Thursday, August 11, 2011

farewells of unfairy-tales

Was going to write this Blog, and post a story with in. I got 3 paragraphs down, and had to step away to help one of my kids. Came back to the computer and deleted it all.

This whole mess that I had started went exactly the way I knew it would. So, yes it was pointless to say what I said and How I felt, and pointed out what I saw. What I hear and get from conversations.
It has brought me back to where I was with some of my family 3 years ago, when I was pregnant with Sophie. Discarded, for having an opinion. Which I knew at the very moment I pushed the send button of the first message...that indeed it would be the result.
Ive said this before, but to repeat myself once more...While my Words were Harsh, blunt, brutal, and targetting, Im not sorry they were Said. Yes it wasnt the way it should have been handled, couldnt have used more poise. Said things not so blunt, and tip toed around all my points, but would the outcome have been different?
No, because my points were not even addressed anyway.
I already said sorry once for it coming off so harsh, but my words I wont take back.
While, my mother wants me to take a view point from above, and swallow the bitter words of now not having a relationship with him, I dont think that I possibly could. Its too easy to cut someone off, and have that be the end of all means, instead of examining where the questions are coming from instead. Its easier to ignore someone then to Acknowledge them as well.
Its easier to ask someone to fight your battles for you, then get your own hands dirty.
Its easier to have spies, then be caught with the camera
Its easier to wear a mask then ask someone to accept who you are, when you cant even accept yourself.
Its easier to talk a big game, then perform.
Easier to cover a blemish, then kill the root of the bacteria.
Easier to walk away from something that seemed forced, then to force something that never was.

I am a patron to this list, and a victim as well. The evil Master mind and tamed shrew as well.
And I know that my biggest enemy can sometimes BE myself.

My family has had quarrels before, blow outs, and times where we havent spoken. Hard years and great memories. Solid pasts and rocky presents. As for the Future, though, Im not God, and Im not perfect, I am Better today, then I was yesterday, and Ill be better tomorrow then I am today.
I can say this with Honesty of right now...
Forgiven it may already be, being shunned once again, and asked to not have a relationship with the Father who raised me up...I will not go back.
Sorry Mom, you said take it with a grain of salt.But I cant forget this time.
cut me off, once, Shame on you, Cut me off, twice, Shame on me.

While yes I have been blogging about this personal situation in my life. I had been good about then not publishing feed to my facebook page, this time I think I will. And those who want to read it may, and those who dont, dont have to. I write to release things and I have every right in doing so. Call me a venter, sure, not a trouble maker, as Im not looking to hurt People by this particular blog. Simply, say! Like, its been said to me, theres no going back on these words, and that Ship has sailed. Just because I knew he would make it the product of the discussions doesnt mean it still doesnt sting....But as I posted in an Early Blog, the Words, Ill say...


I feel bad that my brothers seem to be in my web, and I hope when they get home, that they arent overwhelmed with chaos or dissappointed faces.
Wishing them the best, and will contact them in some way shape or form.


Found these this morning...and liked them, though these quotes first fit the blog I started and deleted, more then they fit now...Ill leave them anyway :)

“It is not always by plugging away at a difficulty and sticking to it that one overcomes it; often it is by working on the one next to it. Some things and some people have to be approached obliquely, at an angle.”
André Gide

“The way I see things, the way I see life, I see it as a struggle. And there's a great deal of reward I have gained coming to that understanding -- that existence is a struggle.”
Harvey Keitel Quotes

Ive been searching, and Finding solitude in words of people whos mind is greater used then mine!
I dont live by quotes, but I sure do like to read them, and Share them...