Husband says this all the time

"You never realize how good things were, until you no longer have it"
My Husband is a smart man. An extremely hard worker. He loves his family and does what he can to make sure we are all happy and safe. So he knowing the trouble we are having in a very important matter, Hurts.
Having Moved so many times. Having seen friends and family go through different school systems because We have luckily found life long friends in every place we have lived, We can kind of get the feel to what schools work and why. Hawaii Is now our families 2nd school district for our own kids.
In the DOD school system on base in WA. While Emily's school didn't have the best ratings, her teacher was FANTABULOUS! Loved him. She was half day, and I still do not get how he managed to teach everything she knew to 20 kids in just 2 hrs a day. WITH NO AIDES! No help! Just him. You Rock Mr. T. Sophie's School on McChord had better ratings, and She had an awesome willing and amazing Teacher, Hi Mrs. Ellison, we miss you. Even Though she used S.E.E and There was an ASL interp. At the same time (which can cause confusion) and even though it was a mixed special needs class, Mrs.E and her helpers were the best. They were tuned in, on point, did everything they could to make sure Sophie Thrived. They started the love Sophie has for learning.
last year! NOT ONCE, was I called into the school, or got calls about Students pushing, kicking, or other harmful moments caused by a student, to Sophie. Was I called about injuries? OF COURSE! McChord and her Teacher did their due diligence as a School. In Emily's case. Emily being more of the shy one, soft spoken, and knowing what is class room acceptable and not, is now into her 2nd year of school, having NOT ONE incident. NOT ONE! Runs around outside, 2 times a day (two recesses, how lucky)has gym class, and "free play" in class, sits on the concrete floor, pumps into things often (shes my kid lol, plus her class is super tight.) And has never come home with bruises, cuts or what have yous.Her Class Has about 23+ Students and ONE TEACHER! again NO HELP~ Again, Emily's school doesn't have the best ratings on the Island for DOE. BUT, Her teacher, Mrs Rapoza is SO SUPER! I do not remember in the first grade learning about History,sociology, Or the human body. Emily totally knows what white blood cells are used for, what Antibodies are and how to properly take care of skin. ITS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!! She knows so much! Its scary.
HSDB, Sophie's current school. Is definitely trying. Its had some spotted past for some students and is going through a growing period right now. New People in place trying to make the system better and working as it should. I'm too much of a worrier to have my kid in a place thats transitional and not steady on its own rules and ideas. Though, Sophie's teacher has a great Educational background. SHE KNOWS HER STUFF! and Shes a good teacher. When in class. Shes also a very busy lady. I do however think that shes not exactly equiped for this age group maybe. theres 9 students and like 3 aides along with Teacher,so how do all these accidents happen, thats 2 students per one adult... and When I went through Sophie's paperwork, the daily reports that get sent home, there are 9 bad incidents that involve another Student harming Sophie. Now on purpose? Or not? Not sure. Stories don't always add up. And THANKFULLY, in great appreciation, to her current teacher, Sophie is now able to tell me what happened to her and who did it. Not so much the WHY, part yet. But we will get there. Now I said 9 incidents involving Sophie getting hurt by another student...that does not include the few "accidents" that happened the first month of school before the started to send home the accident report. And that does not include the reports about her falling by her own account. (again My kid, We are a clumsy family apparently lol) Mind you, School hasn't even been in session 3 months yet. Doesn't that sound a bit much!??
I get that This is a deaf school, I get that the deaf kids can be more handsy and rough, and pivot their anger in a not so nice manner. BUT COME ON NOW! I can't tell if its poor student inter action or if its aides Not watching. Or The lack of Correction. Feeling like for a short time the daily lessons should not be about "hungry Caterpillars" or "the 3 little pigs" but should be about How to treat friends, and class mates, respect to adults, and listening to parents. They are 4 and 5, and old enough to get those lessons. I do my best at home, with the 3 kids. From the emails from Sophie's teacher, to my understanding, Sophie isn't being aggressive to them. Shes merely "annoying". Shes in their face and curious about What they are doing and why. She Sees a friend reading a book, and goes to see what book, and maybe read too...and that student doesn't want her there, but Phi wont leave...so that student then acts aggressively. OR The last one was Because Sophie was in the way, of another student viewing the pie baking in the oven, and shoved her. Shoved aside is one thing. But damn this student must of had some real gumption Behind the push because it caused Sophie to slam her face into the counter and bleed for what the office told me was 20 minutes, WITH an ice pack on her nose.
Now let me step back and explain. Sophie is a brut herself (at home) She and Ryan can't sit still, want to always play fight, and wrestle. And When Mad...they both go at it, LIKE SIBLINGS! With exception to the scratching (yes they scratch each other, tho I try and keep their nails short...Don't worry they get punished for scratching)There is never a mark inflicted on eachother by each other. In fact, An example to use, is over the weekend, they were NOT LISTENING TO ME, and were bouncing toward each other on the sofa, where one then would bend and the other would flip over their back. Laughing having fun, but again NOT LISTENING TO ME, about stopping before someone gets hurt. And Someone did, Phi! Ryan's hard head (like his daddy's)Cracked into her where her cheek bone meets the chin. I heard a CRACK, like when you hear the football helmets slam into each other on a tackle. Ryan bent down to get in position but at last minute decided tojust body check her instead. (OHHHHH BOYS!!!!!!!!) I freaked out by the sound, break them apart and Shes crying and "yelling" at Ryan. Her face, looks a little swollen, but no cut, no bruise (yet) nothing more then a little raised. Not even pink oddly. So I watch it the rest of the evening, and into Sunday...What do I see? NOTHING! no mark. Again I say it was a hard hit and the cracking sound when I think about it, still makes me cringe. So You readers tell me...How can she keep coming home with all these cuts and bruises from school, that Im being told comes from a student? But it not happen when I see it with my own eyes at home? How does that even work?
Is it by the hand of students? Is it by someone else?
I don't think Sophie is at the age where she can even get the magnitude of the situation.
Lately, shes not been wanting to go to school. Lately shes coming home in crap moods.

