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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

mom, ma', mommy

My children are the best part of me. They are everything good, bad and ready in me that I do not always share. Each one of them different in spirit, in mind, in presence. Hosting an abundance of attitude, love, joy! Making me laugh, smile, cry, or even roll my eyes 1000's of times a day. No matter what they do, and what they say (or dont) my love for each of them will never change, will never alter, will never turn away. I love being called mom, ma', mommy. I love how they hold me, squeeze me during a hug, flash a quick smile, and even get into trouble at times. They are kids, thats what they do.
As I look back to each one, from pregnancy to birth, infant to baby, baby to tot. I laugh because not once did I do anything the same. Emily I was causious, wanting everything in its place, prepped and perfect, safe and germ free. Then I learn...being a parent also means that over protecting is smuthering and what WE as adults will often run away from, and kids defy. Then, I learn, nothing will be as I want, nothing is perfect and that I set myself up for disappointment by setting my expectations much to high. Its ok to be alil easy on yourself right?
With Sophia I did total opposite, I wasnt so worried about Germs, because no matter what Babies will get sick reguardless (just like Em did at almost 2 months and was in hospital reguardless to how careful I was and made people be) I didnt Rock Sophia to sleep everynight I let her sooth herself, It was just different more relaxed and truth be told their personalities are soo different and their independence different too maybe not because of how I did things different but could be...now
With Ryan my boy, my last baby ever!!!! Im not scared of messing up, it happens, IM not scared of forgetting a change of clothes or diaper wipes. He's amazing and Im so luck that We were blessed with such a great infant for a good experience with our last. Times are sure challenging but we are blessed as parents, we understand how hard it can be, and scary and mind blowing and life changing, and will be now the rest of our lives with the many new firsts, and lasts and possiblities are children will go through, And I pray to God Matt and I are here to share every moment with them.
All I can do is lead my children on a path of faith, and good. Hoping that their virtues will take them the rest of the way, I never want to hold them back, but push them forward, supporting NO MATTER what! I can only be me, and for my children, I'll always try to be what they need.
Its all about being mommy as best as I could. Everyone is different and so to each their own. We all learn at different paces, we all expect different things, but the one thing we all can share in is the name, mommy.