Husband says this all the time

"You never realize how good things were, until you no longer have it"
My Husband is a smart man. An extremely hard worker. He loves his family and does what he can to make sure we are all happy and safe. So he knowing the trouble we are having in a very important matter, Hurts.
Having Moved so many times. Having seen friends and family go through different school systems because We have luckily found life long friends in every place we have lived, We can kind of get the feel to what schools work and why. Hawaii Is now our families 2nd school district for our own kids.
In the DOD school system on base in WA. While Emily's school didn't have the best ratings, her teacher was FANTABULOUS! Loved him. She was half day, and I still do not get how he managed to teach everything she knew to 20 kids in just 2 hrs a day. WITH NO AIDES! No help! Just him. You Rock Mr. T. Sophie's School on McChord had better ratings, and She had an awesome willing and amazing Teacher, Hi Mrs. Ellison, we miss you. Even Though she used S.E.E and There was an ASL interp. At the same time (which can cause confusion) and even though it was a mixed special needs class, Mrs.E and her helpers were the best. They were tuned in, on point, did everything they could to make sure Sophie Thrived. They started the love Sophie has for learning.
last year! NOT ONCE, was I called into the school, or got calls about Students pushing, kicking, or other harmful moments caused by a student, to Sophie. Was I called about injuries? OF COURSE! McChord and her Teacher did their due diligence as a School. In Emily's case. Emily being more of the shy one, soft spoken, and knowing what is class room acceptable and not, is now into her 2nd year of school, having NOT ONE incident. NOT ONE! Runs around outside, 2 times a day (two recesses, how lucky)has gym class, and "free play" in class, sits on the concrete floor, pumps into things often (shes my kid lol, plus her class is super tight.) And has never come home with bruises, cuts or what have yous.Her Class Has about 23+ Students and ONE TEACHER! again NO HELP~ Again, Emily's school doesn't have the best ratings on the Island for DOE. BUT, Her teacher, Mrs Rapoza is SO SUPER! I do not remember in the first grade learning about History,sociology, Or the human body. Emily totally knows what white blood cells are used for, what Antibodies are and how to properly take care of skin. ITS FREAKING AWESOME!!!!!! She knows so much! Its scary.
HSDB, Sophie's current school. Is definitely trying. Its had some spotted past for some students and is going through a growing period right now. New People in place trying to make the system better and working as it should. I'm too much of a worrier to have my kid in a place thats transitional and not steady on its own rules and ideas. Though, Sophie's teacher has a great Educational background. SHE KNOWS HER STUFF! and Shes a good teacher. When in class. Shes also a very busy lady. I do however think that shes not exactly equiped for this age group maybe. theres 9 students and like 3 aides along with Teacher,so how do all these accidents happen, thats 2 students per one adult... and When I went through Sophie's paperwork, the daily reports that get sent home, there are 9 bad incidents that involve another Student harming Sophie. Now on purpose? Or not? Not sure. Stories don't always add up. And THANKFULLY, in great appreciation, to her current teacher, Sophie is now able to tell me what happened to her and who did it. Not so much the WHY, part yet. But we will get there. Now I said 9 incidents involving Sophie getting hurt by another student...that does not include the few "accidents" that happened the first month of school before the started to send home the accident report. And that does not include the reports about her falling by her own account. (again My kid, We are a clumsy family apparently lol) Mind you, School hasn't even been in session 3 months yet. Doesn't that sound a bit much!??
I get that This is a deaf school, I get that the deaf kids can be more handsy and rough, and pivot their anger in a not so nice manner. BUT COME ON NOW! I can't tell if its poor student inter action or if its aides Not watching. Or The lack of Correction. Feeling like for a short time the daily lessons should not be about "hungry Caterpillars" or "the 3 little pigs" but should be about How to treat friends, and class mates, respect to adults, and listening to parents. They are 4 and 5, and old enough to get those lessons. I do my best at home, with the 3 kids. From the emails from Sophie's teacher, to my understanding, Sophie isn't being aggressive to them. Shes merely "annoying". Shes in their face and curious about What they are doing and why. She Sees a friend reading a book, and goes to see what book, and maybe read too...and that student doesn't want her there, but Phi wont leave...so that student then acts aggressively. OR The last one was Because Sophie was in the way, of another student viewing the pie baking in the oven, and shoved her. Shoved aside is one thing. But damn this student must of had some real gumption Behind the push because it caused Sophie to slam her face into the counter and bleed for what the office told me was 20 minutes, WITH an ice pack on her nose.
Now let me step back and explain. Sophie is a brut herself (at home) She and Ryan can't sit still, want to always play fight, and wrestle. And When Mad...they both go at it, LIKE SIBLINGS! With exception to the scratching (yes they scratch each other, tho I try and keep their nails short...Don't worry they get punished for scratching)There is never a mark inflicted on eachother by each other. In fact, An example to use, is over the weekend, they were NOT LISTENING TO ME, and were bouncing toward each other on the sofa, where one then would bend and the other would flip over their back. Laughing having fun, but again NOT LISTENING TO ME, about stopping before someone gets hurt. And Someone did, Phi! Ryan's hard head (like his daddy's)Cracked into her where her cheek bone meets the chin. I heard a CRACK, like when you hear the football helmets slam into each other on a tackle. Ryan bent down to get in position but at last minute decided tojust body check her instead. (OHHHHH BOYS!!!!!!!!) I freaked out by the sound, break them apart and Shes crying and "yelling" at Ryan. Her face, looks a little swollen, but no cut, no bruise (yet) nothing more then a little raised. Not even pink oddly. So I watch it the rest of the evening, and into Sunday...What do I see? NOTHING! no mark. Again I say it was a hard hit and the cracking sound when I think about it, still makes me cringe. So You readers tell me...How can she keep coming home with all these cuts and bruises from school, that Im being told comes from a student? But it not happen when I see it with my own eyes at home? How does that even work?
Is it by the hand of students? Is it by someone else?
I don't think Sophie is at the age where she can even get the magnitude of the situation.
Lately, shes not been wanting to go to school. Lately shes coming home in crap moods.

