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Monday, March 14, 2011

Into my Life

I spend way too much time on Facebook, doing...absolutely nothing. Which here in the desert is a lot. I swear more then I should, and talk to the TV as if they can hear me (hmmm got it from my mother) I jump up and down in the kitchen when cleaning, and actually have great dance moves, no one has ever seen, because Im insanely SHY! I plant seeds all around the U.S and never let the roots grow. I feel as tho Ive lived the life of a gypsy in my pas-tense. I talk way too much when alone with a friend and never enough in a group,especially a group of women. Im lazy and yet hyper. I live for this family I have been blessed with. I pray to the one and only true Lord and savior. I have morals and standards and dreams and hopes, for myself, my family, and my kids themselves. I have grown beyond my years in experience. I have felt the pain of loss. I have punched and yelled and screamed at a wall to feel better. Said things out loud I then wished to take back, and never said what I meant to say at the time it needed to be said. I think about where I would be, had I went away to College after high school...Not that Im not happy now, just in my late night insomnia Randoms pop into my lil head. I have taken people for granted many a times and been used and abused just the same. I once feel head over heals for a guy in jail, got rocked by a few at my place of work, which happened to be Chuck E Cheese. But for all those relationships, and faketionships, it has led me to my best friend. Who even tho we fight, and yell and kick and scream, and have fallen and cried and lost site of things at times, we have made it further then Tons of relationships of fellow "friends" that we know. Ive been stalked many occasions and in return have...stalked some myself. Been a victim of a single white female and have fallen madly in love with ladies I knew in my past but never gave a friendship with them a chance until...life throws curve balls at you and all of a sudden you find, the similarities and traits and common situations that form a bond. I have sought out different religious virtues before completely understanding my own faith. I have turned my back on God...only to turn back around and see...not once did he leave me, not once did he shun me, but welcomed me BACK! I had 2 natural births and on csection. ALL of my kids were born in 3 different states. I have moved with Matt 8, now going on 9 times, and until this 9th move happens I can TRULY and HONESTLY say theres only been ONE SINGLE piece of material items that has been with us every single move~ that is my favorite pillow that I always hold on my sofa, its used for everything and still looks and feels the same...WONDERFUL!I learned some sign language as a kid but never stuck with it, altho The alphabet in Sign language stuck with me, it wasnt until Sophies diagnosis that I then found out I did about 5 letters in signing WRONG that whole time! N was told and now seeing that even signing has its own...accent if you will. To each their own. styles are different! I find myself signing to children Often, especially if they are young, and need something to use their hands for, because they are a little harder to understand. My daughter Emily cracks me up with her sayings and even in my most bitter of moments or Chaos with Sophies fits and Ryan clinging to me, if she says something Silly I bust out in a laugh, and its sooooo reviving! I want to slap matt just as Much as I want to kiss his handsome face. I cant imagine him not being...OUR LIFE. As he is, OUR life. I love my kids I swear MORE then any mother should ;) and I count my Blessings everyday, though some days it May get hard. I have learned more about myself and my life and about the World and people in these past 16 months more then I have my entire being. I've learned that I HATE drama, and yet Im super nosey. I want to hear about it but not be in it.
IM obsessed with the Real housewives shows and most reality tv is set to my DVR. which is a device I have no idea how I lived with out before. I have much to say to many people and yet never talk to most of them bahahaha. Which includes my parents. As lives and miles seems to really put a damper on our relationships. Ive even noticed a change in Matts communication with Friends and family back In NY, it like literally has cut down by 75% WHICH FOR MATT, MY TALKER, MY PHONE MINUTE UPPER, is HUGE DEAL! But is also Nice, because hes with us more! Instead of outside on the phone! YAY!
So much about life is crazy now, 3 kids, a husband, a deaf Child, a baby, a 4 year old whos learning to Write and read. Army life, moving, Trying to stay sane...its all my life. my life I would never change.