Birthday treats.

HAPPY birthday Sophie. My happy girl. my Funny girl. My princess. Rockstar...break dancer. Beautiful, smarty pants bright star. You fill our lives with joy, laughter and love. You keep us on our toes and have taught us much. Youre a great sister and amazing Daughter. We love you so much and can not believe you are 3 already. Stay sweet forever, always be you.

LOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU Sophie Ge-ge.

The 5th

More to come tomorrow.


But I have to post about my gorgeous girl. my Lovey dovey, smart and funny daughter. Sophia Gabrielle, I could not be any prouder to be your mama. I love you so so so so so so so so Much my darling. Just as you are, Forever more.
I can not believe you are 3. Time is flying by. You are growing into a wonderful little girl, such life and light shine from you. Simply you are amazing. Im sad time is going so fast, but I rejoice in the little girl you are becoming. Im truly blessed my love.

God's perfect gift to me that January.

Happy Birthday. Happppppy Birthday.

Tis the Season for a Thankful Reason: 4

you know what I remember about my childhood...Giving my brother John a hard time. He always wanted to be in my room, sleep in my bed, play games with me, Play mario Brothers, me to sing him to sleep, play with my friends, on and on and on.... ;)
We called him Cupcake head, and Johnnyboy, "the butler" which made him cry "I dont wanna be the butt" Insergant and ooo yea Go to Sleep John "come to my bosom" lmfao
used him for getting what we want, as we said he was the "favorite child" and if Jeanna and I wanted to go out for Icecream, we were told no, but if Had John ask if we can go...it was always YES. Go figure ;)
Needless to say, i wasnt very nice. Gave him a hard time, as did other kids in the neighborhood. He was always so....hmm let me think....quirky JUST LIKE ME~ we had times where we would laugh at night from making up songs, flipping off the top bunk and on to the bottom, making BUBBLE tents out of our sheets to sleep in. Rode Bikes together and jumped on the trampoline, Even had sleep overs together at the Binnies. Remembering now He and Brit had an obsession with Count Dracula from Sesame Street and Sleeping beauty....YEAH JOHN I SAID! I out'ed ya ;) I remember some phrase about a Shoe...Figure-o-a????
Johns Awesome rendition of Will Smiths Opening Dance on His sitcom...but ugh Why cant I think of the name. Cuz lets face it, No one has a better head bob then John. Which then takes me back to his quirkiness. Did you know THat John once told me i couldnt wear my hair a certain way in a pony tail because it drove him insane how the hair moved in the pony/bun like thing. Bouncing all around uncontrollable! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. He said he couldnt stand sitting behind girls in class when their hair was up like it! OHHHHH my Johnny boy ;)
How bout Johns Goth era! Black Hair and Eyebrows...Really John? ReALLY!?
Or how your belts have to match your shoes...
Now Readers, you may think this is all about The odd behavor of my Brother. Or that Im trying to knock him. But Im not. Truth is, we werent really that close growing up! I was a meanie head.
And truth his That it wasnt until after his high school graduation that we started to get to where we are today. A place I might add that Im super thankful for. Hes amazing. and Funny, and whitty, and charming and did i say Amazing. I love him so much. I feel he doesnt get enough credit from others, nor does he give himself enough credit or anything too. But that will come with time I believe. Hes amazing! Hes strong, and able and has a huge heart. Always trying to spare feelings instead of saying what is on his mind.
Life Changed for him at 11. August 24th to be exact. Thats when he got the call to go down to the hospital. I remember that exactly. Where I was lounging. (on that odd red sofa in the kitchen) holding my sweet 16 birthday gift, a ring, from my parents. My dad had answered the phone.
It was my birthday, and they were packing up my little brother for a trip down to the Childrens hospital in NYC. I was terrified. Jeanna came and stayed with the twins and I while they left. Even drove my parents car to go pick up pizza hut. AHHH memories of that day.
But....here we are. 12 years later from that date. Johns here, Johns healthy, hes a survivor. Hes my inspiration, and a reminder!

I was a shitty sister during that time. Only went to the Hospital once. And that was much later, years later. If I could go back in time. I would have and should have been there with him more. Maybe our relationship would had blossomed sooner if I had. What if...He didnt survive? I couldnt even image. But HE was awesome through the whole ordeal. I remember once Coming home Drunk out of my mind, Threw up in the kitchen sink, in the dark ALL OVER dirty dishes, and my mom walked in, pissed at me because I was past curfew, and I was pretending to wash dishes...in the dark no less. I remember channel surfing that TV with my eyes closed talking...Lord knows what I was saying. Went to my room, threw up all over my bed, and there in the door way was John...a Bucket and a huge bottle of water for me. ~~~LOVE~~~ Now thats something I didnt deserve, and yet he was there, cleaning me up, protecting me...and I had never really done that for him. My Amazing Brother.


Later, as we grew up, he became an uncle. And Still to this day in my kids, I see glimpses of him....ODD tho right. Ryan for example, Blonde, blue eyes...very round head ;) Emily in a few pictures too when she was a baby I remember Mom a few times say..."wow she just looked like John"

John and Emily, Thinking it was when she was about 8 or 9 months old. Maybe a little older.




So after all that crazy talk, all the odd things I said, all the stories. Know that I have such admiration for John, my Brave and terrific Brother.
I couldnt image life with out him now, not having our 1 to 2 hr long conversations on the phone...listening to him say "WIN-SSS-DAY".
On this 4th Day. November 4th, Johns Birthday and my 4th day of A Thankful Reason. Im thankful for my Brother, for his surival, for his bravery, for him being him and for the chance to have the relationship I never gave a chance for growing up. Hes so super special to me, and Im blessed because Hes a huge part of my life. We may be 2800 miles away but hes in my life for good. LIKE IT OR NOT JOHN~ ;)



HAPPPPPPPY Birthday John. I hope your wish comes true. Enjoy every moment of your day, and smile~ Ill be thinking of you all day!!!!

hahaha had to throw the last one in!
Embarrassment is what good sisters do....Remember your graduation...the silence and then "yea John" bahahahahahahahahaha Thats what Im here for.