Im wanting to switch her school and Hawaii Department of Education (DOE) has proven to be battle! The professionals I need to speak with Wont even call me back. The School I want to visit, wont let me meet and speak with teacher and visit his class to see his interaction with the deaf students. I just want to see it, see his ASL with the students and how he runs his class.
I tell Ya, We were so excited to come here to Hawaii.
Excited to have a special school for Phi
Excited to be involved in Deaf community of Hawaii
Excited to be on this island and have another adventure.

And While we have loved seeing what we have, Love the esthetics of the Island, the people of Hawaii, the views, the beach...Its not the paradise We had hoped it to be.

Its making me feel regretful to have come here.
Its also left a bad taste in my mouth about deaf schools. Something Grams did warn me about.

Its put a real damper on my Love for Island life...Which leaves me to say the most disgusting thing Ever...WE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN WASHINGTON!

But Like the Husband says
"You don't know how good you had it, until you don't have it anymore" He usually says the same thing, in multiple different ways ;) Love you hunnnnny!

All I meant~

Lets talk.

Have you ever wondered about epiphanies?
How they happen? what triggers the thought?
For me it happens in my writing. Even sometimes amist Chaos and confusion as I have my two little kids fighting over my middle lap space.

I love that 2011 has been such a growing process for my family and I. I love what we have learned about each of our children. Seeing them grow and discover. Even during the rough, all I want to do is sleep through this terrible experience moments, I can find that glimmer of thankful reality.

