom draws of Dressers. Emily Goes around belting out Made up Songs (who does that sound like thehehe)Sophie Stays up long hours at night in her room, making herself laugh n laying in Odd positions (again who does that sound like) The Two of them Are Constantly FIghting. One uping each other n taking revenge in many forms. Sophies resorts to first taking a prize possession of Emilys and using her body to cover it up....Emily Hits, then Sophie hits back, then they throw things...its a whirl wind of backsies. Yelling Doesnt work, Splitting them up...nope. Punishing...never lasts. UGHHHHHHHHH. Right!? But my girls, are amazing. They Do love each other I know. And Our Precious and funny, and Beautiful, NOT FRAGILE. Despite all the Drama our Lives brings, all the moving we've done, and friends we've left or lost. Emilys Bond with Her sister was made greater by Sign language. I feel as tho its a Bond that will last always as lets face it. Many people Wont learn Sign. Let alone Understand it. N it will become the Sister Language between the two as they grow. Really Its so fun being able to say something with no one else understanding what is said. I remember Growing up And trying to create a language with Friends. Having Note books we'd pass between us and write in code, in cirlces or by skipping lines and then writing Right to left. Having "dear Diary" before Text messaging was a thing. Giga pets before Angry Birds, and Making sure our friends didnt forget to feed and play with it so it didnt die. Being a Girl in Awesome. Taking Pride in ourselves is key to our beauty! Even Last night when I got my hair done it felt awesome hearing from the Stylist that I have Great Hair, in Amazing Condition, both when its wet and Dry. Well HELLO!!!! ;) My hair has always been taken care of well, despite all the crap Ive done to it, the colours its been, the cuts Ive had done, the braiding, twisting, pony wearing, heat taking hair of mine. Those of you who have known me a long time would remember the 8th grade Graduation Roast. When I was Forced to not only wear wood blocks under my shoes for height as I danced in a circle but also to wear A multi colored curly clown wig!!! 7th grade is when my hair obsession truly began...so it was only Fitting. THANKS AUNT PENNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now whats different, even though I grew up with all brothers, and surrounded only by my male cousins at the time, is having a little boy of my own. Polar opposite from his sisters altho Now and Then I catch him sporting one...just one Princess Dress up heel on. But he always trips and falls in it and crys then flings it across the room out of anger. ANGER!!!! Is what Ryan is most known for, and in essence is his fathers SON for sure. Matt calls him bypolar...I call him Mini Matt. ;) He is soft and Cuddly one minute and then passive aggressive the next. Im used to it 8 years later in my relationship with Matt, so Ryan...BRING IT ON!!!!! ;) Ryan is an awesome kid, even tho He refuses to say "mama". He will say lots of others, even DADA, n DADDY! The Brat. He says Jesse, sissy, Go, stop, I got it, I get it, I did it. WHos there, Who Did it. Will laugh funny on cue. Takes direction well, and Makes us All laugh. Cute as a button! Loves his sisters, But they do fight with him. He takes it to heart most times and comes running to me with big croc tears, gets some lovin' n back to taking the absuse. Its a vicous Cycle! I can not believe How quickly our year here and Washington is going as it Will be 1 full year in June. Meaning July Ryan will be 2. It feels just like yesterday we were Celebrating his 1st birthday in our Washington Apt in Lacey. WHile He doesnt sign many words just yet, Like Sophie he is understanding them. He is closer to Soph then To Emily, and When Soph is upset he likes to be in her face babbling and showing her affection. He LOVES his sisters. How much hes grown tho makes me weepy haha. No more Crib, or high chair for him, the bottles been long gone. he tells me to change his diaper. Watches the entire Beethoven 2 when I put it on, and Laughs at all the right funny spots. Just BIG! Even tho He is still only 23 pounds, And I have him in onesies. Even tho hes only in the 27%tile in height....Hes BIG! Hes Smart, Hes BIG! hes My big boy. I love having a little Boy, Im So thankful to be blessed with him. As I love watching him take his trucks from the toy box, place them right on the Floor and "drive" them all over the livingroom and dinningrooms as fast as he can. How he will lay his head on the floor with his Tush up and PLay with his Jungle animals. I have to say It warms my heart Finding Match box cars Everywhere in the house. I even laugh when I find them in my spice drawer and the dishwasher bahahaha. (he gets into everything)THankfully I havent had the priviledge of smelling Melted Race car, so the Oven thankfully hasnt been blessed with his little cars yet!! Hopefully never will! He carries them with him usually 2 in one hand. It just makes me smile! My kids are my life. And I wouldnt have them any other way. Nothing different, nothing Changed, nothing! I only want them happy. The Best they can be, within the Journey they want to take. Living life for Joy, and Love and Success in their terms, not the terms of the World. Or My own for them. My Job, is to keep them safe, Teach them right from Wrong, Set the course of Faith, and then Let them Fly (hopefully not too far from me) but with even wing span to take them where ever their hearts desire. To Nurture, but not smother. Be supportive and Loving. Help them grow to be good citizens and Followers of Christ. In which case Matt and I would have done our Jobs well! Matt has been So amazing to us. Providing for us. Building us up. Supportive in everyway he can. From Money to Mind. Hes is always behind me in my crazy tactics, or ideas. Hes Allowed me to Be the one to Move us place to place. Pretty much saying "happy wife happy life" ;) With out him being my support thru all our battles I wouldnt be the Becci I am today. I would have lost my the Voice I only gained when becoming a mom...( I am mama Hear me roar) He lets me say what I mean, and mean what I say. And has my back, or calms me down when My fighter comes out. SUre we fight, we ignore and annoy each other...then we find each other again. Most times, fights last 10 minutes (after I win of course) before we are playing chinese checkers again or YATZEEEEE, or hes asking him to make him a snack! And Im asking him to crack open a beer! hahahahahaha For me not him! hes not really into Drinking. We are truly each other Ying to the Yang ;) Its Love! What can I say. There are times I do wish we could have seen the future. Known what we know now, or Learn what we are about to endure, But Its True that To know the Future would mean we'd be fearful! N You can not live life Fearful. Then there Are moments I wish we could go back to, have do overs. But then that would Change the entire Coarse we've been walking the present with. So What good would that do? In Hinde Site...Now knowing Sophies True Reaction to the Machine in her head...Matt and I both now agree We should have waited till it was her decision. But the pressure of family and society Got to us. It is what it is now. N thats ok! We are working on her accepting it. Its Not any task, and At night Sometimes I go to bed feeling defeated. But We pray. and Start again the next day. its ALl you really can do right? Pray! Prayer has Power. Prayer guides Faith. Faith Gives strength.