In the Thick of things!

Hello Monday!

Hello Rain!
Been waiting to feel the touch of North Western weather Since we got here in June. And Finally Its starting to look just how I Imagined Washington Would. Smell of Rain. Listening to gentle tapping and light wind blowing.
Tires Splashing in puddles, and hoody jackets worn while running for cover.
But I, Stand there, Still in Pajamas, Coffee in hand, letting the drops pound my shoulders.
How I love Rain.
How I missed the Rain.
Its so peaceful, and reminds me of simplier times. Oranges, hot tea and Movies like "the First wives club" "Mrs Doubtfire" "16 candles" "Hello Dolly"
Yes Hello Dolly, with Barbara Streisand. Something about her voice, speaking and singing that I just love. And seriously, who doesnt love a good streisand rendition?
Other movies from my childhood, Annie and ALL the shirly Temple movies makes.Thinking about it, makes me hum "animal crackers in my soup"
Days like today, when the sky is gray, rain covers my windows, and the smell from the heat lingures in the air, I also drift back to "the Secret garden"
Can I help Im such a movie Buff?



It was a long weekend. I seemed to have reached my first fall cracking point from stress. Dealt with it and calmed down. having 3 young kids isnt any joke, some days really tests my very soul.
But the stress seemed to be about me. Myself, my unsatisfiable self. My best quailty is being able to run, and adapt,run and adapt. But then I fall short in the being ok enough to just stay put.
My friend told me, that While I may enjoy and have a lot of hobbies that Im into, none of them seem to give me the concrete control that I must be searching for. And that Now being an Army wife, We lose more control over things because we need to be prepared for every and any situation at the drop of a...shall we say Army Hat!
And shes right~
Knowing what My interests are...finding something I long for, and can be creative with, and take my time with...that I control. JUST MIGHT BE KEY!

In the Thick of things. My dreams always seem to capture exactly what I question while Im awake.
I get crazy moments of dreams that I never understand, of people I havent seen nor talked to in years and years. OR whom are dead.
I have dreams of moving constintly, and then dreams about Being told, NOT TO IMPLANT SOPHIE! why?
Its bad enough Im on the fence with the whole thing, its bad enough I have neighbors scaring me and saying DONT LET MADIGAN TOUCH YOUR BABY, have Seattle do the surgery.
But for my dreams to tell me too.
I may be crazy, and quirky and Different. But so often I have seen my physical dreams come true, that it scares me.
You can tell me it means nothing, that its just my subconscience fighting me, but I have dreams, that eventually bring back to deja vu, and then as I think I feel, and remember I had once drempt it~
I know all the statistics, the good the bad, the need for implants. the possiblities with them and with out. I know the surgery, I know the technology, I know the amount of work.
I KNOW
I KNOW
I KNOW
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






hmm, side note.
Sitting here in my kitchen. I thought the sound I just heard was thunder...but really its something army related. But how funny if it was thunder, as Im venting about my hang ups with implants ;)


ITs funny too, that 2 years ago, i would have never believed Id land here in Washington, with 3 kids, one deaf, and as an Army wife. Never thought I'd move so much and hate every place I land. Like being in one place too long, despite its beauty and such, makes me loath the place.Dont know what my problem is.
Odd that As I was searching thru my photos yesterday, Most of the ones of sophie between the age of 11 months and 17 months old, It seems to me that 7 out of 10 pictures she has tears in her eyes or rolling down her face. At that point in time we were In Middletown waiting for matt to finish his Army training, and I waspregnant with Ryan. I dont remember her crying ALL the TIME! WAS SHE? Was she always upset? until I pull out Camera where she hams up~ My little entertainer~ Was that point in her little life, a tear fest? Pregnancy Brain has me not remembering, but pictures say otherwise.
And weird to think,that if we had tested Sophie for Hearing loss in NY at that time, how we most likely would have wound up at a different 1st duty station. But then Ryan would be our California Blonde Baby!
Gods Plan for us is surely mysterious. Wish I could get a little insight to where we are headed next (hopefully to a duty station back EAST PLEASE LORD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BACK EAST.

Ahhhh to Wonder~




PS Happy Birthday to my Bennifer, My writing buddy and often Muse!
Love you girly~!~~~!~~~~

Jen Binnie and I have been CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE amazing friends since I was in the 1st grade. SPent Countless sleepovers together, running around outside, swimming jumping and trampolines, WRITING till the wee hrs of the morning, making finger hats with candle wax, tease hair till its WAY big, and Witchy...playing darts till I get one stuck in my tush,Movies like Romeo and Juliet, Man in the Iron mask and Titanic (do you notice the leo Cap theme there hahaha) Creating restaurantes and menus for Aunt mental for her breakfast in the mornings, listening to my brother and her sister laugh at their WEIRD inside jokes. Trips to the Diner, Gravy cheese fries,hrs at friendlys with our families all loud and laughing "bucky" "jecky" and "Benny" of course. Oranges and Aunt Mares "maybe this is a little too much" tipped nails ;)
Were it not for Jenny, and those Wonderfully crazy fun and loving Binnies my childhood would have been dull and boring and nothing like it was.

Love you Benny, and distance and time has not changed our friendship, we know how to pick it up where we left off each and everytime. Im blessed to be able to call you my Friend.
So, HAppy birthday! Girly! Enjoy your day ;)