In my last blog I spoke about individualities and creating an environment based of nurturing the spirit more then mind. I spoke about my feelings toward the harsh methods among the educational system in place for my daughter Sophia.
I today realized in a conversation that while my statements came off harsh on the education system. I also meant what I said.
Yes my child is different, needs assistance, needs more things. Not just my child, not just her difference. When I say I meant what I said about also understand that I do support the system in place. I understand the dynamics. I know the reasoning behind the grading and placing and calculating. I understand the purpose of having a chart of milestones as guidelines. I do. I do~ Its pretty simple to understand.
So again my speaking about it, is about MY FEELINGS. Im not saying do away with the system. Im not saying its uncalled for. But What I am saying. Is that to me...again to me....the word "evaluation" is just a pretty way of saying "we are comparing".
So for me. A mom who knows her daughter is deaf. Who knows she has lots to learn and catch up on, who feels like her disablity isnt as limiting as others are. For a mother who loves Sophie just the way she is. Having a system that technically COMPARES my daughter to the "norm" bothers me.
But its my opinion. Its my fight with in me.
granted. State to state guidelines are pretty different and San Bernadino County California, did not have a separate education milestone chart for disabilites, or for the deaf, so her comparisions are made against Average hearing children. TELL ME WHERE THAT IS FAIR.
At the same time. Because I feel theres nothing WRONG with Sophie or her being deaf, the need for special intervention....well. thats for a another blog. THe point is my epiphany in all this is that, while we adored Sophies intervention teachers in California, I realized. As soon as we STOPPED intervention for our move...BAM she was communicating up a storm. She has COME miles since we stopped intervention, literally ;). She is signing more then ever. Expressing more then ever. And If I were to tally up her "abilities" on a milesstone report sheet. The only ones missing are verbal. She can now tell me, what she wants. Where something is, go find something when I ask her. Point stuff out. PLays pretend, EVEN BARKS when its a Dog shes pretending to be. She can put her shoes on, she can undress herself, tell me when she needs to go potty or be changed from a pull-up. Tells me when shes tired and ready for bed. What Movie she wants to watch. So...yes. My feeling my daughter is a typical well rounded average little almost 3 year old is correct. But Education institues COUNT on paper work. And because shes deaf, and it is a Disablity she needs IFSP plan to attend schools and receive SSI. and to be seen by special pediatric clinics.
We are all God's children and should be treated as such.
with "AVERAGE" kids You dont see their parents being sat down and told what to do for them, to them, with them. They dont get to hear what to expect,or about any problems unless they are in school and the issue is out of control.
Maybe Im reaching to far out on this one. But hopefully you see my point.
I love my daughter. I love all my kids. I love EVERY child. special needs or not. Im going to respect them, as I am teaching my children to respect them as well.

Peace, love and happily ever after.

If you would have told me nearly 5 years ago, I'd turn into one of those Hippie Moms, I surely would have given you the stink eye, and proved how that would not take place.
Yet, here I am 3 kids later and I've found myself oddly comfortable with baby naked-ness, jarring cute "insults" like "your aura is pink and orange like a giant elephant". The thought of sending my kids to school, makes me want to sit quiet and still in meditation. lmbo~! No but seriously. The School thing truly is tweeking me out. Not just in reguards to my little deaf wonder~

No I do not spin around with streamers under the full moon, or say my Goodbye's with "namaste". At least not everyday. However, I do believe in natural remedies. I drink lemon juice just about everyday, make ginger tea to stave off the flu, now Im into the benefits of Raw honey and the "Mother" of all Apple cider vinegar. I love Yoga and I love peace ~ yea man~
Love to write. Love to sing at the top of my lungs, dance silly with my "naked" children. ;) and Im calmed by hugs. So long as their the hugs of my kids or Husband. Not so much into hugging other people, not even my friends....yea Im that weird.

I teach my kids, love and respect above all else. Tolerance and empathy. I nuture creativity over knowledge. I do not censor my children, with the exception of the "f" word and extreme extreme violence. I am not creativing bullies, but ones who know how to stand up for themselves and their families. Do support sports and art. Support the make believing and pretending, the fairy tale telling and teach that laughter is the best medicine.

We now do not worry so much about milestones according to the outside world. We worry about our childrens progress individually. Why? Because each of them are different. Your experience is not my experience and is not their experience so we put "should haves" "need to's" "why arent they's" to bed. Early intervention, while fantastic, made me upset that because Sophie, doesnt say mama, dadda, ball or up, because she doesnt tie a knot or count to 3, that shes 12monthish...(mind you this was back in April) on your cognitive thinking skills. But my Sophie, can read your mind, your body and your facial expressions before you gesture, say or point out anything. WHERES THAT ON THE LINE OF WISDOM?

