Monday, September 26, 2011

In the Thick of things!

Hello Monday!

Hello Rain!
Been waiting to feel the touch of North Western weather Since we got here in June. And Finally Its starting to look just how I Imagined Washington Would. Smell of Rain. Listening to gentle tapping and light wind blowing.
Tires Splashing in puddles, and hoody jackets worn while running for cover.
But I, Stand there, Still in Pajamas, Coffee in hand, letting the drops pound my shoulders.
How I love Rain.
How I missed the Rain.
Its so peaceful, and reminds me of simplier times. Oranges, hot tea and Movies like "the First wives club" "Mrs Doubtfire" "16 candles" "Hello Dolly"
Yes Hello Dolly, with Barbara Streisand. Something about her voice, speaking and singing that I just love. And seriously, who doesnt love a good streisand rendition?
Other movies from my childhood, Annie and ALL the shirly Temple movies makes.Thinking about it, makes me hum "animal crackers in my soup"
Days like today, when the sky is gray, rain covers my windows, and the smell from the heat lingures in the air, I also drift back to "the Secret garden"
Can I help Im such a movie Buff?

It was a long weekend. I seemed to have reached my first fall cracking point from stress. Dealt with it and calmed down. having 3 young kids isnt any joke, some days really tests my very soul.
But the stress seemed to be about me. Myself, my unsatisfiable self. My best quailty is being able to run, and adapt,run and adapt. But then I fall short in the being ok enough to just stay put.
My friend told me, that While I may enjoy and have a lot of hobbies that Im into, none of them seem to give me the concrete control that I must be searching for. And that Now being an Army wife, We lose more control over things because we need to be prepared for every and any situation at the drop of a...shall we say Army Hat!
And shes right~
Knowing what My interests are...finding something I long for, and can be creative with, and take my time with...that I control. JUST MIGHT BE KEY!

In the Thick of things. My dreams always seem to capture exactly what I question while Im awake.
I get crazy moments of dreams that I never understand, of people I havent seen nor talked to in years and years. OR whom are dead.
I have dreams of moving constintly, and then dreams about Being told, NOT TO IMPLANT SOPHIE! why?
Its bad enough Im on the fence with the whole thing, its bad enough I have neighbors scaring me and saying DONT LET MADIGAN TOUCH YOUR BABY, have Seattle do the surgery.
But for my dreams to tell me too.
I may be crazy, and quirky and Different. But so often I have seen my physical dreams come true, that it scares me.
You can tell me it means nothing, that its just my subconscience fighting me, but I have dreams, that eventually bring back to deja vu, and then as I think I feel, and remember I had once drempt it~
I know all the statistics, the good the bad, the need for implants. the possiblities with them and with out. I know the surgery, I know the technology, I know the amount of work.
I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm, side note.
Sitting here in my kitchen. I thought the sound I just heard was thunder...but really its something army related. But how funny if it was thunder, as Im venting about my hang ups with implants ;)

ITs funny too, that 2 years ago, i would have never believed Id land here in Washington, with 3 kids, one deaf, and as an Army wife. Never thought I'd move so much and hate every place I land. Like being in one place too long, despite its beauty and such, makes me loath the place.Dont know what my problem is.
Odd that As I was searching thru my photos yesterday, Most of the ones of sophie between the age of 11 months and 17 months old, It seems to me that 7 out of 10 pictures she has tears in her eyes or rolling down her face. At that point in time we were In Middletown waiting for matt to finish his Army training, and I waspregnant with Ryan. I dont remember her crying ALL the TIME! WAS SHE? Was she always upset? until I pull out Camera where she hams up~ My little entertainer~ Was that point in her little life, a tear fest? Pregnancy Brain has me not remembering, but pictures say otherwise.
And weird to think,that if we had tested Sophie for Hearing loss in NY at that time, how we most likely would have wound up at a different 1st duty station. But then Ryan would be our California Blonde Baby!
Gods Plan for us is surely mysterious. Wish I could get a little insight to where we are headed next (hopefully to a duty station back EAST PLEASE LORD PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BACK EAST.

Ahhhh to Wonder~

PS Happy Birthday to my Bennifer, My writing buddy and often Muse!
Love you girly~!~~~!~~~~

Jen Binnie and I have been CLOSE CLOSE CLOSE amazing friends since I was in the 1st grade. SPent Countless sleepovers together, running around outside, swimming jumping and trampolines, WRITING till the wee hrs of the morning, making finger hats with candle wax, tease hair till its WAY big, and Witchy...playing darts till I get one stuck in my tush,Movies like Romeo and Juliet, Man in the Iron mask and Titanic (do you notice the leo Cap theme there hahaha) Creating restaurantes and menus for Aunt mental for her breakfast in the mornings, listening to my brother and her sister laugh at their WEIRD inside jokes. Trips to the Diner, Gravy cheese fries,hrs at friendlys with our families all loud and laughing "bucky" "jecky" and "Benny" of course. Oranges and Aunt Mares "maybe this is a little too much" tipped nails ;)
Were it not for Jenny, and those Wonderfully crazy fun and loving Binnies my childhood would have been dull and boring and nothing like it was.

Love you Benny, and distance and time has not changed our friendship, we know how to pick it up where we left off each and everytime. Im blessed to be able to call you my Friend.
So, HAppy birthday! Girly! Enjoy your day ;)