Im wanting to switch her school and Hawaii Department of Education (DOE) has proven to be battle! The professionals I need to speak with Wont even call me back. The School I want to visit, wont let me meet and speak with teacher and visit his class to see his interaction with the deaf students. I just want to see it, see his ASL with the students and how he runs his class.
I tell Ya, We were so excited to come here to Hawaii.
Excited to have a special school for Phi
Excited to be involved in Deaf community of Hawaii
Excited to be on this island and have another adventure.

And While we have loved seeing what we have, Love the esthetics of the Island, the people of Hawaii, the views, the beach...Its not the paradise We had hoped it to be.

Its making me feel regretful to have come here.
Its also left a bad taste in my mouth about deaf schools. Something Grams did warn me about.

Its put a real damper on my Love for Island life...Which leaves me to say the most disgusting thing Ever...WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN WASHINGTON!

But Like the Husband says
"You don't know how good you had it, until you don't have it anymore" He usually says the same thing, in multiple different ways ;) Love you hunnnnny!

Mother May I? Break down this wall...

From The Shores of Oahu I have watched my children, run and splash. Breathe in the wonders of the sea. Soak in the Vitamin D, and Love every bit of the Gypsy (Military) Life. It has not phased them yet that we are movers. The Wind changes and we seem to be lifted off to new parts of our Country to explore. Change, so far, comes at them easily.
But This Traveler, I fear, worries about whats to come as they get older...


Worry!


Everyone who knows me, and knows our family, Knows we are worriers. From the moment they step off to school, off the edge of the pool, or onto the top stair...I worry.

But I do not pretend to be a great parent. I don't create False identities or fictional persona's of what our family life is like. I am not fake. Guarded Maybe, maybe too much at times, but not Fake. I speak on all aspects of life. The good the bad and the ugly. All of that and more. I try to paint the most realistic picture I can.