I guess the point is that, I had it in my mind that structure for my kids would be a certain way. Milestones had been set in my head as a guide line for successful children. When Really, the Guideline should just be on the parent. Not on what the kids do. I mean, lets face it. Mass murders and child rapists, may have scored high on aptidue tests, reached all their infant and toddler milestones, could read by age of 4, and count in 2 languages at 2 years old....but....need I explain their path later in life~

I do not have perfect children, Im not a perfect "hippie" mom. My family has tons of ups and downs and all arounds. Success comes in many different shades of colors. Success isnt just about how much your brain can soak up...lifes too short to work work work work and not live and breathe and smile.
Its not about how many A's my kids can get in school, but the effort they are putting in to succeed. To try. To learn. To work their minds. Its not about being a Doctor, lawyer or banker. Its about being successful at what makes their lives wonderful. Sure, I'd love my kids to be world travelers, and prize novelists, Nationally reconized Ballet dancers. But its not my path to choose. My path is to be supportive, and thankful for each day with them, and for them.
If I can teach them one things It would be to Live in truth for Happiness.
You cant lie and feel good. You can't lie and be truly successful.
So Live in Truth for Happiness~ R.S.Decker

I'd rather know I spoiled my kids rotten of Peace, Love and happiness. Then force them to lose a piece of what makes them, them.

Its a part of my fear with Cochlear implants. Not so much what the implants will do, but what tasks lay in front of Sophie. The methods. The teachers, the constint doctors and check ups.
The fact that Someone else is telling me WHAT NEEDS to be Done, to make Sophie "better" "the same" "hearing" "Smart". As science works in the human brain, as too what is absorded according to age...Sophie is already "behind" in those terms. So the pushing that I already have seen with these Teachers are going to be what makes my stress cells go bonkers. Again I say dont get me wrong, obviously some sound is better then no sound. I want to hear Sophie speak. But my mommy fire gets real HOT when down falls according to scientific standards are pointed out.
Shooot, and someone telling me HOW to do something in reguards to my child. UGHHHHHHH GROWING PAINS WILL BE IN FULL FORCE WITH ME THIS 2012.

Ah well, what can I do now.Nothing but rant and rave. Complaining is 2nd nature to me. Like it or not...ha you dont have to read my blogs. When emotions run high in me theres only a few good things I can do. Re-arrange furniture and organize...which was already done this weekend. Put on make-up...that always makes me feel re-freshed, which I did first thing this morning, BAKE, but Im trying to stay away from the goods right now...AND WRITE. So I wrote. And learned a few things as I did. Writing Clears my mind, makes me dig down deep. Brings things to light and sometimes even lifts a weight off my brain, and heart. Gives me Peace. and I send it with Love, to my readers wishing them a happily ever after, that they can be proud of too :)

Raindrops and Rainbows

Raindrop and Rainbows, is a safe place for Children ages 0-5 to attend for free. To play, to learn, to do activities and meet new people. So for the first time ever, we Joined in. We Listened to story time, created an edible art/snack project. Played Music and in sand. This little building on North Fort, gave my kids different things to play with and helped them use their imagination today! Nothing better then that. We came home, had lunch and all of us zonked out~ Wonderful Wednesday ~

Now I know where we will be spending our dampened Winter days when the kids are ready to get out of the house ;) I enjoyed watching them run and with kids with in their age groups. Not some where where it gets taken over by big kids~

in the blink of an eye

I was going over some old photos from last October of us living in Fort Irwin. I couldnt believe how grown up these kids of ours looks. AND my how much has changed...

October 2010

And Now
October 2011
Right before Halloween

Them in their livingroom Fort...or as Emily liked to call it
Fortress

Ryan is growing a mile a minute. Sitting up on sofa to watch tv like his big sisters do. Running around being silly and crazy

It baffles me that Sophia will be 3 in less then 3 months. AHHHHHHH.
And that Em will be turning 5 soon after and Then Ryan 2. OMG.


The Start of Emily having a moment of "look at me look at me" for a photo opt, the Other day! She looks Beautiful and had some Funny moments too

There you have it. My gorgeous kids growing fast...In a blink of an eye!