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Friday, February 12, 2010

a learning curve

Many a times in my life have a lost those that are closest to me. Friends, family, school mates. This time is different. My best friend who knows me almost as well as my husband and I are at a stand still. Problem started with a joint cell phone bill, just as my husband promised a problem would evolve it did. My anger got the best of me when agreements were not kept on her be half and choice words like "I cant see you right now" came out of my mouth because of her lack of understanding why I was so upset. Which led her down a road of hostility and wall building. I explained myself time and time again, and said sorry and that I'm stressed with life as it is right now and I got nothing but her twisting my statements to make it sound as tho I was kicking her out of my life which is not true...Being a mom of two little ones, basically with out my moral support and back up from my husband is soo hard and I have a much better appreciation for single moms now. stress can get the better of me sometimes and for someone who was my bestie she should have remembered that and taken things with a grain of salt as I did with her as I kept attempting to forget it and move on. But no A mountain was made out of a mole hill and now she is my 2nd close life friend apparently I've PUSHED out of my life.

My mouth gets me into Trouble too much and I need to learn when to keep it closed and which battles to fight and which to stay away from. OVER A STUPID CELL PHONE...my husband was right tho I hate to admit it, and wouldnt let him hear those words come out of my mouth when he told me to say them lol the bastard!!!! hahahaha (love you honey)

The learning curve is to never do business with Friends, no matter how big or how small it never works out. In the end that supposed strong friendship wilts at the way side and you are left standing alone once again. I hope and I pray I learn a lesson and Learn how to pick and choose my battles better and find some great girlfriends While I'm on base in this army life now to keep me positive and active especially whilst Matt is over seas fighting this terrible now pointless war.

Fact of the matter is my "bestie" has a very strong personality and when her mind is made up she only sees what she wants to see. She doesnt mind confrontation, and puts up a good fight. But her wall only allows her to see something bad and turn it into something worse and she doesnt know how to let go...a stupid fight that went on for too long with no empathy or resolution and believing everything she did was right and had no fault has caused us to fall apart. I did my fair share and I said maybe somethings I shouldnt and even said to her I'd regret. But I honor my agreements and I stand by my reasoning. So adios to something that was great, but is over now apparently.

Is it just me or do I not know how to keep friends...new resolution for 2010, make and keep friends, and keep the ones I have standing by me already. I gotta lot of work to do on myself