Everyone who knows me, and knows our Family, Knows we do not sensor. Much to many friends and family surprise...It works for us. We will always take into consideration the knowledge and if and how the impact will be. But we do not sensor. Our Children, know the appropriate use of such knowledge and Are pretty good and not exploring it. Ryan in his rebellious and pushing button 3's like to walk the fine line, but also knows the consequence. Granted, I am a push over as well. They each get away with treating me a certain way, and As they are growing, im learning how to better direct their negative reactions. Which is a part of Parenthood no. Parents will continue to grow and change and learn, and adapt, methods to their kids, individually and as a whole. A continuous juggle, but as I've stated before, our children should be our first priority. Sure...Love God, Love ourselves, Love your husband, love your kids. Our Children will be molded By God's Hands, understand Direction, experience love, be successful because We have taught them about respect and order. Allowing them to be themselves and witness acts that will help them grow into awesome adults. Already, I can see how our kids have blessed us, changed us, molded us even. I've seen the good things we've done with them. Again Ill speak on Ryan, even in these 3's that I dread, and Am So thankful hes my last 3 yr old for now...Has such a soft spot. He kisses any boo boo's he sees on me, old or new. Always says "thank You", sometimes "thank You much" even if its to wipe an eye lash off his cheek. He always needs my hand when out. Sophie will cuddle All day long. Rub my hand or cheek if Im laying down. Wants everyone around her to always sign thank you, when appropriate, and will wait there till its signed :P is mothering in her class, cares for little kids and babies SO much. Emily is reserved and kind, quite and example of nice behavior for her siblings when we are out of the house. Sure In public they have each had their Moments of "OH MY GOSH ITS TIME WE GO HOME" but Proudly I would say they are well behaved beyond our front door 94% of the time. Home...In their comfort and glory, yeah its not as rosey, no hand raising here, no mild manners. But I would take the "mother may I's" the "yes ma'ams, No sirs" "please and Thank You's" out in public over home, any day of the week. And we are thankful for that. We Do have great kids.

One thing I've noticed about Hawaii, is that people are just so inviting. Warm. Understanding and eager. I took the kids to get sandwiches the other day before our HSDB principal meeting, The woman behind the counter saw Sophie signing something over and over. I was distracted By Ryan and Emily talking over each other, when the woman smiled and said "Ma'am,Shes saying soemthing I don't quite get" Soph, was saying "green" something on the menu had caught her eye. I in my now regular guarded tone say "Its ok, Don't worry about it" like a snot lol. And the Kind woman continued to smile and said "oh but Im curious, I really would like to know, and know more" And in that second I felt a piece of my wall break off. "green" I said. "shes signing green" The woman looked all around to find something That Sophie was referring to, and was happy to help. 3 Times In the same hour, We were talked too about Sophie, IN A POSITIVE MANNER! Who would have thought. Washington was so cold in peoples demeanor that after those 2 years I started to become jaded. But You see, As HSDB Has worked its signing magic on Sophie, and as her Vocabulary expands greatly, we are holding more lengthy Conversations, and that in public. Its amazing How much signing Catches the Eyes of strangers. People should be naturally curious right? Not Mean...In any case, another Employee had stopped by our table to ask if We are signing because Shes deaf, or just because. Which of course made me giggle. I too was a young mom with Emily, teaching my baby to sign because it was the Hip thing to do. When I smiled and said of shes deaf...(my smile was a bitch smile, again I mastered in Tacoma)The young woman smiled back and said awesome, so is my little sister and its been really hard. There it goes again, a little piece of the wall breaking off. A bit later, there was an older couple sitting across the aisle from us. With them an man maybe just a bit older then I who rocked the extra Chromosome So wonderfully. (everyone who knows me...knows I have a soft spot for down syndrome <3)They stood Up after their meals and walked right behind Sophie. The Father Gently patted Sophies head, and made a weird playful sound at Ryan who basically stood up and roared at the guy LOL LOL. His Wife stood next to him, as I signed to Phi, "say Hi, and smile" because she looked very...confused as to why a stranger was behind her. Phi did just as I asked. The older woman replied "Shes deaf right? shes beautiful, they all are" Her husband giggled "you sure have your hands full" The nice way of saying "good luck" We got a nice "have a good night and God Bless" And a nice wave from their son.

All this in not only one day, but one hour, of me and just the kiddos. My My how the tides have changed, literally. I looked back at the kids, just us again at the table...And I knew that Matt and I, are doing a good job.

Are we perfect parents? Absolutely not! Our Kids will not be perfect.THey Will make mistakes like us, bad judgement calls, be tried and tried again and again. Will lose and win and fall and get hurt. Cry. Hurt someone. But they will also do great things.

Im a very guarded person these days. The Military life has created in me a much different idea of how life works. Having had kids and marriage extremely young in life, its a good thing the military has shown me. nearly 4 years an Army wife, which seems weird to me. Moving everywhere we have, living on bases and off. Taking away lessons from each and every City, town, or village we'd seen, has molded us. And Now, here in Hawaii, Where the sky is Always blue, and the air so clear, where people smile, and show support I may break down this wall...

