Thursday, September 15, 2011

When I get where Im going

Hello 100th Blog post. we've had quite the last few months.

Things are interesting around here this week.

And in that quiet Im left to just think. Which isnt always such a great thing.
For my mind will go off in different directions.
Thinking about the I should haves and what ifs. The what might have beens and OOOO boy that was a bad thing to do.
Last night, was the first time I couldnt sleep in a good month and half really. I tossed and turned, short drempt and woke up STILL thinking. Singing the same song lines that had been stuck in my head this week and letting my thoughts run away to times I should have said what I meant when I meant it, and stood up for myself.
Thoughts of where I need to be going in my life with my family.
Thoughts of what to do to satisfy this Empty pit, that makes me feel good for nothing.
What do I provide? outside the home. That contributes to the growth of myself, my family, and my kids individually?...I cant think of anything.

Theres lots I want to do. Lots I can do. But Im lacking in the will power to do so. Ive been down and not working for 5 and half years now. HOW DO I GET THAT MOTIVATION BACK. That Drive to actually commit?
I love being a SAHM,but sooner and not too much later, ALL MY KIDS WILL BE IN SCHOOL. SO doing something is needed. Being someone, other then Mom and wife, is needed.

I get inspired...
then something completely new inspires me too.
Its like the gypsy soul has taken control of everything,so do I cave, and stick to something in motion? Will being inspired by something that is a commitment that is to something ever changing and new and moving, what I need to put my energy into?
And How? and What? and where Do I start? Can I start now while my kids are not in school? Do I create it?

I want to help. I dont want my family to just survive...I want us to Thrive
When I get where Im going

I pray that We can give each other and our children the best life has to offer.

English Gypsy Wagon...just thought it was beautiful