Birthday Wishes and Wedding Bells.

One thing For sure about the Month of August, is that it totally rocks!

Im partial, since Not only is it my BIRTHDAY month, but its My Lovey Hubby's

and My best Friends Birthday Month as well!



HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME, AND US, AND YOU, And ME ME ME ;)


Its the Month We always spent Heading to the beaches, its the month we claim the most of Summer in. It was the Last chance to complete the Summer bucket list, before heading back to school each year.


And when I think about it...Matt and I are so privileged to have been able to spend Our birthdays together and in So many different places. This year In Honolulu <3 whhhhat We've celebrated after Leaving New York at 19 in wonderful places like : Phoenix Arizona Sumner Iowa New York (again) Clearwater/ Tampa Florida Fort Irwin/ Los Angeles California Tacoma Washington And Now Honolulu Hawaii Seems so weird No? I absolutely Love birthdays...the Continuation into a New year. 30 is quickly approaching and Im Psyched My 20's have been so extremely full...over whelming...exciting...but so full. Between all our travels, marriage and 3 kids I welcome the 30's. As All our Children are now completely out of the baby stage. 2 now being in Full time School and Ryan...Being too smart for his own good. Im welcoming the end of my 20's. Sure Im only turning 28 this year, but it gives me 2 more years to jam pack and make way for some breezier 30's.

Happy Birthday Month Dawny!!!
I miss my Dawny. Our birthday Months together were always so fabulous. Especially the one we got to spend together in Florida. I miss the crazy games and conversations we would have in front of the boys just to make them sit there, scratching their heads, wondering..."what is wrong with them" Miss her Kids all 4,000 of them ;) since her house is the Hub for all things Arnold <3 Family. Family. Family. Here I go again, speaking on something thats SO screwed up. I am definitely NOT the person anyone should seek for counsel on Family feuding. But, if they are looking for someone to tell them exactly what to say and do, to put a giant sized Wedge between them..Im the girl~ I have Full accepted, admitted, and taken responsibility for the Shit I did and said. All of which, I believe as my own truth, my version, my side, and reason for the fact Im not thought of as a part of their family anymore. I feel like now 3 years into feuding, and trying to reach out in different ways to mend it, that Theres no possible reconnection. Yet, Family is supposed to be able to for give, for get and move on. Forget Yesterday. So hard to do. So hard to do. I dwell I list I go tit for tat I compare he did, she said, I did, So I said. Human nature I guess. But...When it comes to family, shouldn't there be different rules at play? Its not like, We met when we were 10 got super close, then had a falling out and never want to see each other again...Its family. Life, here in the Decker house, has been painfully hard at times. Wouldn't a Father want to know? Shouldn't they care? And Give advice, or be a listening ear? Shouldn't a Grandparent, want to keep in touch with their grandkids, Not just hang pictures of them on their wall, like it makes up for anything? Especially during a crazy transition like they have gone through with moving, or In Sophies case with Surgery, and processing, and Transferring to an All deaf School? Shouldn't A daughter, want and need and hope to learn about wedding bells from her own dad. Sure, Brothers are the next best thing to get news from...But One would hope, that such, great news, such life changing events, should be shared among everyone. Thats All I wanted, as I told my brothers. I said. Thank You for telling me, I think thats fantastic. Now I want to see if Dad lets me know himself....weeks went by...Moved...weeks went by some more...Now only a few days from their date and My emails to him have not been responded to. :( I just wanted to show my joy. And Simply ask, if he considered reaching out and tell me. Have not been given the chance, Maybe one day I've since Changed my cell number since moving to Honolulu, but my email address has always been the same, for the last 6 years. And As I dwell, and compare, and go tit for tat, after getting no response...I then laugh at myself. How Silly. True, We invited him to Our "wedding" the only one we could afford after being told we have to now pay it all ourselves since Emily came first. And True, he decided to not Show up! And True It was done the day before his birthday. And True now they are marrying a week before mine...And True he can not stand the man I married. But UNTRUE, that I do not like Jessica. And UNTRUE, that Im not happy for them marrying. Oddly...things are not so different. In the lives we lead. Though We now know nothing about whats going on...in the day to day routines. we are not so different. Where can one go from here? Does it matter? is It possible? Is it mutual? A Wise Man in my Family, Once pulled me aside, to say, That the Sins of the Father are visited Upon the Children. And To walk carefully. The Conversation had always stuck close to me, I still remember where we were, the weather outside, and that it felt like the First honest and open (in non joking manners)conversation we had ever had before... It got me thinking about, Foot steps. And how we eventually, most of us anyway, wind up walking the same path as our parents. And its Our choices, that make the difference. Its our life, and our sins, we are to be accounted for. And if we are not careful. We can all wind up, with 1000's of miles between, passing away without having ever said, to the other...You know what, Im sorry and was foolish but I never stopped to let go of my anger to show show you I still do love you. Like Fathers, and mothers, before us. I take Full responsibility for my part. I know where I fall short...and because of my faults, and my sins, and my foolishness, and my pains and suffering I do not want our kids to thus have to be burdened and because of this separation it puts wedges between others too...I miss my Little Brothers, And Missed so much of their exciting life changing events as well

Exodus 34:6-7) - "Then the Lord passed by in front of him and proclaimed, "The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in loving kindness and truth; 7 who keeps loving kindness for thousands, who forgives iniquity, transgression and sin; yet He will by no means leave the guilty unpunished, visiting the iniquity of fathers on the children and on the grandchildren to the third and fourth generations."



Slow to Anger! Something My brother Kept saying this past weekend. Slow to Anger.
A task we have trouble with, something we need to work on. I need to work on.

So with Birthday wishes, for myself and my near and dears...
I also wish Joy and fulfillment, honesty and truth to each other and to themselves, in a Gracious and wholesomely long Marriage.
God Bless and best wishes on your happy day.


And Just because, Im so in love with the theme song from my new Fav ABC family Show...I have to include this song. It brings tears to me every time. Its beautiful. And Meaningful and ALMOST perfect for todays blog :)

I am thankful for my Family I do have. For my hard working Husband, and for my crazy loving Bunches of oats~

Family, Friends, and where blood doesn't make family, acceptance and love Makes Family, are welcomed

Just A Friday Ramble

The Truth about my life is that theres only 2 ways it goes. Either, im extremely busy, ready to pull my hair out, or having a great time. With my Blessed Family Or Im Way bored. Ready to fall asleep at the drop of a hat. Not that my kids really let me do that. Lord Knows if Sophie Sees my Eyes closed she pokes me till they are opened. Ryan, will crawl on me and get inches from my nose talking, or Emily notoriously Says "mom, mom, mom...I want...or I have to...or When dad gets home..." Going on and on and On. In fact As Im sitting here typing away, shes talking my ear off. About what? Lets see, About how Jesse has taught her a Funny laugh (not sure how a puppy does that) and About her Future Bike, and what shes going to name it, and telling the story of what shes gonna do with it. Oh Wait now theres a Dragon with a large tongue involved in her Bike story....HAHAHAHAHAHAHA seriously gotta love this girls story telling. Its always an Adventure. I would expect nothing less for the mere fact shes a Decker. Our kids without Killer Imaginations, gift of Gab, and Quirkiness would mean EACH CHILD HAD BEEN SWITCHED AT BIRTH...hahaha in the Hospital with someone elses Newborn ;) ;) Little Girls and life means, magic and well lets be real, A WHOLE LOT OF ATTITUDE. Never easy. They like to keep everyone on their toes. They are sweet...then Sour with demands and melt downs. Dramatic! Exciting! But See For me...Its another mini me. Im used to seeing Barbie dolls naked n laying around. Nail polish on finger nails, and tutus in the bottom draws of Dressers. Emily Goes around belting out Made up Songs (who does that sound like thehehe)Sophie Stays up long hours at night in her room, making herself laugh n laying in Odd positions (again who does that sound like) The Two of them Are Constantly FIghting. One uping each other n taking revenge in many forms. Sophies resorts to first taking a prize possession of Emilys and using her body to cover it up....Emily Hits, then Sophie hits back, then they throw things...its a whirl wind of backsies. Yelling Doesnt work, Splitting them up...nope. Punishing...never lasts. UGHHHHHHHHH. Right!? But my girls, are amazing. They Do love each other I know. And Our Precious and funny, and Beautiful, NOT FRAGILE. Despite all the Drama our Lives brings, all the moving we've done, and friends we've left or lost. Emilys Bond with Her sister was made greater by Sign language. I feel as tho its a Bond that will last always as lets face it. Many people Wont learn Sign. Let alone Understand it. N it will become the Sister Language between the two as they grow. Really Its so fun being able to say something with no one else understanding what is said. I remember Growing up And trying to create a language with Friends. Having Note books we'd pass between us and write in code, in cirlces or by skipping lines and then writing Right to left. Having "dear Diary" before Text messaging was a thing. Giga pets before Angry Birds, and Making sure our friends didnt forget to feed and play with it so it didnt die. Being a Girl in Awesome. Taking Pride in ourselves is key to our beauty! Even Last night when I got my hair done it felt awesome hearing from the Stylist that I have Great Hair, in Amazing Condition, both when its wet and Dry. Well HELLO!!!! ;) My hair has always been taken care of well, despite all the crap Ive done to it, the colours its been, the cuts Ive had done, the braiding, twisting, pony wearing, heat taking hair of mine. Those of you who have known me a long time would remember the 8th grade Graduation Roast. When I was Forced to not only wear wood blocks under my shoes for height as I danced in a circle but also to wear A multi colored curly clown wig!!! 7th grade is when my hair obsession truly began...so it was only Fitting. THANKS AUNT PENNNNNNNY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now whats different, even though I grew up with all brothers, and surrounded only by my male cousins at the time, is having a little boy of my own. Polar opposite from his sisters altho Now and Then I catch him sporting one...just one Princess Dress up heel on. But he always trips and falls in it and crys then flings it across the room out of anger. ANGER!!!! Is what Ryan is most known for, and in essence is his fathers SON for sure. Matt calls him bypolar...I call him Mini Matt. ;) He is soft and Cuddly one minute and then passive aggressive the next. Im used to it 8 years later in my relationship with Matt, so Ryan...BRING IT ON!!!!! ;) Ryan is an awesome kid, even tho He refuses to say "mama". He will say lots of others, even DADA, n DADDY! The Brat. He says Jesse, sissy, Go, stop, I got it, I get it, I did it. WHos there, Who Did it. Will laugh funny on cue. Takes direction well, and Makes us All laugh. Cute as a button! Loves his sisters, But they do fight with him. He takes it to heart most times and comes running to me with big croc tears, gets some lovin' n back to taking the absuse. Its a vicous Cycle! I can not believe How quickly our year here and Washington is going as it Will be 1 full year in June. Meaning July Ryan will be 2. It feels just like yesterday we were Celebrating his 1st birthday in our Washington Apt in Lacey. WHile He doesnt sign many words just yet, Like Sophie he is understanding them. He is closer to Soph then To Emily, and When Soph is upset he likes to be in her face babbling and showing her affection. He LOVES his sisters. How much hes grown tho makes me weepy haha. No more Crib, or high chair for him, the bottles been long gone. he tells me to change his diaper. Watches the entire Beethoven 2 when I put it on, and Laughs at all the right funny spots. Just BIG! Even tho He is still only 23 pounds, And I have him in onesies. Even tho hes only in the 27%tile in height....Hes BIG! Hes Smart, Hes BIG! hes My big boy. I love having a little Boy, Im So thankful to be blessed with him. As I love watching him take his trucks from the toy box, place them right on the Floor and "drive" them all over the livingroom and dinningrooms as fast as he can. How he will lay his head on the floor with his Tush up and PLay with his Jungle animals. I have to say It warms my heart Finding Match box cars Everywhere in the house. I even laugh when I find them in my spice drawer and the dishwasher bahahaha. (he gets into everything)THankfully I havent had the priviledge of smelling Melted Race car, so the Oven thankfully hasnt been blessed with his little cars yet!! Hopefully never will! He carries them with him usually 2 in one hand. It just makes me smile! My kids are my life. And I wouldnt have them any other way. Nothing different, nothing Changed, nothing! I only want them happy. The Best they can be, within the Journey they want to take. Living life for Joy, and Love and Success in their terms, not the terms of the World. Or My own for them. My Job, is to keep them safe, Teach them right from Wrong, Set the course of Faith, and then Let them Fly (hopefully not too far from me) but with even wing span to take them where ever their hearts desire. To Nurture, but not smother. Be supportive and Loving. Help them grow to be good citizens and Followers of Christ. In which case Matt and I would have done our Jobs well! Matt has been So amazing to us. Providing for us. Building us up. Supportive in everyway he can. From Money to Mind. Hes is always behind me in my crazy tactics, or ideas. Hes Allowed me to Be the one to Move us place to place. Pretty much saying "happy wife happy life" ;) With out him being my support thru all our battles I wouldnt be the Becci I am today. I would have lost my the Voice I only gained when becoming a mom...( I am mama Hear me roar) He lets me say what I mean, and mean what I say. And has my back, or calms me down when My fighter comes out. SUre we fight, we ignore and annoy each other...then we find each other again. Most times, fights last 10 minutes (after I win of course) before we are playing chinese checkers again or YATZEEEEE, or hes asking him to make him a snack! And Im asking him to crack open a beer! hahahahahaha For me not him! hes not really into Drinking. We are truly each other Ying to the Yang ;) Its Love! What can I say. There are times I do wish we could have seen the future. Known what we know now, or Learn what we are about to endure, But Its True that To know the Future would mean we'd be fearful! N You can not live life Fearful. Then there Are moments I wish we could go back to, have do overs. But then that would Change the entire Coarse we've been walking the present with. So What good would that do? In Hinde Site...Now knowing Sophies True Reaction to the Machine in her head...Matt and I both now agree We should have waited till it was her decision. But the pressure of family and society Got to us. It is what it is now. N thats ok! We are working on her accepting it. Its Not any task, and At night Sometimes I go to bed feeling defeated. But We pray. and Start again the next day. its ALl you really can do right? Pray! Prayer has Power. Prayer guides Faith. Faith Gives strength.

One down

I made it. She made it, We made it I felt the tears starting to reach the edge of my eyes but....SUCKED them back in. It wasnt until that moment.... last night i had butterflies and weird dreams. Woke up to get ready and kept the girls in their room playing. Trying to keep Sophies mind some place other then her morning routine. Poor kid, No yogurt, no milk, no food or drink of any kind. We left early again to put her mind somewhere else. It was just she and I and open play at the park. NO ONE ELSE WAS THERE. Granted it was 8:30am. But the park was hot, the sun had been welding its Heat for a while by then, the only sounds around was local traffic the fountain and the sprinkler watering the soccer fields next to us. Even with the heat tho...the dew from the morning and puddles from the wash down had not been dried up...She wound up with a wet tush, that I tried to dry under the hand dryer in the restroom ;) Enough quiet excitement, off to Madigan Army medical Center we went. It was the busiest I had ever seen it...yet. Crowds of people AND parking geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh, somehow I lucked out. Just as I turned the corner to start tracing my 2nd park lot section, a van backed out with no one around it waiting...and would you know it, the first spot of the row. :) Found our way to where We'd never been, and Miss Sophie wasnt so helpful in the nursing room. Shes done it a million times before, and this girl has seen enough of busy nurses. But we got it. Her weight, her height, her O2 and temp. Though from throwing a fit her temp was 99.4 she puts a whole nothing spin to HOT HEADED when she gets mad. WAITING, WAITING, WAITING,MORE WAITING WE DID~WAITING WAITING AND MORE WAITING~ and then WISHING I BROUGHT IN MY JACKET, the AC HAD ME FREEEEEEEEEEEZING.I was amazed on how patient she was down in the main waiting area. played, sat on me, watch tv and not once did she try and pet, nor looked really at the therapy dog laying across the seating area....ODD? HELL YEA, she loves strange Dogs lol. ALL the waiting for the easiest and fasted procedure. A Cat scan. But since she is little and young had to be gassed and put to sleep. She took the Docs hand, and then into his arms, where I trusted them to do their job right. I couldnt watch. She left me, with out a tear. But me....I guess my face was a bit nerved as a strange lady waiting in the same area, asked me if I was OK. Literally 5 minutes later, Im speed walking behind the docs and my little sophie passed out on the bed, rolling to recovery.Thats the moment the tears I had were trying to make their appearance... "everything went well mom" He said, "she didnt even fight me, like most kids do" Thats a relief as I warned them how her temper could get. In Recovery she laid sound asleep, the nurse asked to compare my band to hers....LOL....WHAT BAND? I DONT HAVE ONE AND NEITHER DOES SHE? Nurse looked perplexed...."thats never happened before" But all was verified and things were ok... I SWORE that sleeping beauty was ALLLLLLLLLLLL MINE! 45mins into recovery just about and she woke up. Was given a popsicle and off we went home. Tired, hungry and ready to just be left alone~ Step one completed many many many many more to come ~*~*~~*~